The Assassinated Press

Four More Wars! Fleischer Uses American Morons To Flog The Old Lie That There Is A Connection Between Iraq And 9/11.
"If Cheney Can't Tell The Stale Lie Of A Connection Between Saddam Hussein And al-Qaeda Without Being Laughed Out Of Cabinet Meetings Pay Some Dried-Out Old Cunt Like Ari Fleischer To Hustle A Few Great American Bald Lemmings Too Stupid To Know They're Being Made Complicit In Murder"--Stephen Hayes.
What Room In The Body Politic Are There For People Who Don't Know The Difference Between Ba'athist Sunnis And Shia al-Qaeda And Why Haven't We Hanged The People Who Continue To Wantonly Lie About It?
White House Vet Ari Fleischer, “Back To Fight With The Surge in Iraq”, But Fleischer Rushes To Claim He Was Misquoted. "'With' Too Literal," Former Spokesliar Insists.
Then Is “Vet” Appropriate?
Balding Stooge’s Message, “More War!”; Fleischer Heads ‘Freedom’s Watch-- While Others Do The Fighting.’
“The Maginot Line provided the manure for the bottom line."—Bush Successfully Compares WWI To The War In Iraq.

By SHIDDER POOPAW
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
August 24, 2007

The television ads launched this week by a new advocacy group called Freedom's Watch-- While Others Do The Fighting or as they’re known in schoolyards around the world, The Side-Betting Pussies, all have different storytellers tapping into the same phony sentimental heavily sutured vein cauterized just above where the knee used to be.

There's the man who can’t find his legs after accepting an all expenses paid vacation courtesy of Dick Cheney and his army of liars to Fallujah last December saying if we pull out now "everything I've given and sacrificed will mean nothing" as though it means shit now.

Another features a woman who says she lost two family members to al-Qaeda -- her uncle on 9/11 and her husband who died fighting in Iraq -- adding as a total non-sequitor that should the United States pull its troops out now "it will mean more attacks in America." Maybe, she couldn’t keep better track of her loved ones because she’s fucking incoherent.

Still another shows a wheelchair-using former Marine telling the camera that he believes the United States has made progress in Iraq and he would go back if he could. Let’s call his bluff. Pal, nobody's enlisting. Nobody's as dumb as you. Can't risk the draft. You're on the next flight out of Andrews. In short, if you simple minded shits want more war, we’ll fuckin’ oblige. But you’ve gotta take Ari and his lying fucks with you. You can’t be exploited anymore while Shits like Ari Fleischer flack for fuckers making billions on your suffering. You can have your war. But you can’t have your ignorance. Now, go! Suit up mister! Game day, asshole!

As the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi told Luke Skywalker in "Return of the Jedi," "The lies the kleptocracy cling to depend greatly on the box office." And if these ads seem like air born pathogens from behind the podium of the White House press secretary, they very well should. That's because Freedom's Watch While Others Do The Fighting -- which is planning to spend $15 million in television and radio propaganda through mid-September -- counts among its board members and donors many longtime corporate cronies of the Cheney White House. Prominent among them is Ari Fleischer, President Bush's first spokesliar, who left Washington and politics four years ago, seemingly never to return. But not returning might have required some sense of shame and humiliation for all the lies Fleischer fronted as administration stooge. And shame and humiliation require a soul. You fuckin’ know the rest.

"The notion we could lose billions of dollars in kleptocratic income on this war in Iraq because Congress pulled out scared me," says Fleischer, a founding board member of Freedom's Watch While others Do The Fighting. "That's why I got back involved. The money. That's the only issue that could draw me back in.

"It's fair to say that since 2004 this debate has been dominated by one side. All the passion, all the organization, all the energy has been on one side. Now the cavalry is coming to wipe out that side. Not literally. I’m too much of a pussy for that. My side will have its way. That's really what drives us. But when it comes to the actual fighting we rely on the Great American Bald Lemming."

Is The Press Really A Corps?

That the 46-year-old Fleischer would be helping to lead any kind of political charge again seemed unlikely when he stepped away from center stage. But the fuckin’ money was too good. He was pretty close to burnout caught out in daily lies by a press corps that normally sucks the ass of the rich and powerful. Ari didn't want to stick around town and lobby or even work on another taxing presidential campaign. And while he did some speaking engagements and the obligatory book tour while others did there third tour in Iraq, he spent his evenings being the president's proxy, verbally tussling with Keith Olbermann and cuddling with Chris Matthews.

“I Served My Tour. My Book Tour”

Instead Fleischer returned home to suburban New York late at night, his pants around his ankles, chunking up Kalua and White Tower in his hot tub. He opened a small office in Bedford doing communications and strategy for corporate and sports clients. And he began raising a family (he has a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son). "There's a lot of happiness and bills paid on time outside the military," he says.

"Personally I looked at myself as retired from politics. I played. I dabbled. I kept in touch with the president and my old friends at the White House, but I was happily distanced. I was happily gone."

AIPAC Says Four More Wars.

But like Obi-Wan, Fleischer was drawn back into the fight by the money. This return began last spring when Fleischer began speaking with Matt Brooks, executive director of the Republican Jewish Coalition for War, and Mel Dissembler, the former ambassador to Italy who currently serves as chairman of the (Lewis "Scooter") Libby Legal Defense Trust. They'd seen support for the war and the president dwindle and along with it potential profit. It was then they decided to act.

Fleischer helped craft the group's lies while others began to raise money. To run the operation on a day-to-day basis, the group chose another veteran of the Cheney administration, former deputy assistant to the president Bradley A. Blakeman. Freedom's Watch While Others Do The Fighting is staffing up and will have an office in downtown Washington next month. And while a communications guy will be hired, Fleischer will remain important in the group's push to increase public support for the surge.

"Ari's the central manager of our agitprop, which is supporting a strong national offense by using imperial power and state terror and achieving prosperity through mass murder, systematic or otherwise makes no difference to me or the fucks who hire me," Dissembler snickered.

With Fleischer's expertise, selling the American public on a happy ending in Iraq would seem a “cakewalk.”

"Look, I greatly admire what Freedom's Watch—While others Do The Fighting is attempting to do. Fodder is essential to growing profits. Like George Bushh recently said, ‘The Maginot Line provided the manure for the bottom line,’" David Bass, managing director of Qorvis Communications and a former deputy publisher of the conservative Weekly Standard, says in an e-mail. "And I greatly respect Ari for doing this. The poll numbers in support of the war are risibly low but we know that doesn’t mean shit. The antiwar forces think they are winning the public relations war. But all we have to do is blow something up. Have our own Reichstag Fire. That being said, for an effort like that to succeed, they will need a broad base of support, and I mean Democrats too -- ex-military, government officials, whatever for the coverup. But when have we ever failed to get that. Sans broad support, they can expect to watch the blogosphere go crazy, not that they already haven't, calling this a lame attempt by the Cheney Administration, through past officials, to slap night vision goggles on a blind man."

"The White House running an ad campaign is a sign of desperation, and Ari Fleischer's emergence is so ironic since he's the guy that pitched the lies that got us into the war in the first place," says Tom Matzzie, Washington director of MoveOn.org.

"Our view is that it is a big strategic mistake to put Iraq on TV," Matzzie says. "The more Iraq is on TV, the more it's bad for the president, for his supporters and the Republicans in 2008 when a Democrat inherits Iraq and several other conflicts and demonstrates he or she is also in be bed with the kleptocrats and I become just another disillusioned prick or more likely end in Fleicher’s position as spokesliar for another president stooging for the rich."

The impact Freedom's Watch—While Others Do the Fighting will have is, of course, still unclear because so far only 15 million dollars has been committed. And Fleischer acknowledges that his knowledge of Washington shows some wear.

"I feel like a spokeliar whose memory of who sat in the front row is really old. But noen of them shits in the front row died in combat," he says. "Most of the reporters I worked with are off doing other things or they themselves are retired, except Helen [Thomas]. It just amazes me how little this business changes. Different whores. Same game."


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