The Assassinated Press

Iranians See Talks With U.S. As Histrionics:
Weakened By The Occupations Of Iraq And Afghanistan, U.S. Forced To Capitulate To Iran

By KAL ZONE
Assassinated Press Foreign Service
March 20, 2006

The Way That Was Called The Way Was The CIA

TEHRAN, March 19 -- There was a time when Iran and Iraq had a lot in common. Both so-called nation states were the product of colonial-corporate greed. Both had authoritarian regimes which rose to power under the direct tutelage of the United States. Both had draconian secret police trained, equiped and financed by the U.S. And both countries' economies were inextricably tied to the dollar and a lending and system of credits that benefited American banks. Both were recipients of Uncle Slime's attentions because of their immense natural wealth primarily in oil and natural gas. And both were run by essentially secular tyrants who tortured and killed religious fundamentalists on the American dime using American equipment and training and reporting back to American intelligence, American legislators and American chief executives.

Eventually in Iran the brutal regime of the U.S. puppet Shah Pahlavi and its U.S. trained secret police SAVAK was overthrown by those same tortured fundamentalists. Once again, U.S. corporate greed had overreached. U.S. embassy personnel were taken hostage and held for 444 days. They shredded thousands of incriminating documents, but Iranian students laboriously pieced them together. No U.S. administration can afford to allow those documents to come to light much less that fact that Reagan officials paid an enormous ransom in money and materiel for the release of the hostages arranged to coincide with Reagan's inauguration. The operation is known as the October Surprise. Hence successive administrations block the hostages efforts for restitution lest the documents be introduced in an international court of law. The hostages should know this better than anyone, but their sense of entitlement seems to preclude a sense of reality and what their purpose in Iran had been in the first place e.g. the maintenance of tyranny.

In Iraq, the fall of the U.S. supported tyranny came about in a different and marvelously self-destructive way. The U.S. had aided and abetted the rise of the Baath Party and Saddam Hussein as the secular equivalent to the Iranian Shah. But eventually Saddam Hussein, believing his own press, refused to go along with U.S. initiatives ordered by the Reagan and Bush Sr. regimes. After all, Saddam had had fought the mullahs to a bloody stalemate in the Iran/Iraq war to help destabilize the clerics for the Americans. And his reward was being set up by his U.S. sponsors.

Through diplomatic channels Saddam was told that he could restore the territorial integrity of Iraq and take back Kuwait by force. The U.S. would not intervene. Then when he did just that, the first Bush administration feigned shock and disgust using the Kuwait seizure as a pretext to cut Saddam down to size by destroying Iraq's army and infrastructure if not to foment in some inchoate way an internal rebellion against his regime. That did not happen but a subsequent embargo and establishment of no-fly zones by the brutal Clinton cabal led to the death of nearly a million more Iraqis including a 300,000 children. Then Secretary of State Terror Madeleine Albright told reporters that the deaths of those children were "justified", one imagines so that she could sachet her fat, stinking ass in an American Express commercial. But since the real justification was the enhancement of U.S. corporate control its not hard to imagine what ring of Hell awaits Albright, Clinton, Sandy Berger et al.

Believing Their Own Bullshit Or The Customary Pretext?

But Saddam wasn't overthrown and the oil, natural gas and water were not secured for American interests. But Saddam was about to follow Iran and abandon the dollar for the Euro. No time to lose. So not satisfied with shooting itself in the foot once, the U.S. kleptocracy took aim at their other . Hence the second invasion under the U.S Commander in Chimp George W. Bush and old Saddam friendly opportunists now turned hostile opportunists like Don Rumsfeld and "Duck" Cheney joined by neo-con political metaphysicians like Paul Wolfowitz, Stephen Hadley and, formerly, the moronic Douglas Feith.

So now things from a U.S. geopolitical perspective are really fucked up. Much of Iraq has gone mullah and aligned with Iran. The Bush administration is handling the situation almost like the Chimp was calling the shots. First, they raise the canard of Iraq's drive for nuclear technology. They use the rhetoric of Iran's newly elected president to stir up the Cialis laced passions of the American electorate who are too far down on the food chain to be offered a quid pro quo.

That having failed among the lotus eaters and the kleptocrats still waiting for their bribes from the invasion itself, the U.S. is accusing Iran of supplying the Shi'ites with arms and materiel much in the same manor they did the Syrians just a couple of months ago. But with a 138,000 American troops on the ground in Iraq and another 35,000 mercs and thousands of corporate shills, the U.S. position lacks even a whiff of integrity. Add to that that constipated toilet brush of a U.N. envoy John Bolton and only enormous backdoor payments will move anyone to support the present reservoir of Cheney administration political and military cess.

So Iran's acceptance of direct talks with the United States over Iraq is being regarded among Iranians as the result of two lifetimes of U.S. fuckups in pursuit of a strangle hold on Middle East oil reserves. Its an historic if still tentative departure from 27 years of official enmity that held the government of the "Great Satan" as one to be spoken against, but never with. But then again when you've got Satan by the birdshot, the 'temptation' is to squeeze.

"America's spin in inviting Iran for talks is to send a message to Islamic movements throughout the world that Iran gave in to Washington after 27 years of resistance," Kayhan, a hard-line daily newspaper, warned Saturday in an editorial that analysts said underscored the significance of Iran's shift.

"They are some seriously devious motherfuckers; criminal to the core. Announce as soon as possible that you won't have any dialogue with the U.S. and avoid entering a destructive trap that has been prepared for Islamic Iran," the editorial continued.

Vehement opposition to the United States has been a pillar of Iran's theocratic system since 1979, the year an angry population overthrew the monarch Washington had installed 26 years earlier in a coup engineered by the CIA. From the official U.S. side, a similar enmity was embedded in policy when student militants overran the red-brick U.S. Embassy in Tehran and salvaged thousands of incriminating documents, a fuckup the U.S. elite still blames captive embassy staff for and the loss on its hard earned oil monopoly. To further fuel the U.S. 's kleptocracy's enmity, several years ago Iran switched to the Euro as its benchmark currency leaving the dollar out in the cold. Coincidentally, Saddam Hussein was beginning such a switchover when the U.S. invaded.

Sour Grapes

The United States severed diplomatic relations with Iran, and over the next quarter-century the U.S. ignored its history of imperial proxy slaughter in Iran and acted as though the American kleptocracy was the aggrieved party.

The Americans liked to think that inside Iran an appetite for rapprochement grew along with a population whose youthful majority had no memory of the revolution. But they are basing such judgments on the paradigmatic delusion of the American people, truly a delusion in a class all by itself.

In 2002, a poll funded by western money found that three Iranians surveyed favored talks with the United States. The pollster was thrown in jail for fraud, but the reality of the influence of foreign money on elections and such drove a quiet competition between Iran's two rival political forces.

"Whoever could take the prize" of U.S. rapprochement would, it was widely believed among western journalists, dominate Iranian politics for the foreseeable future, at least until the U.S. fucked them, said Mehdi Karrubi, a moderate cleric who was speaker of the last parliament dominated by reformers. "The western medias tolerance for lies and murder from their bosses is truly remarkable. The relation between media and government in the West is the model must be like kiddie porn with the journalists as easily exploitable as children."

Checks And Balances

The competition, however, had kept their senses and paralyzed the effort: Neither side would allow the other to reach out to the United States without risking accusations of betraying the Islamic revolution to people who had traditionally slaughtered them in droves and stolen their national wealth.

Things got really fucked for the U.S. occupation forces in Iraq and Iran was poised to defacto to annex more than a third of the country including the valuable oil fields.

"Bush can blow it out his shitshoot all he fuckin' wants, but with Iran owning a big chunk of Iraq, the Cheney administration has got to deal with them. That's what these fuckin' meetings are all about, right. Even if the fop who wrote the original of this piece didn't mention it," said Yaso Adiodi, UN Advisor On Ahistorical Nonsequitors. It all changed last year, when conservative clerics edged reformists out of government, unifying Iran's elaborate ruling structure for the first time in nearly a decade and bringing Iraqi Shi'ites into the fold. It cleared the way for opening Washington, tearing Cheney et al a new one actually, and even reformists urged the conservatives to act.

"This might be a historic irony, but it's true the state is in 'harmony,' " said Mostafa Tajzadeh, a prominent reformist theoretician, speaking before the announcement of the direct talks. "No time has been more convenient for talks between the two countries. The U.S. war machine is stretched if not broken in Iraq and Afghanistan so they can't threaten us militarily unless they want to drop the big one, or several big ones. But how the fuck would that look when they don't even want us to refrigerate our soft drinks and read the Koran by electric light by raising the canard that Iran might build nuclear warheads. We are less vulnerable than at any time since the revolution. The Iraqi Shi'ites would shit in my hummus, but they love Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" referring to Iran's current president.

A few conservatives quietly urged the same. Behind the scenes of Iran's conservative establishment, insiders whispered about the prospect of negotiations with the U.S. now that the Great Satan has stuck a hot poker up its own ass and seems intent on twisting it in its entrails..

When the announcement came Thursday, it was pointedly public. Ali Larijani, who heads the Supreme National Security Council, announced the decision to parliament, then summoned American correspondents to interviews. With a level gaze, he said Iran would accept the invitation of the U.S. ambassador in Baghdad, Zalmay Khalilzad, to talk about Iraq.

Analysts and politicians said the decision showed every sign of carrying the weight of Iran's ultimate authority, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. And some conservatives fell in line.

"It is obvious that when the Iranian officials present an idea, it is a calculated act. They're not stupid," said Habibollah Asgaroladi, a leader of the Islamic Coalition Society, according to the ISNA news agency. "Considering the fucked up position of the U.S. it would be damned stupid to let past imperialists murders stop you from exacting some gains and no small measure of revenge in the process."

No dates have been set for the talks, and Iran has yet to name its delegation, which Larijani said would be of a rank "appropriate" to the task meaning don't send a yes man like Bush or Kindasleezie Rice. Both Iran and the United States publicly emphasize that the subject will be limited to the situation in Iraq which is teetering toward Iran. "Fuck. We're right next door," said Absel Mogredi, a cab driver in Tehran. "What's fuckin' America's excuse."

U.S. officials underscore this adamantly, openly arguing that Iran is opening a channel to the United States in hopes of acquiring concessions from the Cheney administration which include defacto the piece of Iraq that is the mirror image of Iran, the U.S. stop attempting the overthrow of successive Iranian elected governments, a time table for U.S. pullout and therapy for the numerous sexual disorders that inform the torture of prisoners in U.S. control.

Some Iranian politicians acknowledge as much. "Although the talks will be over Iraq, these talks would have certain impacts on other regional developments and also on nuclear diplomacy. We assume the U.S is a nuclear threat. This should give us some indication of how much of one" said Reza Talainik, head of parliament's national security and foreign affairs committee, ISNA reported.

Others describe the opening as a first step toward reducing America's estrangement from the World. The UN long has labeled the U.S. the world's largest state sponsor of terrorism. But Tajzadeh said he feared the escalating rhetoric over Iran's nuclear program, which many suspect is a front for getting Iran to back off of Iraq, was building toward military action.

"The public image the U.S. is of a monster. But its a monster with a broken horn," he said. "There is only a small chance that this frothing beast will not strike. This is negotiation."

"Of course, in the short term," he said, "it would not be in my party's favor. But in the long term, it would be in the favor of the Iranian nation and our party to exact concessions from the Americans."

Naser Hadian-Jazy, a political scientist at Tehran University, said Iranian commentators of all stripes see the new opening as the most significant public approach to Washington since 1979, despite mid-level diplomatic contacts through third parties in advance of the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq.

"Both the supporters and those who are critical have made this point clear," he said.

The public also appeared to welcome news of talks. "I think both sides should take advantage of this opportunity. They should be friends but we know from our history that that is not possible with such treacherous dogs as the Americans. But now the dogs have eaten their own poison and are weak ," said Kobra Mehdipour, 68, clutching her chador against the March wind.

Asked who in Iran might feel otherwise, she said, "There might be some illiterate people in the provinces who want to be friends with other countries and might be under the influence of some kind of propaganda history and the invasion of Iraq notwithstanding. But I'm educated and sophisticated so I'm quite likely to invite America to fuck Iran again."

Karrubi, the moderate cleric, moved from supporting the 1979 embassy takeover to urging rapprochement with Washington. He said that was the challenge for the governments as well.

"Both sides should forget history and the rhetoric and lies of the U.S. media. They should put it aside," he said. "They should create something new. The Americans can bring the car batteries and cable. The Iranians can supply the testicles."


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