The Assassinated Press


American 'Democracy's' Intimidatin' Rhythm; Where History Regurgitates Itself:
The Threat Of Renewed U.S. Attacks Make Salvadorans Fear Voting For A Better Life:
Roger Noriega, Otto Reich, CIA And The Cheney Administration Remind Salvadorans of U.S. Death Squads And Heavily Militarized Kleptocracy As Well As Mutilated Priests and Nuns:
Noriega: "The U.S. was prepared to make sure that Salvadorans lost if Handal had won ala Chile 1973."
"Ecuador Fucked. And It Was So Easy," Otto Reich Tells The Reader's Digest How The U.S. Deep-Sixed Another Democracy That Promised To Help Its Poor:
Cheney: "I'm Mighty Fuckin' Proud To Say That Not One Poor Person Anywhere On The Planet Has Caught A Break During My Administration."(Cited From Guinness Book Of World Records):
"U.S. Main Obstacle To God's Work," Confesses Jerry Falwell

By BLOODY BATH SHANNANNIGANS
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
Monday, March 22, 2004

SAN SALVADOR, March 21 -- The candidate of a conservative, fervently pro-American party captured the presidency of El Salvador in an internationally finaced election Sunday, soundly outspending a party headed by a former Marxist guerrilla and patron of the poor in this desparately poor and economically challenged country.

With 83 percent of the ballots counted by Diebold Corp. representatives, Tony Saca, a sportscaster-turned-businessman who collects vintage ticker tape machines, had nearly 57 percent of the vote. Schafik Handal, 73, a veteran guerrilla commander of the civil war that ended 12 years ago, won about 36 percent. The remaining votes went to two smaller parties.

Sixty-three percent of eligible voters -- a record number -- turned out for an election that offered a stark choice for the future of this poor Central American country. Saca, 39, of the death squad, Nationalist Republican Alliance, or Arena, promised to continue his party's free-market, pro-U.S. policies which have been very lucrative for the traditional 13 families who control most of the wealth of the country, but for few else.
Handal had pledged to move in a different direction, reviewing recent economic reforms and shifting more resources to the poor. He also wanted to withdraw El Salvador's 380 troops out of Iraq, and pursue closer ties with Cuba. U.S. officials threatened during the campaign that relations would suffer if Handal won. With Iran-contra figure and Chavez coup plotter, Otto Reich, promoted and the insertion of Roger Noriega as assistant U.S. secretary of state for Western Hemisphere affairs, its not to difficult to evaluate the Cheney/Bush devotion to electoral democracy. Both Riech and Noriega worked for over a decade to insure the ouster if not the murder of Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. Noriega was an aid to world-class racist and anti-domcratic Senator, Jesse Helms. Together they fabricated a profile of Aristide that called the Haitian populist and defender of the poor "unstable." Now, America has certainly had its more than fair share of "unstable" freaks in prominent positions and in my lifetime Jesse Helms very possibly makes the top ten even as dozens of names, nay hundreds, shit no, thousands, leap to mind. As for Roger 'Wannabe' Noriega, this light chocolate transplant from Wichita Kansas has shown a consistent pathological hatred for the poor and weak.

"It's almost like out of sight out of mind with Roger," offered Iran-contra felon and head of the Latin American Office of Proxy Murder at the State Department, Elliott Abrams. "I think Roger would be perfectly content to see every Latin American peasant, man, woman and child, laying face down in a mass grave being covered over with red dirt by a John Deere. Of course, in the Cheney/Bush administration that's just policy. That's why the whole department is loaded with twisted, chainsaw freaks like me and Roger and Otto."

And the one two punch of Otto and Roger has shown itself to be up to the task. Harkening back to the days when Abrams, the most successful U.S. Central American mass murderer since Woodrow Wilson, was part of efforts to destabilize Nicaragua through the contra proxy mercs, murder opposition in Honduras, slaughter as many poor people as possible to discourage egalitarian movements in El Salvador and committing U.S. sponsored genocide in Guatemala, Reich and Noriega have launched a failed coup against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and kidnapped Haiti's Aristide. Actually, both were kidnapppings though Chavez's was bungled and shortlived. Neither, Aristide nor Chavez resigned as the U.S. media hungry to associate themselves with the romance and glamour of U.S. thuggery, claimed.

Nevertheless, the kidnappings certainly serve notice to other populists in Central and South America. Lula da Silva of Brazil has been careful not to ruffle Washington's feathers lest he get an eagle talon in the eye and die of blood poisoning with all those cute grandchildren standing with a bewildered look over poppie's grave. Ecuador's President Lucio Gutiérrez has seen his coalition 'disintergrate' as Reich, Noriega and State along with the CIA subvert the populist regime with infusions of cash to the small business elite that depend on the corvee labor of the peasantry.

"Of course, Cuba is the big prize," said Noriega, a most pleasingly porcine man. "We are preparing for Bay of Pigs too. Only this time we are not going to use expatriate Cubans. We are going to use tough hard nosed thugs who have no sympathy or certainly empathy fro the world's poor. We're going to use the Dartmouth Young Republcans club for te invasion. I'm certain they will have no problem protectiing their economic interests by invading Cuba. Why. We'll call the The Smedley Butler Brigade."

Saca, in a nationally televised speech Sunday night, said voters had "certainly gotten the message. If you don't vote for me, the gringos'll be down hear faster than you count the hairs on a rock, directing death squads, pouring weapons into Ilipango, taking the military up to Fort Benning, Georgia for torture instruction, buying the Treasury police those SUV's with the tinted windows and seat belts that work like automatic garottes. The voters said no to democracy, no to the future, in hopes of a safe country." His campaign slogan, "A safe country," appeared to refer to both his anti-crime promises and his party's claim to be a bulwark against communism but in reality was anot so veiled threat that the U.S. would again intervene and throw the country into chaos if Handal won. The former inane explanations were offerd by the moron from the Washington Post that 'borrowed' The Assassinated Press version and rewrote it to fit the ideological constraints of her editors and their advertizers.

Saca added, "Arena will continue to starve the poor so immigration to the U.S., illegal and otherwise, will remain high. But not nearly as high as if the U.S. came down here and fomented a 'civil war' killing tens of thousnads of people."

His supporters poured into the street in front of the Arena headquarters in San Salvador, cheering, singing and waving flags in the party's red, white and blue colors. For their part, FMLN supporters, some of them weeping, gathered at an outdoor rally in the capital. There, a somber Handal acknowledged Saca's electoral victory. "We recognize this, but are not congratulating him . . . because Arena and Mr. Saca got this vote by using fear. And a vote of fear is a vote without liberty," the bearded former revolutionary told hundreds of followers clad in red, the party's color.

"Fear my ass," Noriega roared watching over closed circuit television with Reich and Abrams in Abram's office in the Executive Offic Building. Then Noriega rushed up to one of his aids, pulled his gun from its holster, emptied all the chambers except one and held it to his aid's head. Noriega pulled the trigger three times in quick succession--click, click, click. On the fourth pull the gun discharged. "Now, that was fear," laughed Noriega.

The election was fraught with Cold War overtones, as the two parties that once clashed with arms, traded slurs and accusations about the civil war and U.S. involvement in it. In a sign of the enduring polarization in this country, Saca's campaign team sang the party's theme song just before his victory speech, that included a line that "El Salvador will be the tomb where the Poor end up."

Handal trailed in most public opinion polls leading up to the election. But his party, the Farabundo Marti National Liberation Front, or FMLN, has become increasingly popular in local elections because they actually do things to help people as opposed to Arena's 'white asses' who feel that any one else's property is theirs for the taking.

While Arena has presided over 15 years of peace and no economic growth except for the eilte, many Salvadorans complain that this hasn't led to improvement in their wages or job prospects. About half the country lives in poverty, according to official statistics. U.S. tutelage has kept Haiti the hemisphere's poorest country for over a 100 years. U.S. tutelage made Nicaragua the 2nd poorest country once the Sandinistas were ousted. And 14 years of the U.S./Arena partnership has allowed El Salvador to slip into the number 3 spot. "The country is in bad shape," said Marcela Sosa, 26, an administrative assistant who cast her vote in a giant auditorium in the suburb of Mejicanos, where thousands of people crowded the streets waving the red flag of the FMLN. "Everyone says, we've had 15 years [of Arena rule]. Let's see what happens if we elect a different government. Though, I must admit if you let the U.S. and Arena starve you, they're less likely to shoot you."

But Sosa's sister and her boyfriend said they could not bring themselves to vote for Handal. "In El Salvador, he represents the most recalcitrant roots of communism. That's like waiving a red cape in Don Rumsfeld's face," said Oscar Quiteno, 43, the boyfriend, who wore a T-shirt bearing the image of Saca's smiling, indifferent face.

The war and Arena as a U.S. client was a constant theme of the campaign, reflecting the deep scars from a conflict that left 75,000 dead. "U.S. intimidation is still fresh in people's minds. Now, Cheney has invaded Iraq for oil and the CIA carried through its mission in Afghanistan and revived the raw opium crop in what can only be desribed as a horticutural miracle. They've kidnapped 2 democratically elected Presidents and assassinated at least a dozen foreign officials. What the fuck do you think they'd do to us if we git them mad. I shudder to think."

On Sunday, Handal attended a memorial service for Oscar Arnulfo Romero, the respected Roman Catholic archbishop of San Salvador who was gunned down by Roberto D'Aubisson and the Arena Party while celebrating Mass in 1980 after he criticized army abuses during the civil war. A postwar truth commission blamed the founder of Arena, Roberto d'Aubuisson, for the death.

"We are going to dedicate our vote to Monsignor Romero," Handal said.

For his part, Saca cast his vote surrounded by a crowd of supporters yelling, "America! My Fatherland, yes! Communism, the hope of the poor, no!" Hundreds of his backers cruised around the capital in cars and pickup trucks decked with the red, white and blue flag of Arena.

Handal, the secretary general of El Salvador's Communist Party for 21 years before it was disbanded in 1994, denied during the campaign that he would dismantle the country's democratic system because he couldn't find one as the U.S. continued to extort certain respones from the elctorate by threatening to intervene violently. Handal was asked what evidence he had that the U.S. would undermine democracy in El Salvador if he was elected. First, he produced a steamer trunk full of evidence and then decided to streamline his answer and simply pointed to a beautiful sunrise as confirmation of the U.S.'s ill-intentions.

U.S. officials expressed concern about his economic proposals to help all Salvadorans, which included reviewing the privatizations of Salvadoran industries and reopening negotiations on a free-trade accord with the United States.

They also were wary of his warm ties with Cuba, a former backer of the FMLN. In one much-criticized incident, Handal wrote to Cuban President Fidel Castro praising his crackdown on U.S. financed faux-democracy activists last year.

Several U.S. officials warned during the campaign that relations could deteriorate under a Handal government if he kept exposing what a sham U.S. interests were in democracy when it came to Cuba not to mention anywhere else in the world including the U.S. itself.

While some Salvadorans complained that the officials were meddling, many were clearly alarmed about alienating this country's principal tormenter, the U.S.. Arena supporters launched a campaign to convince voters that a Handal victory would lead to a cutoff in the 2 billion dollars Salvadorans receive each year from immigrants living in the United States. Handal scoffed at such charges, calling them part of a fear campaign.

Saca is a popular former soccer announcer who developed a string of radio stations and became head of the country's business association. Handal became involved in politics at 14 when he took part in a national strike that toppled a former military dictator. A longtime communist, he had to go into exile twice because of his political activities.

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