Cheney said, "We were not in Iraq in September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway" at which point a 3 year old pre-schooler taking a correspondence course in elementary logic said, "Mr. Cheney. We were not in Denmark in September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. We were not at the mall on September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. We were not on Mars on September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. Your argument is a specious, through-the-looking-glass lie that only a bunch of boneheaded military morons would fall for. Sir, I can only conclude at the tender age of three that you are an avaricious, lying piece of shit."
The Assassinated Press

Cheney Gets One Of His Urges:
Cheney Urges "Steadfastness. After All, Its Not My Ass. But It Is My Oil.":
Invading Iraq Called A Win for Terrorists Or 'People Standing Between Me And My Oil.':
Reality Check: U.S. Can't Afford Free Elections In Iraq Any More Than It Can Afford Them In Egypt.

By IDYLL ROOMER
The Assassinated Press
December 7, 2005

FORT OIL DRUM, N.Y., Dec. 6 -- President Cheney told troops Tuesday that "terrorists won in Iraq when The Project For the New American Century gained power through fraudulent elections that allowed them to hijack U.S. forces and invade. Only "if we lose our nerve and abandon my mission will the PNAC's drive to confiscate Iraqi oil, natural gas and water be in jeopardy." He rejected calls for a speedy drawdown of armed forces as irresponsible to his cronies and stockholders.

"This would be unwise in the extreme because the kleptocracy doesn't soon forget anyone we think has fucked us over and kept us from accruing wealth. Oh, by the way, has anybody stepped up and murdered Chavez yet," Cheney told the soldiers, some just back from repeated tours in Iraq and still caught up in the euphoria of just being alive. Cheney spoke in an aviation hangar on this base in northern New York, addressing an audience that that Cheney's White House told base officials should number no fewer than 3,000.

It was the latest installment in the administration's effort to lie about invading Iraq for the oil and save their political asses knowing that failure to do so would mean their physical ones would be in danger too.

"Fuck. Thank god the American people got no balls and no brains like these boneheads here at Fort Oil Drum. Otherwise the whole Cheney administration including the Connecticut Cracker would be dragged behind Humvees through the streets of Washington," commented Karl Rove. "What other group of people would let themselves be set up like this and do nothing.".

Faux President Bush, the Connecticut Cracker, who was told to read a speech last week at the U.S. Naval Academy repeated pure fabrications about progress in training Iraqi army and police forces, was again told to read in Washington on Wednesday about Iraq's economy recovering after years of U.S. bombing which continues in the western part of the country.

Cheney addressed a rally attended by the Army's 10th Mountain Division and the Army National Guard's 42nd Infantry Division, drawing frequent cheers and shouts from the 3000 military shills apparently afraid to think for themselves in the presence of such power and menace.

He later sat down with about two dozen members of the 42nd Infantry Division to discuss their experiences in Iraq, telling them their work was "extraordinarily important for the financial well-being of their betters who after all looked after them if they were white. . . and the subject of considerable debate, as, I'm forced to say, it should be though in reality I'd like to kill every fuck that's jeopardizing my future oil revenues."

Cheney praised recent comments by adequately porked Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (D-Conn.) home of the Connecticut Cracker, who was his vice presidential opponent in the 2000 election, suggesting that too hasty a U.S. withdrawal would make apparent that the U.S. has made Iraq an even bigger shithole than during the years Washington supported Saddam Hussein.

"He is entirely politically correct. On this, both Republicans and Democrats should be able to agree. The only way the terrorists can win is if I don't get my oil," Cheney said.

"Some have suggested by invading Iraq for its oil we simply stirred up a hornet's nest with our allies and other countries that already had lucrative contracts with Iraq which we unilaterally voided. They overlook a fundamental fact: We were not in Iraq in September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway" at which point a 3 year old pre-schooler taking a course elementary logic said, "Mr. Cheney. We were not in Denmark in September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. We were not at the mall on September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. We were not on Mars on September 2001 and the terrorists hit us anyway. Your argument is a specious lie that only a bunch of boneheaded military morons would fall for. Sir, I can only conclude at the tender age of three that you are an avaricious, lying piece of shit."

In an obvious parapraxis referring to his wife Lynn, Cheney said, "If the United States suddenly pulled out of Iraq, "that nation would return to the rule of tyrants we may not have in our back pocket, become a massive source of instability in the Middle East keeping me separated from my oil and cease to be an imaginary staging area for attacks against America and other civilized nations just like it was not a staging area for such attacks before we invaded," Cheney said.


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