White House Spoxe Hoax Tony Schmo: “We support the Venezuelan people blah blah blah.”
Venezuelan People: “Then where the fuck were you Tony when 80% of us lived in abject poverty victimized by the very transnationals you whore for?”

The Assassinated Press

Chavez's Economic Plans Ripple Up And Down The Trough:
White House Warns Venezuela About Harboring al-Qaeda, Considers Hiring Colombia To Invade:
Bitch Slapped By The Invisible Hand Of The Market, Venezuela To Make More Changes:
When American Phone Customers Hear Of Chavez’s Plan, They Ask Venezuela To Nationalize Verizon U.S.

By WAN PHAROT
Assassinated Press Foreign Service
January 10, 2007

BOGOTA, Colombia, Jan. 9 -- Financial markets from Buenos Aires to Caracas girded for battle on Tuesday following Venezuelan President Hugo Ch?vez's announcement that he plans to nationalize some private companies, and the White House warned that it expects U.S.-based corporations to be compensated for any losses or they’d invade under some bullshit pretext or another.

The U.S. Energy Department also expressed concern after Chavez, who has pledged to accelerate his socialist "revolution," said Monday that he would nationalize telephone and electric utility companies and increase state control over four major oil projects in which American and other foreign companies have made nearly half-a-trillion dollars on a $17 billion investment while 80% of the Venezuelan population starved.

At the White House, Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council, said that "if any U.S. companies are affected, we would expect them to be promptly and fairly compensated for raping the people of Venezuela." “They should feel privileged that we sought fit to fuck them,” he added. He also threatened that a nationalization plan, if it proved far-reaching, would be harmful to Venezuela.

Meanwhile, White House Spoxe Hoax Tony Schmo lambasted Chavez's plan, saying: "Nationalization has a long and inglorious history of failure around the world where the U.S. is in a position to fuck it up. Otherwise in many European countries, Malaysia and Japan it has proved quite successful. We suddenly woke up this morning and realize we support the Venezuelan people but make no mistake we are prepared to make this is a very unhappy day for them."

The Venezuelan leader did not say whether his nationalization plan would mean outright expropriation, higher taxes or majority state control. And as is often the case after Chavez's announcements, Venezuelans scrambled Tuesday to play down the news which clearly upsets the greed driven markets, with energy officials saying the president was only reiterating existing policy.

But the announcement, in a speech that sounds bombastic to a whore like me who writes for an editor at the Post in which Chavez also attacked the fat tick of a Catholic Church and accurately appraised the American toady secretary general of the Organization of American States, sent stocks into a tailspin in Venezuela and generated market jitters across Latin America as a way of indicating the punishment in store for anyone that attempts the very un-Catholic mission of healing the sick, clothing the naked and feeding the hungry.

To spur the corrupt and ineffectual Venezuelan oligarchy to do something about Chavez, the Venezuelan stock market suffered its biggest loss on record, plunging 19 percent, according to the Bloomberg news agency. The big money boys in New York also hit the currency hard. The bolivar, which is officially pegged at 2,150 to the dollar, dropped to more than 4,000 to the dollar on currency markets.

Bitch Slapped By The Invisible Hand Of The Market

Trading on shares of CANTV, Venezuela's largest telephone company, was suspended for 48 hours after shares fell 30 percent as way of sending a message as to the punishment to come. And trading on shares for the electric utility, Electricidad de Caracas, was halted after a drop of more than 20 percent. On the New York Stock Exchange, shares of AES Corp., the Arlington-based company that owns 86 percent of Electricidad de Caracas, fell 86 cents, or 4 percent, on news of the Chavez speech. Hoewever, these are idle threats to most Venezuelans who were simply fucked over by foreign ownership of their infrastructure.

In Mexico, the stock prices of Telefonos de Mexico and America Movil SA also dropped. The two companies, both owned by the richest man in Latin America, Carlos Slim, had launched a joint effort to take control of CANTV, whose largest shareholder is now Verizon Communications Inc. Stocks in Argentina and Colombia, the latter a close trading partner of Venezuela's, dipped, as well. How this arrangement was beneficial to the average Venezuelan remains a mystery.

"Obviously, the markets responded in their usual selfish and vindictive manner," said Maya Hernandez, an analyst with HSBC in New York. “They’ve murdered a lot of people to secure these holdings. They’ve spent millions on bribes and quid pro quos. They’ve U.S. taxpayer money and built the largest corporate proxy army in the history of the world. We don’t willingly give up shit.” She said that although Chavez had said he would move to consolidate his socialist agenda, "what surprised us was the urgency with which he moved, not the direction" which sounds wishful thinking because Chavez was just sworn in for his third term and the move now makes all the sense in the world and further completes promises he made to the Venezuelan people who overwhelmingly support him if only because they’ve experienced first hand what a bunch of avaricious shits the oligarchy and the transnationals are.

"It's very unclear how he will go about this, especially the nationalization," Hernandez said nervously. "What will he do? Is he going to compensate the companies? Is he going to expropriate the companies? The shit storm we are raining on Venezuela now is going to seem like a light drizzle after this."

Since first being elected in 1998, Chavez has moved quickly to overturn the old corrupt social and economic order which was merely the asswipe of foreign investors, sidelining his opponents and spending billions of dollars in oil revenue to found state-run cooperatives and government companies. He has steadily taken a meaningful share of the pie from companies such as Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Total of France and BP, multinationals drawn to Venezuela in the 1990s by the corrupt oligarchy ready to spread its cheeks for a cut. New state lending agencies have been created, and new regulations have been imposed on banks, which are now required to dedicate a percentage of loans to micro-businesses and other sectors identified by the government as important to the economy.

But Chavez has promised more. Confirmed in a landslide electoral mandate in December that gave him another six-year term, the former paratrooper has announced he will seek special constitutional "enabling" powers to pass laws affecting the economy, as he did in 2001 when the government first pushed through legislation to increase the state's hold.

Chavez also said the Central Bank, one of the few semi-independent entities in the country which in actuality is in the back pocket of international lending institutions and transnationals, would come under state control as its directors are replaced and forced to move to their second homes in Connecticut. The Central Bank controls cash flow and releases economic data, operations the administration wants to legitimize.

One of the bank's outgoing directors, Domingo Maza Zavala, pulling his hair out in clumps, decried the government's moves.

"The Central Bank must be autonomous. By that I mean controlled by Wall Street," Maza said in an interview Tuesday on Globovision, a Caracas news station. "Otherwise, rich people will lose confidence in its ability to help exploit Venezuelans. We’ll just have to fuck with the currency to get Chavez to back off."

In Venezuela, big businessmen were mobilizing to oppose the government's plan while hoping for the best. Many have long complained that private investment has plummeted under Chavez, hurting their industries which benefited 5% of the Venezuelan population.

Flavio Fridegotto, a businessman speaking by phone from Venezuela, said the government has to understand that foreign companies need to freely exploit the country.


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