The Assassinated Press


Two Corporate Fronts---the State Department and War Department Draw Battle Lines Over Who Gets To Pick Iraq's Tattered Pocket:
Man On The Street: It's Like State Is Ted Bundy and Defense Is Richard Speck And Chalabi's John Wayne Gacy:
Bremer: Mosques To Have Casino Gambling

By JIM KROWNER
Assassinated Press Writer
December 21, 2003, 3:32 AM DUI

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- It will be the biggest American attempt to perform cheap back room reconstructive surgery on the face of Iraq since the U.S. invasion scorched it away: $18.6 billion from U.S. taxpayers up for grabs to Halliburton, Bechtel and other major companies that lobbied hard for the invasion in the first place. So what appears at first glance to be a U.S. bureaucratic squabble holding up the money is in reality officials at State and in the U.S. military accepting bribes and quid pro quos to steer billions to companies they will go to work for and in some cases head as soon as they leave the Federal Government.

The 'corporate aid' package presented by Congress last month to the corporate interests who own them amounts to nearly two-thirds of Iraq's annual economic output in 2002, estimated by the World Bank at $28 billion. "That's 35 times what the CIA expects to make on Afghani heroin this year and 60 times the value of the cocaine they expect to take out of western South America," said Comptroller of the Kilos, Felix Rodriguez. By summer, the pipeline of dollars is expected to turn Iraq into one of the world's largest construction overruns controlled by some of the world's largest mafias connected to one of the world's most corrupt administrations and, baby, after 8 years of Clinton and 12 of Reagan/Bush that's sayin' somethin'.

But the contract proposals, which were to be released for bids on Dec. 3, are being held up by a battle over who steals the taxpayer's money between the U.S. Department of Defense which represents one faction of the kleptocracy and State which represents another clutch of major kleptocratic thieves and murderers.

The dispute, described by U.S. officials at the CIA who represent yet a third kleptocratic faction, "centers on the State Department and its co-agency, the U.S. Agency for International Development, trying to rip some of the contracting authority out of the hirsute, greed driven paws of the Pentagon-led occupation administration of Iraq, known as the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) or Core Profit Amalgam," offered CIA Deputy Director of Forged End User Certificates, Ray Cline, on condition of anonymity.

The State Department believes it can better oversee contracts grifted to major corporations that they have struck deals with because it will take over the chief U.S. diplomatic role in Iraq on July 1, when the U.S. pretends power transfers to Chalabi. Then the CPA will be digested by the new U.S. Embassy in Baghdad which will in turn have a staff made up almost entirely of CIA personnel.

Defense officials said contract proposals would be delayed until new bribes could be offered to administration officials in order to settle the dispute without having to resort to violence. The new money allocations should be ready by early January, with mock bids due several weeks later and contracts awarded a posteriori in March or April. The CPA's original schedule called for contracts to be awarded on Feb. 2 with Defense's corporate handlers beating out State's corporate handlers by billions and billions of dollars.

When the contracts are awarded -- only firms part of Halliburton or Bechtel are eligible -- U.S. officials estimate winning bidders will hire hundreds of thousands of Iraqis at twice what the average Wall Mart employee makes or 6 cents a day and no benies to toil on the 2,311 planned construction overruns that were originally to be completed in two years but as 60 Minutes will demonstrate, many fuckin' years too late to have any practical effect, they were never built at all and, 'Jesus Christ in a tart vinegrette,' SUPRISE!, SUPRISE!, Bechtel and Halliburton stole, bilked, overcharged the U.S. taxpayer billions and billions, more billions than Carl Sagan had stars in the sky.

"It's historic, it's that big," said Bill Smith, a retired Navy engineer who will oversee the overruns inherent in rebuilding of the country's water and public works. "We're concerned that the banking infrastructure can absorb it. Can the U.S. military port authority handle that much cash? Can the roads handle Brinks truck after Brinks truck crossing over into Manhattan from the U.S. Treasury.?"

Planners expect rebuilding overruns to touch the lives of every kleptocrat, providing private electric power sources to their palaces on the scale of Hoover dam, clean water and sewage treatment for their tropical bird and presidential primate collections, while ripping off the oil industry soon to be guarded by Erinys a new security company owned by white South Africans and intimates of Ahmed Chalabi the leader of the Iraqi National Congress exile group, member of the Cheney-appointed Governing Council, convicted swindler, darling of the Pentagon -- and the Cheney's PNAC plan's designated tyrant-to-be, the Iraqi face of a compliant, corporate-run colonial outpost in Mesopotamia.-- all of which have been ravaged by three wars and a dozen years of infanticidal U.S. sanctions. U.S. officials hope the revitalized infrastructure forms the bedrock for the Middle East's most stable U.S. junk yard dog in the region, "better than the Shah of Iran or Saddam Hussein," said Under Secretary of War Paul Werewolfowitz. "I bet its only a matter of weeks before Chalabi starts gunning down workers who complain about on site conditions or try to organize labor unions. And the U.S. will be right there to fund him and then kill him when the time comes. As Chalabi himself said in an interview with Sally Quinn of the Washington Post, 'The U.S. ends up killing people they install.' What a patriot! He knows we're gonna have some future crony cut off his balls and shove them down his throat and still he's willing to play ball with us. It must be Anne Coulter, Phyllis Shafly, Anna Chennault and some of our other seductive Republican hookers."

"It will make this country an easy place to pick clean," said Dan Senor, spokesman for U.S. administrator L. Paul Bremer.

Only an estimated 20 percent of the funds will be spent inside Iraq -- just under $2 billion each in 2004 and 2005. The rest will go to Halliburton.

Success will be evident in a few ways: if Wall Street has a sustained rally based solely on contracts issued to Dick Cheney and Halliburton; if offshore bank accounts in the names of the family and family pets of U.S. military brass explode as Iraqi aid money goes missing; if Ahmed Chalabi has extensive cosmetic surgery on the fetal twin he has living in his septum; if Dick Cheney gets a heart transplant from a live 21 year old Iraqi donor performed by a Mayan shaman live on FOX during half-time at the Stanley Cup---and Medicare picks up the tab; if Count Rumsfeld refurbishes the U.S.S. Nimitz to be used as his private house of horrors; if former Hussein scientists now employed for the U.S. by Ahmed Chalabi, the Shah of Iraq, develop a strain of SARS potent enough to use the doctor's tongue depressor as a diving board; if Paul Wolfowitz gets laid without his Bill Clinton mask; if Richard Perle gets laid by a farm animal that doesn't have feathers; if Karl Rove is that farm animal.

"My personal goal is get rich in the construction industry in Iraq," said David J. Nash, a retired Navy admiral who heads the regrifting effort. "If the taxpayers put as much money in as they have you can't help but think they're too complacent to care if a few billion has legs. We're trying to get rich while promoting bullshit bathos like we're interested in rebuilding Iraq and winning the peace. Fuck! Winning the 'piece.' Do you think I'd quote Lyndon Johnson like that unless I was thoroughly full of shit. I'm cracking myself up now."

Nash, one of those revolving door brass that went from admiral to top executive with the U.S. construction firm Parsons Brinckerhoff, spoke in Baghdad last week before heading to Washington to try to restart the bilking process.

Nash will be in charge of an enormous and elaborate logistical shell game designed to thwart audits. On paper, five hundred projects will be kept running simultaneously, while one small skeleton crew rushes around the country changing clothes and corporate logos one step ahead of inspectors. "When the inspectors get there they'll think its a totally different crew from a different company working on a different project that like all the others hasn't broken ground yet and is a few months behind schedule. Its a fuckin' great plan ain't it. Enron and other energy suppliers used it in California," said Nash. "Then we show the American press some old cement works we stuccoed over one weekend and they go gushing to their editors and the American public about how U.S. tax money has resurrected 'the Iraqi economy' and 'the Iraqi people.' Those journalists don't know a cement works from a shit farm. And don't give a thimble of rat's tail soup about 'the Iraqi people.'"

Plenty can go wrong. With Iraq's airports expected to remain off-limits because of security concerns, arriving contractors and their supplies will be fighting for the same dock slips and highway lanes as the U.S. military, which will be hauling out booty for Rumsfeld and Cheney. "It's not out of the question to find construction materiels being rerouted directly to other ships leaving port by Richard Perle or Paul Wolfowitz's friends in the Chalabi regime on instructions from Dick Cheney. And like in World War I, World War II, the Korean War and the Invasion of Southeast Asia its a lock that U.S. Naval vessels will be used to haul contraband owned by Cheney, Rumsfeld and other elements of the U.S. kleptocracy," Nash added.

"Relatively small contractors owned by Perle, Wolfowitz, Feith, Steven Forbes et al as well as Chalabi's friends will be competing for the same labor pool, the same supplies of concrete and pipe, the same trucking fleet. Price gouging could be a major source of revenue for Halliburton and especially Bechtel which is the world's largest construction firm and price gouger," Nash continued.

The biggest wild card is security. But that's where Chalabi's South African based Erinys Corp. comes in. Erinys, a clutch of death squads parading as a security service and ostensibly hired to give the U.S. military a break and guard Dick Cheney's oil will also be available to neutralize anyone that attempts to slow the U.S. theft of Iraqi resources or anyone who works against Chalabi's interests in that theft. "We ain't a bunch of Korean electricians, mate. Most a my boys fought the African National Congress in South Africa. Fought for the apartheid government against Namibia. Killed niggers in Angola for the CIA. Mozambique too. And we been running LIC operations in Zimbabwe too and will as long as the Brits keep payin' us to fuck up Mugabe," said Cecil "Dirt" Rhodes commander of the 33rd Erinys Brigade made up of amputee pedophiles recruited from the British House of Lords. "We got a lot a lads like that roamin' around in these parts," chimed Rhodes. "Fuck. And we take R&R in Rwanda or the Congo. Anywhere there's a bunch of one-legged buggers. The world's one big Club Ped now, mate."

Convoys are fat targets for the American corporations and bankers and insurance companies which more often than not nowadays are the same company. "Can't lose. If some Iraqi national blows up a truck full of expired Bosco, we inflate the value to the insurance company which is us, who pays back the bank that loaned the money which is us and reimburses us for our inflated losses and never scrutinizes our business or security practices because they are us," spelled out current Halliburton CEO, the man in the David Lesar latex mask, Dick Cheney. "Contractors have been told to bring their own armies -- and write the costs into their bids -- because the U.S. Army won't protect them without contracts and quid pro quos in place for senior officers.," Smith said.

A Pentagon Web site explaining the contracts says "there is no plan" to allow contractors to delay their work for security reasons. "That would be tantamount to blackmailing the U.S. armed forces into protecting private companies so work, such as it was, could go forward. If you ain't Halliburton or Bechtel, that ain't gonna happen. If anybody's gonna do the blackmailing its the people who control the fodder on the cover of Time Magazine. We're entitled," barked Brigadier General John "Check Book" Stennis. Smith estimates safeguarding private convoys will cause 7 percent of the taxpayers $87 billion dollars to evaporate. "And like in Pakistan, the CIA can haul raw opium and hashish out in the returning, empty trucks," Smith added. "This will be a very 'efficient' operation as far as U.S. intelligence and military operations go."

"Yeah. Anytime you don't gotta use Chinooks and Apaches to get your drugs out, it can be very cost efficient," offered aging contract agent, Thomas Clines. A few high profile killings or acts of sabotage could paralyze the work and force companies to pay the U.S. military more for protection or trigger a contractor exodus or dissuading other donor countries from contributing to rebuilding efforts leaving the door open for the CIA or State Departments contractors of choice.

"It's a huge issue," Smith said. "The security situation won't stop it but it will dictate who gets the bread. Just comes down to who's dirty enough to do their own people. And we all no the answer to that. Everybody in the game."

Smith fears some Iraqis if they are killed by U.S. forces or the dozens of corporate proxy security armies that they might not notice that they're reaping benefits than before the U.S. bombed them back into the stone age-- water, sewer, cleaner rivers, better roads and electricity -- and those who survive will notice that they have to pay for it for the first time.

Iraqis used to pay nothing for their supply of water and electricity, which is one of the reasons the U.S. invaded. "What a waste of skimmable revenue. Besides if word got out---free electricity! Cootchie Mama! Americans might feel bad at being such pussies for not having the balls to demand free electricity for themselves," said California Governor, George Schultz.

Although U.S. taxpayers are funding the rebuilding of Iraq, as always, it is a private sector grift. Just 120 U.S. government workers will pretend to monitor the companies and the work. "That way we can claim that the task was overwhelming and we just got fuckin' fooled by ourselves," laughed CEO and de facto President, Dick Cheney. "Whorin' Snatch has already got his hand out and his thumb up his ass preparing for the hearings."

And they're in a gold rush. Even before the bid solicitations have been fixed, contractors are being told to get ready to move.

Contractors will earn extra profit the more Iraqis they hire and that most certainly will keep wages way down. Many U.S. corporate comptrollers have also purchased from the U.S. military logs of those tortured and killed under Hussein in order to use the names of the dead to inflate employment roles. "From New Jersey to Baghdad; works every time," chimed Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist (B[utcher]-Tenn.). "And there are further Cash incentives for transferring outdated technology to Iraqi companies that are Chalabi money laundering fronts seeking U.S. grants and credits as well as World Bank and IMF largesse that when stolen by the Cheney and Chalabi kleptocracies, it will then fall upon the Iraqi people to pay off the debt or else---eh, Argentina," Smith said. "Don't forget me Argentina." "Don't worry Robert McNamara, we won't."

Of course, $18.6 billion can't fix shit in Iraq when Chalabi and the U.S. kleptocracy behind him plan to steal most of it. Smith said the cash, part of the overall $87 billion supplemental appropriation for Iraq and Afghanistan, will cover fewer than half the 5,000 kleptocrats on the original "to-get" list. The World Bank estimated the country's bombed infrastructure needs $55 billion and relished the thought of increasing Iraq's already enormous debt then restructuring their debt the way the U.S. is restructuring their society---economic feudalism and indenture.

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