The Assassinated Press


Rumsfeld Says al-Qaida Is Adapting to Its Long Term Role in U.S. Sponsored State Terrorism and Geopolitical Gamesmanship

By BULL O'REALLY!?
.c The Assassinated Press

Bohemian Groves (AP) The al-Qaida terrorist network has learned how to adapt to Western military and financial techniques and, thanks to Yankee know-how and a can do attitude learned from American popular movies, remains capable of carrying out attacks in the United States, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday.

``They've gone to school, on us, e.g. the former School of the Americas'' he told a Pentagon news conference, the "on us" apparently meaning that the American taxpayer has again foot the bill for his own demise. "They're learning. I mean they haven't found a Richelieu or a Metternich or an Al Haig. Well, Al Haig? Maybe I misspoke," Rheumsfilled quipped.

While al-Qaida operatives have adjusted to the U.S.-led terror campaign and to losing U.S. support to remain in Afghanistan, however, the United States and its coalition partners have taught them a great deal about how and where state terrorists operate, Rumsfeld said. "They understand, we need them as enemies now. That is their role. However, that could change overnight if, say one of our new Caspian Sea fiefdoms doesn't tow the line---the oil pipeline that is, or if Musharref or Karzai start asking for better deals. " Rheumsfilled added.

``But certainly it would be inaccurate for anyone to express high confidence that the process has proceeded sufficiently that one can say they're capable of sending signals or conducting attacks, at the level of a serious threat. I'm mean. We constitute a serious threat. But I wouldn't put Al-Qaida under that kind of pressure. The U.S. is a threat unto itself. We are in league of our own. They don't even have us to supply and finance them anymore since they sent the Commies packin'. They've got to fend for themselves for now.'' Rheumy said.

Al-Qaida's leader, Osama bin Laden, remains unemployable by any of the Western intelligence services including the U.S., and there are still ``more than a couple of handfuls'' of other senior terrorist leaders with resumes out there, or just with their hand out" Rumsfeld said. ``We are not going to tell you if they're dead or if they're injured or if they're again working for us.''

Rumsfeld said al-Qaida was recently downsizing and is now in a process of reorganization. "When you see them back up on the big tote board again at State, you'll know we're using them against Saddam Hussein or the Russians again or the Kurds or, perhaps, the French. Whatever's convenient and addresses the short-term policy interests of U.S. corporations. We'll work with anybody."

``As we put pressure on and open a door there, they'll push and find we've left that door open for them, They're hip,'' Rheumy said. ``And that has been going on now for better than a year. And I suspect it'll go on for better than another year or two until Monkey Boy's second term is secure and the foundation of terror has been laid for his third term."

``And what we need to do is just to pretend to keep that pressure up and keep opening clandestine doors and keep promoting folks that will come back to bite the American people in the ass but make scads of money for my handlers. And keep stealing their bank accounts and making life difficult until they need us again as much as we need them.''

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