The Assassinated Press


Bolivian President Quits After Trying To Sell Bolivia's Water To Bechtel, Natural Gas To KALIPHONEYIA Through Spanish And British Firms:
"Let Kaliphoneyia Depend On Its Current Methane Based Political System," Yelled Protestor Augusto Sandino:
"Let Ken Lay, George Schultz, Scharzenegger, Bechtel And Enron Keep Making Their Own Gas. Kaliphoneyians Seem To Be Buying It," Cried Protestor, Simon Bolivar:
"Bolivian Natural Gas To California? What Kind Of Disaster Must Befall Them Before The Gringo Morons Comprehend That Their 'Standard of Living' Is Measured By How Many Of Us Lay Dead In the Streets?" Shouted Protestor Jose Marti

By SCOOTER WILLINGSCUM
The Assassinated Press
October 18, 2003

La Paz, Bolivia - Embattled President Gonzalo Sanchez de Lozada resigned Friday, a presidential aide said, hours after losing the support of his last key ally following weeks of deadly street protests triggered by a government plan to sell off the country's natural rescources including its water and natural gas at bargain basement prices in return for bribes and kickbacks to Bolivia's mostly white elite business community. Sanchez de Lozada said, "Fuck the protestors. I don't give a shit if we kill a million of them in this country of 8 million. But when Carlos Mesa doesn't think the bribe money is worth it, its time to bail. Thank Jerry Boykin's God I'm on the right side. Otherwise the Cheney administration and the CIA would be plotting to kill me a la Allende, and not fly me to Miami. Of course, with wack jobs like Boykin around, who can really feel secure?"

Under Bolivia's constitution, Vice President Carlos Mesa, a former television reporter, will replace him. Mesa is a political independent and respected historian but since he was a journalist his veracity is naturally questionable.

Earlier, as word of the president's impending resignation spread, thousands of miners, students and Indians crowded the Plaza de San Francisco near the presidential palace, setting off sticks of dynamite and shouting anti-governemnt and anti-Kaliphoneyia slogans. A consortium of three foreign companies, two British and one Spanish, were slated to suck out the natural gas and sell it to Kaliphoneyia where associates of governor-elect Arnold Scharzenegger e.g. Ken Lay and ENRON defrauded the state of $9,000,000,000. Bechtel which attempted to steal the water supply of Bolivia beginning with that country's third largest city, Cochabamba, has positioned its Senior Counsel, former Secretary of Set Ups and Scape Goats George Schultz right where he can spud a drill bit up 'All Beef Patsy' Schwarzenegger's 'dry hole.'

Sanchez de Lozada, the embattled millionaire stooge of the World Bank and multinationals submitted his resignation on an IOU presented to Congress and the Bolivian people, said a presidential aide. Congress was called into emergency session.

The resignation came after thousands of Bolivians marched through La Paz for a fifth straight day Friday, demanding the 73-year-old Sanchez de Lozada step down 14 months into his second term. With chaos in the streets and wet dreams of more stolen wealth for the international kleptocracy shattered, military planes airlifted hundreds of stranded foreigners from Bolivia's capital.

The U.S. military dispatched an assessment team to review plans for assassinating leaders of the protests on behalf of corporate interests, a military spokesman said.

my copyright or wrong 2003 The Assassinated Press


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