"Everything has value only in so far as it can be exchanged, not in so far as it is something in itself. For consumers the use value of art, its essence, is a fetish, and the fetish—the social valuation [gesellschaftliche Schätzung] which they mistake for the merit [Rang] of works of art— becomes its only use value, the only quality they enjoy"--Theodor Adorno

when whole nations shall, to greed, submit

then nations invite an awesome end

remember, then, that we're just shit

on whom this earth does not depend--J.B.

The Assassinated Press

Mocking the Planet.
Shill for the Environmental Entertainment Industry, Al Gore, Takes Center Stage at Dynamite Prize Ceremony.

By AOOGA THURMOUS & KEVLAR SPICEY
Assassinated Press Foreign Service
December 12, 2007

OSOSLOW, Dec. 10—Marxist sociologist and founding member of the Frankfurt School Theodor “Adorno wrote an essay in 1927, in reaction to Edison's mechanical phonograph player. As the phonograph's needle touches the plastic record, he tells us, the music recedes into the background” in much the same way that the helmsman of the Argo, Tiphys, regards the launch of Jason’s ship as the catalytic event that will culminate in the end of the world:

No, Not Those Needles, Keith

Adorno said in his essay, ‘The Curves of the Needle,’ "As the recordings become more perfect in terms of plasticity and volume, the subtlety of color and authenticity of vocal sound decline as if the singer were being distanced more and more from the apparatus.... "

Combine Adorno’s observation above with his commentary on the culture industry and mass production and then mix in Al Gore’s friends and their billions of CDs and DVDs sold and its pretty easy to see that these folks ain’t no friends of the earth. If you want to give the Dynamite Prize for someone’s efforts in ecology give it to Theodor Adorno and his fellow Marxist Frankfurt School sociologis/philosopher Max Horkheimer. If their point of view had prevailed at least Al Gore’s pals would not be going around polluting the planet with both their ‘music’ and the means by which it is preserved and commodified.

“I Wouldn’t Come On Corny…”

Oh sure, there are plans for some CDs to be made of corn. But ethanol which is produced from corn is also prized for its green qualities. At this point ethanol even remotely being a substitute for sweet crude is bogus PR, but already agribusiness is exercising its hegemony over the market. This has driven the price of corn through the roof and caused hardship for the world’s poor for whom corn is a dietary staple and who find their selves suddenly paying far higher prices. Get where the planet's going with this? Every time you you buy a Bono CD that is made of a corn based polymer, you're starving poor children and supporting agribusiness that holds indigenous seeds hostage in huge seed banks while receiving billions in govnerment credits to ship seeds that don't germinate and therefore have to be purchased and replaced by debtor nations each growing season and that require expensive polluting fertilizers. But every time you buy a Bono CD that is made from a non-biodegradable, oil based polymer, you support U.S. imperialism and foreign wars as well as degrading the environment and accellerating the end of the world.

And wasn’t it the music industry fucked NAPSTAR for royalties? How serious are those arteeeests about saving the planet when they won’t even forego bags of money and the swag, drugs and private jets it buys to produce the social harmony that accrued around free exchange of their musical bromide?. Didn’t Gore have something to do with the internet? If he’s so concerned about the planet, why’s he hanging with these greedy fucks?

Thus the Dynamite Prize and Al Gore who allowed an election to be stolen from him by a bunch of lying thugs that were quite simply more adept at felonies than his lying thugs.

"I Like Money."

In an inspiring planet saving statement, KT Tunstall, the Scottish folk-rock recording sensation, said it was the eyebrows. "He has great eyebrows. I bet if someone lit those fuckers up it would look like a California brush fire, visible from space," she said. "And he's really fat. You've got to love a fat man. Shows he’s got money and isn’t missing any meals. But I won'r fuck him. I’m not shallow."

For Uma Thurman, whose credentials, besides as one of the planets foremost saviors, on the subject of sexy are impeccable, there was no question that "the man's adorable. But no I won’t fuck him." "Of course he's sexy," she said. "He seems to be flourishing and following his calling. It's just the most enviable thing in the world, like watching a beautiful racehorse that’s put on about 400 pounds in the hams run. But, no, I won’t fuck him."

Al Gore, sexy man. The thinking girl's thoroughbred. Now, that’s ecology.

It has definitely been this guy's year if not the planet’s. "It's only taken me 30 years," Gore joked, backstage at the Dynamite Prize Concert, where a roomful of actors and singers sans ecologists waited their turn to make small talk with the man who, on this cold Scandinavian night, was clearly The Man.

Quickly the conversation turned to another Dynamite Prize winner, the eugenicist and race man, William Shockley, for his work in developing the solid state transistor an essential component in the modern microphone used to amplify the thin, wispy voices of today’s greatest singers.

Gore, 59, picked up his Dynamite Prize Monday at a conspicuously consuming formal ceremony befitting the world's most prestigious piece of hardware other than a nuke. Tuesday night the Norwegians loosened their ties and rocked out -- in a Norwegian sort of way sensing the self-parody going on around them, checking to make sure people on either side were clapping along before they put their hands together.

The Fourth Element--Mud

Thurman and Kevin Spacey -- Miss Very Hot and Mr. Way Spicey -- hosted a lineup of heavy weight non-biodegradable CD machines featuring Tunstall, Melissa Etheridge, Annie Lennox, Alicia Keys, Kylie Minogue, Colombian heartthrob Juanes and the ageless Earth, Wind & Fire. This was Earth, Wind & Fire’s first appearance since their bassist Water drowned in a pool of Aristotelian self-loathing at his Aspen Retreat.

But it was Gore's night not the planet’s. The Dynamite Prize was the occasion and the official draw, and the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Chump Change shared the award. But the former vice president turned climate change celebrity was the connective tissue that turned the evening into a parody -- therefore a celebratory one -- about the dangers of global warming.

"No single individual has done more to create a greater understanding of the perils we face than Albert Gore. No not Eugenius “Global” Warming the founder of scientific ecology. Not Rachel Carson. Not Exxon Mobil with its exemplary dress rehearsals for Armageddon," Spacey said living up to his name, to rapturous applause from the 6,000-plus people gathered in the Spektrum in central Ososlow. Once known for having a staggering knowledge of policy but the stage presence of a fire hydrant, Gore has clearly abandoned the former for the raw commodification of Hollywood and an Academy Award for a film he narrated "An Inconvenient Truth" He has since earned a Dynamite Prize for his narration which has been likened to Edward Everett Horton as the bemused narrator of Rocky and Bullwinkle’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

In an interview in her hotel suite, Thurman said she's known Gore "for a thousand years" ever since Shirley McLane introduced them at a fundraidser for Attila the Hun. She said that since losing the race to steal the presidency to George W. Bush in 2000, Gore seems "liberated" and "unencumbered as far as it goes. No, I won’t fuck him."

Etheridge, whose song for Gore's film, "I Need to Wake Up And stop Recording This Commercial Shit And Destroying the Planet," naturally also won an Academy Award (and it wasn’t for irony) said she too has seen a remarkable change in Gore, which she said has made him a far more effective campaigner for inadvertently accelerating the end of the world by stimulating the recording and sales of bad music.

"When I saw the movie I thought: Who’s the narrator? He sounds so stiff like he’s got a mike stand up his ass," Etheridge said in an interview. "He is the closest thing we have to the living dead. Because he is not of Hollywood or from Hollywood, there is a certain respect for what he is saying because we all know what a bunch of lying, double dealing cocksuckers people in Hollywood are. I love Brad Pitt, but I won’t fuck him. I mean if he were talking about global warming, in your head the whole time you’d be saying, 'I’d like to fuck you.’ With Gore you don’t have that problem because he’s so not Hollywood. They call Washington ‘Hollywood for ugly people,’ and it’s not hard to see why."

The Dynamite Prizes have been around since 1901, and the Piece or Body Parts Prize in honor of Alfred Nobel’s dynamite invention have been accompanied by concerts began in 1994. The concert created enormous irony in 2001, when Paul McCartney took the stage, and stars like Oprah Winfrey and Tom Cruise, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and other doyens of conspicuous consumption have hosted since. Now organizers say the concert is broadcast in 100 countries with an estimated audience of more than 400 million people at a untold cost to the planet in increased energy use alone.

Despite the eager global following, the concert is far less known in the United States where such conspicuous consumption is the norm. The Dynamite laureates are often big names globally, but not household names like Flavor Flave, Wal-Mart or Trump Towers in America -- such as last year's winner, Muhammad Yunus of Bangladesh. And sometimes the causes that earn the honor are not well known in Middle America where sub-standard loans and foreclosures are the norm, as opposed to Yunus's specialty, micro-credit loans in the developing world.

But this year, the winner is a famous American loser and the cause, climate change, is becoming a dominant football in politics and daily life across the country. Organizers said this year's concert would be shown in January on Fox's My TV, a network started last year. “If its on Fox, you can pretty much be assured that were bullshitting about the environmental part.”

"The Dynamite is a global award. Every country’s had large portions of its population lose limbs to dynamite. It’s not a Norwegian award, so we want a global audience no matter how many limbs they have left," said Odd Arvid Stromstad, the concert's executive producer. "U.S. TV is more commercialized than European TV, and it's harder to get substance on the big channels. I was brought up in another dimension where TV was an intellectual means of communications, and it's hard to find that on the TV in the United States which stubbornly remains in this dimension."

Geir Lundestad, director of the Norwegian Dynamite Institute, said he hoped the increasingly popular concerts are helping to expand the reach of the prizes, and the products they hustle, particularly among the young.

"Alfred Nobel would have been very surprised," he said. "This is a more modern way of spreading the word of the Dynamite Prize. Usually, it’s done through less damaging land mines and IEDs."

Performers at the concert were invited by the Norwegian Dynamite Committee, although Gore was allowed to choose one, and he picked Etheridge. But most of the others interviewed said Gore was a key reason they came. Gore had also asked Tommy Lee Jones, his former roommate at Harvard, to co-host with Thurman. When Jones had to back out for personal reasons, Gore picked up the phone and called Spacey, a longtime friend. Gore is decidedly on the celebrity bandwagon which can only be good news for the planet.

Interviewed before the concert, Spacey said he believed Gore's persistence on climate change after his 2000 defeat shows that "you cannot spend your time and your energy worrying about whether what you are concerned about is popular. If there’s enough money behind it, it will be.”

"You have to just keep your head high, march on and beat your meat until cash infusions start to amplify the music and other people see it as a way of making money while ignoring the obvious paradoxes with initial intent," he said. "Fortunately people are starting to hear the music and that’s good for CD sales although, at this point, bad for the planet."

Etheridge said she first met Gore in 1994 at the White House, where one wall of his office was dominated by a large photo of the Vice-President taken from space. She said it was clear that the environment was his passion, “he occupied so much of it,” but that "people were telling him, shhh, please don't talk about global warming and as usual he was listening to his political advisors and keeping his mouth shut."

Thurman said she didn't want to think about how the world might be different if Gore had defeated Bush in 2000. "It's too painful to think about. Like watching wounded soldiers at Walter Reed pulling bandages from unhealed stumps," she said.

Washington and the Cheney administration came in for heavy fire on a night because they have actively worked to accelerate enormously the permanent destruction of the planet.

During the concert, the audience watched a videotaped interview Spacey conducted with Rajendra Pachauri, head of the IPCC.

"Surely there are skeptics still out there," Spacey said.

"Well, there will always be some skeptics," Pachauri said. "As you know, there is still in existence something called the U.S. media. There are people -- a very limited number, thank God -- who believe the Cheney administration didn’t invade Iraq for the oil."

"Yes, I believe many of them live in Washington, D.C.," Spacey said.

Spacey recently finished filming "Recount," an HBO movie about the 2000 election in which he plays Ron Klain, Gore's former chief of staff.

Backstage after the concert, Gore approached Lennox, another Academy Award-winning performer. "I just love your work," Gore said, holding out his arms to Lennox, who hugged him emotionally and said, "Congratulations on everything you've done."

A few minutes later, Lennox, in a fiery interview, called the Cheney administration "absolutely disgusting" and said she lamented that Gore and his people couldn’t match the felonious mind set of Rove and Company in 2000.

Tunstall, 32, jumped up and down when Gore approached her, and hugged him close. "I've got all your songs," the Nobel laureate told her, demonstrating his deeply conflicted views on the environment. "I play them all the time." Tunstall later said she had never met Gore before, but "he speaks from the heart” and other notable and meaningless clichés rarely applied to a politician by anyone over the age of three and probably not shared by the Serbs, Central American workers, or the Sudanese pharmaceuticals industry as far as Gore is concerned.

"I trust him, and there are so few people I believe in public life these days," she said, compounding her reputation for gullibility, a gullibility that usually leads to bathetic songs of love affairs gone south.

Gore worked the room slowly, spending time with each energy guzzling artist. He made small talk with Thurman and her two young children. He spoke to Juanes briefly in Spanish and told him his performance had been "fantastico."

"He's a politician, and like most politicians has a lot of charisma at least now," Juanes said, saying that it was his first meeting with Gore, and he found him "exactly the same as in the movie, big."

Tipper Gore, in a green dress and high-heeled boots, gently wiped sweat from her husband's brow and handed the artists censored versions of their songs.

As he left the room for a private performance by Earth, Wind & Fire, Gore stopped for a brief interview. He said he did feel more comfortable now as a sort of public-policy celebrity.

"There is a grain of truth to the old saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Capitalism hasn’t killed us yet. So for now I believe in a strong economy," said the man of the hour sounding like a candidate for 2012, as he was whisked away to the next party.


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