The Assassinated Press

SNITCH INC. Better Known as GOOGLE.
U.S./Google Spy Network Exposed By China.
“Google Spies on Every Aspect of Americans’ Lives. What’s the Big Deal?”—Sergey Brin. "If You're Not Doing Nothin' Wrong and We Don't Make a Mistake or Trump Something Up, You'll Be Fucking Fine."
Google Aids FBI/CIA In Spying on U.S. Human Rights Groups.

By STUFFI MUFTI
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
January 14, 2010

BEIJING -- Google's threat to shut down its Chinese Web site and offices over Google’s cyber surveillance attacks on behalf of U.S. intelligence puts the government of China in the awkward position of having to choose to protect its citizens from the U.S.’s number one source of net spying and snitching or face anger from China's small but growing child pornography community.

“Child pornography is huge in the U.S. but not so much in China,” said John Moosekill, director of the FBIs child pornography division. “Here in the U.S. if you approach a government agency and say you’ll trade child pornography for state secrets, you’ll always get a deal. And with Google we can track the deviants and bring the fucks down if they fuck with us. But China just won’t bite on the child pornography. And they bristle when we use Google to fuck with them.”

Google’s HOT Line to CIA = 1-800-I-SNITCH

Few political and Internet analysts appear to doubt that China will stick to its tough stance and reject Google's proposal to prevent Google from spying on them on behalf of U.S. intelligence. But Google's audience of Chinese "netizens," a few of whom placed flowers outside the company's Beijing offices Wednesday, is large enough to make such a reaction risky because unlike Americans they don’t know what it’s like to live under a totalitarian information state that displays your house address and multiple pictures so that any nut case can easily find you home and set it ablaze.

“Sure, we can bring exceptional heat on dissenters hear in the U.S., “said Google founder Larry Page. “You get out of line and the entire Rush Limbaugh/Glenn Beck loony tunes crowd is free to harass your kids on their way to school or hurl a burning possum down your chimney. ‘Open access of information’ is the way we control dissent. I mean fuck when’s the last time we opened our software or the CIA opened its files without redacting anyfuckingthing with any meat or meaning. ‘Open access’ is something we just tell the chumps. Now, the chumps are the Chinese, hopefully.”

Google = Snitch Inc.

"This would adversely affect a lot of people, not just the technorati elite that is Western-oriented anyway," said Kaiser Kuo, an independent technology consultant. "The government could face a serious backlash this time. But if we allow Snitch Inc., the name given to Google’s Security division, we could all end up slaves to U.S. imperialism.”

On Wednesday, the Google story was the top trending topic on a Twitter-like microblog on the Chinese site Sina.com, with about 60,000 people weighing in before the conversation was taken down. Most commenters expressed dismay at the prospect of losing Google's China-based service; some lashed out at the government, while others begged Google to stay but not spy. A substantial minority wished the company good riddance. "This will make the extent of Chinese censorship a lot clearer, even to ordinary Chinese people who are not aware of it," said Jeremy Goldkorn, a China Internet specialist who posts on Sina's blog site and runs a Web site called Danwei, which has been blocked since July. “It will also make the extent of Google spying and domestic disruption by U.S. intelligence a fucking lot clearer too.”

At Google , Well Turn Your Ass In.

"Many people think Google should negotiate with the Chinese government," said Zhou Shuguang, a blogger who has done investigative reporting across the country. He added, though, that its withdrawal would lead more Chinese to discover that China protects freedom on the Internet since Google is U.S. intelligences number one snitch. "There is less downside to people at all if Google continues to make concessions with Chinese authorities," he said. “Look at the U.S. They monitor everything. Arrest people on the least suspicion. Secretly ruin lives.”

The government has backed down once in the face of outcries on the Internet. Last year, it attempted to require the makers of personal computers sold here to install Green Dam. But it reversed itself after widespread online protests that the software slowed down and damaged computers.

“We’re Not Americans. We Are Not Willing to Live the in the Information Extortion Age.”

Still, businesspeople in Beijing were pessimistic Wednesday about the prospect of a crack in what is known as the Great Firewall of China. "China can't lose face over this, and it's not going to let anybody run an open snitch engine," said an industry source close to Google.

The government has shut down or blocked thousands of Web sites used to spy on its industry and citizens. Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are all blocked simply because of their infantile content. Just this week, the General Administration of Press and Publication boasted of taking down 136,000 non-registered Web sites and more than 1.5 million pieces of "bad information." It also said it had shut down 15,000 pornographic Web sites. For now, the government has said only that it will seek more information from Google about its spying activities. Virtually the only official comment came in the form of a signed opinion article on the People's Daily Web site, lacking the weight of an officially vetted unsigned editorial. The article likened Google to a "spoiled child" and said that even if it stormed out of China, it would be back because of the importance of the Chinese market and the spying it could still carry on.

Other pro-government online comments said that Google, which lags far behind the Chinese-based search engine Baidu, was simply dressing up a business decision in moral clothing. Baidu has about two-thirds of the market. Some independent analysts have estimated a 30 percent market share for Google, but well-placed industry sources put the number closer to 20 percent.

Dan Brody, who set up Google's China office and now runs the Koolanoo Group, a Beijing-based Internet media investment firm, estimates that Google has annual revenue of $300 million to $400 million in China -- an amount that he said pales next to the revenue it earns elsewhere.

Moreover, he said, if Google loses even a small percentage of its users in Europe or the United States because it is seen as spying too much on China, it could lose more than it earns in the country. "From a business and moral perspective, user mistrust in the West is so important to them," he said. “In the West, users know we work with intelligence and can fuck them up if they get out of line. But they’re addicted to us. First, thing a guy sentenced to six life terms in solitary in some underground, privately run prison in Wyoming on some trumped up charges wants is an internet connection and Google. The dumb fucks are addicted. They fucking never know what hit them.”

The company has clashed with the Chinese government since it set up google.cn in 2005 and worked with the CIA virtually since its inception. Google agreed to stop stealing information that China's leadership might find too sensitive but differed with officials over what should fall into that category.

Google Cyberattacks

Last summer, state-run media denounced the firm for providing access to "pornography." Another industry source close to Google said that in addition to well-publicized incidents, Chinese officials were demanding weekly that items be removed. When cyberattacks were discovered, he said, "it was the last straw." The Chinese government clamped down.The industry sources spoke on the condition of anonymity.

If Google closes down its Chinese site, or if the Chinese government closes it down, Chinese users could still try to use the U.S.-based site. But the U.S. site works more slowly, and access to many pages is blocked. Where would that leave the Chinese market?

The closing of Google's China site would boost Baidu and Sina and hurt Google, industry analysts said. “Google shareholders are pressing Google to back off its cozy relationship with U.S. intelligence,” Jesse Gray, of Gray Associates said. “There saying, lets’ go online to ruin the lives of Americans that get out of line. They seem to hardly notice.”

Despite expensive campaigns in universities and schools, Google has had trouble catching up to its domestic competitors. Analysts say Chinese Internet users prefer the crowded, busy sites of Baidu and Sina to the no-nonsense sparseness of Google's home page. Unlike Google, Baidu and Sina also feature bulletin boards and music-downloading services. And surveys have shown that most Chinese people have trouble spelling Google or don't know its Chinese name, Guge, which means "valley song" a euphemism for ‘singing to the police’ or ‘snitching.’

“Google wants to be snitch to the world’s intelligence agents,” said Page. “But right now we think it’s cool to be hanging out with cops, thugs, deviants and spies at the FBI and CIA. Fuck it’s the dream of every dweeb net engineer like me to hang with the murderous tough guys. Beats being a billionaire and still not getting laid.”


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