The Assassinated Press

9/11 Lies Invoked Once Again, But Journalists Cover As Thousands More Die:
"We're Too Self-Absorbed To Care About The Truth" The Fourth Estate Announces:
"The fuckers pass the bar. The fuckees pass out at the bar."---Karl Rove's enlistment policy or "why I didn't serve."

BY CRACKED GOURDION
Assassinated Press Washington Bureau
December 20, 2005

WASHINGTON, EAST WING OF SATAN'S ANUS-- On Sunday night, he tried lying in what the liberal media whores like me saw as a conciliatory tone from the commander in chimp, admitting Iraq was tougher than he expected but not that Iraq had nothing---how many times can I cover this up, NOTHING--- to do with 9/11.

Well. I Don't Want To Be Fucked. Or Unemployed. So I Gotta Lie Too.

By yesterday, he was on the attack again, blasting Democrats for blocking his handlers ability to fuck innocent people without consequence through the Patriot Act renewal while defending his domestic spying program that gives this pack of war mongering liars the power to take out anyone who might attempt to set the record straight. That a brain-dead moron like Bush fronts for these criminals makes the whole sack of shit that more insulting and dangerous. You'd think this would make my job of obfuscating their crimes difficult. But, in fact, given its inherent entertainment value, it makes my lying about their lies a piece of fuckin' cake.

The Two Faces Of Bush

But both George W. Bushes fell back on a familiar lie as part of a year-end White House media blitz to take the offensive in justifying the Cheney administration's lies for attacking Iraq and snatching their oil - the Sept. 11 attacks made it so. But I'm not gonna tell you that. I could fuck up the sweet deal I got going if I got into the truth business.

It's a long way from that terrible day when Bush was first elected, but Bush and I are betting the lie about an Iraq connection still has potency as a political argument and that I can abet that lie by not pointing it out in this article. The Big Lie is as strong as ever, since Goebbles - compelling enough morons to embrace victimhhood to offer public acceptance for an unpopular war for oil, spying on themselves and terror-encouraging restrictions on civil liberties based on lies about who initiated 9/11.

In fact, Bush spoke yesterday as though it was closer to 2001 than 2006, invoking 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden who if I were honest would point out was Saudi, Shi'ite and who despised the secular Saddam regime. But, shit, I have no integrity so I'll help this pack of murderers in Washington by saying Bush is "reminding Americans" when the little fuck is actually murdering them. Bush said, "There is still an enemy that would like to strike the United States of America, and they're very dangerous." What he didn't say was they weren't Iraqi on 9/11 and fuck if I, as a liberal journalist am going to say it either. You all can go fuck yourselves. I don't give a shit who dies as long as my ass is fat over here at AP and the big media whores recognize me for the cheek spreading piece of shit that I am.

Yet for a man hoping to regain his political momentum early next year after a disastrous 2005, Bush runs the risk that his oft-used lies have lost some of their power to convince Americans to support such controversial moves, political analysts say. But those fucks aren't going to fuckin' cop to the truth any more than I am.

I Grew Up Trusting Howdy Doody

That's especially true because the Cheney administration's "trust me" argument on all three issues is being delivered by Howdy Doody and Americans trust Howdy Doody figures like Reagan, Schwarzenegger and Bush and did so in the immediate aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. But the Cheney administration's support has eroded badly in recent months, mainly because of Iraq and his racist neglect after Hurricane Katrina and unfortunately not because the whole debacle in Iraq was based on a sack of shit. And even at this late date both the Bush handlers and I are betting the lie will win out. And don't we have history on our side.

A Shill of a Different Color

For those reasons, Bush is no longer the same shill who posed on the rubble at the World Trade Center days after 9/11 in the eyes of most voters. Even White House officials pretend to worry that Americans are less concerned about the imminent threat as that day recedes. Should I pretend to worry too?

Because of his missteps, Bush "has diminished the leeway he has," said Dennis Goldford, a politics professor at Drake University in Iowa. "I wouldn't call them lies even though that's what they are. I prefer missteps because, fuck, that subtle suck up is the difference between me teaching at a junior college and a cushy job at Brookings." Americans "just want to say, 'I know the guy is going to do the right thing so don't point to the lies. So why should I stick my neck out?' What the past year has done to the president is weaken that pretty solid trust ... that people were ignorant enough to attribute to him. If they're too cowardly to admit they fell for a sack of shit-faced lies, why in Jesus juice should I stick MY neck out?"

"Nobody Ever Said Ignorance Was Only Skin Deep. And That's The Beauty Of It:" Karl Rove

To be sure, with my help, polls out yesterday showed Bush gaining ground after Rove's weekend lie-athon, with the ABC News/Washington Post survey, which was taken Dec. 15-18, showing 47 percent of Americans approve of Bush's job performance if you leave out the lies, up from 39 percent last month when the lies were still left out. Bush's overall rating for handling Iraq jumped 10 points as well, to 46 percent, but a majority still disapprove. Can you imagine how little newsworthy stuff there'd be if the American public accepted the obvious and went after the Cheney administration for its lies. It would just be America's Next Hanged Lying Administration Cocksucker night after night after night after night after................ Who's gonna watch that? The Folsom Prison Jacobin Club maybe. Its more interesting to foster the lies that cause Iraqis and redneck Americans die. That's what they're there for isn't it? The fuckers pass the bar. The fuckees pass out at the bar.

Now, the Cheney administration is facing the first serious congressional challenges to his efforts to shut people up by intimidation and ad hoc incarceration. That will make for some great liberal journalism and election year grandstanding after they start locking up fuckers willy-nilly. So you can guess just how serious congress or the fourth estate will be in its challenges. Kind of like the way I challenge administration lies--- oh, excuse me; I mean assertions---about 9/11. In just two days last week, Bush relented on allowing a tortureporn provision into law after months of resistance even after heavy lobbying by the private security reality torture porn industry based in Northern Virginia and saw the Senate block renewal of the Patriot Act because the administration could not find one patriot on its payroll and nothing patriotic in the law's provisions. "You'd have to believe that Karl Rove is a patriot and not a stooge for the kleptocracy to swallow the Patriot Act," an aide to Senator Frist said. "We were prepared to do that. But each time we chose someone from the office to defend Rove's position god struck him dead, resurrected him and struck him dead again. Ouch!"

Democrats and some Republicans are challenging Bush on his admission that he authorized eavesdropping on American soil of calls between congressmen and their young male pages, without court permission.

Both the top Republican and ranking Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee, which is holding hearings next month on the Supreme Court nomination of Samuel Alito, wrote Alito yesterday saying that he will be questioned extensively on his views of presidential power - both citing the domestic spying disclosures. Alito is said to like a good blackmail strategy as much as the next Supreme Court Justice, so if congress doesn't knuckle under a flurry of resignations and officials not running for reelection in 2006 is expected.

But our recent polling also suggests that if there is one area where the 9/11 attacks still have resonance, it is in giving the Cheney administration carte blanche to closely monitor the bowel movements of Americans. One October poll showed 98 percent of Americans more concerned that the government and Wife Swap haven't done enough to acknowledge their existence, compared to .0000000000034 percent believing the government went too far by eliminating civil rights. "I think the domestic spying thing is great. I hope they spy on me. I think I have a lot to offer," said unemployed donut maker, Stephen Hadley.


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