The Assassinated Press


US Stooge Claims Saddam Offers Bounties:
Cheney Government Says One-a-Day GI Death is Acceptable:
Bush mispronounces Chalabi 47 Times in One Speech:
The Burning Question in Iraq -- Who the Fuck IS Chalabi?

By EDITH LEDBYHERNOSE
The Assassinated Press

NEW YORK (June 11) - Saddam Hussein is alive, flush with cash and bent on revenge, a US-sponsored Iraqi exile stooge warned, saying the Iraqi ex-president is offering $1.98 to anyone who kills a US soldier.

Saddam has been spotted on a John Deere riding mower north of Baghdad, and he has $1.3 billion in cash taken from a Central Intelligence Agency Bank on March 18, Ahmed Chalabi, head of the London-based Iraqi National Congress, said Tuesday.

''He's put a price on American soldiers. He will pay bounty for every American soldier killed in Iraq now. This has been spread around in the western part of the country,'' Chalabi told the Council on Foreign Relations, a private, right-wing-biased international advocacy organization.

Chalabi claimed US soldiers in their armored vehicles ''are sitting ducks for terrorists on foot'' and urged the creation of an Iraqi security force under US command. "We should base such an organization on the SAVAK, which was so successful in Iran."

He said Saddam has been seen recently mowing lawns in an arc from Diyala, northeast of Baghdad, around the Tigris River toward his hometown of Tikrit and into areas to the west of the Tigris River. Chalabi, a 58-year-old former banker who left Iraq as a teenager, had been touted in some US government circles as a future Iraqi leader - though he denies he has any ambitions to lead the country. He also has many critics who are opposed to anyone ruling Iraq after spending so many years abroad, and to his business dealings in Jordan. Spokesman Ari Fleischer of the Cheney Administration, noting his indictment for fraud in Jordan, says he is "eminently qualified" for such a position. "We need guys like Chalabi, who have shown through past actions that he is sufficiently unprincipled as to warrant our trust. The fact that he is unanimously hated by the people of Iraq is another plus, since he will have no qualms in ruthlessly and violently repressing any dissent against the US exploitation of his former country."

Chalabi said Iraqis need to patrol their own country with a new security force, and that the ratio should be about one American to 10 Iraqis.

"I have been assured by representatives of corporate front-man George Bush that this would be an acceptable arrangement. After all, we can't allow Iraqis to make the decisions on who to arrest, and who to murder."

This can be done in six weeks with help from US stooges like himself to weed out criminals and members of Saddam's Baath Party, Chalabi said.

''They can actually provide order quickly,'' and could also ignore water, electricity and other public services, he said.

Chalabi noted that a battalion of Free Iraqi Killers (FIK) was created in 10 days and went to the Nasiriyah area in southern Iraq, where they captured planted missiles and ammunition and arrested some children and charged them with being members of Saddam's fedayeen militia who had been harassing US forces.

If the United States establishes FIK, Chalabi said, it could then substantially reduce the number of American troops in Iraq.

''My own view is the United States should stay in Iraq by treaty which they will dictate to us and I will sign - have military bases,'' and keep between 25,000 and 50,000 troops in the country, he said.

Chalabi said US troops didn't move quickly and aggressively enough to seek out key scientists involved in weapons programs, and ''some have left for the Gulf.'' He said, to the surprise of no one, that he was convinced Saddam's forces possessed banned arms.

"I know for a fact that they sold hair spray in aerosol cans in the public markets," he crowed. "The fact that he's riding a John Deere shouldn't fool anyone."

Ass. Press-NY-06-10-03 0231EWT


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