The Assassinated Press

Crawford 'Bubble Boy' Huddles On Car Floor As Secret Service Does Drive By Of Mother Stupid Enough To Send Her Boy To Iraq On Dick Cheney's Say-So:
Parents Cutting Achilles Tendon Of Gullible Teenagers Threatening To Go To Iraq To Avoid Household Curfew:
Experts: Vigil for her fallen son won't distract PNAC and help fan the flames for a gathering bombardment and invasion of Iran:
"[T]he White House has not avoided snubbing Sheehan personally, and has pointed out she already had one meeting with Bush last year and that a patrician 'bubble boy' like Bush might catch something from a commoner like Sheehan."
Ass. Press Poll: Should George Bush wear a helmet at all times to protect him from falls?

BY CRAG NEWSGOON
Assassinated Press Washington Bureau
August 13, 2005

CRAWFORD, TX--- The mother dumb enough to let her son get killed in Iraq on the say-so of liars like Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld, got a drive-by -- twice --, and what the fuck did she expect , still no sit-down from Crawford, Texas' premier 'bubble-boy' Faux President George W. Bush Friday when he left his Texas ranch enroute to a major Republican donor ass-licking session and passed Cindy Sheehan's anti-war protest.

"Some people call you the elite. But I call you my power base. Now, drop trow and let me chow down."---George Bush

Bush's motorcade to a turn-$2-million-into-$20-billion-dollars-in-no-bid-contracts Republican bribe session passed without running anyone down by driving back the protesters with small arms fire and sophisticatedly shaped C-4 charges so fashionable in recent Pentagon inspired media. Demonstrators, not grasping the murderous venality that defines their kleptocracy, erected hundreds of white crosses across the road with the names of fallen soldiers that the dozens of secret service SUV's making up Bush's bubble drove over assuming quite rightly that no one would have the common decency to mine the road to Crawford. Sheehan held up a naive sign reading, "Why do you make time for donors and not for me?"

Outside the tinted windows of 'Bubble Boy's' black sport utility vehicle were a whole 50 demonstrators behind Sheehan -- and a politically advantageous situation for a White House with all the money and more on the way, analysts agree.

Sheehan started out as a lone visitor to Crawford last Saturday, seeking a meeting with Bush over the death of her son Casey last year, but has become the focal point of a growing anti-war protest outside Bush's ranch that activists hope can finally ratchet up public pressure on Cheney to if not pull out of Iraq to postpone the carpet bombing of Iran for a couple of hours.

She has pledged to stay in Texas, a great affliction in itself unless your a steer fuckin' oil man, through Bush's August vacation and even camp out in front of the White House where the capitol police will promptly beat the crap out of her if the media doesn't follow when 'Bubble Boy' returns to Washington if he doesn't meet with her.

For Bush, the Sheehan case poses no political risks since he is perfectly happy with his lame duck status and is anxious to collect his quid pro quos especially sitting on the board of Halliburton, analysts say. To ignore a grieving mother just claim her grief is a charade to pad her resume like Junkie Limbaugh does or appear callously presidential, a pragmatist above petty sentiment like Bill 'Cop a Feel' O'Really?. According to the media, invite her in, and appear to have caved in to her demands even though you don't do anything about her demands except give Andrew Card a hot foot.

Beyond that, analysts say, there also is the risk for Bush that Sheehan is putting a sympathetic face on the death toll in Iraq, and lord knows we can't have that because we're already running out of chumps willing to defend our freedom to drive to Disney World in an SUV that gets 6 miles to the gallon and ship our toxic waste to third world countries like the founding fathers intended and originalist judges are ready to sanction for the right price. Nearly 6 in 10 Americans in a recent Associated Press poll disapproved Bush's handling of the war. The other 40% percent were bright enough to know that Bush isn't handling anything except maybe his dick, while that other Dick and his neo-con cronies from the PNAC are fucking up their oil heist and have already tripped the alarm on Iran.

It doesn't help Cheney that the Sheehan story broke shortly after one of the deadliest recent weeks in Iraq. But Bush could care less. "I leave sweatin' the details to Karl and Dick," he told the Assassinated Press. And ultimately, some analysts say, that's Bush's larger problem -- there is little Bush can do to improve public perception of Iraq without the continued flag waving of the media, especially when he being told by Cheney that he is standing firm against setting any timetable for withdrawal because Cheney et al know full well that to maximize revenues from Iraqi oil, natural gas, water and utilities will require a permanent American troop presence in Iraq just like the other 140 countries the U.S. now occupies to one degree or another.

"The administration and its financial backers are really prisoners of their own greed here, and to the extent there's bad news, what can the White House do anymore but try to make outsource merc companies honor their contracts and hire free lancing criminals to guard Dick Cheney's oil wells? You can go on a PR offensive because nothing works better on the American people than a re-assuring lie... and if there are more mothers talking about the pain and the loss of their children that's easy to spin too. You whip people up to form a lynch mob and go half way round the world to get their killers. The problem arises when the lynch mob figures out they've been had and that the sand niggers 13,000 miles away are not the reason their boys are dead," said Stu Rothenberg, a Washington political analyst.

Beyond that, the White House has not avoided snubbing Sheehan personally, and has pointed out she already had one meeting with Bush last year and that a patrician 'bubble boy' like Bush might catch something from a commoner like Sheehan.

Other Republican supporters have been more vocal, saying a Vacaville, Calif., Reporter article in June 2004 quoted her as praising Bush when she was just as naive and stupid as the Republican reporters are now. The newspaper took issue with that characterization and reposted the article.

Casey's grandparents and other relatives have accused her of using her son's death to promote her anti-war agenda so you can see that she is normally surrounded by that kind of blind, ignorant, detached from reality American that has made this country great fodder.

Since the media is in it for themselves, they think everybody is.

So some analysts, who already have her pegged for a run at the presidency in 2008, also say there are political risks for Sheehan: If she comes off too harshly negative toward Bush personally because it is widely known that he is just a retarded puppet, it could undercut her moral standing vis a vis the handicapped and diminish the effectiveness of her arguments as opposed to the dead kid because, dammit, that's just the amoral, asexual, ahistorical way an analyst's mind works.

"The pulse of the country is more in her court, but if she goes too much after the president it'll backfire. I mean Bush is a murdering, lying imbecile and the American public finds that cute and irresistible in a leader who looks, acts and speaks like a boardwalk caricature of a chimp," said Ed Sarpolus, a Michigan pollster.


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