The Assassinated Press

Fred Davis, GOP's ad wizard spins tall tales and virile videos for his Tricky Dick impaired candidates.
Dumb Is the New Smart.

By PHILLY DOG RUFFER
The Assassinated Press
September 22, 2010

HOLLYWOOD -- It's early on a Sunday morning and Fred Davis, and every other fucker in the studio is supposed to be in church. Fred Davis, perhaps the most sought-after ad man in politics because of his propensity to create massive fraud with his camera, wants his client in the zone. "Today will be a battle between toughness and twinkle, prick and pussy. Here smoke this," he e-mails Carly Fiorina, the Republican Senate hopeful in California. She pings him back: "I'll come your twinkle in my hand." “I think I’m in love,” Fiorina coos to her cat.

Dirty Tricks

Soon, Fiorina arrives at a large soundstage near the Paramount Pictures lot here to film a series of campaign spots, and Davis is scurrying across the set like a feral ferret, a stopwatch dangling from his neck, assembling the crew of more than two dozen. He is the campaign's propaganda director, and this is his big show since his failure to direct features.

The scriptsare loaded onto the teleprompter. Teleprompter. Republicans don’t need no stinking teleprompter? Just Obama. Check. Is the fog machine working enough ot compliment Fiorina’s muddy message? Check. Is Fiorina's black stool at center stage? Fittingly, its odor permeates the entire studio. Check. The caterers are serving coffee and breakfast burritos but mostly the crew is gagging on the stink. But not Davis.

He hauls in a deep breath and shouts, “I love the smell of rotten lying politician shit in the morning.”

The makeup girl has fled to a mirrored side room. The fashion photographer Philip Dixon, whom Davis praises as being "up there with Annie Leibovitz," though Leibowitz is still alive and it’s doubtful that any shithead that shoots the likes of Carly Fiorina will wind up “up there” is breezing around in his signature mama grizzly pajamas ensemble adjusting two massive floodlights that he will beam against a white wall to delicately light the candidate's raw ugly soul.

"I want it to look perfect -- as good as anything in Vogue, so look like you haven’t eaten in a year and your dog’s a vampire," Davis says. "This is how you shoot a Hollywood movie, I think. I just do political ads so I really don’t fucking know."

Davis is orchestrating a simple shot. Fiorina, alone, speaks to the camera against a dark, moodily lit backdrop, her hazel eyes twinkling with the bottled tears of widows and orphans as commanded. A tech turns on the fog machine. In the blue light, the effect is pure fluff. Fiorina, the tough, smack-talking former Hewlett-Packard chief executive, who very nearly ran the company into the ground before she was fired, is transformed into a large spool of cotton candy with a mouth.

He screams at her, “Squat above your steaming pile.” Then shouts to a nearby techy, “More steam” at which the young man reheats the pile of shit with a hair drier.

Then Davis tells Fiorina to strike a body builders pose flexing her arms with her flabby thigh bulging from her skirt. Then he shouts “Put this on” throwing her a strap on. “No, over your skirt. Anybody can do it under their skirt.” The room is bubbling with creative tension.

This is Fred Davis, hi-deaf political pimp. You have probably never heard his name except used for other people. Your senator probably has because your senator’s a whore. A pioneering fluffer in modern politics, Davis injects Hollywood fantasy, and a dose of the bizarre like Fiorina’s stool, into the staid, paint-by-numbers formula of campaign advertisements. His ads are unforgivable because his candidates win races. So many politicians funded by transnational corporations seek his services that he even had to turn away Beelzebub after the recent earthquake in Chile killed only a few hundred.

Lansdale and Linebarger

At least, agitprop doyens like Ed Lansdale and Paul Linebarger had the character to use their considerable talnets for lying, deceit and murder on littel brown people around the globe. The Viietnamese and Cubans are tough and they can take it.

A Sucker Born in the USA

But the cowardly Davis panders and exploits gullible ignorant white American fops upset that people of color are chipping away at white power and leaving their dumb white fuck compadres in the dust. "I work off fear. White hot stinking fear," he tells this reporter. "I like doing Americans. They're easy to fool. They come to the table with so many unfounded assumptions. All they need is a little negative reinforcement. They'll believe anything."

"Facts Are Stupid Things."--- Ronnie Reagan

Davis, who grew up in reactionary and isolated Oklahoma and is the nephew of climate change expert Sen. James M. Inhofe (R), works only for Republicans e.g. the most evil and whorish of politicians. He controls every detail of his ad shoots and writes the scripts. He pushes and pleads with his nervous, starchy candidates to try positions that other strategists would dismiss as too out-there. He sends out flurries of e-mails in the middle of the night. He talks a lot. His favorite word is "crazy" because he sees so much of it He uses many exclamation points in a row!!!!!!! He’s so fascinating. Why did I ask for so much column space? He dots his i’s with a little artificial hearts and his t’s are tiny crucifixes with Christ dangling at the cross bar.

But his attention-getting tactics like having Fiorina plant a load in the middle of the shot, veer toward the extreme -- in volume, in imagery, in divisive language -- and even Satan whom he once profiled had to tell him when he’d gone too far by singeing off his balls. Of course, not every Republican is as restrained as Satan. When Davis issues another designed-to-go-virile commercial, his work can often be as admired for its deceit as decried for its corrosive effects on political discourse.

His aim, always, is to get noticed, and to be different no matter who that harms. "My goal is to give you elements that jar what you're expecting," Davis says. "You're numbed by 20 million ads before you, but I want you to stop on this one and go I thought the pure lie in the service of the rich was a folk myth. But no, here is advertising that is murderous shit with no regard for human life. Well done."

Dumb Is the New Smart.

Davis, 58, made a name for himself with a 2008 ad juxtaposing Barack Obama and Paris Hilton ("He's the biggest celebrity in the world"), and another introducing Sarah Palin to the nation ("Mother . . . moose hunter . . . maverick") and juxtaposing her with Paris Hilton. In an age when YouTube makes the small large and the local national, Davis's clients (and Davis) have found an enormous audience of sad bigoted people anxious to have their bigotry confirmed on a screen in some form of entertainment.

Most of the people who wind up watching his ads, and e-mailing them to friends, have no stake in the political contests that he is paid to influence. They are watching for the sheer entertainment of it all. Davis's ads malign his clients and their opponents so thoroughly that, by the time he is done, it can be difficult to see their faces without also thinking of his ads.

Davis is the lead media strategist for at least five statewide congressional campaigns and several conservative groups. And Delaware Senate hopeful Christine O'Donnell, fresh off her upset in last week's Republican primary, is in final negotiations to hire Davis to oversee her general election ad campaign which will include a parade of Delaware voters coming forward to smell O’Donnell’s fingers to make sure she isn’t masturbating.

One Tough Turd

In Michigan, Davis cast Rick Snyder, a former chief executive of Gateway computers, as "One Tough Turd," propelling him to a surprising lead in the governor's race. In Arizona, he re-imagined Sen. John McCain as an anti-immigration crusader walking along the Mexican border and telling a sheriff to "complete the fuckin’ fence or I’ll crash a jet fighter into your kid’s school like I did in Vietnam."

And here in California, Davis produced two videos for Fiorina's campaign that instantly went virile. One, "Demon Sheep," portrayed Fiorina's moderate Republican primary opponent, Tom Campbell, as a red-eyed demon wolf in sheep's clothing and resembled a high film project. On hands and knees, an actor playing Campbell stalks a flock of innocent sheep unaware of his lust for higher taxes code for sheep fucking. The other, "Hot Air: The Movie," depicts Democratic Sen. Barbara Boxer's head swelling to the size of Glenn Beck’s as she talks and talks. The head floats away on hot air, crashes through the Capitol dome and floats across the country, Boxer talking all the way again like Beck.

"Almost every day I've got to convince someone to do something that's a crazy idea and then I find out they were underaged," Davis says. "If I picked what's on my tombstone, it would be: 'If you don't notice it, why bother?' "

Once the Fiorina shoot wraps, Davis gives directions to his office. The headquarters of Strategic Perception is an unmarked house on Mulholland Highway, high in the Hollywood Hills.

Dumb Is the New Smart.

"If you get lost, it's the yellow house underneath the 'wood' in the Hollywood sign," he tells a reporter. "I hate yellow. I would paint it black, my favorite color, but I can't." (The house, a stop on Hollywood bus tours, is where Tweety Bird cartoon creator Bob Clampett lived and died.)

Now, Twitty Bird lives there manipulating minds and reinforcing bigotry with shit right out of the Ed Lansdale/Paul Linebarger playbook.


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