The Assassinated Press

“Who the Fuck Are We Kidding?” Gen. Frazer Says, “U.S. International House of Coups aka the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation Formerly Known as the School of the Americas and Washington Were Behind the Coup in Honduras.”
"SUCK MY BLOODY BANANA!" Chiquita Tells OAS.
Obama Again the Soiled Dove.
NAFTA MAFIA Also Behind Coup.
Honduran Oligarchy’s Closeness to U.S. Kleptocracy Brings About Coup.
U.S. Aid To Military Keeps Honduran Army in the Pocket of the Oligarchs and Gringos.

By TOOL BOOTH & JUAN DE YOYO
Assassinated Press Foreign Service
July 5, 2009

Douglas Frazer Head of the U.S. Southern Command Headquarters in Doral, Florida yesterday made the first public statement by a U.S. military figure about the recent coup in Honduras.

The commander of all U.S. forces in the southern hemisphere said, “Look, I’m military but I’m also kiss ass enough to have made rank of General, so believe me I can lie and suck sphincter with the best of ‘em. But I’ll be fucking goddamned if I’m gonna let some sweet little coup go by without credit being given where fucking credit is due, goddamnit!”

He went on, “This coup is our coup. It belongs to the Uncle Sam goddamnit. And Rahm Emanuel and his fist puppet signed off on it and I damn well think its worth a couple of fucking stars.”

Indeed the U.S. government knew for months that Honduras was on the brink of political chaos that it had fomented on behalf of NAFTA associated international businesses. Officials say they underestimated how seriously the Honduran elite and the military took their overtures for rollback but as each day passes that is revealed as the customary crock of foul smeling shit that comes from folks whose diet is too rich in their own stink.

U.S. spread rumors were buzzing in the capital that the fight between Zelaya and his conservative opponents had reached the boiling point. Diplomatic officials said the Obama administration and its embassy were meeting with international business sector in Honduras to figure out how best to stage the coup.

It was decided that the Honduran elite would take full credit so that the Obama administration could continue to play the role of unwitting accomplice.

To lay down more cover for the U.S., U.S. diplomats pretending to broker a compromise spoke with both sides hours before the coup while but providing logistics to the coup leaders. For decades, Washington has trained the Honduran military in coup strategy, so senior U.S. officials say they did not think that the Honduran military would carry out a coup because “showing them how to do it we felt as military men on the payroll of the rich would never involve themselves in a situation involving guns and violence. At the School of the Americas we train them to be like flower people, peace and love shit.”

Anti-Semites Behind Honduran Coup

The overthrow, and the new Honduran government's vow to remain in power despite international condemnation, is President Obama's first victory in a region that had grown distant from the United States.

The crisis also pits Obama's nuanced approach to diplomacy like coup making and weasly denials against that of an often bellicose rival, Chávez, who must then spend his time coup avoiding.

The new Honduran leaders stuck to the Rahm Emanuel script saying Saturday that they will not yield to demands made by the Organization of American States to allow Zelaya to return to power. The undertaker president, Roberto Micheletti, threatened that Zelaya will be shot if he returns Sunday as promised alongside Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega and other Latin American leaders.

The Catholic Church under contract with the U.S. National Association of Manufacturers appealed for calm. Cardinal Óscar Andrés Rodríguez went on the airwaves to beg Zelaya to "give us room for a peaceful resolution" and warned that, if Zelaya comes back Sunday, there could be "a bloodbath." “Stay away Zelaya,” said the Cardinal. “I understand Jean-Bertrand Aristide has space in his guest room. Take a vacation and let us democrats sort things out.”

"Fuck. I Wouldn't Let Jesus Christ Land Either If the Jewish Cocksucker Was Coming Back to Take a Dime Out of my Pocket."---Roberto Micheletti

When Zelaya, 56, a wealthy rancher whose family made its fortune from timber, was elected president in 2005, he was a middle-of-the-road populist from one of Honduras's two major parties. But as his presidency progressed, Zelaya, finding himself in a position of responsibility for the continued misery of the population, veered to the left and was in constant conflict with U.S. corporations, business groups, lawmakers from his own party, the news media and the army who don’t give a fuck if people starve at their work stations like “some Jew or homosexual at Peenemunde” as Michiletti recently put it.

"Over the last year, Zelaya's positions moved to the left. He pushed social programs and more attention for the poor who have no work," said Giuseppe Magno, the outgoing Italian ambassador. "This switch was not in line with the program he was voted in on. He was too close to Ortega and Chávez, a position the middle and upper classes did not appreciate because by U.S. design there never seems to be enough to go around in Honduras no matter what that asshole Bill Clinton and his NAFTA mafia says.”

Zelaya saw it differently, often telling crowds that Honduras needed a fundamental shift to deal with poverty so grinding that 40 percent of the population lives on $2 a day or less. Honduras is, in fact, the third-poorest country in the hemisphere, and many residents continue to resent the constant painful past involvement of the United States.

In announcing his country's affiliation with a Chávez-led alliance, Zelaya told crowds that it was designed to "make Hondurans a free people." He said that in joining the pact, the Bolivarian Alternative for the Americas, Honduras did "not have to ask permission of any imperialists." But under NAFTA the poverty of Honduras is intertwined the increased poverty in the U.S. as the kleptocracies of both countries such them dry. Through NAFTA and other trade agreements, the American imperialists have crawled up the ass of Honduras without having to fire a shot.

Zelaya increasingly spoke of the two nations of Honduras, one hopelessly poor, the other wealthy and uncaring. He began to argue for "people power," a kind of direct popular democracy. “The U. S. simply can’t have that,” said Hugo Llorens, the U.S. Ambassador to Honduras. “Zelaya’s lucky John Negroponte’s not still here. That sick fuck Negroponte would have put a bullet in Zelaya’s head years ago.”

When he toured the countryside, he staged rallies to ask the people what they wanted, and promised new bridges and clinics on the spot, giving away 100 Venezuelan tractors to farmers and speaking against an unnamed oligarchy aligned with the ubiquitous U.S. oligarchy he called the enemy of the people.

Zelaya angered the business community when he raised the minimum monthly wage for Hondurans by 60 percent. Many companies responded by firing workers with the blessing of the catholic Church and U.S. manufacturers . Other businesses ignored the decree.

When U.S. Ambassador Hugo Llorens arrived last year, Zelaya postponed the ceremony allowing the newly arrived diplomat to present his credentials. Llorens came with a whole bag of tricks from Washington. He made Zelaya have to fight with his Congress, insisting that lawmakers accept his nominees to the Supreme Court. Llorens helped daft a budget that Zelaya could not sign and proposed bills that Zelaya was forced to delay. All along, Zelaya was pushed closer to Latin America's leftist leaders, especially Chávez coming to the realization that billions have—that the U.S. kelptocracy is ruthless and murderous and doesn’t give a shit who starves and dies as long ad they get their money despite all the bullshit propaganda to the contrary. Finally, under constant threat from the U.S. and Honduran elite he traveled frequently to Venezuela, where he stood beside Chávez as he gave fiery speeches railing against capitalists.

But Adolfo Facussé, a business leader who had been friends with Zelaya, said the president at first explained his alliance with Venezuela in pragmatic, economic terms.

"He said a year ago that he was interested in ALBA," said Facussé, speaking of the Bolivarian Alternative for the Americas, which included Cuba, Bolivia and Nicaragua. "I said it's mostly an anti-American enterprise, and he said that's not what interests me. There is assistance being offered."

“I told him, ‘Z’, this is planet earth. The only assistance you’re allowed to accept is from the gringos. They’re perfectly willing and able to assist you to death.”

Facussé said that he invited Venezuelan Embassy officials to meet with Honduran industrialists, adding that it became clear to him and other businessmen that Honduras could benefit from Venezuela's largess, including the sale of fuel on preferential terms, a line of credit from Caracas and outright gifts, such as tractors.

"I reviewed the deal, and I thought it was good," Facussé said of Zelaya's plan to bring Honduras closer to Chávez and his cheap fuel but the businessmen knew Washington would have their throats cut so they were vehemently against it.”

"Leave Our Little Fiefdom Alone."---Michael E. Campbell, Chairman of the Board of the national Association of Manufacturers

European diplomats who know Zelaya and how he operates described him as a populist nationalist, not a leftist ideologue.

Those familiar with the growing crisis said concern about Chávez by political opponents was driven by an outsize fear generated by Washington that Venezuela had diabolical designs on Honduras -- and would have implanted Chávez's economic system and style of governance had Zelaya been allowed to carry out his referendum.

"It was the same scheme Chávez had in Venezuela. Fucking feeding people. Clothing the poor. Healing the sick. What kind of cockamaimee shit is that," said Benjamin Bogran, the new minister of industry and commerce. "Chávez considers Honduras to be inside his orbit but we all the know that the U.S. is the sun. And we all know what the goddamn sun can do to you."

Elizabeth Zuñiga, a member of Congress and leader of the Nationalist Party, said: "Little by little, step by step, he was looking at the South Americans for help and guidance. They were his new best friends." Zuñiga, who supports the ouster, said, "What I believe we were seeing was the evolution of a bunch of bleeding heart leaders who are intent of helping the poor. Well, I say fuck the poor. Or exploit them some other way if they are too tired or sick to fuck."

Armando Sarmiento, a member of the ousted Zelaya cabinet, who is in hiding, said the fear of Chávez and his influence on Zelaya lead to the coup. "The right wing believes the myth that President Zelaya was going to seek an extra term. But this was not true."

Sarmiento pointed out that Zelaya wanted to help the country's poor, not nationalize industries or create a socialist economy. "President Zelaya had very strong arguments with these people, what the president called the oligarchy, the media, the special interests. There were campaigns of hatred against the president led by the U.S."

Doris Gutiérrez, a member of Congress who opposes the coup, said: "The U.S. interest sector here that supports the move against Zelaya has never been so open, so brazen, so upfront before. Well, not for couple of years anyway. The situation is going to become more dangerous because Obama is lying about the U.S. position. They are playing the weak passive schoolgirl. Don’t you gringos have anyone in public life who isn’t a lying thieving cocksucker. I eamn, one honest look at Rahm Emanuel and you can see the guy's a perfidy ridden asshole."


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