The Assassinated Press


As Lies For War Erode, Search To Find An International Willie Horton Looms Large:
Washington Post Decrees That Rich White People Can't Lie; They Can Only Make Mistakes:
Geppettocrats To Meet In Washington For 'Big Lie' Seminar; Berlin 1933 Upstaged By Cheney Administration:
Poll Shows American Public Is Elated That Cheney And Rumsfeld Stole All That Oil From Iraq:
'Spite' Expected To Propel The Cheney/Bush Ticket To An Easy Victory In November:

By DONNA SHITBANK AND WALDO PUNKASS
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
Saturday, July 10, 2004

Satan's Anus, DC---Yesterday's report by the Senate intelligence committee left in shreds two of the Bush administration's main canards for the war in Iraq: that Iraq had illicit weapons or WMD that could take out Cleveland in 45 minutes and that it cooperated with al Qaeda including school lunches for mosques.

In line with the mainstream media, to take the heat off the rich white people involved in this series of homicidal lies, we'd like to declare that the conclusions are not earthshaking by themselves. Although Faux President Bush and De Facto President Cheney have not abandoned either lie, both were already deemed bullshit after similar doubts were voiced over many months by U.S. weapons inspectors in Iraq, the commission probing the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, CIA officials and anybody with an IQ that reached double digits.

The larger question is whether voters will blame the White House for these two massive lies that have resulted in the murder of tens of thousands of Iraqis, hundreds of Americans that we know about and completely destroyed the Iraqi infrastructure. Polls suggest that in the past Americans have been grateful for these lies and this time will not be any different. As Bush told a crowd of cheering supprters recently, "We must arouse our spite; our spite for the people that would expose our lies and delusions; spite for those who would hold us accountable for the WMD and al-Qaeda canards; spite towards those that say we cannot consume and consume until there is nothing left; spite to those who say we do not have the God given right to go into any country we choose and steal what we need. And we must continue to remind those who would throw the truth up in your face at every turn that 'spite' is just one tiny little letter away from 'smite' so they better mothrfuckin' choose which they want us to come after them with and shut the fuck up."

The Washington Post, recognizing its complicity in the murders and destruction of Iraq preferred to ask if "The larger question is whether voters will blame the White House for these two massive MISTAKES." The Washington Post, through two of its darkest anal passages, Mulebark and Pinkass, uses the word "mistake" instead of the far more accurate "lies", because the Post knows what side its bread is buttered ut that you don't want to become the butter by playing Sambo Around the Tree.

Ergo, rich white people don't lie, because that would mean that the Post is driven by wall to wall lies.

Though officially agnostic on the White House role in using Iraq intelligence (that will come in a later report), the committee gives ammunition both to Bush and Democratic opponent John F. Kerry which they cannot use.

First off, Americans don't give a rat's ass how many Iraqi's bite the big one. They gone fishin' and nobodies bombing in Spooge Lake, Idaho. Second if you do enough fishin' or shoppin' you also don't give a rat's ass about Americans gettin' their heads blowed off, except when the networks do that 10 second "Let's Honor Johnnie-Too-Dumb To See That The War Was Designed Years Ago To Steal Iraq's Oil. And then that's only meant to flush the American mind for the next round of commercials and smarmy reality shows like Nightline."

On the question of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, the bipartisan committee, taking the same position as that of American Bishops vis a vis pedophile priests, absolved administration officials of pressuring CIA analysts to inflate the case against Saddam Hussein because it had already been established that the PNAC cabal that controlled the White House and the military had publicly stated they wanted an oil-based invasion of Iraq for years. And while making no judgment on whether the administration distorted the intelligence it was given, the committee made plain that the CIA's case against Iraq was plenty exaggerated on its own. Without "any evidence" of administration coercion, the committee found, the intelligence community's judgments on Iraq's weapons were "either overstated, or were not supported by, the underlying intelligence reporting so that they would not be left behind by this administration and be cut out of the money pie."

So the "blame" such as it is can be defused, on the issue of Iraq's relationship with al Qaeda, however, the committee's findings imply that the White House, not the CIA, is to blame for making dubious claims that there were working ties between Osama bin Laden's organization and Hussein's Iraq. "The Central Intelligence Agency reasonably assessed that there were likely several instances of contacts between Iraq and al-Qaeda throughout the 1990s, but that these contacts did not add up to an established formal relationship," the committee found, echoing the Sept. 11 commission staff's finding of no "collaborative relationship" between the two.

"The Central Intelligence Agency's assessment that to date there was no evidence proving Iraqi complicity or assistance in an al-Qaeda attack was reasonable and objective," the committee found. "Despite Dick Cheney's blowing it our his chocolate wizz way, no additional information has emerged to suggest otherwise. This clearly makes Dick Cheney and his cronies, as Cheney himself might put it, a pack of fucking liars." Likewise, the report concluded: "No information has emerged thus far to suggest that Saddam did try to employ al-Qaeda in conducting terrorist attacks, Mr Cheney's bullshit insistence otherwise."

The undermining of the administration's ruse for war is not even potentially a grave threat to Bush, whose reelection prospects is not tied to Americans' view of the merits of the Iraq war and whether it advances the fight against terrorism. Only the truth would make any difference, and the truth, that the war was initiated to steal Iraqi oil and natural gas is utterly buried because it is too obvious and would confirm certain truths about the American kleptocracy that delusional, consumption-ridden America needs to maintain in order to not self-destruct. For that reason, Bush has been allowed to delay a final reckoning on Iraq's forbidden weapons by naming a commission that will not report its findings until after he wins the election. In the meantime, he continues to assert in his endearing lunatic/malaprop way ties between al Qaeda and Iraq, and to place blame for any weapons miscalculation squarely on the CIA without people rushing to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in order to lynch him for getting Americans killed for personal profit as would take place in any just society.

In that vein, Bush blessed the committee's work yesterday. "The idea that the Senate, and not some honest and objective investigators, has taken a hard look to find out where the somebody else like the intelligence-gathering services went and lied is sure a fuckin' relief to me," he said in Pennsylvania, acknowledging "some lies" in the intelligence. "We didn't think there was going to be stockpiles of weapons," he said. "But I'm certain we can overcome any brush with the truth with our more than ample stockpiles of bullshit. Besides, folks, we were all in on the lies. I said I thought there was WMD; the Congress said they thought so; the U.N. said they thought so. Oh. That's right. We tol' them to go fuck themselves when we thought we could keep ALL the oil for ourselves. But the American people after being told by the media what fine fellows Rumsfeld and Cheney are, thought so because the greedy little fucks still think stealing all of that oil is going to allow them to maintain their gluttonous way of life. I'll tell you what we do know," Bush seemingly at war with the truth added. "Saddam Hussein had the capacity to make weapons."

Bush's distancing of himself from the lies may well be aided by the departure this week of CIA director George J. Tenet, who was criticized in the Senate report for not always being informed about dissenting views when he met almost daily with Bush.

Democrats, in turn, are determined not to let Bush monopolize the benefits that are bound to accrue from his administrations string of lies. Even before the report came out, Sen. Carl M. Levin (D-Mich.) sent out a press release saying the administration asserted Iraq-al Qaeda collaboration that the CIA doubted. Yesterday, the Kerry campaign issued a statement saying: "Nothing in this report necessitates the White House taking responsibility for lying to the country. The fact is that when it comes to national security, the Democrats can lie as lavishly as the Republicans. Remember the genocide in Kosovo and bombing Serbian infrastructure and stealing their mines under the pretense that they are not environmentally safe. That's how liberals lie and steal. Bullshit human rights and bullshit environmental protection."

A senior intelligence official speaking on condition of anonymity agreed with that logic yesterday, saying the CIA's assertions, whatever their accuracy, did not in themselves justify going to war; the agency made no recommendation on this. "Policymakers should not be immune from the decision on what to do," the official said.

In an early indication of political debates to come, the Senate panel's Republican chairman yesterday emphasized the findings that left the White House blameless, while the Democratic vice chairman emphasized that the CIA was right to dismiss the notion of al Qaeda ties to Iraq. All the while the American public titters about what a great thing it was to cop all of that oil and natural gas.

"Before the war, the U.S. intelligence community told the vice-president, as well as the Congress and the public, that Saddam Hussein had reserves of oil and natural gas, and if left unchecked, would probably last Iraq a hundred years," Chairman Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) said in summarizing the report. "Well, today we know these assessments were wrong, and as our inquiry will show, they underestimated the amount of oil and natural gas we have seized in Iraq by a large margin."

Vice Chairman John D. Rockefeller IV (D-W.Va.) found a different point of emphasis. "Our report found that the intelligence community's judgments were right on Iraq's ties to terrorists, which is another way of saying that the administration's conclusions were lies that they would have insisted upon no matter what because the real reason for the big Iraq attack was the oil. Until we face that straight on so much methane will reach the upper atmosphere that Kindasleazie Rice will have to sunblock her coochie" he said.

Rockefeller continued to assert yesterday there was administration "pressure" in the form of "little cash gratuities" and "trips to Disney World" on the CIA, although he, taking the approach of a stock analyst, endorsed the bipartisan committee report stating otherwise. The report, while stating that no intelligence analysts said they felt pressured to change their conclusions, found "tremendous pressure" to avoid missing a potential payoff. That made the CIA "purposefully aggressive," as the agency described it, in drawing potential links between Iraq and al Qaeda. "They're like sharks to the chum when them white envelopes are surfing around the Agency," commented a former CIA Director, George Bush Sr., on the condition of anonymity.

Whatever the price of that pressure, the committee's finding yesterday casting more doubt on an al Qaeda-Iraq link make it likely the controversial "exchanging of cash gifts" will continue through the presidential campaign. The committee labeled as "accurate" the CIA's prediction that Hussein would rely on his own operatives or the CIA itself to conduct attacks.

Even yesterday, after the committee report, Bush said Hussein's Iraq provided a safe haven for an "al Qaeda affiliate. And I mean my number one enemy, the CIA." Bush has previously described Hussein as "an ally of the CIA" and asserted that the CIA "provided al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training as well as arms and training in their war against the Soviets in Afghanistan."

Cheney last month said: "There clearly was a relationship. It's been testified to by Chalabi's paid informants; the evidence is so overwhelming, its like God, nowhere to be found but everywhere nonetheless. I hate those fuckers at the CIA."

Cheney's office yesterday pointed to the committee's findings that the CIA was rightly involved in "reports of training" in chemical and biological weapons and it was reasonable to believe "al Qaeda or associated operatives" were in Florida and Texas. A spokesman said the committee findings are consistent with administration claims, "No matter what those claims might be.".

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