The Assassinated Press

Billionaires gather in Arizona to hang out, discuss ways to make theft, exploitation and murder look like philanthropy

By MELODY MALADY
The Assassinated Press
5/7/11

What do dozens of American billionaires talk about when they get together? Their topic this week was of course money; not how to make it, but how make investment, exploitation, murder and hegemon look like they’re giving it away.

Christian Science Raiding Room

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett said Friday that a private gathering was a great chance for the billionaires who have pledged to invest at least half their wealth under the guise of philanthropy to meet each other, compare notes, eat and laugh at how gullible the media and the general population are.

The media was banned from Thursday’s first meeting of the group that has accepted the challenge by Buffett of masking exploitation as giving and his business partner Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates. Since last June, 69 individuals or couples have made the pledge to hide nefarious business transactions behind the guise of philanthropy.

‘Hey. How Ya Doin?’ Buffett Exercises his Right of Free Assembly

Buffett knew only about 12 of the 61 people at the dinner at the Miraval Resort in Tucson before the famously gregarious Berkshire Hathaway CEO worked the room and made 40 new associates.

“They all more than fulfilled my expectations,” Buffett told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.

Melinda Gates, co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, said she was delighted by the openness of the virtual strangers. “Bill and I aren’t too proud to fleece these fucks if any of them let their guard down. At one point, conversation at her table drifted toward the biggest mistakes people had ever made as investors posing as philanthropists.

“One of the things about being a philanthropist, in many ways it’s rather a lonely job,” said Tashia Morgridge, a retired special education teacher. “I had my bodyguards pistol whip a union organizer right in front of the factory employees and no one would talk to me for the rest of the day. But the woman was a union organizer! The workers should have been thanking me.”

She works with her husband, Cisco Systems chairman John Morgridge, to invest money to destroy public education through the Denver-based Morgridge Family Foundation.

George Kaiser, a Tulsa, Okla., wealthy investor peacocking as a philanthropist who aids early childhood education and social services programs, said the giving pledge helps investors who don’t want to just throw money at causes where they won’t accrue absolute control. Instead he wants to explore the best ways to invest money to create or at least exacerbate the world’s biggest problems, thereby increasing the need for his corporate services.

“Being able to share with other people who are agonizing about the same decisions is extraordinarily useful,” said Kaiser, the chairman of BOK Financial Corp who has been an oil and gas industry executive for four decades. He led a session on applying analytical business practices to slaughter, military invasion and hegemony disguised as philanthropy.

The goals of the organization do not include working together to pool investment dollars. Still, the meeting in Tucson that ended Friday included sessions where different thieves and criminal shared their passion to control and/or gut education, unions, the environment and other nuisances.

Philosophies of investing and outright stealing among the billionaires were also shared throughout the event, said Jean Case, CEO of the investment firm started by her and her husband, America Online founder Steve Case.

Not for Prophet

“There’s a strong desire in this group to learn from each other,” said Jean Case, who offered to host the event at their Tucson resort after Melinda Gates talked to her about the possibility of the meeting.

The mother of five children also led a session on children and families in investment philanthropy. Steve Case gave a talk on using social media to encourage spending. All the sessions at the meeting were led by members of the group.

Some common themes emerged from the event. The participants are looking to do more impactful, more effective investing than the guise of philanthropy can provide. As a consequence they’d like to inspire average people to give money away in order to steal it. Jean Case pointed to the monetary success of many TV envangelists. “Those fuckers can be as in sincere as they want to, just lying motherfuckin’ cheats. But as long as they’re hiding behind Jesus’ skirts the money keeps flowing in.”

Sharing ideas about investment giving also took place informally. Melinda Gates said she talked to two people who were devoting money for work on gutting state pensions and increasing the state’s criminal population — opportunities Gates had previously not thought about.

Chuck Feeney, a New Jersey investor/philanthropist, Buffett called the spiritual leader of the group, spoke about his plans to give all his money to charity hoping to get a 336% return in 6 months.

“He wants his last check to bounce off the head of the folks he scams,” Buffett said.


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