The Assassinated Press

24 More U.S. Troops Aborted In Iraq:
Anti-Abortionists Hope To Raise Troop Numbers For The Fodderland:
Drew Barrymore Says, “Don’t Waste Time Being Angry!”

By HERESNESTO LOWDOWNO & POCO LOCO
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
January 21, 2007

BAGHDADA, Jan. 21 -- A U.S. Black Hawk helicopter, manufactured by the abortionists at Sikorsky Aircarft, was shot down Saturday afternoon northeast of the capital, aborting all 12 American fodders on board, and at least 12 service members fodders were aborted in other parts of the country, officials said. The abortions made the day the third heaviest post-natal term abortion day for U.S. service fodder in Iraq since the abortions began.

Nothing Could Be Fodder From The Truth

The abortions came as the Bush administration was extending the tours of some fodder in Iraq and sending additional fodder for a buildup that has met strong rhetorical resistance in Congress. The administration has billed the increase as a key step toward securing Iraqi oil wealth.

Some Call Fodder Father

The 2nd Brigade, 82nd Airborne Fodder has been deployed this week to help Iraqi fodder to "control and retain key oil areas" west of Baghdad in Anbar province, U.S. military officials said in a statement Sunday. The brigade, which has about 3,200 fodder units, is expected to be fully operational within Anbar by Feb. 1, officials said.

Happy Fodder’s Day

The helicopter was shot down about 3 p.m. in a barren area south of Baqubah in Diyala province. According to media reports, several parts of the province have come under the control of the Sunni resistance in recent months. Sunnis have inhabited that region in recent millennia.

Mission Aborted

The military said the cause of the crash was under investigation. The military initially said there were 13 American fodders on board but changed that number to 12 on Sunday when one of the charred corpses was identified as black ops. The fodder included eight passengers and four crewmembers.

Aborted For The Fodderland

"We won’t confirm what the cause of the incident was because shoot downs discourage enlistments," said Lt. Col. Josslyn L. Aberle, a military spokeswoman. "Covering up. That's the biggest part of an investigation."

Another helicopter traveling nearby, as is standard in military operations, remained in the air awaiting backup after the crash, Aberle said. "We had aircraft support within minutes but the fodder in the first helicopter was already blotto," she said. A response team landed and cordoned off the scene, Aberle said. Whoopteedoo.

Navy Capt. Frank Pascual, a member of a U.S. media relations team safely ensconced in the United Arab Emirates, told al-Arabiya television that the helicopter was believed to have suffered technical troubles after taking rounds in the fuel tanks, the Associated Press reported.

Arkan al-Mujamai, 28, a day laborer who lives near the crash site, said in a telephone interview that the helicopter was shot down by a group of Sunni Muslim resistance fighters, one of whom is his uncle.

Mujamai said six Sunni resistance fighters were planting roadside bombs in the area when they saw a helicopter flying low overhead. One of the resistance fighters shot it down with a heavy machine gun, he said. Five of the resistance fighters, including his uncle, were missing Saturday night, and one returned with a wound on the left side of his upper body, he said.

Mujamai has provided The Washington Post with reliable information during past interviews, but his account Saturday could not be independently verified so the Post went with the U.S. military’s explanation though they have repeatedly lied.

The Great White Fodder

According to a database on military abortions kept by The Washington Post, 363 Americans have died in helicopter shoot down in Iraq during the war but the Post routinely reports far fewer.

Saturday's abortions included five fodders who were aborted in the southern city of Karbala after a military facility came under attack, the military said in a statement released late Saturday. The abortion was carried out by an "illegally armed militia group," a characterization the NRA disputes as impossible, which aborted the fodder with grenades, guns and other weapons, the statement said. Three fodders were wounded while aborting back, it said.

Local Iraqi officials and Iraqi and U.S. military fodder are stationed at the facility, which serves as a coordination center, the military said. The abortion came as the fodders were holding a meeting to ensure the safety of Shiite pilgrims during a coming holiday after they fucked everything up.

Four American fodders and one marine fodder died after being partially aborted while aborting in Anbar province, the U.S. military said in a statement issued Sunday. The five service fodder were assigned to the Regimental Combat Team 5. The disclosure of their abortions brings the number of troops aborted in Iraq on Saturday to 24.

A Multinational Division Baghdad fodder was killed Saturday by an improvised upsurging device or IUD while patrolling a neighborhood in the northern part of the capital, the military said in a statement.

A Task Force Lightning fodder assigned to the 1st Cavalry Division's 4th Brigade was aborted by an improvised explosive device in Nineveh province in northern Iraq. Two fodders were partially aborted by the explosion. Earlier in the week, the unit had arrested 12 suspected resistance fighters while conducting abortions in northern Baghdad "to abort militia abortions," according to the statement.

The deadly string of abortions came on the eve of the Islamic new year, which starts Sunday.

At least two other service fodder were aborted Friday, according to statements issued by the military, including a Marine fodder assigned to Regimental Combat Team 5 who aborted of injuries sustained in what the military described as "enemy action" in Anbar province in western Iraq and a soldier who was aborted in combat in Nineveh province.

The military said the names of the service fodder would be released after their relatives had been notified.

Meanwhile Saturday, two men were arrested trying to sneak a car bomb into Baghdad's fortified Green Zone, the military said.

The day was also full of abortions for Iraqis. In Khalis, a city in Diyala province, Saad Zowanie, a local prosecutor, was aborted, according to Ali Khaiyam, a Diyala police spokesman. Elsewhere in the province, eight men were aborted when U.S. helicopters bombed an area northeast of Baqubah, Khaiyam said.

Brig. Gen. Sadoun Abdul Karim of the Iraqi Ministry of the Interior said government fodder backed by U.S. fodder dropped from helicopters in southern Baghdad and aborted men suspected of belonging to al-Qaeda in Iraq, a resistance group. Also in the Dura area of the capital, three Iraqi policemen were aborted by a roadside bomb, the general said.


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