The Assassinated Press

US Arms Makers Delaying Departure of Mubarak. Corporate Welfare in Jeopardy.
Lockheed, Boeing, Raytheon, Northrup-Grumman, General Dynamics Want Assurances Billions in US Aid Will Still Be Used to Buy Their Weapons and Not Wasted on The People.
US Grain Combines Take a Hard Line: ConAgra, Archer Daniels Midland and Cargill Urge US Intelligence to Help Egyptian Police to Put Down Protests by Force to Keep Grain Credits Intact.

By KASHLI KOW
The Assassinated Press
2/1/11

The demonstrations in Egypt have rocked world and not in a good Bon Jovi sort of way, sending markets and investors scrambling for the exits. It's not without reason.

“Help the people of Egypt feed themselves, Fuck that,” Rick Santelli told the Assassinated Press. “I’m with the fraud is good crowd. You know that from my housing rant. I’m a fraud. And my mom thinks I’m good.”

A possible revolution in the most populous and influential nation in the Arab world isn’t being taken lightly given the possibility of an anti-Western corporation government coming to power in Cairo.

It's not yet clear what kind of government would emerge if the current autocratic regime, popular among US kleptocrats, led by President Hosni Mubarak were to fall. But the US arms industry has made it clear to the Obama administration that Egypt is too big a customer to fail.

Boeing CEO Jim McNerney Jr. put the situation in the delicate perspective of arms speak. "Fuck we sent Frank Wisner Jr. over there to talk with the Egyptian military and convince those sorry fucks that its in their best interest to keeo buying US arms with US taxpayer money.

I just hope that fucker Wisner doesn't blow his brains out with a shotgun like his CIA daddy did. Frank Sr. used Jr.'s shotgun, right. Junior must have been a piece of work then because he sure is a cocksucking SOB now.

Ya gotta be able to take the heat. Ya gotta be able ta kill, kill, kill. Women, children infants. In the arms business ya fucking can't be soft. Its 'kill, kill, kill them all.' That's our Frank.

" "Kill 'em. Kill 'em all."

General Dynamics Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Jay L. Johnson told the Assassinated Press “If there’s the slightest chance that the billions my company earns from the sale of arms to Egypt is threatened, I say we bomb. We bomb fucking Cairo. We bomb Tehran. Fuck we bomb New York again if that’s what it takes to bring the bleeding hearts to their senses. Fuck, we bomb Tunis out of spite. Shit, my predecessors bombed Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. They were some serious market motherfuckers. I thought we made it clear that nothing is more democratic than ‘free markets’, so let’s free that fucking market space in Cairo of people so that my corporate welfare checks will not be threatened. Shit, I’ve lost a lot of sleep over this.”

"This is a Huge Inconvenince for the US Kleptocracy."

What is clear is that US economic interests in the entire region would be at risk if Egypt falls under the veil of Islamic fundamentalism because Uncle Slimey has a history of wanton brutality against Muslims unless they assist the CIA in running their dope like Kosovo and the Albanians.

“Those raghead cocksuckers might buy their weapons from somebody else like the fucking Russians or Italians, even those militaristic pansies the French,” Boeing Co. CEO Jim McNerney told the Assassinated Press. “But if push comes to shove we’ll sell weapons to anybody.”

“What the living fuck would happen to all that taxpayer money we get to ship fucking arms to Egypt. Holy Christ. I’m not giving up a fucking penny,” Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson told the Assassinated Press. “I made it clear to that corporate stooge Obama just appointed as his chief of staff… What’s his name..?

“You mean William Daley?”

“Yeah. That’s right Bill Bailey. I told that shit we shoulda taken out a few thousand of these Egyptian fucks before the situation got out of hand. There’s a lotta money at stake This is not time to worry about the wetware. The Egyptians we leave alive will still have pricks and cunts, won’t they. Wetware, cheap labor, call it what you want. It somehow always takes care of itself. That’s why we need only invest only in high tech and the elite nerds that form its asexual, immoral base.”

The energy giant, Apache Corporation Chairman and Chief Executive Officer G. Steven Farris said it best, ”We put the Obama people on notice that Mubarak goes nowhere until we have assurances from the US government that out corporate welfare checks will continue to flow and even grow in spite of losing our free ride from Egypt and its proxy, the US taxpayer. Obama’s always played along before. But just in case we told Obama ‘if we lose this money, we will fuck you up’ and gave him a high-def 3D version of Oliver Stone’s JFK as a reminder.”


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