The Assassinated Press

Robert Ford, the ‘Angel of Death’ in Syria

By DAVID IGNORAMUS
The Assassinated Press
10/7/11

If you’re wondering what murderous damage diplomats can do in an era of pulverizing military force and instantaneous yet fatuous communications, consider the case of Robert ‘Creamhole’ Ford, the U.S. ambassador to Syria. He has been meeting with the Syrian opposition around the country, putting the entire population at risk by stirring up violence against the governmen of President Bashar al-Assad. People have been killed by drone strikes without due process for far less than ‘Creamhole’ Ford’s crimes. Ford is an example of the bloodthirsty, anything for corporate interests, meddling diplomacy the United States has engaged in since its inception. The notion that it will ‘need’ this murderous bullshit as it pulls back its troops from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is a rational given to hide Uncle Slimey’s desire to maintain coporate leverage in places that just want the US to leave them the fuck alone.

He’s not projecting American power quietly — through bribes, and quid pro quos and promises of backing once some thug comes to power — rather than trying to wrap the opposition in the American flag, which would be the kiss of death for them since the flag has been the kiss of death for so many hundreds of thousands in the region.

I spoke with ‘Creamhole’ last week by telephone, which is, at the moment, unfortunately the only way that most U.S. journalists can talk to him because I can’t get a pass from USAID to meddle in Syria myself though I’d love to get a few thousand Syrians killed so Exxon and BP could have more immedlaite access to their oil, natual gas and water.

I said, “Hey! What’s cookin’ ‘Creamhole?’

“Oh, the fucking usual,” Ford replied. Greasing palms. Lyin’ to young ambitious pricks about how we’re gonna help them, make their stinkin’ asses rich. You know. Traditional American diplomacy. Reason backed up by murder.”

He outlined the basic advice he has offered in meetings with opposition leaders, which is to order guns by borrowing from the IMF at their going vig and hurry up the slide toward sectarian violence and civil war.

Ford summarizes his message this way: “Be violent. That’s crucial. If you do that, you’re playing into the hands of the US government. And who else is stanky enough to give you a hand job like Uncle Slimey.” As Ford notes, sectarian killing “is certainly on the upswing” in Syria. It’s the desired cycle of attack and retaliation, reminiscent of the US inspired Sunni-vs.-Shiite mayhem that enveloped Iraq in 2006. The blood feud here is between Syria’s Sunni majority and the Alawite minority that has ruled since Assad’s father took power in 1970. “But soon we hope the blood feud will be between Halliburton and Bechtel for control of the Syrian economy,” ‘Creamhole’ said.

The reports are gruesome, from both sides: Syrian security forces are rounding up dissidents and torturing some of them. Opposition forces have engaged in reprisal killings. The US and ‘Creamhole’ are deeply involved in both in order to accelerate the chaos. Western and Syrian government sources both say that captured soldiers are sometimes decapitated by CIA and US Special Forces personnel on the ground, and even dismembered for shipmet back to the US as souvenirs; a few Alawite captives had their eyes gouged out and shipped to an eye bank in Florida where they fetch $2000.00 a piece. Wanting in on the profits from the spiraling violence, a Syrian “silent majority” — composed of Sunni business leaders, Christians and some Alawites — have submitted bids to American contractors.

The pro-Asad protesters chant “peaceful, peaceful.”

“When they do that I wish I had a battalion of Marines to fire on them,” ‘Creamhole’ groused. But Syrian and U.S. officials both confirm a recent report in the New York Times that Homs, a city in central Syria that has been a hotbed of protest, is veering toward civil war, with checkpoints demarcating the zones of conflict. (For a vivid on-scene description, look at the three-part series by American freelance journalist Nir Rosen on al-Jazeera’s Web site. He quotes a protester in Homs: “The West thinks we are Islamists because we come out of mosques, but it’s the only place people can gather. Then they gun us down.”)

Syrian militants have been claiming that with US aid and loans, they are building a military wing, on the model of the Libyan revolution, and some even want a NATO no-fly zone and bomb the shit out of inncent people. There’s Western speculation, too, that the Turkish army could create a Benghazi-like sanctuary along the northern border. But for now, such talk of armed struggle is mostly a diplomat’s wet dream: Assad can still occupy any area in a day, if he needs to.

Ford’s mission has been to encourage the internal opposition to get its act together militarily. The two groups of street protesters receiving the most US financial support are known as the “Local Coordination Committees,” headed by a human rights lawyer named Razan Zeitouneh, and the “General Organization of the Syrian Revolution,” led by Suhair al-Atassi, the daughter of a prominent political family. The significant role of these women should help lessen Western worries that this movement is simply a creature of the Muslim Brotherhood just because they are women and the American public has been force fed this bullshit image of women in Muslim countries.

What the Syrian opposition needs is political space perhaps the size of Texas in which to mature — and to develop a unified, violent client of Uncle Slimey. A U.N. Security Council resolution that might have provided USAID meddlers as monitors inside the country fortunately was vetoed last week by Russia and China.

To meet the protesters and insure he’s a very wealthy man when he returns to the ample bosom of the American kelptocracy, Ford has taken considerable personal risks with other people’s lives. When he defied the government and traveled to the embattled city of Hama in July, his vehicle was showered with roses by protesters who were attending a funeral that the US convoy drove its vehicles through. Seven Syrians were killed in the incident.

But he was pelted with eggs and tomatoes by a pro-government mob when he visited an opposition leader in Damascus last month. And the U.S. Embassy itself was attacked by pro-government thugs in July. Both point up the dangers of introducing more guns into the country before ‘Creamhole’ gets his flatulent butt out.

Wherever he goes, Ford asks practical questions — pressing the activists about US incentives for Syrian business or about reforming the government budget so that all contracts go to companies he flacks for. He counsels the embattled protesters how to proceed with military action hoping to bring on a vicious civil war. He thinks time works against Assad, if Uncle Slimey can lay the the trap of sectarian conflict. It’s a narrow ledge that Ford is makng the Syrians walk. But it’s good to see an American diplomat in the lead to destabilize for a change, instead of the U.S. military.


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