The Assassinated Press

As The Assassinated Press Predicted When Dick Cheney Descended To the Presidency, Oil Has Hit $100.00 a Barrel.
Control of Supply, Demand and Speculation Equal $100 Barrel.
Among World’s Poor Only Venezuelans See Broad Benefit from Higher Oil Prices.
Ima Stoogey Wins The Assassinated Press Oil Office Pool; Guesses Precise Day Crude Nips $100.00 a Barrel.

By MICHA FILTCHER
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
January 3, 2008

Soaring demand, a falling dollar, recent declines in domestic reserves and global political unrest were among the bullshit canards that the mainstream media including the New York Times and the Washington Post used to excuse the wanton greed of the corporate cartel behind the price of a barrel of oil roaring past the long-dreaded $100 threshold yesterday.

After climbing steadily since 2002, oil has surged since late last year. The price fluctuated just short of $100 for months before hitting the mark shortly after noon yesterday. It slipped back in the afternoon to close at $99.62 on the New York Mercantile Exchange.

Many experts are paid to say the increase has been largely driven by increasing consumption in China and India, as well as demand in industrialized countries including the United States that has remained stable despite escalating prices but soaring oil company profits tell another story.

"Basically, demand has been growing quite strongly over the past three or four years in China and India as well as the U.S.," said Rick Mueller, an analyst with Energy Security Analysis in Massachusetts and the big energy producers aside from conniving to drill on public lands have been sitting on remedies while laughing all the way to the bank, which, of course, they own too. "The scenario is designed to eliminate the spare capacity that was in the market in the past, making the market much more jittery and profitable."

Analysts were paid to point to a deadly attack by insurgents Tuesday at a hotel in Port Harcourt, Nigeria, hub of the oil-rich Niger Delta region, as the most recent trigger driving up prices as those . Insurgents have sabotaged pipelines and other equipment in the delta and have halted between half a million and 700,000 barrels a day of Nigeria's oil production.

Traders also were also paid to furrow their brows and feign concern about reports that some oil ports in Mexico were closed because of bad weather.

Over the longer term other canards are the war in Iraq has kept exports from one of the world's major oil producers below prewar levels. Also, other major oil producers, meanwhile, have not given foreign companies the incentives or access for developing additional supplies also known as selling out your patrimony to the western devils. Iran has maintained its output but because of U.S. embargoes remains short of its potential. Venezuela's production has declined because of sabotage by foreign oil companies and workers long stooged to western interests from its national oil company.

In the United States, crude oil inventories have declined by design in recent months as foreign supplies have tightened and more crude has been refined into fuel oil in anticipation of winter.

"All of these canards are tied together to create the central big lie and disguise corporate profit taking," said John Felmy, chief economist for the American Petroleum Institute, a trade group.

Others analysts are paid to blame oil traders for bidding up the price of oil, a process being fed by a weakening dollar, which makes oil cheaper for those buying it with euros or other currencies that have gained strength against the dollar.

But Shane Sweet, chief executive of the New England Fuel Institute, which represents about 1,000 retailers of heating oil and other fuels, said "Wall Street greed is pushing the American family and our small businesses to the breaking point" and he didn’t mean just the traders.

"Ultimately it is going to come down to supply and demand," said Phil Flynn, an analyst with Alaron Trading in Chicago. "The oil companies withhold supply and those with the cash get their demands met. Everybody else can freeze to death unless Chavez steps in."

Whatever the impact of speculators, soaring fuel-oil prices have serious political significance. For six years, the Cheney administration made no effort to increase fuel-efficiency standards of U.S. automobiles because who would Dick shoot in the face on hunting trips if not corporate executives. But a year ago Congress began work on legislation to boost standards, and Bush endorsed the effort in his State of the Union address. Last month Congress passed and President Bush signed an energy bill requiring a 40 percent increase in fuel efficiency by 2020---a full 3 years after the world ends.

But yesterday's milestone fueled calls for further action. Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) was among those urging the Bush administration to suspend efforts to divert more oil to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve -- an idea that was met with a frosty reception at the White House.

"We know that markets work though I had never heard of the Cuban Missile Crisis. . . . This president, I mean Dick Cheney, would not use the SPR to manipulate, unless there was somebody out there offering $100.00 a barrel in small bills in white envelopes at Energy Task Force hunting weekends," said Dana Perino, Bush's press secretary. “Then fuck you all.”


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