"The sense of innocence and entitlement that form the foundation of an infantilized culture like America's astonishes the rest of the world especially when weighed against historical fact."
The Assassinated Press--Accepting the Truth So America Doesn't Have to.******* Cynicism in the defense of liberty is no vice.
THE ASSASSINATED PRESS
*Shoving Truth in the Mouths of Liars* THE ASSASSINATED PRESS: A MAGAZINE OF CONTEMPT.
"Believing the absolute worst about the United States gives you tremendous predictive powers."
"If the lions don't like it, they won't eat it." Daniel Drew
To paraphrase Peter Carlson of the Washington Post: "If someone tried to reveal what really goes on in Washington, he'd start howling like a banshee..." The Assassinated Press is that banshee.
The Assassinated Press is NOT copyrighted and may be reproduced and disseminated in any form whatsoever. Any resemblance to Cheney's Energy Task Force minutes is coincidental.Report-A-John-Gate: Post Rent-A-Reporter Program Goes Public. Washington Post Co. Cancels Corporate Dinners, After Fliers for Program Appeared on Telephone Poles Around City.
Swamped With Thousands of Wrongful Death Suits and Homicide Indictments, George Halvorson, CEO of Kaiser Permanente, Turns to Post to Snuff Health Care Reform. “You dumb fucks supported Dick Cheney and his utter bullshit leading up to the invasion of Iraq,” Halverson says. “Why not help the health insurance industry that kills Americans in their beds instead of sending them half way around the world to die?”
Journalistic Boundaries Brought Into Focus. Post Charges $25,000 a Journalist. FOX Immediately Lower Its Price to Ten Bucks and a Case of Ripple.
By BOWAND KURTZIE
July 3, 2009In Interrogations Hussein It Turned Out Was U.S.’s Friend and Ally Against Iran. Current Iraqi Power Brokers, Not So Much.
“Sure Saddam Was Our Little Sand Nigga,” Rumsfeld Tells Press. “That’s Why I Sold His Ass All That Poison Gas. But the Dumb Fuck Just Wouldn’t Cough Up the Oil. And he insisted on that toilet brush on his upper lip just like that euphoniously lying fuck John Bolton.”
Specter of Arms Allowed Him to Appear Strong, He Told U.S.
By WATTA MESSLA
July 2, 2009Hard-Line European and U.S. Capitalist Regimes Censor News From Iran.
By AROING ABOINGA CHACHACHA
June 27, 2009If You Don't Twitter, You’re Just Litter.
The Politics of Vanity: A Whole New Way for the Solipsistic Shits in the West to Ignore the Poor of Iran and the World.
Coupcoup for the Coupsters: Twitter; U.S.’s New Voice of Destabilization.
What Role Is the Mujahideen Khalq Playing in the Destabilization Process?
By ULLSER BADDLEY
June 20 2009For Iraq Visit, Colbert Has His Schtick Scripted By the Military, White House.
By IMA STOOGEY
6/13/09Washington Post Backing Off Claims of Iranian Voter Fraud as Bloodshed Mounts.
The Post, the CIA’s Main Propaganda Organ, at Odds With Agency Over Attempted Iranian Coup.
Signs of Fraud Abound, But Who’s Fraud?
Obama Administration Remains Cautious Amid Fears CIA Complicity in Iranian Election Fraud Will Be Exposed.
By LEN GUESSLER & YAN KOAN GOWAN
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
June 16, 2009Is Mir Hossein Mousavi Still CIA?
Mir Hossein Mousavi's Iran-contra Connection Dooms His Election.
Love Affair with Guns For Hostages Stooge, Manucher Ghorbanifar, Contact with CIA and Mossad Seen as Destroying Mousavi’s Chance for Election.
"Where's the Fucking News. All We Get Is Worthless Asshole Opinions From Fucking Whores." CIA Asset Christiana Amanpour: The CIA Contact Cheney Didn’t Out.
Son of Shah, the Butcher of Tehran, sees echoes of 1953 U.S. Bought Coup of Mosssadegh.
CRUDIANA IHATETHEPOOR
6/15/09Axis of Logic
Finding Clarity in the 21st Century Mediaplex
Iran/Persia
Iran: Some Dots You May Want To Connect
Christiana Amanpour: CIA Asset
By Editorial. Moon of Alabama. Axis of Logic
http://axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/printer_56031.shtml
Sunday, Jun 14, 2009A Lesson in Kleptocracy
Definitions of Kleptocracy:
1) A kleptocracy (sometimes cleptocracy, occasionally kleptarchy) (root: klepto+kratein = rule by thieves) is a term applied to a government that extends the personal wealth and political power of government officials and the ruling class (collectively, kleptocrats) at the expense of the population.
2) A corrupt and dishonest government characterised by greed
The Editors
6/12/09Apparently You Do Have to Be a Rocket Scientist.
James von Brunn and Wernher von Braun—
Holocaust Memorial Murderer and Anti-Semite’s Last Name Bears a Close Resemblance to Another Murdering Anti-Semite--- and Great American Hero.
Gunman Shoots, Kills Guard at U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C.
By WILLBEE BORNAGIN and DERBY WILBEGORIN
June 10, 2009The Anti-Empire Report
The great, international, demonic, truly frightening Iranian threat.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Changeman!
Obama.
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 5th, 2009
www.killinghope.orgA Million Killed in Iraq But It Was All Worth It; Tattooed Iraqi Airhead Embraces U.S. Popular Culture.
Misread of American Xenophobia Too Funny for Words, But Perfect for Tattoos.
Tattoo Artist Wants to Move to Texas Where No Doubt He Will Be Immediately Hanged As a Terrorist.
“With New Freedoms, American Journalists Are Free to Leer at My Girlfriend.”
Nano-Ink With Minute Transmitters Used By Tattoo Parlors to Track Iraqis Just Like in The U.S.
A Quiet but Undeniable Cultural Legacy of Shallow, Useless Shit Just Like in the U.S.
U.S. Occupation of Iraq Will End, but a Host of American Influences and Communicable Diseases Will Linger.
By AMBONI SHITHED
May 31, 2009Obama's 'None Of the Above' Terror Policy; And All Crimes Left behind War Crimes Policy.
Cheney and Emanuel Conspire to Keep Torture on the Front Burner Instead of the War Crimes and Lies Running Up to Iraq Invasion Resulting in the Slaughter of Millions of People.
By ROOFI SCMUCKUS
May 24, 2009Obama Shifts on Abuse Photos; Images Considered Too Depraved to Release.
Michael Hayden Selling Bootleg DVDs of CIA Torture Tapes Out of the Back of His Van.
Fight Over $87,000,000,000 a Year U.S. Market for Depravity Likely to Wind Up in Court.
CIA, Private Contractors, Military Caught on Tapes in Naked Bacchanalia of Blood and Bestiality.
CACI Contractor Given Medal of Honor, Photographed Biting the Nipples Off Detainees Chest, Gnawing Penis Off of CACI Attack Dog.
Copyright Battle Looms Between Cheney Era Officials, Obama Camp, CACI and the CIA Over Movie Distribution Rights to Torture Tapes.
Cheney Using Torture To Deflect Attention From Major Crime of Launching War, Murdering Millions With a Pack of Lies.
CIA Agents and CACI Employes Dressed in Drag for Torture Sessions Costumed as Nancy Pelosi, Lynn Cheney and Condoleeza Rice.
By SCIRT WOOLOVER
May 14, 2009The Anti-Empire Report
Some thoughts about torture. And Mr. Obama.
Another jewel in the crown, Miss Hillary
By WILLIAM BLUM
May 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.orgWall Street Throws Down the Gauntlet: It’s Either Kill or Be Killed by Them.
Wall Street, the Banks and Corporations Challenge “250,000,000 Lazy Americans” to a Duel to the Death.
“They’re Like the Undead. Wall Street Zombies Won’t Stop Trying to Suck You Dry Until You Chop Off Their Heads. The French Knew From Whence They Acted.”
By JACK DAWSON
5/4/09Say It's Your Mama. What If She Won't Talk?
“I wouldn’t know “a hard and brutal reality” if it pitched a tent in my ass and took potshots at my nutsack with a Browning semi-automatic.”—Michael Scheuer
By MICHAEL SCHEUER
April 26, 2009An Interview with Dick Cheney
By YASO ADIODI
4/26/09A World Wide Epidemic in 'White Color Crime.'
Venezuela Cracks Down on White Collar Crime And Kleptocratic Assassins While Obama Administration Lets U.S. White Collar Criminals and Assassins Run Wild.
White Collar Criminal Rosales Flees to Peru, Next Stop Miami.
By JUAN THE YOYO
April 22, 2009Somali Pirates Were Interns at IMF, Bear Stearns.
A Bigger, Bolder Role Is Imagined For the IMF and Other Pirates.
Changes Suggest Shift in How Global Economy Is Stolen.
Faced with World Wide Nationalist Movements Kleptocracy Adjusts its Modus Operandi.
“Usury Age Old and Age Thick.”
By TONY PAIOLA
April 20, 2009The Wealthy Fearing a 3% Tax Increase Find American ‘Tea Baggers’ Willing to Lick Their Balls.
FOX Commentators Lead Shill for the Wealthy.
“I don’t give a fuck. With assholes like the teabaggers I’m certain I’m gonna get mine.”-- Dick 'Alarm Me' Armey
Giuda Says, “Fuck, I’d rather give my money to a felon like Rick Santelli than to a bunch of lazy niggers and spics is what I really mean by this teabagging shit.”
By SEAN VANNITY
4/15/09U.S. Surge Ignored Iraqis’ Built-In Surge Protector.
5 U.S. Troops Killed in Iraq Bombing.
IRAQ DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU: Chauvinist U.S. In Denial about Iraqi Cultural and Tactical Prophylaxis Against Surge.
Finger In Dyke Can’t Be Removed. Dyke Can’t Be Fixed Because It’s Not Iraq’s Dyke And U.S. Dykes Come With Built In Permanent Imperialist National Security Crack.
By ERNIE BONJOURNO
April 11, 2009In Biden Remark Rove Takes Shot at Cheney: "If I was being unkind, I would say he's a liar," Rove said Thursday. ". . . You should not exaggerate and lie like this when you are the vice president of the United States."
“It must have been fucking embarrassing and humiliating working even in theory FOR George Bush.”---Frank Carlucci
“Does Karl Rove Look Like the Pillsbury Dough Boy After Being Dipped in Chlamydia Discharge or What?”---Michael Steele
By MICKEY D. SHEEEATT
April 11, 2009Military Targeting Experts Link Economy With Spate Of Killings, Call Killers Choice of Targets Amateurish and Counterproductive.
“Any High Profile Official in the Cheney Administration or Wall Street Hacks Like Rick Santelli or Larry Summers Would Make Far More Logical Targets than What we’re Seeing.”
In One Month, 57 Die In Eight Mass Murders
By INSANTELLI PRICKOLINI
April 8, 2009Darwin Deason Needs a New Yacht!
Speed Camera Bribes Attract Legislators Statewide.
Senate Revives Bill to Allow Use of Camera Scam Beyond Montgomery.
By SUDSY RAGABOND
4/4/09Some thoughts about socialism
"Omission is the most powerful form of lie." – George Orwell
The ideology of Barack Obama
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
April 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.orgU.S. Soft On Crime.
No Executions Planned Yet For Criminal Investment Bankers.
U.S. Lets Spain Do The Dirty Work On American War Criminals.
Uncle Slimey Goes Limp Dick on Kleptocratic Criminals.
By MALICE SIMONY
March 29, 2009Geithner Fakes Vast Expansion of U.S. Oversight of Financial System.
Wall Street Reassures Investors “If We Can’t Buy Our Way Out of It, I’m Certain We Can Circumvent the Law.”
Cassano Says “Fuck Geithner and Summers. They’re on the payroll, just like Rubin, Bernanke, Paulson and Greenspan.”
By CUSH LUSHBAGS & LUSH “THE OX” E. CONTIN
March 26, 2009Michele Bachmann Says She Wants People “Armed and Dangerous” Over Tax Plan And That Felonious Bitch Bachmann Ought To Be the First One We Get.
Bachmann Is Right: Day of Reckoning for Assholes Like Her Needed.
Bachmann Tells Listeners Permanently Lodging Her Head Up Her Ass Has Been Key to Her Career, Relates College Experimentation.
RUSH LAMEBALLS
March 23, 2009The Big Takeover
The global economic crisis isn't about money - it's about power.
How Wall Street insiders are using the bailout to stage a revolution
MATT TAIBBI
Rollingstone.com
URL: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/26793903/the_big_takeover
Mar 19, 2009CIA/DIA/ONI Agents Disguised as Civilians to Join Afghan Buildup.
Phoenix Style Program Is Part of Larger U.S. Strategy Studied by White House.
By EATOTH DE YOUNG
March 19, 2009Alabama Man Kills at Least 9, Including 4 Relatives Is Not Somali.
Murders By Somalis, Imaginary or Otherwise, Would Bolster Case For More CIA, FBI & Heimat Security Funds.
“At Alabama Massacre Nary a Somali In Sight,” A Disappointed Mueller Confesses.
Panic In Noodle Park, USA
FOX Rumors Somali Literature Found in Killer's Home
By JYZABEL CRSCO and DESI HUNTA
The Assassinated Press
March 11, 2009Being serious about torture. Or not.
Hell hath no fury like an imperialist scorned
You've got to be carefully taught
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
March 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.orgSix Years After Pillaging by U.S. Officials, Iraqi Museum to Reopen.
Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bremer, Franks, Military Brass Donate Polaroids of Objects they Stole.
Tommy and Mrs. Franks Seen Riding an Assyrian Charoit to Church, Tractor Pulls.
By SUDSY RAGABOND & K.Y. SCOONJIELY
February 24, 2009Prince of Darkness Puts His Head Up His Ass and Indeed It’s Pitch Black.
Is Richard Perle a Spineless Cocksucker or What!?
By DONNA SHITBANK
February 20, 2009J. Edgar Hoover Wanted to Fuck Jack Valenti Real Bad.
Valenti’s Sexuality Was Hot Topic at FBI's Little Sex Shop of Horrors.
Threatened With the Exposure for His Role in the Kennedy Assassination, LBJ Let Hoover Go Through Valenti’s Underwear Drawer, Wear Valenti’s Jock Strap Under a Ball Gown.
Cocksucking Crime Fighter Sicked His Mormon Lapdogs on Hollywood Insider.
By RUSH LAMEBALLS
February 19, 2009Cabal of Kleptocrats Blows Up Sept. 11 Widow’s Plane.
Assassination of 9/11 Activist Designed To Have a Chilling Effect on Advocates.
Widow Whose Silence Could Not be Bought, Pays Ultimate Price.
Cheney Gloats. PNAC Jubilant!
FAA, Media Ruled Out Foul Play Years Ago.
By O. GOON GRINDER & ESMON KEE
Special to the Chicago Tresboom
Feb 13, 2009An open letter to Hugo Chavez,
By YASO ADIODI
2/12/09As Crimestoppers Congress Is Nothing More Than A Pack of Selective McCarthyite Pussies.
Bonds, Clemens, Rodriguez, Tejada---I’m with Josh Gibson, Satchel Paige and ‘Cool Papa’ Bell.
By ZAGNUTTS GROYNITCH
2/11/09The Anti-Empire Report
Change (in rhetoric) we can believe in.
By WILLIAM BLUM
February 3rd, 2009
www.killinghope.orgBanks Use Union Taxpayer Bailout Money to Bribe Lawmakers, Blagojevich Style, to Block Taxpayers from Joining Unions.
Banks Use Taxpayer Bailout Money to Deny Taxpayers Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
"Hey Fuck! At least they're using it for something instead of their usual stealing it outright."
Calls For Bloody Purge of Corporate Executives on the Rise, Maureen Dowd Reports.
Sales of the Writings of Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, Mao, Ho Chi Minh, Giap and Castro Go Through the Roof Amazon Reports. Retailer brings another 100 non-union workers on board, supplies refrigerator crates on back lot for shelter.
Others Say a Purge of Executives "Would be doing God's work."
Report: Bailed-Out Banks Joined in Plan to Defeat Union Bill.
250 Million Guns in Private Hands. Law Enforcement Unionized.
By KILLEN FIELDS
1/27/09DNI Nominee Blair Talks Of Murder, Bad Poetry.
By WALDO PUNKASS
January 26, 2009Dissident Voice http://www.dissidentvoice.org/
a radical newsletter in the struggle for peace and social justice
Merchants of Death: Exposing Corporate-financed Holocaust in Africa
White Collar War Crimes, Black African Fall Guys
by KEITH HARMON SNOW
December 8th, 2008Obama Invades the Congo on Inauguration Day.
Obama Administration on behalf of McLarty Associates, Kissinger & Associates, Clinton Enterprises, the Belgian Royal Family and Belgian Banks and Financial Firms Sends in Proxy Force to Re-Establish Control Over Coltan, Cobalt and Diamonds.
McLarty Associates Hire Veteran Hit Man John D. Negroponte to Oversee Operation and Make Certain the West Inflicts Maximum Bloodshed Again.
Rwandan Troops Enter Congo to Find Hutu Militia Leaders
By STUFFI MCDUMMY
January 21, 2009Mars Farts! Like Earth, Angry Red Planet Has Many Assholes.
First Martian Methane Vent Named O’REILLY 666X.
Redness Caused By Chafing Around Methane Rims.
“We Are a Whiff Closer to the TerraRapture to Mars.”—Rev. Van Impy
By Dr. Spick & Captain Kike
January 16, 2009Kleptocracy Has Already Stolen First $600 Billion, Obama Seeks Rest of Bailout and $800 Billion More.
Summers, Rubin, Bernanke, Emmanuel, Madoff Cite Unusually High Testosterone Levels Among Very Wealthy as Reason Trillions More in Bailout Loot Are Needed.
Obama Unveils the Military as his New Jobs Program as a Generation of Uneducated, Ignorant Fops Who Can’t Make It in U.S.’s Competitive Market Place Sign Indenture Papers.
Request for Funds Meets Skepticism On Capitol Hill; Obama Not Clear on How Much Republicans Can Steal.
After Studying Obama’s Security Nominations Foxxx Elects to Green Light a New Show Called “Lockdown America.”
By LUCKY MUTTGUMIARY & DON CHOKE
January 13, 2009Bush Does His Best Smirky Turkey Impression.
Except for the Buckets of Blood, Funniest Press Conference Ever Leaves ‘Em Rolling in the Aisles.
By MICKEY O’BUMMERWITZ
January 13, 2009The Obama Buzzword That Hit Pay Dirt.
The Obama Administration Demonstrates It Can Really Shovel It Too.
Shovel Ready--Shit and the Other White Meat.
By MANNY ROIDS
January 8, 2009In Cuba, Pinning Hopes on Obama, But With All That Miami Drug Money and CIA Snipers In Play Change Is Unlikely.
Many Islanders Expect Better Relationship With U.S. Under New President But Obama In His New Role as the Most Compromised Individual on Earth Is Unlikely to Risk Going Up Against Forces that Assassinated JFK.
By John Wilkes Booth
January 7, 2009The Anti-Empire Report
From the Author of Killing Hope & Rogue Nation
By WILLIAM BLUM
1/3/09
America's other glorious warDamn Israel! Is Uncle Slimey’s Money that Good?
Israel calls Gaza assault 'war to the bitter end' of Congressional Debate in Washington Over Increased Military ‘Aid’ for Israel.
Israeli and U.S., Arms Dealers Kleptocrats Belly Up to The Trough.
"I Aim for the Stars but Sometimes I Hit Gaza."
By BILLY BARSNAK and JISM GEYSER
12/30/08The Guns of Anarchy?
Only Americans, Marinating in the Belly of the Beast, Can Afford To Be So Ignorant About the Intentions of U.S. Foreign Policy.
By Mark Bowdown
December 21, 2008What Does It Say About Obama that He Would Choose Rick Warren, the Author of a Huckster Driven Driven Piece of Shit like “The Purpose Driven Life” to Give the Inaugural Blessing
By P.T. BONUM
12/18/08Foreign Automakers Choose Southern States Because They Most Resemble the Third World.
Last in Income, Education, Health Care, Poverty, Mortality, Social Services, Nutrition and Intelligence Foreign Investors Flock to Exploit Stupidity and Gullibility of the South.
“Fuck, the Shiteating Crackers in My Godforsaken State if They Aren’t Fucking Smart or Courageous Enough to Look Out for Their Own Self-Interest Like The Big Money Boys. They’re Too Chicken Shit to Vote Fucking Union,” Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala. Reassures Foreign Automakers.
By TOBAKI RHODES
12/14/08What Do They Play at a Politician's Funeral? Wire taps. State Governor Held in US Probe.
Pre-Emptive Arrest Designed to Save Bank of America Millions. Bank Relents Fearing Bad PR.
FBI, ATF Threaten to Burn Out, Bomb Workers at Republic Windows & Doors ala Waco and MOVE.
Fitzgerald Indicts Several Unionized Workers in Scheme to Peddle Governorship.
By IMA STOOGEY
12/9/08Washington Post Calls for Another Third World Bloodbath After Sanctions, Embargos, Low Intensity Conflict Fail!
Strangle Zimbabwe! As U.S., Britain, Washington Post’s Plans to Starve Zimbabwe into Submission Take Hold, Western Powers Having Fonder Memories of Colonialism Grow Apoplectic at Mugabe’s Resistance.
Gordon Brown Throws a Fit, Strips Naked and Shits on his Podium at Mugabe’s Resistance. “White people will have their land and fucking everbody else’s,” Cheney assures meeting of Whitey Uberalles in Pulaski, Tennessee.
By YASO ADIODI
December 7, 2008Financial Market Bailouts--“But For the Grace of the Godless Go I.”
GM Proposes Motorless Cars that You Can Live In; Great Gas Mileage; Low Fuel Emissions; Highway Median Strips Converted to Low Cost Housing.
White House, Democrats Near Compromise On Auto Aid.
Automakers Increase Bribe/Quid Pro Quo Package, More Republicans Sign On to Bailout.
Hopes of Huge Increase in Military Recruitments Dashed. Still Unemployment Figures Encouraging.
Bush Signs Bill Giving Big Oil Drilling Rights to Highway Median Strips, Rest Stops, Public School Playgrounds.
By LOADIE SCHITT & YASO ADIODI
Assassinated Press Staff Writers & Fly On The Wall Media Enterprises
December 6, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Vote First. Ask Questions Later.
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 1st, 2008
www.killinghope.orgU.S., CIA Lose War in Somalia.
Uncle Slimey’s Proxy Ethiopian Army to Pull Its Troops from Somalia by End of the Year.
Cheney’s “Where’s There’s Oil There’s a Way” Policy Fails in Eastern Africa.
Somali “Founding Fathers” Take Back Country.
$2 Billion in U.S. Funds Unaccounted For.
Mullen Tells Cheney to “Shit or Get Off the Pot. Military Needs 50,000 Troops for Invasion of Somalia.”
By MOE OLAF BODYBAG
November 29, 2008Nicaragua's Ballot Upsets Spoiled Pricks at Post.
Once Again Washington Post’s Hatred for Poor People Is on Display.
After Years of Misery Under Post Approved Rule Nicaraguans Again Seek Social Justice, Food, Clothing, Health Care, Education, Shelter, Everything the Post Would Deny Them.
Post Insists On White President In Nicaragua.
President Daniel Ortega moves to construct another egalitarian society.
DONNY TAODICK
November 16, 2008U.S. Plans for Expanded War in Pakistan/Afghanistan/Eastern Iran Region.
Expansion of Afghan Airfield to House Special Army Aviation Unit, Protect Oil Interests, Spy on Turkmenistan.
Platform Will Be in Place to Bomb the Entire Region “Back to the Stone Age.”
Halliburton Gets a 95%/5% Split to Do the Job.
By WALDO PUNKASS
November 10, 2008Lawrence Summers Being Considered For Secretary of Treasury Because He Promised to Lead the Feds to Where the Stolen Wall Street Money Is Hidden.
Stolen Wall Street Trillions Said to be in a Cave Down the Road from Bin Laden.
Pakastani Residents Say Constant Flow of Trucks Filled with America’s Chinese Leveraged Cash Disturbs Sleep, Affects Birth Rate in Goats.
Summers Plan to Kill Millions of Africans Back on the Front Burner in Obama Administration.
By IMA STOOGEY
Nov. 5, '08Congo’s President Joseph Kabila: Dynasty or Travesty?
By KEITH HARMON SNOW
13 November 2007
Kabila and BushEuropean, U.S. Envoys Visit E. Congolese City and Admire The Death and Destruction their Policies Have Wrought.
Congolese Cobalt, Copper, Diamonds, Gold, Silver, Tin and Coltan to Remain in Post-Colonial Kleptocratic Hands.
By STUPUDDLY MISSCRUMCAKE and COLUMNS O’LYNCHMOBS
November 1, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 30, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Don't tell my mother I work at the White House. She thinks I play the piano in a whore house.Wall Street Bailout is Wondrous, But the Post Draws the Line at Bailout for Joe the Autoworker.
Slippery Slope. Welfare for Detroit? What’s Next? Welfare for the Post?
Should Lower-Paid Workers Making $50,000 a Year Help ‘Subsidize’ Those Averaging $56,650 at GM? A Distinction Without a Difference.
Should Post Editors Average $175,000 a Year Salary When a Detroit Auto-Worker Actually Makes Something Other than Word-Shit.
JEFFEY LUBE
Monday, October 27Bush Urges Nations to Show Patience in Grift Economy.
“You’ll Get Your Money, Motherfuckers,” Bush Tells G-8.
By DOOBIE RAKITIN
10/25/08Colin Powell's Endorsement Could Sink Barack Obama.
Cheney’s Puppet at U.N. Leading Up to Iraq War Seen as Career Liar, Not To Mention the First Fuckin' Iraq War.
Powell Endorsement Places Death of Hundreds of Thousands at Obama's Doorstep.
By BEENY WASHEDUP
October 20, 2008Sure Enough, Panty Sniffing at the NSA.
Just as Reported by the Assassinated Press on Many Occasions, Crotch Crawlers Dominate U.S. Intelligence.
U.S. Listens In on Sex Calls of Americans Abroad.
“The Heart of the Intelligence Community’s Turf Is the World’s Taint, That Strip of Stink between the Asshole and the Cunt and/or Balls .”—Thomas Clines
By JERBIL WADDICK
October 10, 2008Pussy Saved Spitzer; Ghost of Dick Cheney Tells Nostradamus News That if Eliot Spitzer Had Not Had a Taste for Whores He Would have Been a Dead Man.
Spitzer’s ‘Hobby’ Allowed Homeland Security, the Cheney Administration to Discredit Him Rather Than Kill Him.
By MADAM TORSO & TED SCOWPLE
Nostradamus News Service
10/13/2056Todd and Sarah Palin Embrace Every American’s Fantasy of Overthrowing the Government.
Palins and their Alaska Independence Party Are Bill Ayers without the Balls.
When President Sarah ‘Plain’ Plans a Pall Mall Country.
"Race War Small price for McCain/Palin Victory," Plain Sarah Tells Floridians.
By KOKO KANE & KRYSTALL METH
Oct. 6, 2008Trucks With the Logos of Major Banks and Financial Institutions Seen Lining Up At the Back of the Treasury Building Hours Before Bush Signed Bill.
Upon Signing Bush Heard to Repeat Ronald Reagan's S&L Deregulation Bill Signing Mantra--"We've Hit the Jackpot!"
Back In the U.S.S.A; Socialism Among Thieves.
Bush Re-enacts Historic Financial Rescue.
After Receiving Their Quid Pro Quos ‘Principled’ House Passes Plan By Wide Margin, but Stocks Keep Falling.
Does Ted Nugent Remind You of Yosemite Sam or What?
By LOUIE RIPNRUN & KOKO KANE
October 4, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Ant-Empire Report
October 1, 2008
www.killinghope.org
101 ways to get rich without doing anything socially usefulMr. Paulson, Tear Down This Wall Street!
The Paulson Put(sch)
Questions for the new CEO of US Government Inc.
by LILA RAJIVA
September 25, 2008Is Sarah Palin the Messiah in Mukluks? Candidate Tells Reporter “No Comment.”
Huge Crowd in Florida, Meteoric Rise Speak to Second Coming, Day of Reckoning.
Will Rapture Come Before November Taking Her Voting Base Into Heaven and Robbing Palin of Presidency After Ol' Man McCain Dies Flopping When He Shoulda Flipped?
By BUTSY GRINDHARD
9/23/08Paulson derides calls for added help in bailout scheme
By FARTIN CROTCHSNIFFER
9/22/08Bush Urges Quick Passage of Trillion Dollar Bailout Package; Bankers Anxious To Loot It.
Cheney and McCain Say It’s Fine If Voters Want to Blame Banking Crisis on Poor People.
RNC Report Claims People Earning Less Than Thirty Thousand Dollars a Year Represent the Most Powerful and Influential Bloc of Americans.
Sarah Palin’s Trailer Is in Foreclosure; Family Survived On Moose Stew and Muck Luck Soup.
By LORREY MOUNTGAMELY, DARBY CHOKACHICKEN & HOW SCHNEID
September 22, 2008American Gluttony Batters Cuban Regime.
Hurricanes Battering Southern Coast of U.S. Are Blowback From CIA and Fast Food Industry’s Secret Methane War on Cuba.
U.S. Uber-Consumption Has Brought About Through Global Climate Change the Storms Destroying Island Nation.
Super-Sized Avaricious Traits Prove Secret U.S. Weapon.
Storm Relief Would Be Sent Directly to Havana Government from Fort Detrick.
Phil Gramm and the Whiners' Hit Single 'I'm Fucked and Your Not. How Is That Possible?'Tops Wall Street's Top 100.
By EATETH DEYOUNG
September 16, 2008Wall Street, Phil Gramm & the Cheney Administration Bring You “DEPRESSION ERA FAVORITES.”
Stocks Plunge as Crisis Intensifies.
AIG at Risk; $700 Billion In Shareholder Value Vanishes.
By GLENDA KEESTER & DOVEY HILZOWRATH
September 16, 2008Little Known Quasi-Government Agency Signs Contracts with CIA to Overthrow Bolivian and Thai Governments. U.S. Receipt & Respond or USRR to Cut Back Agents in Zimbabwe Now that Mugabe Has Been Hopelessly Crippled.
CIA to Retain Control Over the Assassination of Hugo Chavez Though Some in Congress Call for ‘New Blood.’
In Environment of Market Failure Company Known as the ‘Little House of Horrors’ Shows Privatization Can Work.
Venezuela Joins Bolivia and Honduras in Expelling U.S. Ambassador.
By WAN DEYOYO
September 12, 2008Financial Rescues Show That the Free Market Is a Myth Requiring an Unbearably Ignorant Populace Who Perpetually Turns Over Its Wealth to a Venal Kleptocracy and the Requirements of Constant Global Slaughter to Maintain an Empire.
By STUFFI PEARLSWINE
September 12, 2008Talking Presidential Requires a F**KED Tongue.
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By JEFFEY LUBE
The Assassinated Press
9/8/08Is John McCain the Hanoi Candidate?
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By MOTO-BENNY RAVIOLI
The Assassinated Press & Fly On the Wall Media Enterprises
9/8/08The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama-Biden -- Osama bin Laden: A coincidence? I think not.It’s the Hottest Ticket at Langley, Georgetown University.
Real Time Televised CIA Coup Against the Democratically Elected Government of Thailand Draws Hundreds to Classrooms and Lecture Halls around Washington.
Thai Protesters Supported by U.S. Funds Defy Premier's State of Emergency. Will Their Be Blood in the Streets!?
After Receiving Gifts of Cash Electoral Commission Wants Leader's Party Disbanded.
By FRANK ' CHEEZE' WHIZZNER
September 3, 2008Guns and Guidebooks Outlet Has Wealthy Residents Up In Arms.
Compass Guns & Ammo Offers a Bit More than Buckshot.
Open Sales of Blueprints, Guides, Medical Records and Personal Schedules of Billionaire’s and Their Estates Makes Resident’s of Gated Communities Fearful.
By YASO ADIODI
9/1/08Unearthing What's Hardly a Secret about the Washington Post’s Reporting on Colombia's Long War.
Forensic Teams Track Victims 'Disappeared' by Death Squads Back to Official U.S. Policy.
By WAN DEYOYO
Friday, August 27, 2008Iraqi Leader Pushes Hard for Accord. Maliki Demands All U.S. Troops Pull Out by 2011.
Cheney Says U.S. Will Attack Iraq If Maliki Persists: “Don’t Worry. We’re Use to Attacking People We Funded and Trained. It’s Part of Our Free Market Theory of War and Murder. Let Freedom Ring, Ka-ching, Ka-ching! Oil Uber Alles!! And Tell T. Boone to Go Fuck Himself.”
Timetable for U.S. Troop Withdrawal Tied to Cheney’s Big Oil Buddies and Their Piece of Iraq’s Oil. “You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass We’re Not Leaving without Our Sweet Crude,” Exxon Mobil’s Rex Tillerson Confirms.
Cheney Sells Out Troops for Greater Share of Oil. Cheney Agrees that American Troops Are Not Immune From Iraqi Law, Both On and Off Military Bases and Regardless of Whether They Are Off Duty.
De Facto President Cheney, Uses as Precedence for Reversing Policy the Logic Behind Domestic Spying and Panty Sniffing—“If You’ve Done Nothing Wrong, If You've Got Nothing to Hide, You’ve Got Nothing to Worry About. Right? Oh, and Don’t Worry About What I Told You, You Could or Couldn’t Do. That’ll Remain Our Little Secret.”
By AHDMET U.R. QILTY
August 26, 2008We Can Only Go So Far. As the World's Bully We’re Throwing Our Weight Around. But History Isn't On Our Side Because I Said History Ended With My 1992 Best Seller, The End of History, and We Keep Acting Like It Really Did.
Why in a World Where Millions of People Could Snap My Neck Like a Balsa Wood Strut Am I Not Only Still Alive, But Sending People Off To Die to Enrich Me and My Cronies?
Bush Signs Agreement Giving Iraqis Jurisdiction Over Crimes Performed by U.S. Servicmen and Contractors Saying, “Its Just Like Our Domestic Spying Laws in the U.S. If You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong You Have Nothing to Worry About. Right?”
By FRANCIS FUKYOMAMA
August 24, 2008U.S. Extraditions Raise Concerns in Colombia.
U.S. Officials Extradite Colombian Paramilitary Drug Assassins Before They Can Implicate Those Self-Same U.S. Officials in Drug Smuggling and Murder in Colombia.
“Cheney and Clinton Administration Working Hand In Hand With Right Wing Colombian Death Squads Because Otherwise They Would Have Been Exposed If We Didn’t Bring Our Friends to the U.S. and Shut Them the Fuck Up,” Attorney General Mike ‘The Mick’ Mukasey Warns.
U.S./Colombian Criminal Alliance Reminiscent of 30 Year Love Affair between the Guatemalan Military, the White Hand, the Monkey and the Johnson/Nixon/Carter/Reagan/Bush/Clinton White Houses.
In Colombia 'Justice and Peace' Process May Be Imperiled by White House, Congress, CIA Covering its Collective Asses.
By WAN DEYOYO
Aug. 19, 2008Cheney Hazed Georgia; Cheney Told Georgia If You Want to Join NATO Your Initiation Test Is to Invade South Ossetia. U.S. ‘Advisors’ on Ground in Georgia.
U.S. Leaders Increasingly Critical of Russian Escalation.
U.S. Brags Its Bombing of Serbia May Have Been Tardy But Was Far More Destructive.
Russia Nips In the Bud Georgian Genocide of South Ossetians.
Human Rights Groups, the Hague Show Rare Courage, Defy U.S., Leap In to Condemn Georgia, Lose Funding.
By WATA BUMMERSPHITZ & COMTUDA LYNCHING
Monday, August 11, 2008; 11:20 AMThe Elections Are Coming. Is the CIA?
Will the Mad Bombers of Langley Favor the Democrats Again?
By RUSE RIDDLE
August 10, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
August 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama and the EmpireIraq's and Oil Companies’ Profits Huge While U.S. Shoulders Reconstruction After Destroying Infrastructure.
Iraq Replies “You Break It, You Pay For It. And Don’t Give Us Any of This Liberation Shit. You Came for the Oil.”
By HAL O’MIRRORS
8/6/08McCain's Problem Isn't His Tactics. It's GOP Lies.
Pols Gone Wild! Brittany's Cunt; Paris' Clit. From L.A.'s Top Pig to Hanoi Ann’s War Loser McCain, Authorities Reveal their Fantasies.
L.A. Police, FBI Pose as Paparazzi to Intimidate Stars, Endanger Public.
"When Will McCain Pay Back the American Government for the Five Fighter Jets He Lost in Vietnam?"—Robert Gates, Secretary of War
By JERRY RIGGED
August 3, 2008New Premises in Iraq Depend on Prospects for Withdrawal Being Viewed through the Politics of Oil.
“If It Weren’t for the Oil, We Could Pull that ‘Peace with Honor Shit Again.”
“Impeaching Dick Cheney Would Be Like Nailing Al Capone for Income Tax Evasion or Richard Nixon for Watergate.”
Ockham's Razor Points to Oil.
By HENRY A. KISSMYASSINGER
July 31, 2008If It’s Global, It’s Relative. A Few Colombians Rally While the Billions of the World's Dispossessed Look to the FARC.
’Millions’ of Colombian Protesters in Headline Changed to Tens of Thousands in Body of Article, Then Several Thousand in Photograph. Colombian Park Service Reports Crowd at 1500.
"Revenge Is Not a Response Peasants Are Worthy Of," Doctor Phil Says.
By WAN DE YOYO
July 21, 2008Poll Finds Voters Split on Candidates' Iraq-Pullout Positions.
Republicans Prefer the Missionary Position, Now That Abstinence Is Out of the Question.
Republicans Suggest Obama Bomb Something to Appear More Manly like Cheney or McCain.
"Hey. Them Combat Scars on Your Chest, Mr. Cheney?" "Yeah, They're From Trying to Choke Down Another Rack of Ribs."
By Jonny Weismalice
July 15, 2008Prosecutor Charges American President with Genocide, Shoots Himself.
PETTY BARKER
July 14, 2008Winner of Country Music's Best Song of the Year.
Dana Goya's Toby Keith Style Anthem Takes Nashville By Storm.
"You're a Rich man's Whore" Number One With a High Velocity Bullet on Country Billboard 100.
By YASO ADIODI
7/10/08The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
July 4, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Some thoughts on "patriotism" written on July 4Cheney, Bush, State Department Officials Got Taste from Hunt/Kurd Oil Deal and Lied about It.
Lying Not Meant to Deceive, “It’s Just Genetic among Us Folks,” Says White House Spokesman, Tom Casey.
Contract Contradicted State Dept.'s Public Stance.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
July 3, 2008Lights! Camera! Action! Uribe, RNC, McCain Campaign Strike Deal with FARC, Stage Hostage Release.
Administration, McCain Campaign Will Not Discuss Quid Pro Quo of Mini-October Surprise.
By WAN THE YOYO
July 3, 2008My Father Was Loyal to Mugabe. So The Washington Post and the U.S. Kleptocracy Fucked Him Up.
By CRISPUS ANIMUS
June 29, 2008Addington, Yoo Give Candid Testimony about Origins of Interrogation Policies.
Psychological Legalisms Behind Torture Policy Demonstrated To Committee.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
June 27, 2008U.N. Finds CIA’s Afghan Opium Trade Rising.
Purported Noah's Ark Turned Out to be a CIA Cigarette Boat Mysteriously Stranded Atop Mount Ararat in Eastern Turkey.
By COMTUDA LYNCHING
June 27, 2008Inhofe Says: “Global Warming Is a Hoax. And I’ve Got the Bank Accounts to Prove It.”
Inhofe Declares “No Surrender” In War With Angry Brown Planet. Says the American Consumer Will Not Be Intimidated by Torrential Rains, Floods, Drought, Brush Fires, Hurricanes, Mud Slides, Locusts and Tornadoes.
“The clashes have been particularly frequent with the administration of Dick ‘Give Me Oil or Give Me Death’ Cheney.”
By David Fahrentheit 451
June 23, 2008Faux President Bush Urges Quick Passage of Panty Sniffing Bill.
Obama Considered Prime Target of Wire Taps. Hoyer, Obama, Other Key Democrats Already Blackmailed Into Voting for Measure.
41 CEOs of Outsourced Intelligence Programs Request Soiled Pairs of Scarlett Johansson’s Panties for National Security Reasons.
By BIG EGGO, PALL KORN & SPOOKS BRANIGIN
June 20, 2008Rice: US Government Deeply Involved In Iraq No-Bid Oil Contracts.
4000 Dead Americans and Hundreds of Thousands of Dead Iraqis the Truth Be Told All for Big Oil Just Like Anyone With the Slightest Bit of Self-Respect Knew.
“Surprise! It Was About Oil!” Cheney Jokes At Russert Funeral. “I Mean, How Much Ink Could You Have Gotten Out of The Truth, Assholes. We Did the Press a Favor.”
By IMA STOOGEY
6/19/20U.N. Warns of Impending Food Crisis in Zimbabwe If Mugabe Doesn’t Immediately Surrender Country to ‘Whitey.’
By COLUMS LYNCHMOB
June 19, 2008McCain Scolds Troops: “How the Fuck Do You Think an Imperialist Country Projects Power? Permanent Bases, Assholes. I’m Not Going To Regroup You Fuckers All over Again When I Invade Iran. No, You Cocksuckers Stay!”
Cheney Leads Chant at Meeting of U.S. Chamber of Commerce: "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!"
U.S. Troops Urged to Marry Local Iraqi Girls, Convert to Islam. “You’re Going to Be There For a Long Time, Suckers,” 'Betray Us' Petraeus Taunts.
“I Want To Go Home. Iraq Is Not Like Japan and Korea. I Can’t Buy No Pussy in Iraq,” Soldiers Lament. Bush Admits “Pussy Is a Problem” in Iraq.
U.S. Outsources Pussy; Close to Striking Deal With White Slavery Ltd., a Division of Halliburton.
By JONNY WEISSMALICE
June 12, 2008Fred Hiatt Says Pre-Emptive War Is Here to Stay Or Get Your Fuckin’ Intelligence in Order, Booz Allen, Northrup Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, CSC, General Dynamics, BAE Systems, CACI, ManTech, Blackwater, In-Q-Tel, AT&T, ITT, IBM, Google etc.
Doesn't Anyone in the Government Do Intelligence Anymore? No?
'Bush Lied'? But Isn’t He Too Simple?
By TURD HIHAT
June 9, 2008Let’s Boil Them in OIL!
Just When Capital Punishment Is Justified by Cheney/Bush Administration’s Crimes, Americans Lose Their Nerve.
You Know They Knew They Were Lying. It’s Time To Atone or Face Eternal Damnation.
Cheney, Bush Lied to a Grateful Nation. But Now It’s Time To Be an Ingrate.
Bush Inflated Threat from Iraq's Banned Weapons, Report Says.
By MUMBLY WARWACK, WALDO PUNKASS & YASO ADIODI
June 6, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 6, 2008
www.killinghope.org
The Empire -- A Status ReportThe Great Satan Wears Prada. Blinded by Stars (and Strip Malls) in Their Eyes: It’s Time to Invade Iran.
If Each American Squad Includes a Hairdresser, The Iranians Will Greet Us With Kisses and Flowers.
Most of the Middle East hates America, but rich Iranians see more opportunity. It's their egalitarian president they can't stand.
By HEDZUP MIFANNY
June 1, 2008The Role of Geography in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Imperialist Armies Thousands of Miles from Home More likely to Suffer from PTSD than Combatants Defending Their Homeland.
Bogus Rationales About ‘Protecting Freedoms at Home’ By Traveling Half-Way Around the World to Alien Cultures Prove Ineffective Except Among the Most Easily Bull-shitted.
Official Lies Create Stress.
"Fuck. I won't let a girl scout come up on my front porch without me gittin' my shotgun. I can't imagine what the average Iraqi's thinking."
By YASO ADIODI
5/28/08It’s Easy To Get The News From Movies And Boys Die Miserably Every Day From The Bullshit That Is To Be Found There.
Spielberg’s 'Crystal Skull' Is Empty -- Therefore Awesome!
By STUPHIE POONTER
May 22, 2008U.S., British, White South African Subversion in Zimbabwe Having Desired De-Stabilizing Effect on Rest of Africa.
By CRUGER APARTHEID
May 19, 2008To Great Relief of the World’s Oppressed, FARC Computer Files Are Authentic, Interpol Probe Finds.
Chavez’s, Correa’s Offer of Aid to Colombian Freedom Fighters Deemed Genuine.
U.S.’s, Colombian Oligarchy’s, Washington Post’s Hatred of Poor Once Again Demonstrated.Despite Brutality, Cheney Unable to Goad Iran into Conflict.
Sadr Bides Time, Tells His Militia To Cease Hostilities.
Cleric, in Return, Wants Followers' Release, Amnesty.
“The Way Cheney and his Gang Have Been Played, Ahmadinejad May have a Decent ‘Shot’ at the White House in 2012.”
Iran Brokers Cease Fire, Americans in the Field with Their Pants Down.
“Its like a big Waco over there in Iraq. What if the U.S. government attacked my flock like that? At least we got more weapons than the Sadrists if not the courage,” Pat Robertson Muses on the 700 Club.
NRA Firmly Behind Sadrists' Second Amendment Rights to Bear Arms. "After all them fucks are a real militia," declares Charleton Heston from his cold dead Botox mouth.
By SHOAHS A. FREEMAN & SUDSY RAGAMAVAN
March 31, 2008Oops! In Apologia Post Retracts Claims Uribe’s Military Is Decimating Rebels; Instead Colombian Troops Kill Farmers, Pass Off Bodies as Rebels'.
Corporate Death Squad Welfare: Its Bad Enough That All of This Murder Is for The Benefit of U.S. Corporations. But Then the Great American Bald Lemming Foots the Bill and Pulls the Trigger. Support Our Troops?
“It’s Not the Chicken or the Egg, Assholes of the American Media. The Peasants Are Enslaved, Exploited and Murdered Into Becoming the Rebels.”
By WAN DE YOYO
March 30, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 29, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Propaganda as an Olympic competition