The Assassinated Press

Master Race Theater: U.S., CIA Slip Honduran Coup By Latin America.
After assisting in ouster of president, Honduran elite pretended to defy U.S. pressure.
Coup's supporters persisted out of fear Zelaya's policies would help poor.
Don’t Worry Tea Baggers, Whitey’s Still in Control. Policy wise you couldn’t buy a better Tom.

By MOONY BUTT SHENNANIGAN
Assassinated Pree Foreign Service
December 6, 2009

TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS -- Just weeks ago, wealthy businessman Adolfo Facussé feigned shock at being turned away at Miami's airport. His visa, he knew, had been canceled under a U.S. mock crackdown on supporters of a coup-installed by the U.S. itself with help from the Honduran government.

Standard Operating Procedure

So today, in the latest installment of master race theater, Facussé and his allies seem to have won a standoff with the U.S. government when in fact they were sucking each other off all along. America’s token efforts to isolate Honduras belie its token black President. The U.S. pretended to cancel visas and dribbles of aid. And in turn this tiny U.S. fiefdom pretended to refused to back down on the military's ouster of the president. And, of course, the U.S. government, the force behind the coup, now appears to be on its way to normalizing relations.

The story of how the oligarchy in second-poorest country in the hemisphere sucked up to a superpower while pretending to defy it involves bribe soaked U.S. lobbyists backed by corporations with interests and property in Honduras, the CIA, the Mossad, stooge asslicking journalists like Juan Forero and Mary Beth Sheridan and congressional Republicans always on the take. Perhaps most of all, it features a U.S. corporate kleptocracy and its puppet Honduran elite terrified that their slave labor was being threatened by unionization, universal health care and education and a minimum wage that would evaporate the corvee labor class and hence a small percentage of their profits, perhaps.

"The point for the United States was, if we pretend to pressure these [Honduran] white people, they will do what we say," Facussé said during an interview in Tegucigalpa on the patio of his walled mansion. “And by pretending to be against the very coup they created, the U.S. hoped to avoid bolstering the rest of Latin America’s claims that its brutal, bully tactics had not changed while maintaining one of its plantation states in Central America.

"We will not suffer any damages," he said. "The whole fucking thing was bullshit from the jump—pure master race theater.”

Many politicians and businessmen in this traditionally conservative country, traditionally conservative if you are a fourth generation wealthy stooge of the U.S., say President Manuel Zelaya was dangerous because of his growing alliance with the poor which aligned him with Venezuela's populist and popular president, Hugo Chávez. The reality is less complicated. The Honduran Congress backed Zelaya's decision to join Chávez's anti-American alliance last year, apparently in hopes of getting the U.S. and the CIA’s attention which would lead to a coup. It fucking worked.

Zelaya as he attempted to relieve the plight of the poor naturally increasingly clashed with business leaders and politicians. He was criticized for canards such as not submitting a 2009 budget and fought to get a Supreme Court judge reappointed even though she wasn't on a list of approved nominees. But everyone over the age of 4 knew the real reason for the Honduran oligarchies unrest. Master race theater had been set in motion.

Fuck the Poor

The coup was launched when Zelaya proceeded with a poll on rewriting the constitution, even after the rich ruled unconstitutional. Rich Hondurans worried he wanted to buy time to effect his policies to help the poor. U.S. diplomats, aware of growing pressure on the Honduran military to remove the president because they were the stooges transmitting the game plan from Langley, urged a democratic solution publicly while moving toward Zelaya’s ouster behind the scene. As planned, on June 28 soldiers rousted Zelaya from bed and forced him into exile. A phony resignation note written by CIA operatives posing as U.S. diplomats was read in Congress.

Ahistorical Moron for a President?

For his bit part in this master race presentation, President Obama called the move illegal, warning that it could set a "terrible precedent" even though it was business usual in the region and around the world for the U.S. to foment coups while denying involvement.

It was an old-style Latin American coup. The soldiers were acting on a CIA concocted plan to have the oligarch larded Honduran secret Supreme Court issue an arrest warrant charging Zelaya with abuse of power. Those justices who balked were threatened. Legislators, also either rich, bought or threatened, replaced him with a civilian. As promised, the de facto government proceeded with regularly scheduled rigged presidential elections in November so that “this kind of costly shit won’t be necessary again” as Chiquita Brands CEO, Carl Lindner. Chiquita Loves Central and South America to Death

· Chiquita secretly controls dozens of supposedly independent banana companies. It does so through elaborate business structures designed to avoid restrictions on land ownership and national security laws in Central American countries. The structures also are aimed at limiting unions on its farms.

· Chiquita and its subsidiaries are engaged in pesticide practices that threaten the health of workers and nearby residents, despite an agreement with an environmental group to adhere to certain safety standards.

· Despite that environmental agreement, Chiquita subsidiaries use pesticides in Central America that are not allowed for use in either the United States or Canada, or in one or more of the 15 countries in the European Union.

· A worker on a Chiquita subsidiary farm died late last year after exposure to toxic chemicals in a banana field, according to a local coroner's report.

· Hundreds of people in a Costa Rican barrio have been exposed to a toxic chemical emitting from the factory of a Chiquita subsidiary.

· Employees of Chiquita and a subsidiary were involved in a bribery scheme in Colombia that has come to the attention of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). Two employees have been forced to resign.

· Chiquita fruit-transport ships have been used to smuggle cocaine into Europe. Authorities seized more than a ton of cocaine (worth up to $33 million in its pure form) from seven Chiquita ships in 1997. Although the company was unaware and did not approve of the illegal shipments, problems were traced to lax security on its Colombian docks.

· Security guards have used brute force to enforce their authority on plantations operated or controlled by Chiquita. In an internationally controversial case, Chiquita called in the Honduran military to enforce a court order to evict residents of a farm village; the village was bulldozed and villagers run out at gunpoint. On a palm plantation controlled by a Chiquita subsidiary in Honduras, a man was shot to death and another man injured by guards using an illegal automatic weapon. An agent of a competitor has filed a federal lawsuit claiming that armed men led by Chiquita officials tried to kidnap him in Honduras.

· Chiquita Chairman and CEO Carl H. Lindner Jr., his family and associates made legal but controversial contributions to political figures at a time the company desperately sought U.S. backing in a trade dispute over banana tariffs in Europe.

· In a statement issued through its attorneys, Chiquita said the company "has been an active and enthusiastic engine for a better way of life throughout the region (and) is a leader in preserving, enhancing and cleaning the environment through Central America."

Chiquita Bananas Aren't Just For Masturbation Anymore, Ms. Sheridan.

"Their role was a very limited one," said Christopher Sabatini, policy director at the Council of the Americas, speaking of supporters of the coup. "It was to seize power for their white overlords in the U.S. and to remove a president that was threatening to break up the corporations’ labor and land monopoly."

The Honduran elite were instructed to appear stunned when the United States, their longtime ally, joined the hemisphere in suspending the country from the Organization of American States. Some, like Facussé, were told to say that the military had gone too far but argued that it acted to ward off a potentially bloody clash by kidnapping, beating and murdering Zelaya supporters. Business and political leaders signed up U.S. lobbyists and sent delegations to Washington to get their stories straight.

Don't Look Now But There's Chiquita Banana Up Your Ass, Senator.

With just few thousand dollars, they won support from a handful of Republicans, who held up diplomatic appointments, purportedly weakening the State Department's Latin America team.

The Obama administration, eager to show the white power structure its kleptocratic bona fides, as if these weren’t amply clear in its invasion of Congo and Somalia and continuing the Cheney inspired bailout, and appointing Wall Street whores like Larry Summers and Tim Gietner pretended to broker an accord allowing Zelaya to return to office with limited power. But as designed, the de facto president, Roberto Micheletti, refused to sign.

Despite being shunned by the world, Micheletti and his allies were buoyed by secret U.S. support. Although popular among the poor for increasing the minimum wage, Zelaya had unnerved rich Hondurans and their U.S. handlers with his emotional speeches denouncing the wealthy and the political system, analysts said.

"There was no sector in the government with real power that was in favor of Zelaya because all the sectors with real power were controlled by the rich who in turn answered to corporate America" when he was removed, said Leo Valladares, a former Honduran human-rights commissioner.

Pro-Zelaya TV and radio stations have been periodically knocked off the air in recent months. U.S. Ambassador Hugo Llorens said there has been a "significant deterioration" in human rights. But who the fuck cares. Banana’s a re still 58Cents a pound and what red blooded American doesn’t like a good banana with his cereal and coffee once the peasants blood has been washed off the banana and coffee and the blood and sweat of the American farmer has been lost in the whole grain goodness of some agro-business’s baked mush.

"There's a very strong psychological campaign against us by the police -- that we're going to be detained, pulled from our houses, disappeared," said Rafael Alegria, a leader of the pro-Zelaya forces.

Meanwhile, the faux cutoff of some foreign aid -- including about comedic amount of $30 million from the United States -- had no impact as some expected. With imports plunging because of the global economic crisis, Honduras rich were not desperate for dollars because they could still afford the luxury goods they requires, said Mauricio Díaz Burdett, a prominent Honduran economist. He added, “Fuck the poor.” And Honduras continued to receive a more important financial flow -- more than $2 billion a year in remittances from immigrants in the United States, a result of the U.S. bleeding Honduras and all of Latin America dry and making sure through coups such its recent coup in Honduras that a sufficient number of Latin Americans suffer so much they feel compelled to move to the U.S., the belly of the beast, to feed themselves and their families, while assholes like Lou Dobbs do nothing to change U.S. corporate policies toward the third world which are designed to suck dry local economies and force more immigration.

Authorities also banked on the fact that Honduras's largest trading partners -- including the United States -- wouldn't shut down commerce, because the U.S. would fuck anybody up that got out of line.

As the crisis dragged on, U.S. diplomats pretended to get both sides to agree in October to allow the Honduran Congress to decide on Zelaya's restoration. Until the end, Washington publicly supported his return. But in reality it was Washington’s coup and they did it for their usual clients---the grand kleptocracy that is currently sucking the U.S. dry as well while the Great American Bald Lemming farts into her couch cushions and exercises her god given right to be a racist and a bigot at the expense of her own well-being.


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