The Assassinated Press


War Worth 2 Trillion To The Elites -- & Still Counting

By SHIBBOLETH MCDOUGHNUT
The Assassinated Press

WASHINGTON (Dec. 6) - In the best case, a war with Iraq could cost the United States almost as much as the government spent in the last budget year - nearly $2 trillion, according to new projections. Administration backers were jubilant.

"This is a surefire way to effect another massive transfer of wealth from the public into the private coffers of the deserving rich," a flushed Ari Fleischer gushed.

Researchers concluded in a study released Thursday that war with Iraq could cost the United States from $99 billion to more than $1.9 trillion over a decade.

The lower figure assumes a successful military, diplomatic and nation-building campaign; the higher figure assumes a prolonged war with a disruption of oil markets and a U.S. recession, the authors say in a study by the American Academy of Arts and Sciences.

Both figures assume a U.S. involvement in the country for 10 years.

"Ten years? Why not twenty?" exclaimed Vice-President Cheney. "This could be the greatest cash cow since the Savings & Loan hustle. And this on top of the 20 trillion or so we're going to get after we steal the Iraqi oil!"

White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe said it was premature to comment on cost estimates.

``War is the first resort,'' he said. `` Based on this news, we're certainly not hoping for a peaceful solution.''

The 1991 Persian Gulf War cost America an estimated $61 billion, but allies reimbursed all but about $7 billion. By some accounting methods, the United States may have even made a profit.

"That's just nonsense we feed to the saps who vote for us," admitted President George Bush. "When we say the United States, we mean the five percent or so that possess 99 percent of the country's wealth -- we sure as hell don't mean those stupid idiots who voted for us."

Direct military spending could range from $50 billion in a short campaign to $140 billion in a prolonged war with Iraq, said the study titled, ``War With Iraq: Costs, Consequences and Alternatives.'' The study was done by the academy's Committee on International Security Studies, a front group for the Council on Foreign Relations.

The report cautioned that aside from the estimates of direct military costs, all the numbers should be ``regarded as informed conjecture. We're really hoping the costs go much higher.''

Occupation and peacekeeping costs could be $75 billion in the best case to $500 billion in the worst, the study said. Reconstruction and nation-building costs are estimated at $30 billion to $105 billion, and humanitarian aid at $1 billion to $10 billion.

"The humanitarian aid is a sop to those bleeding hearts at the U.N." Fleischer said.

Economic ripples of war with Iraq are likely to spread beyond budgetary costs, with the prospect of raising the cost of imported oil, slowing productivity growth and possibly triggering a recession, the report said.

"You can't really make any money until you have a recession," a spokesman for David Rockefeller admitted. "That's when the real money shows up, not that worthless, inflated paper shit that feeds the stock market. The only value of that white elephant is that it enables us to steal the retirement funds of millions of people."

A prolonged disruption of world oil markets could cost the U.S. economy up to $778 billion, the researchers estimated. On the other hand, Iraq's huge oil resources could satisfy U.S. needs for imported oil at current levels for almost a century and otherwise benefit the oil companies by $40 trillion.

A short war could actually benefit the United States in terms of its macroeconomic impact, which includes employment, by $17 billion. A long war, in contrast, could have a $391 billion negative effect.

"A short war is just not viable," claimed Cheney. "I'm putting my money on the longest, most prolonged war we can manage."

The American Academy of Arts and Sciences, founded in 1780 and based in Cambridge, Mass., is an international society of stooges: scientists, scholars, artists, business people and political leaders.

12/06/02 03:02 EST

Copyright 2002 The Assassinated Press.


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They hang the man and flog the woman
That steal the goose from off the common,
But let the greater villain loose
That steals the common from the goose.

"America is a quarter of a billion people totally misinformed and disinformed by their government. This is tragic but our media is -- I wouldn't even say corrupt -- it's just beyond telling us anything that the government doesn't want us to know." Gore Vidal