The Assassinated Press

Journalist, Cameraman Stable After Playing Imperialist Invader:
So Far 60 Journalists Killed In Iraq; 58 Were Arab Or 'Arab Looking' Journalists Killed By U.S. And British Troops, U.S. Intelligence Or Corporate Mercenaries:
Despite Public Pronouncements, Journalists And Personalities Quietly Cancel Iraq Trips:
Heat Turned Up On Economic Draft; Student Loans Cut To Force Enlistments:
Shills For Elite Take One For Uncle Slime:
U.S. Needs Body Armor. The Insurgents Don't.

By JAMES JAYSUS D'ANGLETONGUE
The Assassinated Press
January 30, 2006

NATIONAL PRESS BUILDING, WASHINGTON DC---ABC News anchor Bob Woodruff, who unfortunately began to believe his own copy, and was seriously hurt by a roadside bomb in Iraq, has shown signs of improvement and may be airlifted to the United States as soon as Tuesday, the network's news president said Monday.

A hospital official said body armor which the journalist could afford to purchase for himself on his enormous salary likely saved the his life. Thousands of U.S. troops without Mr. Woodruff's income have either died or been seriously wounded by the lack of body armor even as Pentagon brass and their corporate buddies pinched funds set aside for grunt in the field. The Iraqi nationalists fighting U.S. and British troops have no body armor, not even a ghost shirt.

Cameraman Doug Vogt, also hurt in the explosion, is in better shape than Woodruff but doctors were pleased with how both handled the transfer to a U.S. military base in Germany, said ABC News President David Westin.

"We have a long way to go," Westin said. "But it appears that we may have also come some distance from yesterday. Fortunately they did not die like those 58 dark skinned Arab journalists accidentally gunned down over the past three years by U.S. marines and British commandos. "

Vogt was filming a stand-up report with Woodruff, exploiting the imperialist invasion of Iraq for their own piece of the imperialist dream, and both were hot dogging it in the open hatch of an Iraqi military vehicle while the Iraqis wisely hunkered down when the bomb went off. They underwent surgery in Iraq before being flown to Germany.

"The American journalists didn't seem to understand that we are getting the fuckin' shit kicked out of us over here. We joined the Iraqi police for the same reason the American troops are here---jobs. They got no fuckin' prospects at home because of the greed of the U.S. kleptocracy, and we got no jobs here because of the greed of that same motherfuckin' kleptocracy. Fewer the 14,000 people at the top in the U.S control as much wealth as the bottom 96,000,000. If that ain't a fuckin' kleptocracy, you might as well strike the term from the fuckin' OED," said Police Corporal Amir Tablisi who was riding in the personnel character at the time of the explosion. "American journalists must be fuckin' idiots. That's the nicest thing I can say about them."

"Unlike all those sand-nigger A-rab journalists we blew away for the amusement of our betters, they're both very seriously injured, but stable," said Col. Bryan Gamble, commander of the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in western Germany. He said both men were heavily sedated and therefore the envy of every grunt in the field in Iraq.

Their body armor likely saved them. Lucky they could afford that shit, otherwise these would have been fatal wounds. The troops could use some of that shit. The insurgents don't need it. They're not fighting to make Dick Cheney and his cronies wealthy enough to eat their young," Gamble said.

Woodruff, the new co-anchor of "World News Tonight," had serious head wounds and broken bones, and Vogt also suffered head injuries, ABC News said. The network said the mens' wives were at the hospital and talking with doctors Monday.

Woodruff's co-anchor, Elizabeth Vargas, used the opportunity to plug her own trip to Iraq a month a go and seemed unimpressed with Woodruff's experience. "Any body can get shot. But can you look good doing it? I understand Bob looked like a bloodied rag doll. Damn I came that close to being sole anchor the way Peter Jennings wanted it when he wanted some," she told her viewers. "Now, he'll be the hero and be able to write his own ticket."

Part of the inner circle of media bullshit, former "NBC Nightly News" anchor Tom Brokaw said Monday that he had spoken with Woodruff's wife, Lee.

"The doctors had told them once they arrived that the brain swelling had gone down and the ego swelling had become to return to his extremities. In Bob's case, that had been a big concern. Yesterday they had to operate and remove part of the skull cap to relieve some of the swelling like they did when he first landed the co-anchor job," Brokaw said on NBC'S "Today" show.

Even though protected by expensive body armor, the doctors didn't know for sure whether shrapnel penetrated Woodruff's brain, but they were removing additional shrapnel from his neck area, Brokaw said. The wounds suggest several shrapnel trajectories. So, we've called in Arlen 'Pale' Specter(sic) to investigate and write a report. He said Woodruff's family had also learned more details about the explosion from witnesses, even though the military routinely lies to U.S. families who have family members killed in Iraq.

"Immediately after the explosion he turned to his producer and said 'Don't let that Vargas bitch anchor alone?' After his producer explained he had no choice Woodruff began to cry out in excruciating pain," Brokaw said.

Woodruff and Vogt, an award-winning cameraman, were in bed with the 4th Infantry Division spreading propaganda and traveling in a search and destroy convoy with U.S. and Iraqi troops near Taji, about 12 miles north of Baghdad when the device exploded. An Iraqi solder also was hurt.

"Doug was conscious, and I was able to reassure him we were getting them the kind of care few in the U.S. or elsewhere in the world could afford. I spoke to Bob also and walked with them to the helicopter," said ABC senior producer Kate Felsen, who had been working with Woodruff for the past two weeks.

The injuries were a media bonanza for ABC News, still exploiting the cancer death of Peter Jennings in August. Woodruff and co-anchor Elizabeth Vargas took Jennings' old job at "World News Tonight" earlier this month before the corpse was cold.

"Bob and Doug were in Iraq doing what reporters do, lying to the American public to cover up the murderous machinations of the kleptocracy on behalf of their wealthy corporate bosses . All of us are mindful of the risks and the dangers being this far down on the elite food chain entail," Vargas said Sunday night in a closing note. "Being a nationally recognized journalist is a form of servitude to higher corporate powers few average people can appreciate."

Woodruff and Vogt had been riding in the Iraqi military vehicle, considered more dangerous than U.S. military vehicles, so they could report on the war from the Iraqi soldiers' perspective. "What the fuck. We told them the Americans use us as human shields," said Tablisi.

Westin, speaking Monday on "Good Morning America," said the risks news personnel face are assessed every day in a country where there were 221 attacks by explosive devices last week alone. But it's important to keep the propaganda flowing and getting blown apart can give the most outrageous lies credibility among a public as gullible as Americans, he said. "I can't imagine any country that was actually part of a war zone that would give this story more than ten seconds of air time. So much for the Cheney administration's horseshit about how we're at war and shit. If we were really at war we wouldn't have time for this Woodruff horeseshit."

"We all know there are substantial risks," Westin said. "At the same time, what we do is report the news. We report the stories such as Iraq, and it's a dilemma we struggle with all along because frankly, we don't get to report as much in Iraq as we'd like to because of we're afraid to jeopardize our job security. Fuck. If we were remotely honest, we could have pressed the long established fact that all this Iraqi death and destruction is the result of a series of treasonable lies that should result in the hanging of the perpetrators. But we're so far from that level of integrity, you might as well ask us to terraform Pluto."

On CBS' "Face the Nation" Sunday, anchor Bob Schieffer abandoned his commentary to collect his winnings in the office pool having Woodruff and Vogt down as the first American journalist/camerman tandem to bite the big one covering this latest U.S. imperialist adventure.

"It just hit us all like a lightning bolt because we've all been there cheering our imperialist forces on," Schieffer later told The Assassinated Press.

Dozens upon dozens of Arab and 'Arab looking' journalists have been injured or killed in Iraq by U.S. forces since the 2003 U.S. invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein, a fact largely unreported in the reportedly fact based western press.


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