The Assassinated Press

Todd and Sarah Palin Embraced Every American’s Fantasy of Overthrowing the Government.
Palins and their Alaska Independence Party Are Bill Ayers without the Balls.
When President Sarah ‘Plain’ Plans a Pall Mall Country.
"Race War Small price for McCain/Palin Victory," Plain Sarah Tells Floridians.

By KOKO KANE & KRYSTALL METH
The Assassinated Press
Oct. 6, 2008

Every red blooded American has the fantasy. The fantasy of bringing down the federal government and imposing his or her will upon and meeting out justice to feckless federal officials who ignore the will of the people in order to pad the pockets of the rich kleptocracy. The fantasy includes pitched battles with government forces in black helicopters, rounding up minorities just because now you can, fucking 60 buxom women bringing down the people’s tormentors on Wall Street and in Congress and in the process killing thousands of faceless American troops on the way to freeing the country.

Such sentiments are running feverishly high in light of the trillion dollar bank bailout/heist currently being carried out by the Cheney administration and the kleptocracy that owns the federal government and everything else in between.

Todd and Sarah Palin have those violent fantasies. And such violent fantasies led them to join the Alaskan Independence Party, an organization which advocates the secession of Alaska from the United States by violent means if necessary and setting up a bastion for white evangelicals in the butter box of Seward’s Icebox.

“We wanted to blow things up like any red blooded American. We screamed at the TV, stomped around the yard, smacked the kids, hit the bottle or the crack pipe, keyed the park ranger’s jeep, ate too much processed sugar---but could never work up the balls to blow nothin’ up like this Bill Ayers fella. Fuck, he's real mavericky,” Todd Palin told the Assassinated Press. “Fuck! Sarah and I had never even heard of the Weather Underground or Bill Ayers until these fancy suited shits that tell her when to wink and when to wipe told us about them. It woulda been cool to join. Sometimes I still think of joining the local Wasilla chapter of the Hell’s Angels since Wasilla is the crystal meth capital of Alaska. Did you know Tod[d] means 'Death' in German.”

“The Alaskan Independence Party advocates violence,” Lynette Clark, the chairman of the AIP. “You don’t think those greedy fucks in Washington and on Wall Street are going to let the State of Alaska just walk away. There will be gun play.”

“Fuck America,” says burly Jack Coghill, the leader of the military wing of the Party. “Frankly, Palin and her pretty boy husband never had the cajones to secede. As far as I’m concerned they’re part of the problem now, not part of the solution. They sided with the rich kleptocratic elite and that baby bombing aristocrat John McCain. You don’t think that fucker would hesitate one fucking minute to bomb us like those cocksuckers bombed Iraq if we leave the union. That bitch and her pussy faced husband better not show there face back up here in God’s country.”

Palin disputes this characterization. "I'm perfectly prepared to secede from the Union if this current career move doesn't work out. And I know the U.S. army, stooges that they are will come in, just a'bombin' and a'strafin' and a killin' anything that moves in their Free Fire Zones. But I'm ready for 'em and that includes my shit assed son whose in the army that's the enemy of the AIP. You see over yonder. That's Russia. I'll just get help from Russia to fight off Barack Obama and his army of U.S. government nigger lovers." “I’m trying to tie Bill Ayers to Barack Obama becasue I’m a racist," Sarah Palin told the Assassinated Press. “You betcha. I don’t mind carrying water for these rich Wall Street tycoons. You should fuckin’ see THEIR shoes much less walk in them. If it will take stirring up a race war to win this election then John McCain and me will do it. That’s the kind of man John McCain is. Expedient and self-absorbed to a fault. Its like the fuckin’ Alaskan Independence Party says—Alaska First. It’s John McCain First. Then the ol’ shit dies and its Sarah Palin first and all bets are off.” His wife already said she'd help me kill him.

"’I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions." AIP founder Joe Vogler said "[T]he fires of Hell are glaciers compared to my hate for the American government.’" "Sounds like the Weather Underground don’t it except without all that claptrap about social justice. The AIP is the ‘ME Revolution’ with guns,” Palin said cackling.


home