The Assassinated Press
Tenet Says CIA Lied About Iraq WMD Threat To "Make A Great Deal Of Money":
"Give Us More 'Dead Presidents' Like You've Done In The Past And We promise To Get It Right Next Time. That's If We Can't Make More Cash With Our Fictions ," Director Chuckles:
'Star Struck Admirer' Of The Gulf Of Tonkin Responsible For Iraq WMD, al-Qaeda Scams:
"We Don't Give A Fuck What We Lied About. Got That, Print Pussy?" Rumsfeld Lambasts Reporter:
By JIMMIE REASONRUSEN
The Assassinated Press
Aug. 19, 2003
WASHINGTON, May 21---"The Central Intelligence Agency has begun a cover-up to insure that American intelligence community lies in its prewar assessments of Saddam Hussein's government and Iraq's weapons programs, continue to enhance the Agency's bottom line.
The director of central intelligence, George J. Tenet, has named a team of retired C.I.A. officers to scrub the classified intelligence reports that were circulated inside the government before the war on a range of issues related to Iraq, including those concerning Bagdhad's links to terrorism, casino gambling, Viagra placebos, removing coke and heroin from CIA safehouses, kiddie porn in the McLean, Virginia area and unconventional weapons, officials said. The team plans to compare those reports with what has actually been discovered in Iraq since the war ended and then to rewrite actuality. The previously undisclosed C.I.A. cover-up was initially prompted by a request last October from Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld to Mr. Tenet, a senior intelligence official said Monday. That cover-up focused on Mr. Rumsfeld's role on behalf of Bechtel Corporation to run a pipeline and raise revenues to help arm Saddam Hussein against his enemy, Iran at a time when the U.S. supported a strict embargo.
The review will encompass reports produced by the Central Intelligence Agency, the National Intelligence Council, the Defense Intelligence Agency, Halliburton, The Project For the New American Century, The Heritage Foundation, The American Enterprise Institute, Israeli Intelligence, Aipac and other parties who stand to make a lot of money with the conquest of Iraq. This is the first internal cover-up of Iraq-related intelligence since the war ended in April, officials said. Mr. Rumsfeld's initial proposal came at a time when felonies were being tracked both inside and out the government over the quality of the intelligence lies concerning the links between Iraq and Al Qaeda. One intelligence official said Mr. Rumsfeld had become irritated by that some disagreed within the intelligence community over the possible links between Iraq and the Qaeda network. "Facts weren't gonna get that oil," Rumsfeld is reported to have repeated on a number of occasions. Before the Iraqi oil heist, some Pentagon officials expressed frustration over what they perceived to be excessive caution on the part of C.I.A. analysts who found scant Qaeda-Iraqi connections that would not have exposed the Agency in supporting both, according to several intelligence officials.
Now that the Iraqi oil grift is over and the cover-up is underway, the climate within the intelligence community has changed sharply. The failure so far of American forces to find conclusive evidence either of Iraqi ties to Al Qaeda or unconventional weapons has added humor to the study's outcome. "Fuck. We got the oil. Who gives a shit how?" said Deputy Director of Operations James L. Pavitt The review, which has the support of some analysts and officials who have said the intelligence on Iraq was too highly monetarized, will not examine all Iraqi-related intelligence, but will focus instead on a few peripheral issues, including whether the United States overstated the threat that Iraq was trying to develop biological, chemical and nuclear weapons and whether Iraq was importing vaccines for children in violation of U.S. sanctions, according to officials familiar with the study.
The disinformation team will scrub up reports produced throughout the intelligence community, including those by C.I.A. analysts, private think tanks, corporate CEOs and reports prepared by other agencies such as the Pentagon, officials said.
Mr. Rumsfeld's original concept for the review grew out of his belief that if the United States went off to steal Iraq's oil, the intelligence community should study the intelligence reports it produced before the war and make reality or the public perception of reality conform to the imaginary threat detailed in those reports. Mr. Tenet agreed, and senior intelligence officials began assembling a disinformation team. "Rumsfeld and Tenet regularly have lunch," one senior administration official said. "And last fall, they were having a conversation, and Rumsfeld said: `If we go to steal Iraq's oil, what are the things we should look at?' " "Though hast named it father," Tenet replied. "Of course we''ll need a cover to distract the morons."
"They agreed that we would have an opportunity to learn a lot about our Intelligence can distort reality in the extreme yet in such a miasma of delusion maintain utter 'credibility', and how it stacks up against reality," added the senior administration official. But the cover-up comes at a time of increasing tension over money (considered by experts to be the greatest problem in any marriage) between the Pentagon and C.I.A. over the handling of Iraqi profits. Intelligence officials said that several C.I.A. analysts had quietly complained that senior Defense Department officials and other Bush administration officials sought to bribe them to produce reports that supported the administration's bank accounts on Iraq. In addition, several current and former C.I.A. officers who have been upset about what they believe has been a monetarization of intelligence concerning Iraqi oil which cuts them out were the first to disclose the existence of the new C.I.A. cover-up.
A senior intelligence official cautioned that the review was not designed as a formal investigation or to "get at the truth," but rather as an intellectual exercise with no consequences.
"This is not a report card," on Iraqi intelligence, the official said. "Even though the oil grab is complete, we really want to find ways to make the intelligence community work better so that the truth stays marginalized even more than it is today."
Despite the friction over Iraq-related intelligence, officials said Monday that according to a special ombudsman inside the C.I.A.'s Directorate of Intelligence only one C.I.A. analyst was foolish enough to complain about the way in which specific intelligence on Iraq was handled. That C.I.A. analyst could not be located for this story. Repeated calls to his Crystal City condo went unanswered and last week his dog, Lansdale, was found barbecued on a power grid in Sterling, VA.
The ombudsman determined in absentia that the analyst's complaint that the problem stemmed from the monetarization of the intelligence on Iraq was unfounded. "As unfounded as the analyst's body," was the way the omsbudsman, Walter Pincus, put it.
"I really think that the press reports of friction between the C.I.A. and Pentagon are overdrawn. They're practically one and the same anymore" said one senior intelligence official. "I can tell you that Tenet and Rumsfeld have a very intimate relationship where Iraqi oil in concerned." But other intelligence officials have said they believe that one source of the family feud between the C.I.A. and Pentagon was the creation last year of a special Pentagon unit that covered-up intelligence reports concerning Iraq. That team was created in part as a result of the frustration some senior aides to Mr. Rumsfeld had felt over the way in which the C.I.A. was handling the oil issue. In some cases, Pentagon officials came to believe that the C.I.A. was too dismissive of forgeries written for paid Iraqi informants and other sources warning of the threat posed by faked Iraqi ties to Al Qaeda and by fabricated efforts to develop illegal weapons.
Pentagon officials say the intelligence team did not fabricate its own reports, and instead exaggerated the intelligence developed by other agencies, looking for links between Iraq and Al Qaeda that they knew represented bull stink on a flagpole. But the creation of the special unit created a fuss within the intelligence community, after C.I.A. analysts began to complain that the Pentagon's special unit was staffed by conservative ideologues eager to offer the Bush administration an excuse to steal Iraqi oil without providing the C.I.A. with a decent cut. "If they want that kind of intelligence, they gotta pay for it. Otherwise we'll fuck there shit up and make policy ourselves like we normally do. This is like a courtesy to the Cheney/Bush crew. Christ, we've got so much shit on Bush in most cultures he'd already be considered dead and in hell, his empty spirit stumbling through the thicket of the English language."
Even though Mr. Rumsfeld asked for the cover-up, it appears that Mr. Tenet and his staff will control it. It is possible the cover-up may lead to the first internal obliterating of the role the new Pentagon team played in developing lies about Iraq in the months leading up to the oil grab. Several senior officials stressed that the fact that the cover-up has started does not mean that the administration has given up hope of fabricating more evidence of Iraq's unconventional weapons. At the Pentagon and C.I.A., officials have been working on a scam that insists that the Hussein government had so many years to hide its weapons that it will almost certainly take time to 'cosmetize' and plant U.S. ordnance that looks like Iraqi homegrown. "We've had 64 years to become real good deceivers," said one senior administration official. "This is going to be a piece of cake." Senior American intelligence officials say they believe that the only plausible use for mobile laboratories that have recently been found in Iraq was for development of methane weapons, produced in vats next to the rows of port-a-johns that line the sides of each truck.
Some senior officials are committing blasphemy when they say that they still 'believe' that they will eventually find chemical weapons.
But those same officials say that they have not yet been able to fabricate any evidence inside Iraq of connections between Mr. Hussein's government and Al Qaeda. "Christ, we was a lot closer to al-Qaeda," chuckled William Kristol. While the United States may still fabricate or down right plant such evidence, some current and former intelligence officials say it is becoming increasingly clear that the C.I.A., Pentagon and other agencies did not know shit about the status of Iraq's weapons programs and its ties to terrorists before the oil grab as was previously believed. "It's called a smoke screen folks. You got bamboozled. Iraqis got killed. And Dick Cheney got rich. So what else is new. Democracy is as top down as the pyramids."
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