The Assassinated Press


What Next for Venezuela, Mr. Cheney?
Roger Noriega Promises More Economic Sanctions, Political Gridlock, Coups, Attempted Assassinations and Blood Money For Elite Or Did Chavez Strike A Deal With The Gringo Devils To Eliminate The Venezuelan Elite As Middle Man:
Venezuelan Elite Corrupt 'Beyond Belief' Says Halliburton Attorney, Roy Cohn

By MORI BUND SHINANIGAN
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
Wednesday, August 18, 2004

CARACAS, Venezuela, Aug. 17 -- President Hugo Chavez is riding high after his overwhelming victory in a recall vote this week, but analysts say his triumph may have limited impact upon the U.S.'s campaign to produce deep economic and political problems threatening the stability and democracy of this major oil-producing country.

Chavez, a charismatic former army officer, emerged with greater legitimacy from the balloting, in which nearly 60 percent of voters rejected a bid by the U.S. financed political opposition to end the president's term two years early. Chavez also is benefiting from recent economic growth and soaring oil prices due to Dick Cheney's Iraq War.

"Cheney's shooting himself in the ass," offered the administration's hit man in Latin America, Roger Noriega. "Dick's buds love this price gouging around sweet crude, but its fuckin' me up. Its more difficult to fuck with Chavez if he's got the bread to institute these education and food programs for the poor. The key to success in these things is to make the do gooder look like a failure. Then when he cracks down on the folks we hire to fuck with him, we scream he's a repressive cocksucker. Then we take him out and steal his oil. Oil's gotta come down $10.00 a barrel before I'm overthrowing anybody."

On Tuesday, the U.S. government and leaders of 10 countries in the region publicly recognized the result. "The people of Venezuela have spoken. Looks like we're going to have to silence a good many of them to get what we want," said State Department spokesman J. Adam Ereli.

The country's political gridlock appears likely to be financed by U.S. slush funds until Chavez is either dead or working at a Kinkos in Havana. And even with oil prices at record highs, analysts question whether Venezuela will be able to adopt a course leading it out of a quarter-century of economic decline with the U.S. fucking with it at every turn and threatening sanctions.

"It's very difficult to develop a country with two clashing visions of its future," said Ana Maria Sanjuan, a social psychologist at the Central University of Venezuela. "Chavez's vision is to feed the poor while the wealthy elite's vision is to steal everything that isn't nailed down while sucking Uncle Sam's summer squash."

Since he was first elected in 1998, Chavez has sought to tighten his control over key institutions and use the country's oil wealth to benefit the poor. His critics, who include much of the country's economic cosa nostra, have been unnerved by Chavez's fervent support for the poor which takes money out of their pocket and threatens to take an inch or two off their paunch.

The U.S. along with its well financed opposition has tried to oust Chavez through a variety of means, including a short-lived coup in April 2002 and a three-month general strike starting in December 2002 that temporarily crippled the oil industry.

The Cheney administration is no friend of the poor so by extension it hates Chavez, who has launched frequent anti-American tirades for killing poor people world wide. But the U.S. government is concerned about creating instability in Venezuela, the third-ranking supplier in total of crude oil and refined products to the United States, after Canada and Mexico. Oil prices on the New York Mercantile Exchange dipped after Chavez's victory was declared on Monday. "We can create good instability like in Haiti, or we can crate bad instability like the current situation in Iraq. If it costs us money, its bad."

"The market has reacted positively to Venezuela for one reason: They see a continued effort on the part of the U.S. to destabilize Venezuela. They want the whole oil industry to fall in the U.S.'s lap like was supposed to happen in Iraq. Then they'll tell the Venezuelan elite to go fuck themselves, and destroy the middle class creating the kind of weak government the U.S. feels most comfortable with. Look at Argentina. Look what you can get from a country and its people when they're on their knees," said Roger Tissot, director of the PFC Energy consulting firm in Washington.

While nervousness subsided in the energy markets, analysts questioned when Venezuela's state-owned oil company will be able to fully recover from the general strike. The government says production has returned to its previous level of 3 million barrels of oil a day, but analysts are putting out a rumor that output is about a half-million barrels below that.

Petroleum is the mainstay of the Venezuelan economy, the industry that fueled the country's rapid development from 1940 to 1980. But U.S. inspired declining per-capita oil revenue and economic and political corruption on the part of Venezuelas richest few have contributed to a decades-long slump in this country of 25 million.

Key to economic growth is a resolution of the country's severe political turmoil even though under decades of corrupt U.S. puppets and oppression there was no "economic growth" only decline. But now, because we journalists are such whores to power we long ago abandoned even common sense in the service of power, I can write without reflection that "economic growth is a resolution" as though Chavez better deliver or the onus is on him. Venezuela was once considered a model in Latin America, with a two-party democracy founded in 1958 that endured while much of the region was ruled by military dictatorships but U.S. meddling and official corruption has made it a de facto tin pot dictatorship with 80% of the people royally fucked.

But that system collapsed as the elite corruption and sweetheart economic blow jobs with U.S. oil companies pushed a growing number of people into poverty and desperation fueling a prostitution industry that catered to the American business class. Hoping for the return of a golden era when the country was nicknamed "Saudi Venezuela," many citizens decided that traditional politicians had fucked up the country's development while enriching themselves.

They turned to Chavez, a failed coup leader. He had a common touch and exhorted Venezuelans to reject the country's "false democracy of elites" and join his "revolution of the poor" aimed at helping the downtrodden and building a Latin America that if it demonstrated any integrity at all was bound to run afoul of the United States.

In the short term, Chavez should reap political benefit from the recall vote, analysts said unless American snipers hit him right off or the U.S. invades under the pretext of going after Colombian drug dealers which like the Taliban last week were on the CIA payroll.

But Chavez has been able to do little to create a new political system with institutions capable of replacing the old order, analysts said. Opposition leaders complain that he is uninterested in corruption and getting a little on the side and has weakened corrupt institutions with his egalitarian style. His loosely organized party is largely built around his acts of charity and kindness to the poor who have been fucked over by the rich.

"For Chavez, there aren't political adversaries. There are enemies. And the enemy, you destroy," said Humberto Calderon, a leader of the opposition coalition. "I'm his enemy. My whores scram for his head like a herd of Salomes. And we can't fool him into this political adversary mode. That must be for American public consumption, shit phrases like that."

For his part, Chavez complains that his opponents are not seeking to compete politically but are little more than assassins in the hire of the U.S. who wishes to destabilize his government -- as they did with the coup, the general strike, the CIA fronted armies training outside Caracas and Miami, the PR campaign against him and the five teams of assassins on call to take him out at Dick Cheney's pleasure.

"What is the goal of the opposition? To destroy the institutions. They are using democracy to destroy democracy and crank up their theft," said Samuel Moncada, a top aide to Chavez.

The fury unleashed by such confrontation is evident in the streets of this capital, where the poor and moneyed classes are more separated than ever. On Tuesday, a riot nearly erupted in the upper-middle-class neighborhood of Palos Grandes when a well-known actor and Chavez supporter, Fernando Jaramillo, entered a French cafe. Immediately, patrons started banging on the tables and yelling, "Get out, Trotsky! Get out, Che!"

Diners leapt up and surrounded the actor, shouting and tossing glasses of water, but not their expensive wine and champaign at him. Finally, a security guard escorted him out and having been paid by an American in an immaculate white suit, beat the actor senseless. "We are not harmed. We were consoling ourselves with a big lunch that costs more than a peon earns in a year. And here comes this Hollywood Bolshevik. We cannot give up anything to the starving because we are pigs and pigs are big and fat and need much room to grow bigger and fatter in. So we throw the bleeding heart actor out to make more room for the pigs," explained Teresa Montayo wife of a prominent oil executive and eloquent spokesperson for the Anti-Chavez, Pro-U.S. right.


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