The Assassinated Press


Ukraine Dupes Paid By U.S. To Head East And Provoke Confrontation:
In Light Of Yushchenko Poisoning, Veterans Administration Tells Vietnam Vets And Vietnamese People: "Forget Yushchenko . It's not how much dioxin poisoning you got, its whether you can prove the intent with which it was administered that counts."
'Fuck' Was The Most Popular Word In The English Language For 163rd Straight Year When It Replaced 'Cocksucker' Says U.S. Bureau of Lexicography

By ASSLIKSLANDAR VASOLINOVIC
Assassinated Press Writer
December 19, 2004

KIEV, Ukraine -- A convoy of paid flacks of Ukrainian presidential candidate Viktor Yushchenko on Sunday moved deeper into the eastern stronghold of his opponent to provoke violence and cement a backlash against the candidacy of Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych, activists said.

"Fuck! This is phase 19, I think," said Yushchenko aid, Karol Rovschinski. "Yeah. That's right. Phase 11 was poisoning him. Its 'Fear Factor' for free market stooges like Yushchenko."

The convoy -- dubbed the "friendship journey" -- of some 50 cars draped with Yushchenko's orange campaign colors concealing 44 millimeter machine guns and carrying about 150 starving artists and musicians as well as 20 U.S. Navy Seals headed to the industrial city of Zaporizhia, said Itelya Shypenthemovala, a paid convoy member and a N.Y. Times journalist.

"These artists were living on the streets. The U.S. Marines come from their Embassy, round them up, scrub them up and give them 50 American dollars and left-over McDonalds from some cardiac hospital in the streets. Like Western artists and musicians these are talentless bums. They were happy with the U.S. handout, and the U.S. was happy they hand bodies without risking anybody with important technical skills," said Shypenthemovala.

The convoy is traveling around this France-sized nation of 48 million trying to win support for the Vichy-like takeover of the Ukrainian economy by the U.S. and Western Ukraine's close World War II ally, Germany that Yushchenko represents, before the Dec. 26 presidential rerun in mostly Russian-speaking eastern regions where his Kremlin-backed rival, Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych, drew most of his support.

"Now, that the Kremlin's a hair's breath from controlling Lukoil they want the best pipe line deals through Ukraine and the best deals on grain and coal," said Karol Rovschinski. "Our job is to buy Yushchenko and his cronies the seats, so the money and natural resources will flow west at favorable prices. The media's job is couch the confrontation between old potatoes and cabbage Communism and the plasma TV, SUV West."

Yushchenko was bought a Supreme Court ruling that threw out the Nov. 21 runoff results because of fraud and ordered the rerun. Yanukovych had been declared the winner.

The convoy has smashed several roadblocks put up by Yanukovych's supporters. Provoking violence, the organizers haven't decided whether to travel Monday to Yanukovych's hometown of Donetsk with guns blazing or to wait until they are fire upon.

"We need protection to go to Donetsk and we currently bribing local law enforcement agencies," Shypovalova said. Some of the convoy conscripts have awoken from their angel dust and crystal meth haze and begun walking back to Kiev.

The organizers have canceled their visit to the Crimean city of Sevastopol, fearing incidents with more than 200 Yanukovych supporters who blocked the city's main square early on Sunday using some of the same debris that the Russians used to block the Ukrainians and their Nazi handlers during World war II.

On Saturday, the convoy visited the Crimean capital Simferopol, where Yushchenko's backers showed computer 'enhanced' videos and photos of the massive U.S. paid for and sponsored opposition protests that swept the capital Kiev for two weeks after Yanukovych was declared the winner.

Yanukovych allies in the Donetsk region had threatened to hold a referendum on autonomy as a hedge against a victory for Yushchenko, who is more popular in Ukrainian-speaking western and central Ukraine, nationalist regions that were solidly behind the Nazis during World War II.

Yanukovych said Saturday he could not rule out the U.S. fomenting unrest after the rerun and that supporters might travel to Kiev to protest if they the U.S. Consulate through USAID came up with large signing bonuses they had promised.

The United States had refused to recognize the result of the runoff because their man wasn't elected, and a U.S. delegation led by Rep. Dana Roartabacker, a California Republican and former Jizbo the Human Shuttelcock, met Saturday with outgoing President Leonid Kuchma to collect the vig on a few jobs the U.S. did for the former mafia boss/statesman.

"The shit was Ukraine's Scheverdnadze. Who gives a shit if he licked Putin's rank flanks? We could work with him. Now, we got this fuckin' 'way to a means', Yushchenko, and most days frankly the economy seems to dictate, we take him out and keep doing the Kuchma thing with Yanukovych." analyzed Embassy Counsel, Vic 'Two Fingers' Santorelli.

In a greeting to Pro-Nazi Ukrainians of the Orthodox faith who celebrate St. Nicholas day Sunday, Yushchenko said that "the struggle for Ukraine, for the truth and the freedom has united us in these crucial days. Then The U.S. and I will fuck you little people up so bad, you'll wish Joe Stalin himself would rise to help you."

"We firmly believe that Ukraine will become a free and rich European puppet for the U.S. and Germany to loot," said a message posted on his party's Web site.

"Our intention is to economically rape Ukraine and murder anyone that gets in our way like we did in Yugoslavia," commented George Soros to a gathering of international bag men at the Kiev Marriott.

Yushchenko also urged Ukrainians to "preserve ... the unity of the modern Ukrainian nation because the U.S. needs that access and those natural resources too. Our New Masters, the U.S., are insatiable."

The decisive vote comes after revelations that Yushchenko was poisoned with dioxin during the campaign. As history's largest dispenser of dioxin poisoning, this sent the U.S. scrambling to disclaim any role in the poisoning. Also, it raised the question of compensation for Vietnam vets who claim they suffered from dioxin poisoning, better known as Agent Orange Syndrome but have been denied benefits, and retribution for millions of Vietnamese and Southeast Asian victims of the defoliant. In part the U.S. position states: "It's not how much dioxin poisoning you got, it was the intent with which it was administered that counts. Our expressed intention was to defoliate. If we intended to kill anybody, we don't have to resort to dioxin to do it, as Secretary of State Terror, Don Rumsfeld, has recently made clear. That goes for our on-line troops as well as our other enemies. Don't make me reprise the plutocracy's long and successful history here."


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