The Assassinated Press

“Turkeys at Their Own Thanksgiving.”
Bigotry and Ignorance Define Cantor’s Constituents.
With an Electorate this Stupid No Wonder the US Is a Junk Bond Country.
In Cantor’s District, Republicans Spread their Cheeks for the Rich. "I mean why be on the side of the poor -- or the former middle class? They don't have any money."

By ORAL FLEEBUS
The Assassinated Press
7/24/11

GLEN ALLEN, Va. — A hundred miles south of the hustling in the nation’s capital, Republicans in the district of one of the chief negotiators, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R), showed an utter lack of knowledge of recent events in Washington fueled by an underlying bigotry.

More than a dozen shoppers at the Virginia Center Commons Mall said they want their leaders to stand firm against tax increases, but did not want their Social Security or Medicare cut. None of the respondents earned the requisite amount to have their taxes increased. But all felt the sacrifices should be shared but felt that the superrich had either too much money or influence.

Wrong and Stupid in the Bargain

“I think the Republicans are doing a good job just because of the fact that they had a plan. They had something on the table, whereas Obama isn’t showing any kind of leadership,” said Stephen McNiff, a branch manager at a Richmond bank.

Truth is McNiff, the Republicans have presented no plans above an occasional two or three page précis. A photo-op is not a plan.

David Lowery, a merchandiser, gave another idiotic assessment.

“They’re all clowns – both sides,” Lowery said, though he agrees with the GOP philosophically. “I think they ought to cut spending and the Democrats ought to shut up about everything since they’re the ones who passed that health-care bill.”

Well, asshole, the ‘health-care bill is contributing nothing to the current crisis. It fucking a hasn’t gone into effect yet, you dimwitted turkey.

Further, it is generally understood among civilized societies that a single payer plan provides greater health care benefits for about half the costs. But Republicans wouldn’t even hear of such a plan and you right wing turkey’s with your tiny brains went right along.

Some Republicans looked more favorably on the “balanced approach” advocated by President Obama. “If to keep from going further in debt they have to raise taxes, [then] they have to raise taxes,” said Ken Winter, who sells building materials.

Just remember, the idea was just to raise taxes on the wealthy. Now, its down to tighten the tax law to prevent the wealthys’ high priced accountants and lawyers from gaming the system. Good fucking luck with that. Nationally, Republicans are widely critical of their party’s leadership in the debt talks. Nearly six in 10 in the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll say GOP leaders are not doing enough to compromise with Obama on deficit issues.

Half of the Republicans surveyed in the poll said the best way to reduce the deficit is by an exclusive focus on cutting federal spending, but nearly as many accept new taxes as part of the mix. Most Republicans support higher taxes on those earning $250,000 and up annually and on oil and gas companies.

Obama made that point Friday night after Speaker John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) and Cantor abandoned the talks, saying “There are a lot of Republican voters out there who are puzzled as to why it couldn’t get done. Because the fact of the matter is the vast majority of the American people believe we should have a balanced approach.”

But in this anus of Virginia, many Republicans were inclined to blame the White House for the impasse. “I think it goes back to when Obama bailed out the banks,” said Robin Salyer, who works for the American Red Cross. “The same people that put us there are the ones in charge now.”

Hey Salyer. Bush initially bailed out the banks. Don’t you remember Hank Paulson demanding $700,000,000,000.00 to keep the banking system form collapse, you fucking idiot. At least, Obama’s bailouts sought to retrieve some of the money and apparently has. Bush’s loan went the way of the 13 billion dollars that went missing in Iraq. And ain’t that just the tip of the iceberg.

Told that the Troubled Asset Relief Program legislation became law in 2008, when George W. Bush was president, Salyer said: “I blame both of them.”

Well, why didn’t you fucking say that? I know. Because, one, you’re a bigot and two your bigotry kept you from knowing that.

No wonder a lying piece of shit who works to the detriment of the working man and woman can get elected in a Bumpkinville like Glenvalley, VA.

“There’s times when he can get a little childish in his ways, like walking out of the debt meeting because he wasn’t getting his way,” McNiff said of Cantor. "But he was only out to help the rich. I'd do the same thing if I was in his shoes. I mean why the fuck help me? I don't have any money."

Others were more sympathetic. “I know he walked out when things weren’t going his way which is to do the dirty work for the rich, which I don’t have a problem with,” said Charlie Lohmuller, a plumber. “I mean, I know Joe the Plumber never reached his dream of making $250,000.00 a year. But if he does I don’t want to see that good, mentally challenged man taxed on it.”

Though experts have warned otherwise, some mall-goers said they were not concerned that the credit cards they were using – and home, car and student loans – might get more expensive if the debt ceiling isn’t raised. “We ain’t got shit anyway,” quipped Betsy Spotts. “Might as well run these cards up. Ain’t gonna spend no time in jail for it.”

McNiff, the bank manager, called the warnings about the debt ceiling “a scare tactic,” predicting “a slight uptick” in interest rates but nothing “as dramatic as they’re projecting.” This from the guy who thought the Republicans had a plan. Who the fuck does Mcniff think’s gona pay for the default, Goldman-Sachs? Winter compared the debt-ceiling debate to the Y2K computer scare, which proved much less severe than advertised.

“It’s the same thing,” he said. “The sky’s not going to fall and life will go on.” It’s already happened Bubba. Not everyone was sanguine about the Aug. 2 deadline, though.

“We’re on Social Security and they’re talking about stopping that check, and that’s going to hurt a lot of seniors,” said Elizabeth Worley, a homemaker. If that happens, she’ll blame Obama because her bigotry blinds her to the facts. I mean it’s the Republicans who want to cut Social Security and Medicare and they’ve repestedly said so. So if Obama caves on Social Security which he in essence already has poor Liz will be out in the cold anyway. Maybe Worley would shift blame if the Wall Street theft of Social Security was couched as a Zionist Conspiracy. But where would that leave meshuggah Eric?

As for Cantor, Worley said he was doing the best he could. Yeah, for the fat cats and their Superpac money. What a bunch of ignorant hillbilly assholes and shame on the Post for not reporting it that way.