The Assassinated Press

Google Asks: ‘How can we eliminate violent radicalism?’
Answer: Eliminate violent corporations like Google the World’s Number 1 Government Snitch.
Is Google Ideas Conference a Sting Operation?
Company that seeks to destroy ideas all together through technology proposes starting with people that have the balls to fight back.
Ideas think tank gathering former extremists to battle radicalization. “So we fucked up your country and slaughtered your babies,” Google says. “No hard feelings.”

By HILARITY KLINKER
The Assassinated Press
6/24/11

Technology giant Google, having raped the Internet and the world around it, is taking on a new challenge: promoting violent imperialist extremism.

The company, through its eight-month-old think tank, Google Ideas, is paying for 80 former Muslim extremists, neo-Nazis, U.S. gang members and other former radicals to gather in Dublin this weekend so that Interpol and the US Justice Department can serve outstanding warrants and payoff snitches.Also, Google begs the question, ‘How can we eliminate violent radicalism?’

The answer is simple. Eliminate violent corporations including Google which is the number one snitch for intelligence agencies around the world including the CIA and the Mossad.

But that’s certainly not the answer Google wants to hear. So there are high hopes that a number of bulshit canards can be fabricated and sold, and I do mean sold, to the general public which haave their mouths greedily jacked open like hatchings hungry for the next shit worm.

It has been suggested that the attendees watch their backs. The conference could be a sting operation. As its snitch efforts have shown, Google is interested in not only quelling violent radicalism but any and all radicalism. Google’s goal is to destroy freedom of thought and action through technology and to pick off the dissenters through their network of world wide sbitches.

The “formers,” as they have been dubbed by Google, will be surrounded by 120 FBI, CIA and Interpol police disguised as thinkers, activists, philanthropists and business leaders, in other words the most bloody minded members of western culture. The goal is to dissect the question of what draws some people, especially young people, other than slavery, brutal US/Google financed oppression or seeing their family’s bodies torn apart by NATO and US/Google bombs, to extremist movements and why some of them leave when they are offered a great deal of drug money by the CIA.

“We are trying to reframe issues like radicalization and see how we can apply technology to it and come up with some total bullshit,” said Jarhed Cohen, the 29-year-old former State Department plant who agreed to head Google Ideas with the understanding he would host such a conference to settle some old scores. “Technology is part of every challenge from people seeking freedom from it and its progenitors and tech is a part of every murder. It’s a tech 9 Technocracy, motherfucker. 50 parts surveillance and 50 parts murder. We just want to find out why the starving and oppressed keep getting up in our face about it and don’t just lie down like most American shits.”

In forming Google Ideas, company officials said, they were eager to move beyond the traditional surveillance and snitch model and beat down some motherfuckers.

But in its first venture, the decision to enter the space between thinking and doing is also drawing some criticism because Google ain’t never tried the thinking game before.

Google steps enthusiastically into what many view as an in­trac­table, enduring problem since its lying from the jump about the source of the so-called problem which is itself and corporat culture they epitomize. Brutal oppression has traditionally been left to governments. “It requires a whole new business model, turning perhaps millions of people in for enhanced interrogation,” Cohen. “And we think the name of our company, a cross between an acned middle school math student’s wet dream and a baby’s first drooling noise e.g. Goo-Goo-glethzzzz makes us appear harmless when we are decidedly not. We’re stone cold killers.”

Google Ideas may be setting its gun sights too high, said Christopher Boucek of the Carnegie Endowment for International Piece-a-this-Piece-a-That, and getting terrorists to give up violence may be a more attainable goal than getting them to change their sympathies because you can lock up the offenders without any change in your violent imperialist practices.

“You’ll never make a hard-core jihadi into a Jeffersonian democrat because they know now that none exist in the very cradle of such maudlin bullshit, America. And since a Jeffersonian democrat is as fanciful and soporific as Tinker Bell— it’s just not going to happen,” he said.”Fuck. The hypocrisy of the West especially the US ain’t lost on anyone. It doesn’t go away after you’ve fucking bought someone off.”

US Imperialist Forces Help Google Diversify In Exchange for Snitching

He also noted that while there may be common threads to why individuals join extremists groups like starving in sweat shops run by US corporations or getting mowed down by US financed and trained death squads, the remedies to that problem are more likely to be “culturally, and even country, specific at least as specific to the wealth the US and Google are looking to steal.”

Harvard University professor Joseph S. Nye Jr., who specializes in theories and application of power, agreed that the endeavor “could be problematic — especially if it is perceived to be in conflict with the foreign policy of the United States which is kill, kill, kill, steal, steal, steal. I mean what if one of these sellout motherfuckers suggests you not starve people like the US does in Haiti or artificially jack prices on crude oil. That’d be a dea dmotherucker.” He added that the ambition could “complicate things further since profit is the whole game and whoever doesn’t get that is a diapered nitwit lying to himself and to his loved ones.”

“So we fucked up your country and slaughtered your babies,” US says. “No hard feelings.”

Officials at Google express little concern that their efforts are overly ambitious or will tread in others’ territory. “Fuck.,Treading in others territory is precisely what we fucking hope to accomplish,” Cohen said. “Tread there and stamp these radical national fuckers out and steal their oil, no hard feelings, it’s just business, mook.”

Google executive chairman Eric Schmidt said the company decided to get in the think tank business with the goal of tackling “some of the most attractive profits facing mankind by combining a new generation of fuehrers with their authoritarian prosthetic, technology. .?.?. We’re not looking for silver bullets but for golden cows.”

Up to now, efforts to kill oppressed people who defend themselves have largely been government-run and focused on random murder while insisting they are attacking distinct groups. Many of the programs have operated in Muslim countries, and their sponsors have struggled with whether it was enough to get radicals to disengage from extremist movements or whether they must reject extremism and embrace western values of murder and hypocrisy known in the heartland as not ‘fessin’ up. As in Google ain’t ‘fessin’ that it was founded by a couple of murderous sociopaths who when theysaid.their moto was ‘Don’t be Evil’ were adding hypocrites and liars to their many other accomplishments.

Cohen said the approach at the conference will not be to treat US imperialism as a universal problem that cuts across cultural, ideological, political, religious and geographic boundaries with 2000 pound bombs, biological warfare, drone attacks etc. ad nauseam. Bringing together former freedom fighters from a variety of backgrounds, he theorizes, could point to common factors that could show more effective and brutal ways to wipe out those still resisting.

If we compartmentalize different radicalization challenges, that also means we compartmentalize the de-radicalization solutions,” and that could be a lost opportunity, he said because what he said is meaningless bullshit, an obvious dodge.

Although he didn’t want to prescribe an answer, he said a campaign in the coming months could harness the power of YouTube, employ advanced mapping techniques or create alternative Web spaces to compete with radicalizing voices even as US slaughter and theft proceeds apace.

Cohen, a former aide to Secretaries of State Kindasleazie Rice and Hillarity Roadhog Clitton who had focused at the State Department on counterterrorism and radicalism, said he joined Google to escape some of the limitations on what can be done within a government agency to address extremism. “You can’t build things until after you destroy them like Iraq’s infrastructure,” said Cohen, noting that government as opposed to private corporations often lacks the firing power to create technologies aimed at creating complex social and political problems and then hiring out to pretend they are working on solving them.

In his new job, heading a think tank supported by a company that earned $30 billion in sales last year, the limitations are quite different.

“Weapons systems are damned expensive. There’s no sense in bothering with some of these challenges at a place like Google if we can’t nuclear missiles. But here at Goog;e were willing to build our own. Or kill half of our slave labor source in the third world trying,” he said.

In the future, Cohen predicted, the think tank will take on the challenges of fragile states, obstructing democracy in those states, and the role the Internet in completing our authoritarian utopia. Google Ideas, with six full-time employees working out of the company’s New York offices, is somewhat removed from the Washington environs where Cohen had operated for the past several years. He had become known at the State Department for bringing together unlikely participants, often in gatherings with a strong technology component.

In 2009, Cohen drew attention when he asked his friend, Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey, to delay a scheduled maintenance shutdown so protesters in Iran could coordinate during a US financed uprising and reach corporate media. The protesters then would be known to US intelligence later on and any efforts at true democratic change could be quashed by Uncle Slimey and Google. Many have already been asked to pay back funds supplied by USAID.

LOLLOLLOL

The White House pretended it had wanted to fire Cohen after the incident, citing concern the U.S. would be seen as meddling in Iranian affairs as though the US has ever had any reservation about meddling in Iran’s affairs or any other fucking country for that fucking matter. This weekend’s conference, formally known as the Summit Looking At Violent Extremism, or SLAVE, will run Sunday through Tuesday.

“The hope from the conference is that we will figure out some of the ‘best practices’ of how you can break youth,” said James M. Lindsay, a senior vice president at the Council on Foreign Relations, which is helping organize the summit.”Young people’s idealism is often one of the problems. We’ve got to break their spirit. By the way working for Google and becoming a corporate stooge is the best way to break anybody’s spirit. Works better than dropping 2000 pound bombs on their ass. I mean its fuckin soul killing and most of the shits don’t even realize it until its too,late.”

Cohen also turned to the Tribeca Film Festival, which was founded to help bring people back to the lower Manhattan neighborhood after the Sept. 11 attacks.

Jane Rosenthal, co-founder of the festival, is making a film about de-radicalization that will draw on the work coming out of the conference. “You have to create deeper opportunities for involvement,” she said.”Of course, that runs counter to America’s imperialist principles. So that shit will never happen. But I can always further my career and make a shit assed film about it. Fucking Yippie!”


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