"The sense of innocence and entitlement that form the foundation of an infantilized culture like America's astonishes the rest of the world especially when weighed against historical fact." The Assassinated Press--Accepting the Truth So America Doesn't Have to.
Cynicism in the defense of liberty is no vice.
THE ASSASSINATED PRESS
*Shoving Truth in the Mouths of Liars* THE ASSASSINATED PRESS: A MAGAZINE OF CONTEMPT. "Contempt is the sincerest form of flattery."-Karl Rove
"If the lions don't like it, they won't eat it." Daniel Drew
To paraphrase Peter Carlson of the Washington Post: "If someone tried to reveal what really goes on in Washington, he'd start howling like a banshee..." The Assassinated Press is that banshee.
The Assassinated Press is NOT copyrighted and may be reproduced and disseminated in any form whatsoever.

Nicaragua's Ballot Upsets Spoiled Pricks at Post.
Once Again Washington Post’s Hatred for Poor People Is on Display.
After Years of Misery Under Post Approved Rule Nicaraguans Again Seek Social Justice, Food, Clothing, Health Care, Education, Shelter, Everything the Post Would Deny Them.
Post Insists On White President In Nicaragua.
President Daniel Ortega moves to construct another egalitarian society.
DONNY TAODICK
November 16, 2008

U.S. Plans for Expanded War in Pakistan/Afghanistan/Eastern Iran Region.
Expansion of Afghan Airfield to House Special Army Aviation Unit, Protect Oil Interests, Spy on Turkmenistan.
Platform Will Be in Place to Bomb the Entire Region “Back to the Stone Age.”
Halliburton Gets a 95%/5% Split to Do the Job.
By WALDO PUNKASS
November 10, 2008

Lawrence Summers Being Considered For Secretary of Treasury Because He Promised to Lead the Feds to Where the Stolen Wall Street Money Is Hidden.
Stolen Wall Street Trillions Said to be in a Cave Down the Road from Bin Laden.
Pakastani Residents Say Constant Flow of Trucks Filled with America’s Chinese Leveraged Cash Disturbs Sleep, Affects Birth Rate in Goats.
Summers Plan to Kill Millions of Africans Back on the Front Burner in Obama Administration.
By IMA STOOGEY
Nov. 5, '08

Congo’s President Joseph Kabila: Dynasty or Travesty?
By KEITH HARMON SNOW
13 November 2007
Kabila and Bush

European, U.S. Envoys Visit E. Congolese City and Admire The Death and Destruction their Policies Have Wrought.
Congolese Cobalt, Copper, Diamonds, Gold, Silver, Tin and Coltan to Remain in Post-Colonial Kleptocratic Hands.
By STUPUDDLY MISSCRUMCAKE and COLUMNS O’LYNCHMOBS
November 1, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 30, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Don't tell my mother I work at the White House. She thinks I play the piano in a whore house.

Wall Street Bailout is Wondrous, But the Post Draws the Line at Bailout for Joe the Autoworker.
Slippery Slope. Welfare for Detroit? What’s Next? Welfare for the Post?
Should Lower-Paid Workers Making $50,000 a Year Help ‘Subsidize’ Those Averaging $56,650 at GM? A Distinction Without a Difference.
Should Post Editors Average $175,000 a Year Salary When a Detroit Auto-Worker Actually Makes Something Other than Word-Shit.
JEFFEY LUBE
Monday, October 27

Bush Urges Nations to Show Patience in Grift Economy.
“You’ll Get Your Money, Motherfuckers,” Bush Tells G-8.
By DOOBIE RAKITIN
10/25/08

Colin Powell's Endorsement Could Sink Barack Obama.
Cheney’s Puppet at U.N. Leading Up to Iraq War Seen as Career Liar, Not To Mention the First Fuckin' Iraq War.
Powell Endorsement Places Death of Hundreds of Thousands at Obama's Doorstep.
By BEENY WASHEDUP
October 20, 2008

Sure Enough, Panty Sniffing at the NSA.
Just as Reported by the Assassinated Press on Many Occasions, Crotch Crawlers Dominate U.S. Intelligence.
U.S. Listens In on Sex Calls of Americans Abroad.
“The Heart of the Intelligence Community’s Turf Is the World’s Taint, That Strip of Stink between the Asshole and the Cunt and/or Balls .”—Thomas Clines
By JERBIL WADDICK
October 10, 2008

Pussy Saved Spitzer; Ghost of Dick Cheney Tells Nostradamus News That if Eliot Spitzer Had Not Had a Taste for Whores He Would have Been a Dead Man.
Spitzer’s ‘Hobby’ Allowed Homeland Security, the Cheney Administration to Discredit Him Rather Than Kill Him.
By MADAM TORSO & TED SCOWPLE
Nostradamus News Service
10/13/2056

Todd and Sarah Palin Embrace Every American’s Fantasy of Overthrowing the Government.
Palins and their Alaska Independence Party Are Bill Ayers without the Balls.
When President Sarah ‘Plain’ Plans a Pall Mall Country.
"Race War Small price for McCain/Palin Victory," Plain Sarah Tells Floridians.
By KOKO KANE & KRYSTALL METH
Oct. 6, 2008

Trucks With the Logos of Major Banks and Financial Institutions Seen Lining Up At the Back of the Treasury Building Hours Before Bush Signed Bill.
Upon Signing Bush Heard to Repeat Ronald Reagan's S&L Deregulation Bill Signing Mantra--"We've Hit the Jackpot!"
Back In the U.S.S.A; Socialism Among Thieves.
Bush Re-enacts Historic Financial Rescue.
After Receiving Their Quid Pro Quos ‘Principled’ House Passes Plan By Wide Margin, but Stocks Keep Falling.
Does Ted Nugent Remind You of Yosemite Sam or What?
By LOUIE RIPNRUN & KOKO KANE
October 4, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Ant-Empire Report
October 1, 2008
www.killinghope.org
101 ways to get rich without doing anything socially useful

Mr. Paulson, Tear Down This Wall Street!
The Paulson Put(sch)
Questions for the new CEO of US Government Inc.
by LILA RAJIVA
September 25, 2008

Is Sarah Palin the Messiah in Mukluks? Candidate Tells Reporter “No Comment.”
Huge Crowd in Florida, Meteoric Rise Speak to Second Coming, Day of Reckoning.
Will Rapture Come Before November Taking Her Voting Base Into Heaven and Robbing Palin of Presidency After Ol' Man McCain Dies Flopping When He Shoulda Flipped?
By BUTSY GRINDHARD
9/23/08

Paulson derides calls for added help in bailout scheme
By FARTIN CROTCHSNIFFER
9/22/08

Bush Urges Quick Passage of Trillion Dollar Bailout Package; Bankers Anxious To Loot It.
Cheney and McCain Say It’s Fine If Voters Want to Blame Banking Crisis on Poor People.
RNC Report Claims People Earning Less Than Thirty Thousand Dollars a Year Represent the Most Powerful and Influential Bloc of Americans.
Sarah Palin’s Trailer Is in Foreclosure; Family Survived On Moose Stew and Muck Luck Soup.
By LORREY MOUNTGAMELY, DARBY CHOKACHICKEN & HOW SCHNEID
September 22, 2008

American Gluttony Batters Cuban Regime.
Hurricanes Battering Southern Coast of U.S. Are Blowback From CIA and Fast Food Industry’s Secret Methane War on Cuba.
U.S. Uber-Consumption Has Brought About Through Global Climate Change the Storms Destroying Island Nation.
Super-Sized Avaricious Traits Prove Secret U.S. Weapon.
Storm Relief Would Be Sent Directly to Havana Government from Fort Detrick.
Phil Gramm and the Whiners' Hit Single 'I'm Fucked and Your Not. How Is That Possible?'Tops Wall Street's Top 100.
By EATETH DEYOUNG
September 16, 2008

Wall Street, Phil Gramm & the Cheney Administration Bring You “DEPRESSION ERA FAVORITES.”
Stocks Plunge as Crisis Intensifies.
AIG at Risk; $700 Billion In Shareholder Value Vanishes.
By GLENDA KEESTER & DOVEY HILZOWRATH
September 16, 2008

Little Known Quasi-Government Agency Signs Contracts with CIA to Overthrow Bolivian and Thai Governments. U.S. Receipt & Respond or USRR to Cut Back Agents in Zimbabwe Now that Mugabe Has Been Hopelessly Crippled.
CIA to Retain Control Over the Assassination of Hugo Chavez Though Some in Congress Call for ‘New Blood.’
In Environment of Market Failure Company Known as the ‘Little House of Horrors’ Shows Privatization Can Work.
Venezuela Joins Bolivia and Honduras in Expelling U.S. Ambassador.
By WAN DEYOYO
September 12, 2008

Financial Rescues Show That the Free Market Is a Myth Requiring an Unbearably Ignorant Populace Who Perpetually Turns Over Its Wealth to a Venal Kleptocracy and the Requirements of Constant Global Slaughter to Maintain an Empire.
By STUFFI PEARLSWINE
September 12, 2008

Talking Presidential Requires a F**KED Tongue.
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By JEFFEY LUBE
The Assassinated Press
9/8/08

Is John McCain the Hanoi Candidate?
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By MOTO-BENNY RAVIOLI
The Assassinated Press & Fly On the Wall Media Enterprises
9/8/08

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama-Biden -- Osama bin Laden: A coincidence? I think not.

It’s the Hottest Ticket at Langley, Georgetown University.
Real Time Televised CIA Coup Against the Democratically Elected Government of Thailand Draws Hundreds to Classrooms and Lecture Halls around Washington.
Thai Protesters Supported by U.S. Funds Defy Premier's State of Emergency. Will Their Be Blood in the Streets!?
After Receiving Gifts of Cash Electoral Commission Wants Leader's Party Disbanded.
By FRANK ' CHEEZE' WHIZZNER
September 3, 2008

Guns and Guidebooks Outlet Has Wealthy Residents Up In Arms.
Compass Guns & Ammo Offers a Bit More than Buckshot.
Open Sales of Blueprints, Guides, Medical Records and Personal Schedules of Billionaire’s and Their Estates Makes Resident’s of Gated Communities Fearful.
By YASO ADIODI
9/1/08

Unearthing What's Hardly a Secret about the Washington Post’s Reporting on Colombia's Long War.
Forensic Teams Track Victims 'Disappeared' by Death Squads Back to Official U.S. Policy.
By WAN DEYOYO
Friday, August 27, 2008

Iraqi Leader Pushes Hard for Accord. Maliki Demands All U.S. Troops Pull Out by 2011.
Cheney Says U.S. Will Attack Iraq If Maliki Persists: “Don’t Worry. We’re Use to Attacking People We Funded and Trained. It’s Part of Our Free Market Theory of War and Murder. Let Freedom Ring, Ka-ching, Ka-ching! Oil Uber Alles!! And Tell T. Boone to Go Fuck Himself.”
Timetable for U.S. Troop Withdrawal Tied to Cheney’s Big Oil Buddies and Their Piece of Iraq’s Oil. “You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass We’re Not Leaving without Our Sweet Crude,” Exxon Mobil’s Rex Tillerson Confirms.
Cheney Sells Out Troops for Greater Share of Oil. Cheney Agrees that American Troops Are Not Immune From Iraqi Law, Both On and Off Military Bases and Regardless of Whether They Are Off Duty.
De Facto President Cheney, Uses as Precedence for Reversing Policy the Logic Behind Domestic Spying and Panty Sniffing—“If You’ve Done Nothing Wrong, If You've Got Nothing to Hide, You’ve Got Nothing to Worry About. Right? Oh, and Don’t Worry About What I Told You, You Could or Couldn’t Do. That’ll Remain Our Little Secret.”
By AHDMET U.R. QILTY
August 26, 2008

We Can Only Go So Far. As the World's Bully We’re Throwing Our Weight Around. But History Isn't On Our Side Because I Said History Ended With My 1992 Best Seller, The End of History, and We Keep Acting Like It Really Did.
Why in a World Where Millions of People Could Snap My Neck Like a Balsa Wood Strut Am I Not Only Still Alive, But Sending People Off To Die to Enrich Me and My Cronies?
Bush Signs Agreement Giving Iraqis Jurisdiction Over Crimes Performed by U.S. Servicmen and Contractors Saying, “Its Just Like Our Domestic Spying Laws in the U.S. If You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong You Have Nothing to Worry About. Right?”
By FRANCIS FUKYOMAMA
August 24, 2008

U.S. Extraditions Raise Concerns in Colombia.
U.S. Officials Extradite Colombian Paramilitary Drug Assassins Before They Can Implicate Those Self-Same U.S. Officials in Drug Smuggling and Murder in Colombia.
“Cheney and Clinton Administration Working Hand In Hand With Right Wing Colombian Death Squads Because Otherwise They Would Have Been Exposed If We Didn’t Bring Our Friends to the U.S. and Shut Them the Fuck Up,” Attorney General Mike ‘The Mick’ Mukasey Warns.
U.S./Colombian Criminal Alliance Reminiscent of 30 Year Love Affair between the Guatemalan Military, the White Hand, the Monkey and the Johnson/Nixon/Carter/Reagan/Bush/Clinton White Houses.
In Colombia 'Justice and Peace' Process May Be Imperiled by White House, Congress, CIA Covering its Collective Asses.
By WAN DEYOYO
Aug. 19, 2008

Cheney Hazed Georgia; Cheney Told Georgia If You Want to Join NATO Your Initiation Test Is to Invade South Ossetia. U.S. ‘Advisors’ on Ground in Georgia.
U.S. Leaders Increasingly Critical of Russian Escalation.
U.S. Brags Its Bombing of Serbia May Have Been Tardy But Was Far More Destructive.
Russia Nips In the Bud Georgian Genocide of South Ossetians.
Human Rights Groups, the Hague Show Rare Courage, Defy U.S., Leap In to Condemn Georgia, Lose Funding.
By WATA BUMMERSPHITZ & COMTUDA LYNCHING
Monday, August 11, 2008; 11:20 AM

The Elections Are Coming. Is the CIA?
Will the Mad Bombers of Langley Favor the Democrats Again?
By RUSE RIDDLE
August 10, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
August 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama and the Empire

Iraq's and Oil Companies’ Profits Huge While U.S. Shoulders Reconstruction After Destroying Infrastructure.
Iraq Replies “You Break It, You Pay For It. And Don’t Give Us Any of This Liberation Shit. You Came for the Oil.”
By HAL O’MIRRORS
8/6/08

McCain's Problem Isn't His Tactics. It's GOP Lies.
Pols Gone Wild! Brittany's Cunt; Paris' Clit. From L.A.'s Top Pig to Hanoi Ann’s War Loser McCain, Authorities Reveal their Fantasies.
L.A. Police, FBI Pose as Paparazzi to Intimidate Stars, Endanger Public.
"When Will McCain Pay Back the American Government for the Five Fighter Jets He Lost in Vietnam?"—Robert Gates, Secretary of War
By JERRY RIGGED
August 3, 2008

New Premises in Iraq Depend on Prospects for Withdrawal Being Viewed through the Politics of Oil.
“If It Weren’t for the Oil, We Could Pull that ‘Peace with Honor Shit Again.”
“Impeaching Dick Cheney Would Be Like Nailing Al Capone for Income Tax Evasion or Richard Nixon for Watergate.”
Ockham's Razor Points to Oil.
By HENRY A. KISSMYASSINGER
July 31, 2008

If It’s Global, It’s Relative. A Few Colombians Rally While the Billions of the World's Dispossessed Look to the FARC.
’Millions’ of Colombian Protesters in Headline Changed to Tens of Thousands in Body of Article, Then Several Thousand in Photograph. Colombian Park Service Reports Crowd at 1500.
"Revenge Is Not a Response Peasants Are Worthy Of," Doctor Phil Says.
By WAN DE YOYO
July 21, 2008

Poll Finds Voters Split on Candidates' Iraq-Pullout Positions.
Republicans Prefer the Missionary Position, Now That Abstinence Is Out of the Question.
Republicans Suggest Obama Bomb Something to Appear More Manly like Cheney or McCain.
"Hey. Them Combat Scars on Your Chest, Mr. Cheney?" "Yeah, They're From Trying to Choke Down Another Rack of Ribs."
By Jonny Weismalice
July 15, 2008

Prosecutor Charges American President with Genocide, Shoots Himself.
PETTY BARKER
July 14, 2008

Winner of Country Music's Best Song of the Year.
Dana Goya's Toby Keith Style Anthem Takes Nashville By Storm.
"You're a Rich man's Whore" Number One With a High Velocity Bullet on Country Billboard 100.
By YASO ADIODI
7/10/08

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
July 4, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Some thoughts on "patriotism" written on July 4

Cheney, Bush, State Department Officials Got Taste from Hunt/Kurd Oil Deal and Lied about It.
Lying Not Meant to Deceive, “It’s Just Genetic among Us Folks,” Says White House Spokesman, Tom Casey.
Contract Contradicted State Dept.'s Public Stance.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
July 3, 2008

Lights! Camera! Action! Uribe, RNC, McCain Campaign Strike Deal with FARC, Stage Hostage Release.
Administration, McCain Campaign Will Not Discuss Quid Pro Quo of Mini-October Surprise.
By WAN THE YOYO
July 3, 2008

My Father Was Loyal to Mugabe. So The Washington Post and the U.S. Kleptocracy Fucked Him Up.
By CRISPUS ANIMUS
June 29, 2008

Addington, Yoo Give Candid Testimony about Origins of Interrogation Policies.
Psychological Legalisms Behind Torture Policy Demonstrated To Committee.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
June 27, 2008

U.N. Finds CIA’s Afghan Opium Trade Rising.
Purported Noah's Ark Turned Out to be a CIA Cigarette Boat Mysteriously Stranded Atop Mount Ararat in Eastern Turkey.
By COMTUDA LYNCHING
June 27, 2008

Inhofe Says: “Global Warming Is a Hoax. And I’ve Got the Bank Accounts to Prove It.”
Inhofe Declares “No Surrender” In War With Angry Brown Planet. Says the American Consumer Will Not Be Intimidated by Torrential Rains, Floods, Drought, Brush Fires, Hurricanes, Mud Slides, Locusts and Tornadoes.
“The clashes have been particularly frequent with the administration of Dick ‘Give Me Oil or Give Me Death’ Cheney.”
By David Fahrentheit 451
June 23, 2008

Faux President Bush Urges Quick Passage of Panty Sniffing Bill.
Obama Considered Prime Target of Wire Taps. Hoyer, Obama, Other Key Democrats Already Blackmailed Into Voting for Measure.
41 CEOs of Outsourced Intelligence Programs Request Soiled Pairs of Scarlett Johansson’s Panties for National Security Reasons.
By BIG EGGO, PALL KORN & SPOOKS BRANIGIN
June 20, 2008

Rice: US Government Deeply Involved In Iraq No-Bid Oil Contracts.
4000 Dead Americans and Hundreds of Thousands of Dead Iraqis the Truth Be Told All for Big Oil Just Like Anyone With the Slightest Bit of Self-Respect Knew.
“Surprise! It Was About Oil!” Cheney Jokes At Russert Funeral. “I Mean, How Much Ink Could You Have Gotten Out of The Truth, Assholes. We Did the Press a Favor.”
By IMA STOOGEY
6/19/20

U.N. Warns of Impending Food Crisis in Zimbabwe If Mugabe Doesn’t Immediately Surrender Country to ‘Whitey.’
By COLUMS LYNCHMOB
June 19, 2008

McCain Scolds Troops: “How the Fuck Do You Think an Imperialist Country Projects Power? Permanent Bases, Assholes. I’m Not Going To Regroup You Fuckers All over Again When I Invade Iran. No, You Cocksuckers Stay!”
Cheney Leads Chant at Meeting of U.S. Chamber of Commerce: "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!"
U.S. Troops Urged to Marry Local Iraqi Girls, Convert to Islam. “You’re Going to Be There For a Long Time, Suckers,” 'Betray Us' Petraeus Taunts.
“I Want To Go Home. Iraq Is Not Like Japan and Korea. I Can’t Buy No Pussy in Iraq,” Soldiers Lament. Bush Admits “Pussy Is a Problem” in Iraq.
U.S. Outsources Pussy; Close to Striking Deal With White Slavery Ltd., a Division of Halliburton.
By JONNY WEISSMALICE
June 12, 2008

Fred Hiatt Says Pre-Emptive War Is Here to Stay Or Get Your Fuckin’ Intelligence in Order, Booz Allen, Northrup Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, CSC, General Dynamics, BAE Systems, CACI, ManTech, Blackwater, In-Q-Tel, AT&T, ITT, IBM, Google etc.
Doesn't Anyone in the Government Do Intelligence Anymore? No?
'Bush Lied'? But Isn’t He Too Simple?
By TURD HIHAT
June 9, 2008

Let’s Boil Them in OIL!
Just When Capital Punishment Is Justified by Cheney/Bush Administration’s Crimes, Americans Lose Their Nerve.
You Know They Knew They Were Lying. It’s Time To Atone or Face Eternal Damnation.
Cheney, Bush Lied to a Grateful Nation. But Now It’s Time To Be an Ingrate.
Bush Inflated Threat from Iraq's Banned Weapons, Report Says.
By MUMBLY WARWACK, WALDO PUNKASS & YASO ADIODI
June 6, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 6, 2008
www.killinghope.org
The Empire -- A Status Report

The Great Satan Wears Prada. Blinded by Stars (and Strip Malls) in Their Eyes: It’s Time to Invade Iran.
If Each American Squad Includes a Hairdresser, The Iranians Will Greet Us With Kisses and Flowers.
Most of the Middle East hates America, but rich Iranians see more opportunity. It's their egalitarian president they can't stand.
By HEDZUP MIFANNY
June 1, 2008

The Role of Geography in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Imperialist Armies Thousands of Miles from Home More likely to Suffer from PTSD than Combatants Defending Their Homeland.
Bogus Rationales About ‘Protecting Freedoms at Home’ By Traveling Half-Way Around the World to Alien Cultures Prove Ineffective Except Among the Most Easily Bull-shitted.
Official Lies Create Stress.
"Fuck. I won't let a girl scout come up on my front porch without me gittin' my shotgun. I can't imagine what the average Iraqi's thinking."
By YASO ADIODI
5/28/08

It’s Easy To Get The News From Movies And Boys Die Miserably Every Day From The Bullshit That Is To Be Found There.
Spielberg’s 'Crystal Skull' Is Empty -- Therefore Awesome!
By STUPHIE POONTER
May 22, 2008

U.S., British, White South African Subversion in Zimbabwe Having Desired De-Stabilizing Effect on Rest of Africa.
By CRUGER APARTHEID
May 19, 2008

To Great Relief of the World’s Oppressed, FARC Computer Files Are Authentic, Interpol Probe Finds.
Chavez’s, Correa’s Offer of Aid to Colombian Freedom Fighters Deemed Genuine.
U.S.’s, Colombian Oligarchy’s, Washington Post’s Hatred of Poor Once Again Demonstrated.

Despite Brutality, Cheney Unable to Goad Iran into Conflict.
Sadr Bides Time, Tells His Militia To Cease Hostilities.
Cleric, in Return, Wants Followers' Release, Amnesty.
“The Way Cheney and his Gang Have Been Played, Ahmadinejad May have a Decent ‘Shot’ at the White House in 2012.”
Iran Brokers Cease Fire, Americans in the Field with Their Pants Down.
“Its like a big Waco over there in Iraq. What if the U.S. government attacked my flock like that? At least we got more weapons than the Sadrists if not the courage,” Pat Robertson Muses on the 700 Club.
NRA Firmly Behind Sadrists' Second Amendment Rights to Bear Arms. "After all them fucks are a real militia," declares Charleton Heston from his cold dead Botox mouth.
By SHOAHS A. FREEMAN & SUDSY RAGAMAVAN
March 31, 2008

Oops! In Apologia Post Retracts Claims Uribe’s Military Is Decimating Rebels; Instead Colombian Troops Kill Farmers, Pass Off Bodies as Rebels'.
Corporate Death Squad Welfare: Its Bad Enough That All of This Murder Is for The Benefit of U.S. Corporations. But Then the Great American Bald Lemming Foots the Bill and Pulls the Trigger. Support Our Troops?
“It’s Not the Chicken or the Egg, Assholes of the American Media. The Peasants Are Enslaved, Exploited and Murdered Into Becoming the Rebels.”
By WAN DE YOYO
March 30, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 29, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Propaganda as an Olympic competition

Cheney Moves to Open His Oil Port in Southern Iraq.
De Facto President Gives Basra Freedom Fighters Ultimatum.
Cheney Violates Sadr’s Cease Fire.
If Sadr Lifts Cease Fire Iraqi Proxies Expected to Turn and Attack Americans.
Purpose of Cheney’s Middle East Junket Now Perfectly Clear to Everyone Except the Assholes in the Media.
Last Years British Cut and Run Gives U.S. Another Opportunity to Engage in Violence.
Rocket Attacks Turn Green Zone Red.
By NOAH FREEMAN HERR & SUDSY RAGOO
March 26, 2008

China Fears Olympics Backlash from Poor Human Rights Record of Corporate Sponsors.
Coke and Pepsi’s Draining of Local Aquifers, Slave and Child Labor in Apparel and Sneaker Industry, NAFTA, GATT, U.S. Oil Grabs in Sudan, Somalia, Afghanistan and Iraq Cited.
MOE FANNY
March 25, 2008

For the Faux President It’s A Matter of Being Too Much of a Dumb Fuck to Even Know Where to Begin to Interfere in the Economy.
However, De Facto President Cheney's Administration Abetted Theft That Led to Crisis.
If It Doesn’t Involve Mining a Personal Orifice Bush Is Out of the Loop.
Bush's Relative Inactivity on Economy Reflects the Fact That He’s an Idiot.
Spitzer Outed For Exposing Cheney Administrations Role in Accelerating the Mortgage Crisis.
Jeff Gannon Named New Ambassador to Britain.
By DARN EGONAMIFACCI
March 23, 2008

McCain Key Stooge in Invasion of Iran.
Three Weeks Before The Election Administration, FOX News Will Create A Pretext for Iranian Invasion.
Doddering Baby Killing Front Man Mixes Up Iraqi Groups.
Senator Misstates Which Freedom Fighters Are Aided by Iran.
Media Mum On Cheney's Successful Trip to Suck Saudi Cock.
By CAM CORDER & MIKE SNEER
March 19, 2008

Fuck Obama! Elect Jeremiah Wright!
GOD DAMN AMERICA Is Right, Right & Right On the Money!
Obama’s Courageous Pastor Has Uncanny Grasp of U.S. Domestic and Foreign Policy and History.
What God Wouldn't Damn a Country That Produced an Abomination Like Bill O'Reilly?
By YASO ADIODI SMITH
3/16/08

Cheney to Visit to Saudi Arabia and Blow Royal Family for a Job Well Done.
Severely Chapped Lips from Blowing his Energy Task Force Delayed Visit.
Cheney Will Also Return What’s Left of the $200,000,000 Prince Bandar Left in Cheney’s Safe on 9/11.
"Its Downward Harmonization Time, Assholes," Energy Secretary Sam Bodman Tells American Public.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
March 11, 2008

Montgomery County Cops Balk at Paying Speed Camera Fines to Career Criminal, Darwin Deason.
Only Company With Speeding Ticket Contract is Above the Law: $16.25 of Every $40.00 Fine Goes Into Affiliated Computer Services' owner Deason’s Pocket to Help Pay His Lawyers' Fees to Avoid SEC Fines, Jail Time.
Deason About to Get Statewide Contracts to Fleece Maryland Taxpayers.
“Leggett Administration Needs to Be Investigated. You know in your heart Deason is bribing people,” Father Antoine Flotsky, St. Pasdabosquet Parish.
By ARNIE PALUCCI
March 8, 2008

The Ponzi Scheme of Carcinogen and Cure.
Bill Gates Heavily Invested in Creating Diseases He's Heavily Invested in Curing.
Toxic Cloud Hangs Over Gates Foundation Rhetoric.
Bush Gives $15 Billion to U.S. Pharmaceutical Industry to Fight Aids in Africa When Generic African Produced Pharmeceuticals Would Have Reached Far More people in Need and at a Fraction of The Cost.
U.S. Pharmeceutical Companies Have Filed Dozens of Suits to Block Production of African Generics.
Phoney U.S. Corporate Drug Largesse Reinforces False Stereotype that Africa Cannot Stand on Its Own.
George Bush Sits On Bono's Face and Bono Likes It.

U.S., British Embargoes Close to Starving Out Zimbabweans.
Cheney Administration Close to Achieving Mass Starvation, Civil Unrest in Zimbabwe.
Payback for Land Reform Cold Blooded Murder.
By CRAIG TIMBERRR
February 24, 2008

Burn, Baby, Burn! U.S. Embassy in Belgrade Torched.
News of Kosovo Independence Last Straw for Moderate Serbs as They Lash Out.
Illegal NATO Bombing Campaign Especially Novi Sad Singled Out.
“You Bomb Our Bridges, We Burn Your Embassy.”
Serb Moderates Again Feel Betrayed by American and European Kleptocrats.
Iraqis Say “Welcome to the Club.”
Clinton’s ‘Turkish Route’ for Black Sea Oil Sealed by Destruction of Yugoslavia.
By PAT FONEY & ROBBEM WRITE
February 22, 2008

NATO Isn’t Just For Europe Anymore.
European Alliance Members Reluctant To Risk Life And Treasure Securing Dick Cheney’s Pipeline Across Afghanistan.
Soon We’ll Fuckin’ See the North Atlantic Treaty Organization in Africa, Latin America, Mars.
By MICKEY GERKIN
February 13, 2008

If It’s Good Enough For the Sunnis, Its Good Enough For Our Kids.
Administration’s Iraq Solution Would Work in American Schools.
Second Amendment Right Finds Its Confirmation in Iraq.
YASO ADIODI
2/15/08

Regis Says He Will Retire and Minister to the Venezuelan Poor.
By IMA STOOGEY & SUDSY RAGOO
The Assassinated Press
2/15/08

Chinese Catch a Break; Spielberg Quits Role In Olympic Ceremonies.
Director Cites Chinese Support of Sudan While Either Ignoring or Being Totally Ignorant of U.S. Role.
“It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the Dixie Chicks have more balls than Spielberg does."
By FAUN BOOTH & MICKEY ABUMMERWITZ
February 13, 2008

With Gross Sales Larger than Most Country’s GNP, Exxon/Mobil Plots with Cheney Administration, Courts, Banks to Starve Out Venezuela.
Administration Sees Oil Companies Suit as Way of Discrediting Chavez and Plunging Venezuela Back Into its Former Impoverished State.
The Fix is In from New York Court Ruling, to Processing of Heavy Crude, to Commercial Transactions, the Evil Empire Is the Only Game in Town.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 13, 2008

Only Those Wealthy Enough to Own a PC Turn Out For Anti-FARC Rallies.
45 to 1 No-Shows Demonstrate How Impoverished Colombia Remains For the Majority Under Cheney’s, Uribe’s Tutelage.
Elitist Harvard Origins of Facebook Evident In Wealthy White Anti-FARC Crowd. USAID Behind Anti-FARC Group.
“Jesus Fuck Christ! So We Murdered 5000 Members of the Patriotic Union Before the 1988 Elections and Have Slaughtered 2+ Million Peasants. It’s Fuckin’ Time For The FARC to Get Over It,” Uribe Tells a Cheering Crowd of the Wealthy Few in Bogota.
Washington Post Again Demonstrates Its Utter Contempt and Hatred for Poor People.
By JUAN THE YOYO & KAREON BRUTALITARD
Feebleweary 5, 2008

Exxon Mobil's Profit in 2007 Tops $40 Billion.
Oil Company Throws Huge Bash at Arlington Cemetery to Thank Those Who Made the Record Profits Possible.
Robber Barons Literally Dance on Dead Vets' Graves to the Tunes of Rascal Flats.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 2, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
February 2, 2008
www.killinghope.org

U.S. Commanders in Iraq Favor Pause in Troop Cuts.
Petraeus and His Staff Want More Time to Pick Which Corporate Boards They Will Serve On; Which Oil Companies They Will Work For.
Cheney Responds “WILL Work For!!? Who the Fuck Do They Think They’re Taking Orders From Now!?”
After the “Spooge” Troop Draw Downs ‘Hard to Come’ By.
By PHIL T. RICH
January 31, 2008

Mission Fait Accompli.
Old War Whores; Camp Followers Lead Military by the Nose, Get a Billion Dollars a Blow Job.
War Troughy: The Symbiosis of the Military Academies and Business Schools Means Inside Position at the Trough for Retiring Military.
U.S. Cannot Manage Contractors In Wars, Officials Testify on Hill.
Private Contactors Cost Six Times as Much as Military Personnel, Have Stolen Another Trillion Dollars of Taxpayer Money.
Cheney/Bush to Give the Great American Bald Lemming 600 Dollars to Give Back to War Effort, Oil Companies and Private Contractors—HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa………………………………………Ha
Problem Is Linked to Lack of Trained Service Personnel, Insatiable Greed and Unimaginable Murder.
By Waldo Punkass
January 25, 2008

Electronic Panty Sniffing to Gain Immunity.
Senate Opens Debate On Wiretap Measure.
Telephone Companies Want Immunity After Caught Going Through Inocuous Citizens' Electronic Drawers.
By DAN EGGEMON
January 24, 2008

Corporate Fraud Lawsuits Restricted.
Supreme Court Says No RICOs For Corporate Freakos.
Wall Street’s License To Steal Expanded.
"Corruption Is the Inaliable Glue of Any Faux Democratic System” High Court Constitutional Originalists Affirm. More Poor People Created For Rich People To Despise.
Enron and Other Shareholders Limited by Court.
"I have to do business with these assholes," Scalia Says in his Opinion.
By RED BARNES & PULIE MAY JOHNSON
January 16, 2008

Contract For Safe Speed Traps In Montgomery, County Maryland Goes to a Nest of Thieves In Dallas.
ACS Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
With Affiliated Computer Services Involved Can Kickbacks to Maryland Officials Be Far Behind?
History of Sleazy Maryland Politics Remains Unbroken.
January 2, 2007

Dallas Firm Run By Felonious Fruitcake Out of Dallas Tapped to Pick Pockets of Maryland Taxpayers.
Affiliated Computer Services of Dallas, Texas Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
Money, Not Public Safety Is the Object.
Deason Plans to Buy Bigger Yacht From Cash Scammed from Maryland Taxpayers.

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
January 13, 2008
www.killinghope.org
An Unreasonable Man

Violent Crime Down In First Half of 2007.
With Private Security Firms Like Blackwater and Dyncorp Employing More and More Criminals to Work in Iraq, U.S. Murder, Robbery, Rape Rates, Pedophelia, Domestic Abuse Drop.
Downturn In Crime Resembles Election Years When the Citizens Send Their Criminal Element to Washington and Crime Goes Down in Their Home States.
By GRIANT EGGO
January 8, 2008

Once Again Pentagon Tries To Induce Another ‘Gulf of Tonkin’ by Steaming into Iranian Territorial Waters.
Pentagon Claims Rowdy Teenagers in Speedboats Were Threat to U.S. Fleet.
"Littering the Gulf of Hormuz" Called "Provocation" by Gates. If Iran Won't Discipline Its Youth U.S. Prepared to Come in and Do It For Them.
Event Reminiscent of Vietnam Era Canard.
Bush Says Region Must be Shaped In The “White Man’s Neo-cloneowny’all Image.”
By DIRK ‘SIDE’ BURNS
January 8, 2008

As The Assassinated Press Predicted When Dick Cheney Descended To the Presidency, Oil Has Hit $100.00 a Barrel. Control of Supply, Demand and Speculation Equal $100 Barrel.
Among World’s Poor Only Venezuelans See Broad Benefit from Higher Oil Prices.
Ima Stoogey Wins The Assassinated Press Oil Office Pool; Guesses Precise Day Crude Nips $100.00 a Barrel.
By MICHA FILTCHER
January 3, 2008

Grasping Neo-Cons Lure Bhutto to Her Death.
U.S. Brokered Bhutto's Return to Pakistan.
By ROBBEM FREUMDE-RIGHT and GLIB GOBBLER
December 28, 2007

Whited Sepulchre: Huckabee's Hook-Up With Reagan-Bush Crimes
By CHRIS FLOYD
Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel
Dec. 18,2007

US Meddling in Rightwing Consolidation
Democracy in El Salvador?
By JOE DeRAYMOND
Counterpunch
March 26, 2004

U.S. Meddling in Peruvian Presidential Race?
By JEREMY BIGWOOD
Upside Down World
March 15, 2006

US Meddling In Electoral Process Nothing New in Nicaragua
By CIRCLES ROBINSON
November 03, 2006

Zimbabwe's Divided Opposition Party Agrees to Reunite Ahead of March Elections After U.S. Makes Huge Illegal Cash Infusions Contingent on Unity.
Illegal Contributions Funneled through State Department, CIA, USAID, NED and the AFL-CIO.
The Washington Post Company Sets Aside Millions to Pay for Bullshit It Will Continue to Write About Zimbabwe in the Coming Months.
By CRAY TIMBURRRRRRRRRRR
December 28, 2007

The Gowans Report
US Ambassador admits Washington is subverting the Belarus presidential election
by Stephen Gowans

A Bagman's Tale; The Cheney Administration, Washington Post Spin Yarn That Chavez Purchased Argentinian Allegiance For a Fraction of What U.S. Spends in Bribes and Quid Pro Quos Each Nano-Minute.
After U.S. Floods Over $40 Million Dollars Into Venezuelan Elections and Referendums With Mixed Results, U.S. State Department Closely Studies How Chavez May Have Done It for Just Pennies on the Dollar.
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf Fondly Reminiscences About His Father’s Experiences as Bagman to the Shah of Iran and the Opposition to Mossadegh in 1952/53.
The Arrogant Fucking Shits at the Post Desperate to Strike Back at the World’s Poor.
By Yaso Adiodi
December 26, 2007

Pentagon Tracks 'Santa's Progress'.
After 9/11 NORAD Not Taking Any Chances.
Some Reports Sight Camels Not Reindeer Pulling Sled; Bin Laden in a Fat Suit.
Rudolph’s Red Nose Shows Signs of Radioactivity.
Silhouetted, Sled Looks Like a Helicopter Gunship.
By KING COAL
24 December 2007

‘Class Warfare’ Mongering
By ARNIE PALUCCI
12/22/07

Halliburton Employees Rape Jenna Bush While First Daughter Is on USO Tour.
“I’m Certain That If Our Employees Had Known Who the Bitch Was, They'd've Thought Twice About Gang Banging Her,” said Halliburton Spokesperson Melissa Norcross.
State Department Will Not File Charges, Says First Daughter Lured Her Attackers.
Jenna To Get Two Hundred Lashes For Provocative Behavior.
By IMA STOOGEY
Dec./20/2007

Is There Anyone in the Barzani Clan With an I.Q. That Hits Triple Digits?
U.S. Helps Turkey Hit Rebel Kurds in Iraq.
Nixon and Kissinger Fucked the Kurds; George Sr. and Scowcroft Fucked the Kurds; Clinton and Albright Fucked the Kurds; And Every Administration in Between.
U.S. Has Used Turkey to Thwart Kurdish Aspirations Since the Collapse of the Ottoman Empire.
By ANNALEE SCOTT TYSSUE & ROBBEM FREUMDE-REICH
December 18, 2007

Bush: “Use of Steroids Has 'Sullied' Baseball. Use of Drugs Has Sullied Rock and Roll. Use of Lying and Violence Has Been Enormous Boon to Kleptocrats.”
Christian Rock Is Exception; Drugs Make Delusion Seem More Palatable.
By IMA STOOGEY
December 15, 2007

Mocking the Planet.
Shill for the Environmental Entertainment Industry, Al Gore, Takes Center Stage at Dynamite Prize Ceremony.
By AOOGA THURMOUS & KEVLAR SPICEY
December 12, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life:
"Without enemies, the United States appears to be a nation without moral purpose and direction."--W.B.
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 11, 2007
www.killinghope.org

The Tale of ‘Cookie,’ ‘Buzzy’ and Prince Smarmy.
Blackwater Contracts, Short on Detail, Long On Redacted Felonies.
By ROD O'HARROWING JR.
December 8, 2007

Spurred by Vengeance, 'Bomb Lady' Develops More Lethal Weapons for U.S.
By LUNA BUMFUCK
December 1, 2007

U.S. Intelligence Tells Cheney Administration "If You Invade Iran You Cocksuckers Are On Your Own."
N.I.E. Sees U.S. as “Rogue, Irrational Nation.”
By MARK OZORO
Dec. 3, 2007

Dictatorship of the Rich Strikes a Blow!
USAID, Venezuelan Kleptocracy Prove There Is Still Only One Thing Money Can’t Buy, Deny Chavez Additional Authority.
Rallying Cry of the Anti-Chavez Forces--"Where Are My Fucking Soap Operas?"
By WAN DAYOYO
December 3, 2007

Rove Admits Iraq Invasion Based on a “Shit Load of Lies”—Blames Congress, the American People for Rush to War.
Rove Distances Himself from Invasion; “I fix elections, out U.S. intelligence agents that threaten war policy I disagree with and other traitorous shit. But war? What the fuck do I know about waging war?”
“Remember. We don’t have a word for ‘lie’ in American."—Ari Fleischer.
Rove's Version of 2002 War Vote Is Disputed.
Musharraf Steps Down as Commander After Bush Goes Off Script and Tells Him No Leader Should Be Both President and Head of The Army.
By PETTY BARKER
December 1, 2007

Perles That Are Swine: Lying Sacks of Shit That Denied Iraq War Was About Oil Party at Rogers’ Energy Trough As It Fills With Kurdish Sweet Crude.
Kurdish Ministers Drop Trou for U.S. Oil Firms.
Barzanis Are In Bed With Americans, So How Long Could It Be Before Uncle Slimey Fucks Them Again?
Kurdish Clan Claims Oil Revenue To Benefit All Iraqis; Three Headed Goat Born in Kirkuk.
Bush Tells Barzani “Fool me once,…. shame on you….. Fool me. You can’t get fooled again. I bet you fucking Kurds wish I was around instead of Nixon and Kissinger in 1973 or my old man and Scowcroft in ’89.”
Regional Bid Angers Iraqi Government; “The Fucking Barzani’s Are Trying To Steal Everything. Where’s My Taste,” Protests al-Maliki.
Chalabi Holds Up at Oil Ministry with a Contingent of Blackwater Mercs.
By SNUFFI MUFTI
November 28, 2007

Piece Talks: Israel, U.S., Fatah Meet to Plot Who Gets What Piece.
Bush Inserted Into Middle East Piece Talks for Comic Relief.
Rice Feels Meeting With Palestinian Faction that Did Not Win Election Is a Good Way to Demonstrate U.S. Democratic Intentions in the Region.
By GLAM KEESTER & MUNCHIE ABUMMERWITZ
November 24, 2007

Tax Exempt Statist: Pat Robertson Says “Giuliani Has a Nice Ass!"
While Endorsing Cross-Dressing Paranoid Ex-Mayor, Preacher Reveals Birth of Christ Was a Government Psy-ops Program.
By LIBELBY QASH
Nov.9, 2007

Onward Christian Felons: How a Bet between Blackwater Snipers Led to the Murder of 3 Iraqi Guards.
Witnesses Call Shooting From Justice Ministry Unprovoked, But State Dept. Absolved Its Mercs Ex Cathedra.
Much Like Their Mercenary Efforts In Iraq, Blackwater Sets California Ablaze, FEMA Pays Them To Snuff Their Own Arson.
Inordinate Number of Blackwater Employees Appear on the National Registry of Child Molesters and Are Members of the Christian Coalition. Is There a Connection, Charles Colson?
By SNUFFY PHAROO
November 8, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
Cuba and Original Sin
November 6, 2007
www.killinghope.org

Cuban Pawn among Eight Used by White House.
U.S.'s Geopolitical Tantrum Over Small Island Nation Continues.
Biscet’s Health Said to Be Better Than Leonard Peltier’s.
By NOODLES BOORSTOOGEY
November 6, 2007

From the Dassk of Donald Rumsfeld . . .
In Sometimes-Brusque 'Snowflakes,' He Blew It Out His Chocolate Whizz Way, Shared Worldview, Shaped Policy.
By ROBBEM RIGHT
November 1, 2007

As Elite’s Trough Dries Up, Venezuela Increasingly A Conduit For Cocaine.
Smugglers, CIA Exploit Disenfranchised Kleptocracy Seeking To Revitalize Old Drug Markets.
Cheney, Washington Post Unveil Another Canard With Which To Attack Chavez.
Large Cash Donations From Colombian and Venezuelan Kleptocracy Help Convince U.S. Congress Not To Legalize Drugs, Keep Pressure on Chavez.
By WAN DAYOYO
October 28, 2007

Bob Thompson writes in his Washington Post Style piece “Arsenal of Words” for October, 29, 2007 that after viewing the TV movie “The Day After” about a nuclear exchange between the Soviets and the U.S Ronald Reagan’s “mood [e.g. shock] was reinforced, that autumn of 1983, by a real-world scare. The paranoid old despots in the Kremlin -- rattled by, among other things, Reagan's anti-Soviet rhetoric, the rapid rise in American military spending and an elaborate NATO military exercise they thought might be a cover for the real thing -- had come to the enormously dangerous conclusion that the United States was planning a nuclear first strike.”

One supposes that if Thompson started to receive threatening phone calls in the middle of the night from someone saying he was going to kill Bob and his family, followed by mail with photographs of a heavily armed man with more threats scrawled on the back; then the lunatic, after traveling half-way across the country or more say Wyoming or Hollywood or some other house of wackjobs, showed up and camped out in front of Bob’s home and along with some heavily armed buddies from Virginia began taking pot shots at all of the street lamps and pets and otherwise menacing the neighborhood, Bob might take umbrage at being characterized as a “paranoid old despot” needlessly "rattled", fearing for the safety of his family.

The Fog of War Profits.
Oil Markets Bullish On Strike On Iran!
Bullshit Canard of Iranian Threat Will Spike Oil Prices, Oil Profits!
Assassinated Press’s Prediction of $100.00 a Barrel Oil Just a Joint U.S./Israeli Bombing Run Away.
Price Hits Record Close; U.S. Tightens Sanctions “Hoping to Ignite World War III in the Middle East,” Bush Says. “Sanctions Are What Forced Japan Into World War II,” Paul Fussell Reminds.
By MALCOME EXXON & SNUFFY MUFFTI
October 26, 2007

Cheney’s Advisers Tell Him ‘U.S. Must Invade Iran to Save Gays.’
“Finally a Rationale for War Worth Getting Behind,” Says Sean Penn.
“You Know My Daughter’s Gay,” Cheney Tells John Stewart.
IMA STOOGEY
10/22/07

Letter to Rush Limbaugh.
After Her Daddy Was Killed In Iraq, A Young Girl Thanks Rush For His Scholarship Program.
10/20/07

U.S. Orders Oil Proxies To Walk Away From Peace Talks In Sudan.
By MALCOME EXXON
October 12, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Victory for Kleptocrats with Eye on Central America, Costa Rica.
Relatively Successful Central American Democracy Reluctantly Approves Free Trade with the United States after Threats, Rigged Referendum.
Costa Rica Disbanded Its Army in 1948 So That the U.S. Could Not Foment Coups Using Its Military.
Newest Round of Looting Central America Turns Illegal Immigration Into Mass Migration
“Fuck. Looks Like the Good Old Days Are Over When All Washington Did Was Violate Our Neutrality and Wage an Illegal Proxy War Against Nicaragua.”
By JEFFEY LUBE
10/9/07

‘Dismay Us’ Petraeus Ratchets Up Hysteria About Iran To Distract Attention From Iraqi Probe That Faults Blackwater Guards.
“Fuck! I’m Trying To Protect My Seat on The Blackwater Board When I Retire Next Year,” Petraeus Explains.
Petraeus Showing Signs Of Senility, Forgets U.S. Aided Saddam’s Army In the Killing of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Soldiers During Iran/Iraq War, Not to Mention the Shah and SAVAK and U.S. Complicity in the Slaughter Of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Civilians.
17 People Killed Without Provocation At Baghdad Square, Officials Conclude.
By SUDSY RAGOO
October 8, 2007

President Cheney Outsources Entire U.S. Military To Blackwater, Halliburton, Domino's Pizza.
Junkie Limbaugh Faults Big Wasteful Government Military; Defends Big Government State Department’s $1500.00 A Day For Each Merc No Bid Blackwater Contract.
“At Private Goon Salary Rates Recruitment Would Be A Breeze.”
“110,000 Grand a Year Beats That Shitty Marine Bonus,” Prince tells Congress.
“Fuck. With all the money those cocksuckers in Washington are spending on Erik Prince’s sociopaths, they could give us enlisted fucks a $100,000 bonus, get our families off of food stamps and meet recruiting goals like folks was signing up for three tours of free beer and pussy.”
"But then how would I snuggle up to rich Shits like Eric Prince and his family," Assistant Secretary of State Daniel Fried.
NRA Quick To Insist That Every Iraqi Should Be Armed Against Blackwater Threat.
Guns=The Fog of War. Marijuana=The Fog of Peace.
By SUDSY RAGOO & EADIE DEYOUNG
October 5, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Blackwater Employment Opportunities:(This is a paid advertisement.)
Are you tired of cold cocking your neighbors and stir frying their gall bladders in Crisco?
Are you tired of living in your parent’s basement with the body of your dead mother in the freezer?
Are you tired of playing Russian roulette with your adult female doll?
Are you tired of scrubbing powder-burned silicone off your refrigerator?
Are you easier to train than a border collie---or a seal?
Are you easily suborned?
Are you tired of three tours in Iraq only to come home and take it out on your wife and kids beating them senseless too cowardly to go after Dick Cheney?
Did your crystal meth lab blow up?
Do you have the bodies of 33 teen-age boys buried under your patio?
Do you dress up in your mother’s skin for Mother's Day?
Are you despondent over the execution of Timothy McVeigh?
Are you tired of no respect from little dark people and “uppity blacks” like Clarence Thomas?
When you play Toby Keith backwards do you hear the voice of your father telling you to stop diddling your sister?
Is your neighbor’s dog telling you to kill?
Have you given up on ever getting laid without paying for it?
Looking to rape?
Do you keep a poster of Richard Speck’s titties in your bathroom?
Do you have titties like Richard Speck!?
Are you constantly cockblocked by five years olds?
Are you a registered Republican?
Are you tired of just using the arsenal in your ‘secret room’ for target practice and shooting the odd minority child?
Do you cringe at human contact, especially female contact?
Are you bitter about your divorce?
Are you 8 months behind in your alimony payments?
Are you tired of fucking sheep down on the lower 40 and hankering to fuck some Iraqi goat?
Do you attend church regularly?
When you we’re a child we’re you raped by your Uncle Prince?
Are you going to vote for Rudy Giuliani because of the red satin stilletto heels he wore at the I Love New York ball?
We’re you always the last chosen for jump rope?
Do you have a gun-rack in your outhouse?
Did you father call you a "washout" and does a little voice in your head endlessly repeat "Washout. Wish to Christ she had?"
Do you have 2 felony convictions in New York making it difficult to get your hands on assault weapons?
Do you throw like a girl?
Is the swastika on your forehead permanent?
We’re you a member of the U.S. military before you became a serial killer?
Are you a woman trapped in a man’s body?
Can’t pay the vig on your poker debt to your grandmother?
Then Blackwater is for you. For further info
http://www.blackwaterusa.com/training/download.asp

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 1, 2007
www.killinghope.org
If not now, when? If not here, where? If not you, who?

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Clarence Thomas's New Book: "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son."
Anti-Affirmative Action, Color Blind Justice Reverses His Rulings In New Book, "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son," Claims Racism Was Factor In His Confirmation Hearings.
Addled Thomas Calls Anita Hill A “White Woman.”
Clarence Compares Confirmation to Lynching; Maybe Someone Should Demonstrate the Difference.
After Years of Working Against the Interests of Minorities Thomas Whines About Being Treated Like One.
Those Liberal Fuckers Weren’t The Left, Clarence. An Authentic Left WOULD Have Killed You.
Justice Lashes Out In Memoir; But Not With Literal Lashes Much Less Literal Lynchings.
By ROBBY BARNDORR, MICKEY FILTCHER & KEVLAR MACHIDA
September 29, 2007

SOOooiee!!! SOOooiee!!! WOOooo Pig!!! WOOooo Pig!!!
Liberal, Free Spending White House Claims Solution to the War is to Throw More Money at It.
Corporate Welfare Queens Belly Up to the Trough and Tool around in Their Version of a Coup De Ville— the Private Jet. Increase In War Booty Sought.
$42 Billion Boost Would Raise 2008 Total to at the very least $190 Billion.
By IMKNOT JOSHING & ASSCOT TAYLOR
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
September 27, 2007

With Thousands of Warplanes and Ships, 170,000 Heavily Armed U.S. Troops and 180,000 Mercs Poised Just On the other Side of Iran’s Borders, It’s the Great American Bald Lemming That Feels Threatened by One Iranian in NY. Go Fuckin’ Figure.
Paranoid Delusion Grips Guilt Ridden Imperialist Fodderland.
Ahmadinejad's Day One in New York: A Hostile Reception, a Rambling Bush-Like Talk.
“Lack[s] ‘intellectual courage,’ has a ‘fanatical mind-set’ and is ‘astonishingly undereducated.’ Fucking sounds like Bush!”---Lee Bollinger Projects Characteristics of Bush, Americans, Himself, onto Iranian Leader.
"A.s Just A Piker When It Comes To Summary Excecutions Compared to SAVAK and The CIA," former aid to Shah says. "Hopefully soon we can return to the good old days of Imperial hegemony."
Bush Told Columbia University Is Not in Bogota. "OMYDINNERJUG'S HERE!?" Bush Exclaims.
By ANTHONY ‘BONES’ PAYOLA and ROBBEM FARR WRIGHT
September 25, 2007

U.S. Envoy Praises Somali Puppet's Effort to Move Country in Direction of U.S. Oil Grab.
Opposition Alliance Described as 'Isolated,' But U.S. Ground Forces and Blackwater in Somalia Know Better.
Attacks on Chinese Oil Operations Staged.
By STEW MCCRUMMY & MIKE ‘CREAMHOLE’ RUNNYBURGER
September 21, 2007

“You're Free, Beulah.”
Group Says Ignore 800 Pound British Colonial Gorilla In The Room, Threaten Amnesty For Zimbabwe Leaders.
Goal Is Elections That Will Get Mugabe Out So Land Reform Can Be Reversed.
If Mugabe’s Don’t Get The Hint And Win Elections, Then More Force Will Be Applied By Britain, U.S.
“Short of Killing the Nigger, I Don’t See How We’ll Get Our Money,” Says Kindasleazie Rice.
By KRUGER LUGER
September 19, 2007

Greenspan Admits Occupation of Iraq Is About Oil.
Rumsfeld Says: “It seems that the default position for anyone’s opponents is to call them liars and betrayers. That’s what I’ve always done even though my ‘fault’ position has always been one of a liar and a traitor."
By BUBBA WADWORD
September 14, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 11, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."
Toto, We’re Still In a Fucking Kansas State of Mind!
The Great American Bald Lemming Whimpers: "We Can't Stay, And We Can't Leave”
While the Most Honorable Solution Is Being Ignored.
Iraqis Know U.S. Is Never Pulling Out. It Must Be Driven Out.
"What? You Thought the Military Was Running Things With All the Sweet Crude Around! What? Are You A Fucking Moron?"--Lee Raymond, former Exxon/Mobil CEO
"What? You Thought NATO Was Running Things With All that Raw Opium Around! What! Are You a Fucking Moron?"-- James Pavitt, former head of CIA's Directorate of Operations. "Not That NATO Won't Get a Taste."
By POOTRY SLOBEREEN
September 12, 2007

U.S. Department Of Commerce Looking For Advisers On How To Slice Up Iraq’s Oil Pie Among U.S. Companies.
Reflecting Pool Renamed ‘Kleptocratic Booty Trough;’ Filled With KY Jelly.
By WALDO PUNKASS
September 10, 2007

Wide Cynicism Greets Administration Bullshit.
Poll Respondents Say Petraeus Will Lie To Congress And A Grateful Nation.
89% of Americans Still Believe The Canard That Iraq Was Behind 9/11, But They Can No Longer Be Conned Into Giving A Fuck.
“New Attack Urgently Needed,” U.S. Kleptocracy Tells Dick.
Hunt Oil Of Dallas Strikes Oil Deal With Kurdish Oil Kleptocracy. Cheney, Press Deny Deal Involves Oil.
By JON CON & IMA STOOGEY
September 9, 2007

For CBS’s Katie Couric 'No Heroics, Just Ratings.'
White House Tells CBS If You Send The Clueless Couric, You Won’t Be Disappointed.
Couric Meets With The Equally Clueless Bush.
By Boward Kurtzie
September 4, 2007

Take the Suckers Bet On America.
Ignore All the Imperial Doom & Gloom.
In 50 Years, We'll Still Be No.1 If We Keep Doing No.2 On the Rest of The World.
By O. Mai Achinback
September 2, 2007

Four More Wars! Fleischer Uses American Morons To Flog The Old Lie That There Is A Connection Between Iraq And 9/11.
"If Cheney Can't Tell The Stale Lie Of A Connection Between Saddam Hussein And al-Qaeda Without Being Laughed Out Of Cabinet Meetings Pay Some Dried-Out Old Cunt Like Ari Fleischer To Hustle A Few Great American Bald Lemmings Too Stupid To Know They're Being Made Complicit In Murder"--Stephen Hayes.
What Room In The Body Politic Are There For People Who Don't Know The Difference Between Ba'athist Sunnis And Shia al-Qaeda And Why Haven't We Hanged The People Who Continue To Wantonly Lie About It?
White House Vet Ari Fleischer, “Back To Fight With The Surge in Iraq”, But Fleischer Rushes To Claim He Was Misquoted. "'With' Too Literal," Former Spokesliar Insists.
Then Is “Vet” Appropriate?
Balding Stooge’s Message, “More War!”; Fleischer Heads ‘Freedom’s Watch-- While Others Do The Fighting.’
“The Maginot Line provided the manure for the bottom line."—Bush Successfully Compares WWI To The War In Iraq.
By SHIDDER POOPAW
August 24, 2007

U.S. Prepares To Dump Another Iraqi Puppet.
Maliki Makes Threats, Hastens Death.
Bush Told To Turn Heat Up On Maliki.
U.S. Could Seek Another Regime Change, Faux-President Is Told To Caution.
Faux-President Told To Compare Iraq To Vietnam—al-Maliki To Diem?
By MICKEY FILTCHER & BEGONE GREENBACKS
August 22, 2007

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.-- H.L. Mencken On Karl Rove's Legacy

White House Chief Of Stink Resigns.
Karl Rove’s Weapons Of Mass Distraction.
Like Mark Hanna, Rove Was Helping To Build A New Imperial Empire By Introducing Trivial Policy Canards As if They Mattered.
Media, Electorate Took Bait As Kleptocrats Looted Treasury And Hijacked The Military.
The Long-term Profits Of Working The Anger Points.
Its A Dark Day For Political Ridicule.
By YASO ADIODI
August 14, 2007

U.S. Cuts And Runs On Iraq, Begs U.N. For Help.
PNAC’s Only Sand Nigger In Position As U.N. Ambassador To Go Whining To Body’s Colorful Cast.
Quid Pro Quos Said To Include More Favorable Oil Arrangements For The Chinese, Russians, Germans And French.
By LYNN CHING
August 8, 2007

Missing In Iraq $12,000,000,000, 380 Tons Of High Explosives, 300,000 Barrels Of Oil A Day & 190 Million Weapons; Lone Quartermaster In Green Zone Blamed.
"Sergeant Planned To Start His Own Country," Petraeus Claims; "Acted Alone."
Pentagon Weapons Flood Virginia Gunshops.
GAO Estimates 90% of Arms Are Unaccounted For.
By GLEN KEESTER
August 6, 2007

U.S. Pushes Sales To Gulf States Stashing Weapons For Invasion Of Iran.
“For the Gulf hosts, this makes them vulnerable. It's quite clear that when the U.S. launches its military strike against Iran, they are going to use U.S. military bases in these countries, the kind of hegemonic reach that China and Russia do not have and where most of these weapons are stored.”
By ELRON MIREDKNICKERS
August 4, 2007

Rock And Roll Hall Moves To Adopt A Zero Tolerance Drug Policy.
Taking Its Lead From Baseball, Rock And The Roll Hall of Fame Plans To Expunge The Careers Of Any Inductee Who Used Illegal Performance Enhancing Drugs.
Pat Boone And Anita Bryant Will Most Likely Be Only Members Of Hall Left.
"I Wouldn't Come On Corny To The Man Who Gave Me The Sound."
By SIDNEY GOTTLIEB
8/4/07

Chiquita Sought Help From Department of Justice As To Whether It Was Okay To Hire U.S. Trained And Armed Assassins To Kill Union Organizers And Turn Their Relatives Into Rebels.
“Didn't Hills Get The Memo? What Self-Respecting Capitalist Sends A Formal Request Forcing Us To Ignore It? Doesn’t This Dumb Fuck Know The Death Squads Are Our Creation No Matter What We Say Publicly?” Queried Michael Chertoff, A Former Board Member Of Banana Giant Chiquita International.
In Terrorism-Law Case, Chiquita Points To U.S.
Firm Says It Awaited Justice Dept. Advice On Murder.
By JUAN DAYOYO & IMA STOOGEY
August 2, 2007

Mullen Sites Deadlock In Iraq: U.S. Wants Unconditional Surrender Of Oil; Iraqis Want To Re-Negotiate Hussein Era Contracts With Russia, China, Germany And France That Cheney Sent Troops In To Anull.
Joint Chiefs Nominee Notes Toll on Military, Need to Plan for Iraq Diedown.
Al-Maliki Also Wants To Switch To The Euro.
By ‘WILD BILL’ BROBDIGNAG
August 1, 2007

Chief Justice Suffers Seizure; God Sends Message To Supreme Court.
God Seeks Wider Application Of His ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ Statute ‘Lest I Fuck You Up.’
Pat Robertson Calls Roberts Stroke “Sign From God, But I Don’t Think I Like The Fuckin’ Message.”
Roberts’ Alcoholism Harks Back To Altar Boy Parties With Father Flannigan And The Sacristy Wine.
Far Right Scientist John Casti Insists “God Does Not Play Semiotics, Just Stochastics.”
Mel Gibson Purchases Movie Rights To Roberts’ Seizure, Claims God Butt Fucked Him Too While Shooting The Patriot In 2000 Or “It Might Have Been Adam Baldwin.”
By ROBBIE BARONS & MIKE SHEEPSHEARED
July 31, 2007

Manassas, Va. Blogger Points To Murderous U.S. Foreign Policy As Source Of Illegal-Immigration.
“Help Save Myasses By First Saving The World From The U.S. Kleptocracy” Catches On Even Among Unreflective Virginia Bigots.
By NUCKLES JACKOFF
July 22, 2007

Iraq Can Handle Security, Iraqi Prime Minister Says.
As Thousands of American Troops Head For the Exits, Cheney Tells al-Maliki He’s Not Leaving (Meaning U.S. Forces) Until He Gets His Fuckin’ Oil.
Al-Maliki Forced To Recant.
“Every God Damned One of the 155,000 Cock Suckers We Have On the Ground Right Now Is Absolutely Necessary For The Success of ‘Operation Get Me My Fucking Oil’” Gen. Petraeus Insists, “Not To Mention the 58,000 Private Security Shits.”
“We’ll Leave When We’re Asked To Leave.”—George Bush Caught Out In Another Lie.
By RUPERT HAYROD
July 16, 2007

Why Bush Is A Winner For the Kleptocracy.
Kristol: “Calling me a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck is not conducive to establishing a dialogue.”
Diogenes: “Yes. But it’s true. You are a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck. So where do we go from here?”
By WILLIAM KRISTOL
July 15, 2007

China Executes Former Head of Food, Drug Safety.
Would Top Down Capital Punishment Help America Clean Up Its Act?
When Will U.S. Meet Out Same Justice To Tobacco Executives, S&L And Stock Swindlers, Halliburton, Bechtel, Leadership At FEMA, CIA, White House, Members Of Congress etc. etc. ad nauseam?
"U.S. Justice System Has A Long Way To Go To Reach Equality," Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji Points Out.
“To Grow Rich Is Fuckin’ Glorious.”—Deng Xiaoping
By ENG JOI DA CHACHA
July 11, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
www.killinghope.org
July 9, 2007
Neocons, theocons, Demcons, excons, and future cons

Live Earth: Infantilized Culture Puts a Band Aid On the Earth’s Boo-Boo.
Material Girl's Toxic Waste.
By Yaso Adiodi
July 9, 2007

Cool Reception for Conservative Radio In DC.
“We feed the lies to the assholes with the radio shows. Why the fuck do we need to tune in to our own shit?” White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove confides.
“Talk Radio is for the shit heads in the heartland, the fodder that we feed into the engine of kleptocracy,” says White House Chief of Communications Dan Bartlett.
Tony Snow’s Moldy Oldies Show Also Suffers From Low Viewership.
By RAGU FARCIE
July 6, 2007

Cubans Imagine Cuba After Bush’s Death.
Same Old State Of Siege By Gringo Assholes Predicted To Continue.
By PADDY BARKER
June 29, 2007

Attorney General Caught Up In His Own Bloodlust.
Gonzales Protests His Innocence, Claims Mistaken Identity In Case Involving Killing Of Meth Dealer.
Diminutive ‘Beaner’ And Close Bush Confidante To Be Put To Death On July 4th.
July Declared Death Penalty Month In Texas.
"The Little Pendejo Was Just Trying To Fit In," Cheney Says.
By AMY GALLSTONE
June 28, 2007

Cheney Defiant on Classified Material on Grounds of Self-Incrimination.
Executive Order Ignored Since 2003, Cheney Claims Office Of De Facto President Lies Outside Constitutional Purview.
"You End Up Looking Like Assholes Because You Report Like You Don't Know Who's Running Things," Tony Schmo Tells White House Press Corps.
By PATTY BARKER
June 22, 2007

CIA to Redact Decades of Its Dirty Laundry.
Skid-Mark Officianados Hope to Turn the Tide with Heavy Load.
Thousands of Former and Current Spooks To Be Turned Over To Countries Where They Committed Crimes Ranging From Murder To Heroin Smuggling.
Same Planes Used For Extraordinary Rendition To Be Used To Return U.S. Agents To Face Justice.
Assassination Attempts Among Abuses Detailed But Successful Assassinations Are Redacted.
The Original Canards Are Us Is Ready To Throw Investigators Off the Scent.
By EATON DEYOUNG & WALDO PUNKASS
June 22, 2007

FBI Overgoose-Steps Its Authority.
Audit finds abuse in getting terrorism, spy records.
By VINNY VIDOVICI
June 14, 2007

“Our Gallant Lads Will Be Guarding Dick Cheney’s Oil Long After The Old Kleptocrat Is Just A Shriveled Piece Of Beef Jerky In A Gold Sarcophagus,” General Tells Congress.
Top General Sees Decades Required To Protect Cheney’s Oil And Natural Gas Grift In Iraq.---“Until Its all Sucked Out Of the Ground, Assholes.”
“This Shouldn’t Come As A Surprise To Anyone,” Dempsey Tells Congress. “We Put Chumps In Harm’s Way All Over The World To Protect Our Kleptocrat’s Wealth. Fuck. That’s What Imperialism Is.” Big Boost In Iraqi Partisans Is Likely.
Marine Risks Life So Americans Can Drive To Disney World.
By WALDO PUNKASS
June 13, 2007

Toby Keith Pussies Out.
You’d Like To Think He’s Realized He’s An Ignorant Fuck That Ought To Keep His Mouth Shut About Things He Knows Nothing About, But In Reality It’s All About Selling Records.
By JOE BLOW
June 12, 2007

Letters On Libby's Behalf Show Administration Neo-cons To Be A Bunch of Whiney Bitches.
“‘Tough’ Operative, Libby, Too Much Of A Pussy To Do 30 Months In A ‘Country Club,’” Mocks G. Gordon Liddy On His Radio Program. Liddy Suggests A Prison Break.
Everyone Who Wrote A Letter On Behalf Of Libby Received A $5.00 Denny’s Coupon And $10,000 In Cash Slated For Katrina Victims.
“At least that shit Libby’s family will know where he is," says friend of extraordinary rendition victim.
By SCHMEKEL ABUMMERWITZ
June 6, 2007

Is Your Greedy, Homicidal Kleptocracy Putting Murderous Thoughts In Your Head?! Well, Relief Is Just A Round Up And A Plane Ride Away.
Here’s An Offer Too Good To Refuse!!
A Major Coalition Of Iraq's Guerrilla Forces Says It Will Cease Hostilities If U.S. Citizens Will Turn Over U.S. War Criminals And Kleptocrats Responsible For Iraq War!!
“Let Us Dispose Of Your Criminal Class For You,” Iraqi Freedom Fighters Offer. “We Let You Have Saddam And His Pricks. Let Us Have Your Kleptocrats And Your Boys Can Come Home. Our's Too.”
By YASO ADIODI
6/3/07

Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips Order Cheney To Ratchet Up Invasion Of Somalia, Commit More American Forces To New Oil Front.
As Assassinated Press Reported, American Proxy Forces Give Ground to Somalis And U.S. Direct Involvement In the Fighting Grows.
By TY KUHN
June 2, 2007

Venezuelan Students, White Elite, International Media Come Out In Favor Of Coups, Assassinations: Hundreds Protest In Support Of RCTV Which Plotted To Kidnap And/Or Assassinate Venezuelan President And Overthrow Government.
U.S. Role Or Should We Say Payroll In Protests Played Down Just As Uncle Slimey’s Role In Assassination Attempts Has Been Played Down.
“Oh! If FOX News Or ABC Was Implicated In The Attempted Assassination Of A Sitting American President And The Overthrow Of The Government We Wouldn’t Go So Far As To Strip Their FCC License,” White House Chief Of Stink Assures Reporters. “The Days Of Lyndon Johnson And Richard Nixon Are Over. The Media’s So Docile Now By Comparison If You Can Fucking Believe That.”
“What Part Of State Of Siege Do You Not Understand,” Latin America Asks Human Rights Watch.
“Soaps Kept Poor Pacified,” Declares RCTV CEO.
By WAN FUYOYO
June 2, 2007

U.S. Proxy Rebel Force Fails To Carve Out Cheney Oil Fiefdom In Darfur.
President Cheney Reported To Be Livid About Another CIA Failure To Steal Oil.
Tenet Plan Fails; Administration Scrambling.
By SCHMEKEL ABUMMERWITZ & DUBBY WOBEGOREN
May 29, 2007

U.S. Forces Free Extraordinary Rendition Captives Of Al-Qaeda in Iraq.
Al-Qaeda Version of CIA Kidnappings Also Includes Torture.
Raid on Hide-Out in Diyala Finds Detainees With Broken Bones, Waterboarding But No Photos of Naked Pyramids of Men and Grinning Hillbillies or Car Batteries.
By MENTELLE WARD ANDERSONVILLE
May 28, 2007

Lebanese Certain U.S., Israel Won’t Allow Fighting To Stay Isolated For Long.
Conflict In Lebanon, Israeli Bombing, Murder Of Hariri Designed To Loosen Syrian And Iranian Grip On The Region Even Though They Are The Region.
The Lesson Of Hamas And ‘Democratic Elections’ Not Lost On Arab World.
LUCA BRAZZIBALLS
May 22, 2007

Onward Sado-Christian Soldiers: Army and Air Force Strengthen Formal Links To Christian Event.
General Jesus Leads Crusading Military Congregation.
By ALIAN KOPFERMENSCH
May 25, 2007

Bush Is Told To Terrorize The Great American Bald Lemming With An Ancient Bin Laden Fairy Tale.
By SCHMUCKEL HALFAWITZ
May 23, 2007

After Ashcroft’s Hospital Rebuff Of Gonzales, Administration Doubted His Commitment To The Rapture.
Supporters Cite His Support For Torture As Proof Of His Embrace Of Sado-Christianity.
Ashcroft Again Resolved In His Faith, Calls Comey Move A Mistake---“It Was The Godless Meds Made Me Do it. Just Ask Rush.”
By PETTY BARKER & SUSAN ‘My Job Is To Cover-Up Any Story That Is Fundamentally Critical Of The Big Lies That Are American Political Culture’ SCHMUGGT
May 20, 2007

Reagan's Diaries Published.
Two Decades After Reagan’s Charlie McCarthy Presidency Ended, The Diaries Kept by Him With Co-Author Nancy When He Was In Office Have Been Heavily Redacted And Published For The First Time.
Intelligence Denies Vetting Diaries: “Why Would We Have To Vet The Droolings Of That Simpleton And His Anorexic Wife? Nobody Told Them Shit,” Michael Hayden Tells The Assassinated Press.
By IMA STOOGEY
5/17/07

We Had A Right To Rip Off Iraq--- Saddam Owed Us.
Et Tu Tenet: Bremer’s Bummer Or Revisionism For One.
By L. PAUL BREMER & PAUL BEARER
May 13, 2007

American Culture Finally Catching On In Iraq.
Insurgents Taunt American Captives With 'No Snitchin' Busta Rhymes Raps Played At Ear Bleeding Decibels For 72 Hours Straight.
Iraqis Learn From Rappers, American Troops That 'No Snitchin' Is Bitchin'.
By YASO ADIODI
5/15/07

Ethiopians Fear for Their Interfaith Oasis; Should Have Thought About That While Their Leaders Were Selling Their Asses To Form A Proxy Army To Invade Oil Rich Somalia For Uncle Slimey.
U.S. Using the Old Colonial Divide And Conquer, Rape And Steal In Africa.
Cherished Interweaving Of Christians, Muslims Apparently Not Much Cherished By Homegrown Ethiopian Kleptocracy.
Ethiopia Sells Peace To U.S., Foments Civil War.
By STUMPY MCCRUMCAKE
May 13, 2007

Brooding On A Warship Offshore, Cheney Warns Iranians Not To Get Comfortable In Their Own Homes.
“U.S. Must Take The War To The Rest Of The World Lest The Rest Of The World Take The War To Me,” Declares De Facto President And World Class Paranoid Kleptocratic Weenie.
By ROBBEM RIGHT
May 12, 2007

Reagan Era’s Contra War Lands Young American In Nicaraguan Prison.
Nicaraguans Say They Will Trade Volz For Elliott Abrams.
Those Tourists Who Forget The U.S. Imperialist Past (and Present) Are Doomed To Get Their Asses Blown Up Or Do Serious Time In A Foreign Prison For The Crimes Of Their Rich Kleptocracy.
By WAN FOREGOYO
May 7, 2007

Shredding History: Tenet Tries To Distance Himself From Neo-Con Lies And Murders Not To Mention Their Fuck Ups.
By CHARLES SPROUTHUMMER
May 4, 2007

Cheney’s Energy Task Force Draft Oil Measure Sent To Iraqi Parliament.
“The Iraqi People Are Shit Out of Luck,” ConocoPhillips CEO James Mulva Declares.
Protracted Debate Ending In U.S. Maintaining Complete Control Foreseen By Some; Kurds Raise Issues, Fears About Previous U.S. Double-Crosses.
By TY KUHN
May 3, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
May 3, 2007
If the United States leaves Iraq things will really get bad

"It’s God’s Will That I Kill Again."
Too Bad. Snow’s Cancer Had Convinced Millions That There Was A God.
Snow Says He's Delighted That He Will Still Be Able To Participate In The Slaughter Of Tens Of Thousands Of People And Continue To Stooge For His Betters Until His Cancer Eats Him Away And Sends Him To Hell.
“Lying, Murderous Pricks Like Tony The Snowjob Are A Dime A Dozen In This Town, But Still We Would Have Missed That Duplicitous Shitbag,” Cheney Tells the Assassinated Press.
JEFFEY LUBE
April 30, 2007

"Dick! Go Fuck Yourself!" Nations Tell Cheney Administration On Iraq Debt.
Nations That U.S. Fucked Out Of Numerous Oil Agreements With Pre-War Iraq Now Balk At Debt Relief Bail Out For Cheney Administration.
“Besides didn’t that pussyhound Wolfowitz say Iraq could pay off its debts with its oil revenues?”
By ROBBEM RITE
April 25, 2007

Move Over Iraq And Afghanistan.
Scores Are Killed In Ethiopia Attack.
Islamic Nationalists Take Attack To American Tools.
Attack On Oil Field Gets Cheney’s Attention.
Chinese Suspect U.S. Ploy To Drive Them From Oil Rich African Region.
U.S. Media Again Caught With Its Pants Around Its Ankles Getting Blown By Dana Perino On U.S. Invasion Of Somalia.
Number of U.S. ‘Troops’ Killed In Somalia Reaches 20.
By STEWPHONEY MCRUMCAKE & AUDY CODY
April 25, 2007

'Ho Money. Ho Money. Ho Money': It’s Capitalist Realism That’s Pornographic.
“Rap Is As American As Mom, Apple Pie, Dressing Like A Clown And School Yard Shootings,” Russell Simmons Tells Oprah. “As Long As You Can Make A Buck On It, Its Victims Are Fair Game.”
NRA, KKK And GOP Mount Vigorous Defense Of Thumbsucker Music On Second Amendment Grounds.
The Don Anus Test: Will Rappers Take Thumbs Out Their Asses And Smell The Coffee After Undergoing Self-Examination?
Latest Form Of Corporate Thumbsucking Pop Music Undergoes Scrutiny As Sales Plummet And Contracts Do Not Seem So Attractive To The Suits.
Language Used As Canard To Break Deals.
By TAUDREY WELTZ & IMA STOOGEY
April 25, 2007

Holy Shit! Ass. Press Right Again. How Do They Do it?
Colombian Senator: Death Squads Met At Uribe's Ranch.
Scandal Over Paramilitary Ties Widens As Uribe’s Role Throws Light On White House, U.S. Congress, American people’s Involvement In The Murder Of Thousands Of Colombian Peasants As Well As Cocaine Smuggling.
By WAN FOREGOYO
April 18, 2007

The Right Dusts Off Its 'Impeach Clinton' Buttons.
Groups State That Firing White House Travel Personnel Is Morally More Reprehensible Than Invading A Sovereign Country Intent On Stealing Its Oil And Slaughtering Tens Of Thousands Of People Predicated On A Pack Of Lies.
When The Contents Of Your Colon Are The Contents Of Your Character: If You Keep Your Moral Compass Up Your Ass, True North Will Always Be Obscured By Shit.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
April 6, 2007

U.S. Military Report Calls Cheney/Bush Cabal “A Nest Of Lying Fucks.”
Hussein's Prewar Ties To Al-Qaeda Discounted.
"Douglas Feith May Be Short On Intelligence, But He’s A Great Ass-Kisser; Lots Of Tongue," Report Cites.
Pentagon Report Says Rumsfeld Had More Contact With Saddam Hussein Before 9/11 Than al-Qaeda.
By JEFFY LUBE
April 6, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
April 6, 2007
Land of the free, home of the War on Terrorism

Aaaaaah! Who The Fuck Needs Collective Bargaining?
The Corporate Media Got Their Marching Orders And Ridiculed French Workers For Defending Their Benefits, Indeed The American Press Ridiculed The Benefits Themselves, But Look What Happens When You Swallow The Corporate Shit Ladled Out By Their Media About The Macho, Maverick American Worker.
Death Of A Salesman: Circuit City Cuts 3,400 'Overpaid' Workers.
Of Course, It’s Too Late For The American Worker: Court Rules Flight Attendants At Northwest Airlines May Not Strike.
Army Recruiters Lurk Outside Stores Snatching Up Newly Unemployed.
By AL FORMOI
March 29, 2007

Iran Placed Under A State Of Siege.
Sanctions Aim To Starve Out Iranians.
U.S. Plan Wins Iraqi Shia Hearts And Minds To Do More IEDs And Ambushes.
5 U.S. Troops Die On Sunday; Pace Says “Shit! That Ain’t Bad.”
Iran Feels Pinch As Major Banks Curtail Business.
U.S. Campaign Urges Firms to Cut Ties or Else.
By ROBBEM RITE
March 26, 2007

A Pretext For Invasion: Imperialists On “Routine Patrol” 11,000 Miles From Britain Seized After Merely Stopping An Iranian Vessel And Asking For Directions, Blair Claims.
British Captain Says “Blimey! I Thought I was In The Fuckin’ Channel Watchin’ Out For That Bloody Scoundrel Napoleon.”
Another Blair/Cheney Strategy Fucked?
Iranians Apparently Are Not Going To Sit Back And Allow Imperialists To Seize Their People While The Coalition Of The Chilling Have Plenty Of Kleptocratic Stooges To Seize In The Gulf Region.
Iranians Generously Call UK MI5 Insurgents Sailors Not Spies After They Illegally Enter Iran’s Waters.
By SUSHI BAR DULOONEY
March 24, 2007

U.S. And British Stooges To Join Talks In S. Africa.
Neo-Colonial Effort To Bring Down Mugabe Government In Full Swing.
By UNCLE CRIEG TOMBUG
March 23, 2007

Cheney Administration’s Mini-Iraq In Somalia Heats Up.
Part Of Iraqi Troop Surge May Be Needed To Secure Somali Oil.
Gates Calls Contingent Of U.S. Forces In Somalia A ‘Spurt.’
Heavy Fighting in Mogadishu Leads to Mutilation of Troops.
Four Bodies Burned in Denunciation of Somalia's U.S. Puppet Government.
By TWOPENNY CRIMECLIQUE
March 22, 2007

U.S.'s Tale Of Two Countries: U.S. And Britain Create An Authoritarian Government in Zimbabwe By Exerting Monumental Pressure To Get Land Back Into Whitey’s Hands While U.S. And British Kleptocracy Maintain Authoritarian Government They Created In Egypt To Prevent Nationalist Opposition Groups from Coming to Power.
Related Stories: Hugo Chavez Is a PR Hoarding Megalomaniac For Aiding The Poor With Venezuela’s Oil Wealth While Saint Uribe Has Been Undermined By A Few Hundred Bad Apple Colombian Politicians And Military Officers Who Used U.S. Money And Weapons To Forge Ties With Paramilitary Narco-Patriots.
And The Media's Brainwashing Result Or Oprahite Of The Masses Whereby The Studio Audience One Day Listens Tearfully As U.S. Officials Tell Them How They Are In Iraq To Bring The Iraqi People Democracy And The Next Day Wildly Applaud The QUEEN Of Jordan, The Trophy Wife Of That Autocratic Little Shit, Abdullah II, The King Of Jordan.
Opposition Leaders Arrested In Zimbabwe And Egypt.
By JACKASSERSON MULEY
March 12, 2007

Demonstrators Brave Cold To Carry Message to Pentagon, As Counter-Protesters Reassure Kleptocracy.
March Is Golden Opportunity For Homeland Security To Collect Intelligence On Protesters And Especially Counter-Protestors.
Counter-Protestors Still Have The Best Drugs.
By STEALE MOGUL & RICH FATFUCK
March 18, 2007

Cheney: “Antiwar Lawmakers Hurt Troops” But Not As Much As Iraqi Resistance.
Cheney’s ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ Stance Explained; "Energy Task Force Will Have Cheney And His Family Killed If He Fails To Deliver Iraq’s Oil," Halliburton CEO Tells Congress.
By IMA STOOGEY
March 13, 2007

“So Long Suckers.”
Nothing Personal; Halliburton Cuts And Runs, Plans Move To Dubai To Be Closer To Its Iraq Oil Concessions.
Critics Pounce on News of War Contractor's Planned Move From Houston to Dubai, Call On Cheney To Cancel Halliburton’s Steak Sauce, Blood Plasma And Body Bag Contracts.
By CY O'NARA-ASSHOLES
March 11, 2007

Is The Arranged Marriage Of God To Mammon Threatened By Environmentalism?
Evangelicals Will Continue To Shit Where They Sleep For Christ.
Curbing Christian Consumerism Would Delay The End Of The World Hence Fuck Up The Rapture Scam Says Ministers.
Evangelical Body Stays Apocalyptic Course On Earth Care.
By LOON SCOOPER
March 11, 2007

Frequent ‘Errors’ In FBI's Secret Records Requests. Wow! Whatta Fuckin’ Surprise!
Audit Finds Everybody’s Ass Is Up For Grabs.
By SHUGA KAIN & WINQANNA NOD
March 10, 2007

Love Letters In The Sand: Sudanese Leader's Long Letter Gets Brief Response From Bush’s Handlers.
Sudan Oil Grift 'Spudders'.
By TY KUHN & ROBBIE BARON
March 8, 2007

Su Casa Es Mi Casa: Bush Attempts To Engage Latin America With Tour:
Bush Handlers Hope To Reprise Nixon's 1958 PR Triumph!
By LOTTA TWOTTLE
March 6, 2007

"Send Some Of Cheney's Fuckin' Private Physicians Over To Fuckin' Walter Reed And Let Nature Takes Its Course AND The Devil Have His Due With The Fat Fuck!" Vets Suggest
Walter Reed Commanders Admit Nothing, Do Less:
Surrounded By His Phalanx Of Personal Physicians, Cheney Addresses Energy Task Force, Calls Wounded Veterans ‘Troublemakers’, Vows Reprisals:
Cheney's Medical Bodyguards Thwart Yet Another Assassination Attempt By Mother Nature.
By AYN FLATERY
March 5, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 5, 2007
Flash! This just in! The Cold War was not a struggle between the United States and the Soviet Union.

An Object Lesson: Retired Army Helicopter Pilot Honored for His Actions in Vietnam, But The Little Draft Dodging Bitch Behind Him Is President--- And Rich.
By LAO-TSI MARTINET
2/26/07

Prattle Battle: HBO’s Answer To ‘The View’----Real Time With Bill Maher.
Clowns & Jugglers Drive Comic's Ratings Upwards.
Ayaan Hirsi Ali: "I Really Wonder What You Are Doing Here at Harvard If You Don’t Intend To Sell Out."
Michael Steele---Oh Negro Please!
By IMA STOOGEY
2/23/07

Alvaro Uribe, The U.S.'s New Alberto Fujimori: Scandal in Colombia Makes Drugs And Arms Confederates On Capitol Hill Jittery.
On Hill, Support For Uribe Vanishes As Congress’s Role In Drug Smuggling, Mass Murder Is Threatened With Exposure.
Bill Frist And Franklin Graham Collect Intelligence For CIA On Trip To Sudan, Pass On Message Of Support To Rebels From President Cheney.
By WAN FOYOYO
February 17, 2007

Conservatives Assail Accord With North Korea As Threat To Their ‘Terrorism’ Cash Cow.
The Only Time Elliott Abrams Should Open His Pie Hole About Terrorism And Murder Is When He’s Ready To Give His Death Row Confession.
Cheney Tells Bolton, Abrams et al To "Go Fuck" Themselves. “We have no intention of honoring this turd of an agreement,” De Facto Prez Cheney Assures Fear-Mongering Industry Moguls.
Lemmings Request Less Signage; Bush Lies To A Grateful Nation:
The dog show may be over but that didn’t stop Cheney from trotting out his little bitch Bush to howl about Iran and drop a new scare term, the Quds Force, that the media with their weapons of mass repetition can use to terrify the Great American Bald Lemming into coughing up more cash.
“Just because the British and the French hacked up the Middle East to steal the oil doesn’t mean Iran doesn’t feel some strong historical attachment to the Shia of Iraq. So what’s the fuckin’ U.S.’s excuse? Carry Out Afkhadh? They're not even from the fuckin' neighborhood.”
Deal Could Get Nation off North Korea’s Terrorism List.
By GLYN KEESTER
February 15, 2007

Douglas Feith Tells American Public: “We’re Getting Away With Murder, In Many Cases Your Murder, And There’s Not A Fucking Thing You Can Do About It.”:
The Kleptocracy In The Form Of Its Stooges Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith Etc. Provide Yet Another Tantalizing Answer To The Question On Everyone’s Lips: Would America Be Better Off If It Hanged Its Kleptocracy?:
Like Any Group Of Cowards And Shills, Senate Debates Significance of Pentagon Report On Feith's Lies.
By WALDO PINKASS & EADETH DE YOUNG
February 10, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
February 3, 2007
Full Spectrum Dominance

Bush Told To Request Billions for Wars!!!
Oil Policy Translates Into Huge Arms Deals!!!
Hill Democrats Express Skepticism About Their Cut.
By WILLIAM UTT & ROBERT STEVENS
February 3, 2007

Cooler Heads Prevail--
ExxonMobil Uses Record Profits To Take Out Bounty On Global Warming Hoax:
American Enterprise Institute Offering $10,000 For Contract Hit On Planet Earth.
By LEE RAYMOND
February 1, 2007

Prolong-The-War Movement Marches In Washington:
Crowds March to Demand Renewed Attack On Iraq And All Out Assaults On Syria And Iran:
Group’s Goal That The Imperialists Get Such An Abject Whipping This Time They’ll Leave The Rest Of The World Alone For Awhile:
'Would America Be Better Off If We Hanged Our Kleptocrats?'---Take The Assassinated Press Poll.
By CALHOUN WOODWAD and LARRY MUGGYSAK
January 27, 2007

‘Blame God First’ Crowd Prevents Gore From Polluting The Minds Of Our Kids:
Evangelical Blames Christ For Global Warming:
Gore Film Warms Up Parents' Anger:
Showing 'Inconvenient Truth' Would Require Convenient Counterpoint
By BLAIME HARDON
January 25, 2007

24 More U.S. Troops Aborted In Iraq:
Anti-Abortionists Hope To Raise Troop Numbers For The Fodderland:
Drew Barrymore Says, “Don’t Waste Time Being Angry!”
By HERESNESTO LOWDOWNO & POCO LOCO
January 21, 2007

Think Raising the Minimum Wage Is a Good idea? (Paid Advertisement)

“The reason I object to the minimum wage is I think it destroys jobs. A lot of people that pimp for the elites will lose their jobs because this will be seen as a failure to protect the interests not to mention the principal of the wealthy. And it destroyed my life. I lost my first job at an offal rendering plant when FDR introduced the first minimum wage of 14 cents an hour in 1934 and ended up in a dead end job at the Federal Reserve. So I think the evidence on that is overwhelming. I’d be perfectly willing to take a salary cut and live on the current minimum wage of $5.25. Last time I bought a loaf of bread on my own for my momma back in 1927, it was a fuckin’ nickel. I bought a used Studebaker in 1943 from a fellow offal renderer going off to die in the Pacific for $50.00. $5.25 an hour is perfectly adequate.” ---Alan Greenspan, Former Federal Reserve Chairman

“When I was flipping burghers in the hood, dawg, I felt that the high rate of unemployment among teenagers, and especially black teenagers was both a scandal and a serious source of bad music. Now, personally I don’t give a rat’s ass about black people, but if appealing to that shit is going to keep money in the pockets of the rich assholes that I’ve always shilled for then I’m right there homey. Besides, I know any number of people who have purchased second, even third, homes and yachts on the minimum wage. Now, they’re not the fucks that make minimum wage. There those folks that own my ass and would most benefit from no minimum wage at all.”---Milton Friedman, Winner of the Dynamite Prize for economics

"I have nothing against raising the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour. But if you're going to do that you should divide the $7.25 between two workers. If workers are made to share that $7.25 by market logic more jobs will be created. If you then take the $7.25 and divide it among four workers by the same logic we would create 4 times as many jobs. If someone can find the precise model for the optimization of job creation by the division of a $7.25 minimum wage among a set of workers---well, that's fuckin' Nobel Laureate shit."---Lawrence Henry ("Larry") Summers, Professor of Economics and President of Harvard University and toxic waste guru

“In some cases the effective marginal tax rate [on a minimum wage increase] exceeds 100 percent and the price of earning extra income may be to leave one’s family worse off than previously. But we can’t correct this inequity in the tax code because that might come out of the pocket my pimps who own the companies who will be forced to pay the new minimum wage. If I let then happen, my pimps will boot me. See how the minimum wage can cost jobs. Oh, did I mention the canard of the small business owner or does my work on behalf of Wal-Mart and other major chains call my integrity into question? ”---David Shapiro, New York University

“Even a wizard would have a great deal of difficulty repealing the economic law that higher minimum wages reduce employment. Do you think the kleptocracy is just going to sit around with its thumb of its ass while people try to take money out its pocket. Fuck no! They’re going to fire people right and left to prove their point. This fuckin’ $75,000 full-page ad in the Assassinated Press and hundreds like it all around the fuckin’ country including this mornings Washington Post shows the lengths to which the kleptocracy will go to continue to horde wealth. There are no Hugo Chavez’s here. We wack our ‘wizards’ for minor foreign policy failures and prop up diseased morons with the scripted charm and brains of Forrest Gump and that often includes our Nobel Laureates. Its no wonder people call it the Dynamite Prize.”---Gary Becker, Nobel Prize-winning economist

(Paid Advertisement) Employment Policies Institute

It’s About Oil And They’re Not Leaving:
Bush Can’t Pronounce Where ‘We’re’ Going But ‘We’re’, Or At Least Some Of Us, Are Going ‘There’ Anyway; Bush Begins Interview By Mangling Pronunciation Of Abu ‘Garab’(sic):
Oil Zombies ‘Are Going Forward'; Cheney Weeps At Cabinet Meetings At Prospect Of Loss Of Iraqi Oil:
More Troops Called The Only Iraq Option To Keep Oil Grift Hope Alive:
“Give Up That Oil! Over The Troops Dead Bodies,” Cheney Tells His Energy Task Force Handlers.
By MICHAEL A. FILCHER & WALDO PINKASS
January 15, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
January 12, 2007
Johnny got his gun

Newsweek: "Oprah. Why did you decide to spend $40 million dollars on a school for girls in South Africa when the need is so great right here in the U.S.?"
Oprah: "Why would I give back some of my money to a culture that is stupid enough to throw it at an ignorant, ill-informed moron like me in the first place?"

Chavez's Economic Plans Ripple Up And Down The Trough:
White House Warns Venezuela About Harboring al-Qaeda, Considers Hiring Colombia To Invade:
Bitch Slapped By The Invisible Hand Of The Market, Venezuela To Make More Changes:
When American Phone Customers Hear Of Chavez’s Plan, They Ask Venezuela To Nationalize Verizon U.S.
By WAN PHAROT
January 10, 2007

Somalis Adapt Wearily, Pragmatically To Old Colonial Disorder, U.S. Puppet Show In Capital:
Fear of Oil Warlords Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips Returns After American Rout Of Somolian Forces:
If al-Qaeda Was Already In Iraq As Cheney Administration Asserted Suicide Attacks Would Have Already Commenced:
U.S.S. Cole Redeployed To Gulf Of Aden Launching U.S. Invasion Of Somalia:
Ship Sits Offshore Providing Logistics To Ethiopian Proxies.
By STEMPY MCCRUMMCAKE
January 5, 2007

Junkie Justice: Sedative Withdrawal Made Rehnquist Delusional:
Acquaintances Insist Drug Habit Did Not Effect His Rulings – Whoring For The Kleptocracy Was His Prime Motivation:
Files Detail Drug Addiction And FBI's Role in Obstructing Hearings:
“What’s Scalia’s Excuse?”
By PREZ DOPERMENSCH
January 5, 2007

U.S. Invades Somalia:
Ethiopian Troops Under Command Of U.S. Advisors Take Key Town In Somalia:
"We Ran Out Of Americans Stupid Enough To Chase After Oil For The Kleptocracy So We Bought The Ethiopian Army," Dick Cheney Tells His Energy Task Force:
Forces Advance To Just 18 Miles From the Capital As Courts Movement Suckers Them In:
Craig Colter, A 27 Year-Old Military Analyst From McLean, VA, Wins The Assassinated Press Invasion Lottery, Picks Somalia As Next U.S. Invasion Site.
By ANNODER CRIMESPREE
Thursday, December 28, 2006

Iraqi Court Upholds Hussein's Sentence At U.S. Prison:
Thousands Of Iraqis Volunteer To Be Hussein’s Hangman:
Iraqis Ask “Since Hussein Was So Bad Why Did The U.S. Assist In His Rise To Power And Provide Decades Of Support?:
White House In A Hurry To Hang Hussein Without Trying Him For Other Crimes He Committed In The U.S.’s Interest:
Hanging Will Mean Little To Iraqis Unless Hussein’s American Buddies Swing:
Bag Of Shredded Photo Ops Of Hussein And U.S. Oligarchy Won By Iranian Students On Ebay:
Hanging May Have Already Occurred.
By SUDSY RAGAMUFFTI & NINNY TURBO
December 27, 2006

McCain Plan Would Have Troops Home By December 2007:
All Volunteer Civilian Corps Proposed By Republican Senator:
27 Million Americans Would Be Sent To Teach Iraqis Nuances Of Freedom & Democracy:
By JEFFEY LUBE & CHRIS CRANKLE
12/23/06

U.S. Seeks Growing Threat In Somalia:
As CIA Proxies Fail, U.S. Looks To Draw Somalia Into Wider Conflict, Steal Somali Oil:
Al-Qaeda's Influence, Possible War With Ethiopia Are Floated By Administration:
Bush Claims Problems In Eastern Africa Are "Because Its Horny."
By KARREON YOUNG
December 18, 2006

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
Designer monsters
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 17, 2006

White Whine From Sour Grapes; Farewell to Pox Americana:
Where Being Number One Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry; The Obvious Truth Behind Hating America First.
By ROBUTT J. SAMOLDSHIT

The Venezuelan Oligarchy’s Magnum Opus – Tuba Lessons And Malnutrition:
For 31 Years, State Program Has Brought Music And False Hope To Children Starving In the Barrios:
“I mean. The fact that the Post would try to pitch this shit.”---Yaso Adiodi.
By JUAN FARTISSIMO

The Washington Post And Its Pathetic Fallacies:
Pinochet Said “I am guided by the spiritual force of God as a believer”?! Sounding (And Acting) More Like Bush Than Castro:
Empty Analogies And Superficial Agitprop Link Pinochet And Castro.
By MICHAEL SHIFTEY & TY KUHN

Marines Say Its Time To “Cut And Run” From Al Anbar Fight:
Anbar Picture Grows Clearer, and Bleaker:
Cheney Reportedly Enraged By Corps’ Conclusion, Says No One Leaves Until His Oil Pipeline Route Is Secure, Oil And Natural Gas Exploration Has Begun And Six Permanent Bases Have Been Established:
Ms. Sherman’s Fort Gandhi, MN Kindergarten Class Declares Iraq Is In A Civil War Fomented By U.S. Kleptocratic Avarice; Wonders How Long Cheney Administration Will Be Stupid Enough To Stand In The Middle Of It.
By DAFFY LUNIER and THOMAIN E. COLIRICKETTSIAE

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
November 24, 2006
Would Jesus get out of Iraq?

In Exchange For Cut Of Oil Revenues U.S. And Iraq to Restore Long-Severed Relations With Neighbor Syria:
U.S. Seeks To Secure Permanent Bases In Western Iraq Along The Syrian Border To Protect Oil Pipeline From Mosil Through Jordan And Israel:
Insurgency Fucks Up U.S. Effort To Hold Al Anbar Province:
Baker Plan: Capitulation To Tehran And Damascus:
“If They Divvy Up The Fuckin’ Oil Does That Mean I Can Go The Fuck Home?” Troops Ask.
By NINNY TRAGOS

Bush Supporters Cut And Run On Iraq:
Guest At Cheney Circle Jerk Dinner Dinner Party Turns On VP, Rumsfeld:
Bush Says U.S. Should Have ‘Stayed The Course’ In Vietnam - Because U.S. Would Still Be Too Busy Fucking Up Southeast Asia To Fuck Up Iraq
By PETTY BARKER

With Hugo Chavez And Capitalist China Behind Them, Nicaraguans Stand Up To Uncle Slimey’s Threats:
Ortega Set To Reclaim Nicaraguan Presidency Unless U.S. Can Pull Off Last Minute Florida/Ohio Vote Fraud:
“Fuck. We Shoulda Mined The Harbor And Burned Down Schools And Clinics,” Grouses Oliver North. “Oh! There Aren’t Any Schools Or Clinics Left After Chamorro, Aleman and Boulanos?”
“Next Time We’ll Take A Page From Our El Salvador Playbook And Gun Down An Archbishop While He’s Saying Mass And Rape And Murder Some Nuns,” Suggests Elliott Abrams.
By JOSEF GRRRBLES

A Voter Makeover For Bush, The Oil War And the Risible Right?
Pelosi, Democrats Promise More Murder And Mayhem From The Evil Empire; Put Chavez, Morales, Ortega On Notice.
By PETTY BARKER & JIM DAMIMHIGH

"Iraq, this little understood, unfamiliar war, our first war of the 21st century---it is not well known, it is not well understood, least of all by me."---Don Rumsfeld

Bush Says U.S. Pullout Would Let Iraq Radicals Get Dick’s Oil:
Experts Agree; Iraqi Terrorist Oil Canard Latest Lie To Convince You To Die For Dick’s Iraq Oil Heist:
“Fooled Fifty Times, Shame On You,” Rove Chuckles:
The Pump Pimp Stumps, Boils & Goils
By PETTY BARKER

That Bush Is Intelligent Is Insulting Enough; “The Commander In Chimp Can’t be Blamed For The Failed Policy In Iraq Anymore Than This Administration’s Lies About The Reasons For The Invasion. Senator Kerry Knows As Well As I Do That Bush Is Too Stupid To Be involved In Policy Decisions,” Rove Roars Back:
“If You’d Fuckin’ Risk Your Life Or Your Kid’s Life After All The Fuckin’ Lies We’ve Perped On You, Sure, Uncle Donny Wants You,” Says Rumsfeld:
Might As Well Expand the Franchise Of Stupidity; The Liars Lie And The Faithful Demonstrate Their Ignorance Around Kerry’s Remark:
To Thine Own Self Don’t Be True; Duped To Death, Americans Go Willingly:
“Being A Junkie Was As Close As I Ever Came To Combat,” Limbaugh Laments:
U.S. Forces In Iraq Concentrated In Al Anbar Province, The Site Of The Cheney Oil Pipline Through Jordan And Israel:
Are You Too Stupid To Know George Bush Is Stupid? Take The Ass. Press Survey:
By DUBBI TWADDLE

“No Brainer” Captures The Essence:
Cheney Defends 'Dunk in the Water' Remark; Addressing Alarm Over the Comment, President Says He Was Not Referring to Waterboarding But Party Games Like Bobbing For IEDs, Detainees’ Wet T-Shirt Contests:
“Same With Kiss At Ear Bleeding Decibels For Weeks On End. It’s Just Party, Party, Party In Our Secret Prisons,” Cheney Says:
U.S. Torture Technique Made Popular By Frederick Funston And His Troops In The Spanish American War Making a Comeback In The Military, At S&M Conventions And High School Graduation Parties:
Cheney Admits That Waterboarding “Gets [Him] Stiff As A Waterboard!”
Addressing Alarm Over the Comment, President Says He Was Not Referring to Waterboarding
By DON EGGEMON

We have nothing to fear but fear mongering itself.

Building That Houses Nano-Markers Burns:
Fire Damages Fort Meade Intelligence Building:
450 Trillion Toxic Nano-Markers Released Into The Atmosphere By Blaze:
Nano-Markers Found In The Stool Of Federal Employees, Troops, Sherpas, Eskimos:
”Army's Losses From Quick-Spreading Fire Won't Harm National Security As Much As The General Population,” White House’s Tony Schmo Says
By STEVE BURGEL & WALDO PINKASS

Flower Power; U.S. Government, Wall Street & World Bank Ratchet Up Economic Terror On Ecuador, Shut Down Nursery:
Dole Food Co. Paid To Apply Economic Torture As Ecuador Refuses U.S. Trade Terms:
“Let The Little Cocksuckers Grow Coca,” Snorts Head Of ATF:
“We Can’t Make An Example Of Chavez Because The Fucker Has Got Oil. So Like Any Bully We Look For A Weaker Victim To Fuck Up,” Explains Tony Snow:
Ecuador Reaps American Whirlwind As Cost Of Anti-Trade Fervor, Candidacy of Rafael Correa:
U.S. Giant's Pullout Called 'Alarm Bell'
By WAN FOREGOYO & PAUL BARER

Negative political ads are far and away the most useful. No politician will tell the truth about himself, but he won’t hesitate to tell the truth about his opponent. Thus, it becomes obvious that no candidate merits any trust whatsoever, all lack character and prison rather than the state house or Washington DC is the more appropriate destination for them. Further, given the cost of media time, it again is obvious that the candidates that can afford such ads have already sold their souls to the company store.

Inquiring minds want to know:
As a native Washingtonian I'm curious. Why do you people in the rest of the country perpetually elect your criminals and perverts and ship them off to our fair city? Is it because it keeps them away from your property and your children for part of the year? What makes you think we want these democratically elected shits around our property and our children. For Christ fuckin' sake people, if, because of a fundamentally and intentionally corrupt corporate driven system, you find yourself with the usual slop on the ballot, DON'T VOTE! The assholes you sent here last time make living in this city fuckin' unbearable. Thank god we don't have the vote. Nothing attracts slime like the vote...

Note: The Assassinated Press has been deluged with inquiries about what we mean by the statement: “The assholes you sent here last time make living in this city fuckin' unbearable“ when referring to the electoral process. Our readers want to know how a mere 500 or so Congressmen, a hundred Senators, and a Chief Executive and his accomplice can render a city the size of Washington DC “unbearable” to live in. The answer’s simple. Even though small in number, there is enough criminality in the group above to populate a new Inferno a thousand times over and all of the above require an army of criminally like minded underlings from Congressional and White House aides and staff, to Cabinet members and staff, a gang of appointed Supreme Court Justices and their clerks and staff, thousands of appointees, 13 armies of police and thugs to protect them, K Street lobbyists, Beltway bandits, the media, think tanks, international banking institutions like the IMF, Inter-American Bank and World Bank, etc. etc. self-righteous and self-serving pricks newly arrived from the boonies to take all of the city’s best for themselves. And that, my friends, is the how and why for us who live here, your electoral criminal class makes our daily lives a Hell on Earth. Arrest, try and jail your fuckin’ criminals. Don’t vote them into office and ship their nasty asses here.

'Marie Antoinette': Film Noir For 13 Years Olds:
Keep That Lens Out Of Focus; Coppola Imagines Herself As The 14 Year Old Antoinette:
Coppola Reprises Golden Era Of Hollywood When Historical Accuracy Was For Chumps:
Pink Sneaker Revisionism: At The Washington Post Only Oliver Stone And Movies That Question the Status Quo Are Not Allowed To Take Liberties With The Historical Record:
Official Washington, Media Relate To Film About Embattled Royalty; Antoinette Finds Sympathetic Audience Among Washington’s Murdering Power Elite:
I Mean, If The Washington Post Reviewer Admits That The Film Is More About Coppola Than Marie Antoinette Then Why The Fuck Does She Then Try To Defend The Film On Historical Grounds:
Of course, her dad famously cancelled catering service in the middle of the Apocalypse Now shoot leading to his famous remark, “Let them eat Filipino deli!”
By ANNE KWEENIE HORNYTOAD

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
October 19, 2006

With all the current administration induced media hysteria around North Korea's nuclear pursuit, let us not forget that Don Rumsfeld sold nuclear technology to the North Koreans as a board member of a Swiss firm, ABB.
Rumsfeld sat on ABB's board from 1990 to 2001, earning $190,000 a year. ABB is a European engineering giant based in Zürich, Switzerland. In 2000 this company sold two light water nuclear reactors to KEDO for installation in North Korea, as part of the 1994 agreed framework reached under President Bill Clinton.
The sale of the nuclear technology was a high-profile contract. ABB's then chief executive, Goran Lindahl, visited North Korea in November 1999 to announce ABB's "wide-ranging, long-term cooperation agreement" with the communist government. Mr. Rumsfeld's office said that the Secretary of Defense did not "recall it being brought before the board at any time". But ABB spokesman Bjorn Edlund told Fortune that "board members were informed about this project."
Rumsfeld has also served in executive responsibilities of various local charities across the United States. From 1986 to 1989 he was appointed to serve as United Way Inter-governmental Affairs Director in Washington, D.C..
As a result of his foreign policy achievements as Inter-governmental Affairs Director, he was asked to serve the U.S. State Department. Given the title "foreign policy consultant", he held the role from 1990 to 1993.

Guatemala “Optimistic” U.S. Threats Will Land Them On The UN Security Council:
“A Vote For Venezuela Is A Vote For Suicide,” Bolton Tells Non-Aligned:
“Sure. Chavez Can Build Health Clinics And Schools All Over My Goddamn Country, But The U.S. Can Simply Bomb Them Out Of Existence,” Offers U.N. Ambassador Who Refused To Give His Name, Fearing U.S. Retaliation:
By KOMA TOES

Anti-Immigration Panel Calls On Cheney Administration To Sign Kyoto Accords:
Buchanan, Dobbs, O’Reilly Blame Global Warming For Flood Of Immigration To U.S.
By FAZ LAPSY

The Snow Man, Out To Win One As The ‘Glibber’:
From Hand Job To Snow Job Tony Snow Knows How to Work More Than One Room:
Its Curtsies And KY Jelly As Tony Bends Over For Cheney:
The Snow Man Like Mark Foley Takes It In The Ass To Demonstrate To Young Pages How Its Done In Washington:
Snow Sees Reward In Afterlife---February 2008, On Rupert Murdoch’s Yacht:
By BOWAND KURTZIE

Branson Pledges 3 Billion To Accelerate Global Warming:
Scientific Method Gets Binge Money:
Its Not Just 'The Law Of Unanticipated Consequences' Anymore:
Hedging Bet, Branson Pledges 4 Billion To Terraform Mars
By ANDY RUBEKIN

Mark Foley Hounded Out Of Congress:
Hastert Fires Back: “Those Little Bastards Come To Washington To Learn How Congress Fucks The American People. Mark Was Only Doing His Job.”
GOP Aide Says He Warned Speaker About Foley’s Appetites Years Ago, But Hastert Saw Nothing Out Of The Ordinary:
PetroMurder In Iraq Takes Back Seat To Man/Boy Love. Foley's Follies Overshadow 23 U.S. Troops Killed In Iraq In 4 Days. Rove Says "Foley Will Cost The Republicans Far More Votes Than Dead Soldiers."
By HARRY PALMER

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 25, 2006

Mars Rover Poises At Rim Of Martian Crater, Plunges Over:
Strong A.I. Experiment With NASA Software Leads To First Machine Suicide:
Apparently Upset About Being Used As A Pioneering Vehicle In The Terra-forming And Eventual Environmental Degradation Of Mars And Being Named After A Dog, Rover Destroys Itself:
By MAC M’KOFFEE & KOMA TOES

For Iraqi Cab Drivers Rough Ride Continues:
Rough Trade For CIA Detainees
By JEFFEY LUBE