The Assassinated Press

Failure to Deal with Corporate Criminality, ‘Free Trade’ and Wall Street Schemes Has Cost America It’s Pre-Eminence.
Only Kleptocracy and Its Military Remain. To Get a Job or Go To College Will Require Three Tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Somalia, Yemen, Colombia etc. etc. ad nauseam.
Glenn Beck Admits His Act Is Meant to Be Tongue in Cheek. It’s His Tongue in Rupert Murdoch’s Cheek.

By MILTON MUGGYSACK
The Assassinated Press
2/13/11

Americans love a prick. I mean who doesn’t ‘love’ a prick like Rick Santelli bouncing around like an aging caricature of a coked up, alcoholic, wife beating Wall Street trader right off the cutting room floor of an Oliver Stone movie. 

Glenn Beck Admits His Act Is Meant to Be Tongue in Cheek. It’s His Tongue in Rupert Murdoch’s Cheek.

Or who doesn’t ‘adore’ him a Glenn Beck whose wackiness is so bald faced and transparent that my seven year old spends the whole hour sputtering “but dad” to rebut Fox’s finest farce while I have to ‘shush’ him not to relay painfully obvious facts over the boil headed prop comics best gags.

Billy Goat

Then there’s Bill O’Reilly, once America’s pre-eminent prick, whose scientific discourse on the tides has amused us all.

Or John Boehner who wolfs down his wife’s estrogen and cries like a schoolgirl every time he shuts off grandma’s heat and she freezes to death or passes a bill which de facto mandates 3 tours in Afghanistan before taking the SATs.

I'm a Red-Blooded Prick Lovin' Amurrcan from Muskogee

We Americans love our pricks. From our couches, they make murder goofy and fun. Kissinger, Reagan, Clinton, Albright, Cheney, the Bush’s and Don Rumsfeld gave genocide an distinctly American comic stamp.

I Loves Me Some Pricks, I Do

Some American pricks are intended to be sideshows and others stooges. But never has the consequence of their antics held such prospects for planetary humor as they do today.

Perpetual War as Hypnosis or "Oar, Oar, Oar. To wage by force or guile eternal warre."

From a hypnotic state of perpetual war(s) to downward harmonization of the American proletariat to bought off bigots like the tea party, the signs are all around us that the US can no longer afford it’s pricks and the endless guffaws they engender. But, at the same time we desperately need to laugh, even more so now that we have mortgaged out of existence the good times for a few gags by Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and aforesaid prop comic Glenn Beck. First, there was Carrot Top. Now, there’s Beck. That would make Beck Chia Pet. Or maybe Bile of Chuckie.

It’s not in any congressional budget. It’s not negatively impacting the corporate bottom line that’s for sure. But to withstand the abject beating America faces in the short and long term, we just cannot afford our pricks and their endless diversions whether it involves lies about the Invasion of Southeast Asia, Central America, Iraq or Afghanistan or simply bringing our kindergarten props to illustrate the voices in their head like some childish glossalalia of Kookla, Fran and Ollie.

Jobs? What the fuck or they? America will have to wait its turn for jobs to return. Jobs will begin to return when the Chinese, Brazilian and Indian worker raises his standard of living and salary to a level that will make it attractive for GE and a thousand other corporations to look to the US for cheap, non-unionized labor.

At this moment the Republicans in Congress have introduced legislation that should begin creating jobs for millions of Americans. But there’s a catch. It will take 30 years for those jobs to materialize. They will pay less than $4.00 an hour. And all collective bargaining will be illegal. Just gathering in groups of ten or more will be verboten. In the year 2041 Americans will be the world’s Egyptians and Chinese. And you’d better like it.

Scott Wilson, Tongueing the Crack in Charles Koch's Ass

(And not two days later Wisconsin governor Scott Wilson adds his two cents to everything lampooned above or am I confusing that with the pay raise he’s offered state employees.)

Like Gestapo riding on the death camp trains our beloved pricks will be with us all the way. But finally most of us will see them as pricks. Or maybe this is too optimistic.

This optimism will hinge on how much the kleptocracy feels that the illusion must be maintained. Will Edward Bernays’ Madison Avenue still be necessary? I’m certain every endowed university is creaming compliance statistics right now to the advertising crowd. And universal surveillance has turned America into one big focus group.

Americans have become adept at deluding themselves--- at substituting the digital illusion for the real. Whether it was the election of a kleptocrat, business prone administration in black face like we have now. Or the yahoo, he-or-she-sound-as-stupid-as me, dumb, ignorant, bought off and void of common sense candidate. They could run the country with the help of some of those Wall Street angels in the $8000.00 silk suits. “Just tell me where I fit in. Oh, this cattle car? Thank you so much. I hope I get a window seat.”


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