The Assassinated Press

Duck Dynasty Patriarch that dissed buttfucking admits he may not have been doing it right.
In another brilliant political maneuver, the Tea Party rallies around Phil Robertson shoring up the .03% swamp vote.
Been to any 'Happy, Happy, Happy' lynchings lately Sarah, you worthless cunt.

By SWIMPY CUBICLE
The Assassinated Press
12/18/13

DUCK COLON, LA --- Phil Robertson, the crotchety, lashed to the umbiblical cord old testy patriarch of Duck Dynasty fame, admitted to reporters that though his long experience with butt fucking hadn’t been particularly satisfying, he may simply have been doing it wrong.

In somewhat of a leap for an unmedicated person, Mr. Robertson attributed his unsatisfactory anal history to America’s rural affinity for bestiality and admiration for the ‘Deliverance’ life style. “You know when you’re out in the swamp for weeks at a time huntin’ to put food on the table a man needs a bit of comfort a good beaver boink or duck fuck can provide. At times ol’ Si has looked pretty amptizing to me.”

Been to any 'Happy, Happy, Happy' lynchings lately Sarah, you worthless cunt.

Showing their customary political acumen, Sarah Palin, Gov. Bobby “Gunga’ Jindal and Tea Party crash dummy, Ted Cruz, sided with the college educated elder Robertson, who plays an ignorant rube on TV and apparently one in real life. So much for them southern football schools.

Bigots and Quacks

Mr. Robertson may be one of our last sincerely ignorant racists. If so, or even nearly so, stuff the cracker and move on. But don’t tacitly align yourself with him implying he’s the living reality of anything.

Quack Up

Free speech is one thing and Mr. Robertson certainly has a podium for it well beyond his IQ. But to defend such racist nonsense in the name of Charles and David Koch and Koch Industries is to squander the bosses money and ill will in a way rarely seen in reality and apparently too subtle for the ‘reality’ media that is FOX News and Clear Channel.

Televised Taxidermy:

Okay, defend his free speech but also examine what the skinny asshole said. If you still then agree with Phil, go get yourself stuffed. Bobby Jindal in particular should be sensitive to this.

Free speech is one thing. Stupid is another. But stupid seems to be the stock in trade of Palin and Cruz and Limbaugh and FOX News etc. Playing the ignorance, awe shucks card has always been a quintesentially American trait but it also was always just a smokescreen to conceal some hidden superior knowledge and skill. Ignorance was never intended as a stance, just a prop.

In their wake the Palins and Cruzes and Jindals leave an underclass of ‘proud to be stupid’ white victims who relish the fantasy that is ‘reality’ TV and never were capable of discerning who actually had their worst interests at heart. And that’s a real betrayal.


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