The Assassinated Press
Breitbart Dies of a Broken Heart. Or, At Least an Enlarged One.
In Late Night Phone Calls to His Psychiatrist, Bar Tender, Coke Dealer, Suicide Hot Line, Breitbart Revealed Stress Of Being a Lying Shitbag and Working Every Day with Lying Shitbags.
Besides a Just God Who Would Want to Kill Breitbart?
By STEVE DOUCHEY
The Assassinated Press
Andrew Breitbart could exude bravado even in the face of destroying some innocent persons career. He famously told Slate magazine in 2010 “They think they can take me down, that they can hurt me. It just makes me bigger.”
But numerous emails and late night phone calls to his enablers tell a different story. Breitbart despised himself and the people he worked with.
He emailed his drug connect, Matt Drudge, concerning James O’Keefe, a young, Lee Atwater type prick wannabe. “I can’t work with this O’Keefe asshole anymore. He’s such a fuckin’ weasel. He even looks like a weasel. He makes you and me look like fucking Mother Theresa. I want to kill myself but the money's too good.”
He once told told FOX News president Roger Ailes, "Who could swallow the excrement we put out? You'd have to be one dumb motherfucker to believe a word we pricks say. I mean its hard to believe in a merciful god when he's creating moronic assholes in appreciable numbers who believe the septic drivel put out on FOX. I could believe say one FOX news mental defective in every 100,000,000 live births. But fuck! Can you live without a brain?"
He also had his tender side. He named one of his sons William Buckley after the dead right wing fabricator and renowned career liar. He told this reporter, "I had to do it. The boy has Buckley's lizard lick."
He frequently called the Assassinated Press’s senior editor, former New York Times publisher and Franco admirer, Yaso Adiodi, for late night consolation.
“The man just couldn’t take the pressure of being hated. It got after him. And he began to recoil from himself. But he couldn’t stop being a lying freak show. He was so good at it. And the money was good. Lying was in his blood. I say, like Atwater, better god killed him now than let him suffer like the wounded animal he was.”
"I have no doubt he's in Hell right now, huddled up with Buckley, Atwater and Beelzebub conspiring on some bullshit to get still born babies thrown out of Heaven in exchange for reduced taxes on the rich," Atwater's mother told the Assassinated Press.