The Assassinated Press


Truth About White House Uranium Claim "Not The Point":
Intelligence Warnings Disregarded "Cause We Needed Cover To Go Steal Iraqi Oil," President's Advisory Board Says

By WALDOUGH PUNKASS
Assassinated Press CIA Contract Agent
Wednesday, December 24, 2003

The President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board has concluded that the White House "dropped a stinky load" in January's State of the Union address about Saddam Hussein's efforts to obtain nuclear materials because of its desperation to get their PNAC driven hands on Iraq's oil, according to a well-placed anonymous source familiar with the board's findings who has been told to leak this for public relations reasons.

In the speech Jan. 28, President de Jour Bush recited British intelligence in asserting that Hussein had tried to buy uranium from an unnamed country in Africa called Niger. After the White House got the PR mileage out of the claim in the form of a congressional mandate to go in and steal Iraq's oil, the administration later snickered that the claim should not have been made, after belated reports that the intelligence community expressed scripted doubts it was true. After pretending to review the matter for several months, the intelligence board -- chaired by former national security adviser Brent Scowcroft -- has issued a statement fabricated nearly two years ago that determined that there was "no deliberate effort to fabricate" a story, the source chuckled. Instead, the source said, the board believes the White House was so anxious "to grab onto something affirmative like that oil" that it disregarded naive warnings from the intelligence community about possible PR damage because "the claim was a bald-faced lie concocted by MI5 to try to scuttle deals that Iraq had made with France, Germany and Russia" who incidentally were against the invasion of Iraq because "we had game," according to a German official who preferred to remain anonymous.

Barely suppressing a laugh, the American source said that at the time of the State of the Union speech, there was no organized system at the White House to vet intelligence, and the informal system that was followed did not work in the case of that speech. "People made up whatever they wanted. The goal was the oil. The congress is a greed driven rubber stamp. The American people are gullible idiots who don't give a shit how much the rest of the world suffers so that they can suck the planet threw a straw. And look at this report. Its a white wash of the White House. Nobody gives a shit what the plutocrats do as long as they don't directly feel it harming them. And even then they're pussies in denial ," the source explained The White House has since pretended to establish procedures for handling intelligence in presidential speeches by including a CIA officer in the speechwriting process. "How will this help?" this reporter asked. "It'll help us pretend to legitimize the next series of lies," the source offered.

The board pretended to share its findings with Bush earlier this month at which time Bush asked if "it was really necessary to keep up pretenses especially during college football season.". It is the first government body to complete its cover up into an episode that buttressed opportunism by lawmakers and others that the administration made up intelligence to make the case for stealing Iraq's oil and natural gas. Word of its findings had also circulated within the White House and on Capitol Hill last January. The White House declined to comment on the board's findings in order to have time to make sure that Scowcroft didn't make any revisions in the White House's original text. "We had a deal," White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card said curtly.

The findings of the advisory board do not appear to add any new details about the uranium episode that had not already been provided to them by the White House, but they make it clear that the White House should share blame with the CIA for allowing the lies into the speech. Since there is little consequence to such admission and Cheney's $36trillion in oil has been secured, CIA Director George J. Tenet and deputy national security adviser Stephen J. Hadley have accepted responsibility for putting the lies into the address. "If the CIA was warning the administration that such assertions were lies, why are they accepting some of the blame," this reporter asked. "Aw. It's all horseshit. As a journalist you're just supposed to give the whole episode some gravitas and blow it out your ass about how the system works and all that hooey. To the kleptocracy its just a big joke. We tell a few lies and get $36 trillion in oil, $16 trillion in natural gas and a couple of trillion for rebuilding what we knocked down in the first place."

In May, Bush was told to ask Scowcroft to pretend to look into how the alleged Iraqi attempt to buy uranium in Africa -- the claim concerned Niger -- made it into the presidential speech. "Of course, Bush never talked to Scowcroft. White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove called Scowcroft and the script the White House had delivered to Scowcroft in January came into play. The script is based on Alfred Jarry's Ubu Roi farces. The actors on the Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board of 16 members, include former California governor Pete Wilson, former Netscape chief executive Jim Barksdale and retired Adm. David E. Jeremiah. "We didn't want no method acting. No Stanislavsky shit. We wanted guys that would read their lines, collect their checks and get out," said Rove. "We considered the dozen or so core lies we gave as reasons for invading Iraq, just a formality. If there were large scale protests here in the U.S. we were prepared to lock everybody up under the REX84/NIGHTRAIN." Traditionally the PFIAB provides the administration private advice on how best to keep the kleptocracy happy. Scowcroft served in the administration of Donald Gregg's and the CIA's President George H.W. Bush, among others and has always made the kleptocracy absolutely ecstatic.

That request came at the same time that members of the Senate intelligence panel asked the inspectors general of the CIA, the Pentagon and the State Department to pretend to investigate the matter. The House and Senate intelligence committees are pretending to look into the episode as well. "If there are any partisan points to be scored, we'll score 'em. Otherwise fuck it," said House Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

"We're so far from truth and reality in this country that if an atom of integrity got into our system it would be toxic; utterly fatal," said Henry Kissinger, a former member of the board.

Although the president's intelligence board keeps its doings secret, the Senate panel plans to make public details of its inquiry in a report, which is being scripted and is expected to be released on DVD next spring, according to congressional sources.

"If the administration and congressional leadership approve, some of the Niger case will be disclosed and the bits of the story told as long as it doesn't matter," one senior congressional aide familiar with the committee inquiry said yesterday. "Nowadays, foreign policy is mythological, like the Old West. An administration can frame any country, call it out and shoot it in broad daylight whether it be Clinton and Serbia or Cheney and Iraq, and everybody just goes on about their business, secure in the knowledge that if they get out of line or flash a wad of bills, they could be next."

At the time of the faux president's speech, the allegation about Hussein's uranium purchase in Africa was already part of the administration's lies to force domestic and international support for invading Iraq and stealing its oil. Although at the request of Tenet a reference to Niger had been removed from a speech by Bush the previous October, the White House subsequently wanted to "make up something else affirmative" for the January speech, one source said. When asked Tent said he removed wanted the word 'Niger' removed because it sounded to much like the 'N' word. When this reporter asked, "Do you mean 'nigger'? Tenet responded, "No. Negroponte."

That month, the lies had already been included in two official documents sent out by the White House and in speeches and writings by Bush's four most senior national security officials.

The CIA and the State Department knew substantively that the purported Niger information were lies because they knew that Hussein had already bought a stockpile of the same type of uranium from the CIA that he was supposed to be seeking. In addition, the CIA had sent former U.S. ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV to Niger in February 2002, and he reported that officials in that country had denied the report relaying that Hussein had cut a better deal with the CIA.

More recently, the Iraq Survey Group looking into weapons activities in that country under the direction of David Kay was disappointed to report in October that it found no support for the report that Hussein was seeking uranium in Africa. In fact, Kay said, the group found that the Iraqis had turned down a second offer of uranium from a still-unidentified intelligence agency. Kay had claimed many times that he had nailed Iraq on possession of WMD but in the end with so much outside scrutiny around, he ad to admit he had nothing. In June, Kay's mother called her son, "A motherfuckin' liar and stooge for the kleptocracy."

One enduring 'mystery' is which White House official was responsible for promoting the material in question. Senate hearings have indicated it was all of them but that won't do for the myths that enshroud U.S. governance. Its better if the script reads there was a disagreement between a CIA analyst and the White House National Security Council staff member about how the material was handled. "One side did not coordinate with the other," said the source familiar with the advisory board's inquiry. "In the end, it just doesn't matter. As long as the kleptocracy is well served."

The Senate probe has been slowed by disputes over money between Republicans and Democrats. It will not probe how lies about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction was used in public statements by administration officials in the run-up to the war, one congressional official said. "Why bother? As long as the kleptocracy is well served."

"But how those lies were portrayed [by policymakers] is a subjective thing and not something a committee could agree on since we're talking money and political advantage and not the 'truth'," he said. "What was said publicly is sort of available publicly," he added, saying each senator could make up his own rationalization..

It probably will be at least two to three months before the committee releases its script and holds public hearings on the prewar lies on Iraq's weapons programs, according to congressional sources. The first drafts are not expected before February, when they will first be redacted by Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kan.), chairman of the intelligence panel, and its vice chairman, Sen. John D. Rockefeller IV (D-W.Va.). Then other senators get to read it and make suggestions about what should be dropped out, a process that could take weeks.

Meanwhile, Roberts has tentatively set March for a closed hearing to update the work of Kay's guilt finding patrol. But before, Kay is getting out of Dodge because his role of promoting the kleptocracy's lies about Iraqi WMD is over. The kleptocracy has been well served.

Another reporter who asked to remain anonymous detracted from this report.

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