The Assassinated Press

U.S. Issues Fatwah on American Cleric.
Awlaki Accused of Six Degrees of Separation from Osama bin Laden, Elliott Abrams, Tony Blair, Larry the Cable Guy, Glenn Beck…
“Holy Fuck, Rushdie! The clerics in the White House, the Pentagon and Congress Got Drones!”
While Republicans Beat Their Meat, Obama Beats his Chest.

By CHASE LOUNGE
The Assassinated Press
4/6/10

WASHINGTON — The Obama administration has taken the extraordinary step of authorizing the targeted killing of an American citizen, the radical Muslim cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, to look tough in the eyes of his Republican critics and FOX News apparently not realizing that those critics are in reality pussies. The cleric is believed to have shifted from encouraging attacks on the United States to directly participating in them, intelligence and counterterrorism officials said Tuesday, pretty much what anyone with balls would do given the wholesale slaughter the U.S. and its proxies,, Britain, France and Israel have visited upon the region.

Six Degrees of Separation

Mr. Awlaki, who was born in New Mexico and spent years in the United States as an imam, is in hiding in Yemen. He has been the focus of intense scrutiny since he was linked by six degrees of separation to Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the Army psychiatrist accused of killing 13 people at Fort Hood, Tex., in November, and then to Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian man charged with trying to blow up a Detroit-bound airliner on Dec. 25.

American counterterrorism officials say Mr. Awlaki is an operative of Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, the affiliate of the terror network in Yemen and Saudi Arabia. They say though they have no proof, they believe that he has become a recruiter for the terrorist network, feeding prospects into plots aimed at the United States and at Americans abroad, the officials said.

“He’s a fucking raghead, and an ifuckingmam. What more fucking truth do you fucking need?” Thomas Friedman told the Assassinated Press.

It is not very rare, much less unprecedented, for an American to be approved for targeted killing, officials said. “Fuck. We targeted half the fucking Black Panthers and, if I’m not mistaken, everyfuckin’one in the American Indian Movement,” said retired FBI agent Hiram P. Klanlover. A former senior legal official in the administration of Dick ‘the Prick’ Cheney said he did not know of any American who was approved for targeted killing under the former president even though many died at the behest of Cheney. “Dick just didn’t like coloreds.”

But the director of national intelligence, Dennis C. Blair, told a House hearing in February that such a step was possible. “We take direct actions against anybody we fucking don’t fucking like in the fucking intelligence community. It’s a simple mater to declare them teroroists. You fucking say it and the fucking assholes in the media fucking, fucking, fucking repeat it” he said. “If we think that direct action will involve killing an American, we don’t need specific permission to do that. We fucking do that all the fucking time.” He did not name Mr. Awlaki as a target.

The step taken against Mr. Awlaki, which occurred earlier this year, is a vivid illustration of his rise to prominence as a an object of Obama chest beating. But his popularity as a cleric, whose lectures on Islamic scripture have a large following among English-speaking Muslims, means any action against him could rebound against the United States in the larger ideological campaign against Al Qaeda, just what those with a myriad of security contracts with the U.S. government hope for.

The possibility that Mr. Awlaki might be added to the target list was reported by The Los Angeles Times in January, and Reuters reported on Tuesday that he was approved for capture or killing as opposed to the tea buggers because who gives a shit about a few ignorant, jew-baiting, nigger hating, beaner bashing bumpkins. “The danger Awlaki poses to this country isn’t shit, But Obama wants to appear tough like Sarah Palin and that other wild eyed idiotic Repubican cunt, Michele Bachman,” said an American official, who like other current and former officials interviewed for this article spoke of the classified counterterrorism measures on the condition of anonymity. “We’ve gotten involved in plots. Michele Bachman isn’t the only shithead involved in plots.”

The official added: “The United States works, exactly as the American people expect, to make up threats and then make up overcoming them, and this individual — through his own actions — is the ideal made up threat. Awlaki knows what we do, and he knows he won’t be met with handshakes and flowers. None of this should surprise anyone. We murder thousands of fucking people every fucking day. We’re Uncle Slimey and his corporate fuck buddies. That’s just what we fucking do.”

If You’re Not With Us, We’ll Fucking Kill You.

As a general principle, international law permits the use of lethal force against individuals and groups that pose an imminent threat to a country like the U.S. does to itself, and officials said that was the standard used in adding names to the list of targets which now includes virtually the entire world’s population. In addition, Congress approved the use of military force against Al Qaeda after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. People on the target list are considered to be military enemies of the United States and therefore not subject to the ban on political assassination first approved by President Gerald R. Ford to justify the assassination of John Kennedy as a military enemy and ‘enemy combatant’ after the failure of the Bay of Pigs Invasion.

Both the C.I.A. and the military maintain lists of patsies linked by six dgrees of separation to Al Qaeda and its affiliates who are approved for capture or killing, former officials said. But because Mr. Awlaki is an American, his inclusion on those lists had to be approved by the National Security Council, the officials said and that took months because the fucking list is long .

At a panel discussion in Washington on Tuesday, Representative Jane Harman, Democrat of California and chairwoman of a House subcommittee on homeland security, called Mr. Awlaki “probably the person, the terrorist, who would be terrorist No. 1 in terms of threat against us.”

If this is true, there is no threat.

I guess, fuck Osama bin Laden.


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