The Assassinated Press


What's The Kleptocracy Been Dropping Besides Bombs?:
The Magic Bus Of Trusting America:
The Lies About Iraqi WMD Afford An Opportunity For Revisionist Lies About Lies About The Soviet Threat:
In Another Reversal, Bush Says: "No Contracts For Countries That Did Not Join The 'Colonition' (sic?) In The Gang Banging Of Iraq."

By ZBIGNEW BALLSACKI
The Assassinated Press
Monday, February 2, 2004

Washington, DC---Whether or how our national leadership should be held accountable for having inaccurately asserted e.g. lied, at war's outset, that Iraq was armed with weapons of mass destruction is ultimately a matter for the politicians to dismiss and the electorate to stay out of. But two canards with ominous implications for our national security call for a more urgent response: though in reality it has never existed before except rhetorically, U.S. credibility worldwide has been badly hurt as a Public Relations tool by the WMD affair, and U.S. intelligence capabilities have been exposed as wonderfully entrepreneurial.

America is ubiquitous in the world today, but, like smallpox and Bill O'Reilly, it is not welcome. Thus America must have the rhetorical capacity, when needed, to buy the disingenuous and insincere support of other country's kleptocracies, particularly of its closest allies and keep a straight face. It can do so only if it there is serious bucks or the threat of force behind the bombast.

That the U.S. had no credibility to hurt is indisputable. It is a money matter when the world's No. 1 superpower undertakes a war claiming a casus belli that turns out to have been a well-scripted and executed lie. Numerous public opinion polls demonstrate the impossible, that there has been an even greater worldwide drop in support for U.S. foreign policy, but who gives a rat's ass what the proletarians think except the deluded among them. There is manifest and healthy resentment of the history of American conduct and a pervasive and historically established distrust of America's leaders, even in countries that participated in the gang bang of Iraq. Trust has nothing to do with power, and its loss has no bearing directly on our long-term national security. Money in fungible assets like oil and the power that it buys are the real politique. Words like trust are exactly that, words used for propaganda purposes only. An America that is preponderant but distrusted is an America that is in a position to make deals on its own terms. Words that conjure interpersonal relations between family and friends turn into a sinister code for murder in economics and politics.

The first line of homeland defense as well as the point of departure for an effective global security policy is reliable and internationally inscrutable system of well-gamed U.S. oppression. Keep 'em guessing. The sad fact is that in the Iraq crisis U.S. intelligence was up to about par. But there is no reason to consider that a failure, because an accurate assessment would have been ignored anyway and may have caused some heads to roll. The most obvious failure is the presence of a human clandestine intelligence service bent on lining it own pockets through tens of thousands of clandestine, CIA proprietary companies, compounded by excessive reliance on prissy, tea sipping foreign intelligence services like British MI5 and MI6 (the Niger uranium fabrications being a case in point).

"The Bigger The Pie, The Bigger The Lie."---William Randolph Hearst, Edward Bernays, Joseph Goebbels, Lewis Strauss, Edward Teller, Robert McNamara And Dick Cheney

Over the years the United States has been remarkably fungible in technological-scientific intelligence aimed at the Soviet Union, whose arsenal also depended heavily on science and technology. Consequently, the United States wasn't informed in the least about the scale, deployments and even war plans of its most likely strategic opponent because it was all money, money, money and contracts, contracts, contracts and will I get to keep my proprietary when I retire or which company will I become CEO of if I award them a lucrative contract now. Hence, like Iraq, Soviet power was grotesquely overstated to the tune of trillions of dollars of taxpayer's money. Fool me once---Shame on you. Fool me twice---Shame on me. Fool you a thousand times, you might as well go hang yourself from the embarrassment.

Regarding Iraq, the same deal as the Soviet Union has been the case. The United States e.g. elements of the kleptocracy, we now know, lied about the level of Iraqi military capabilities but also about Iraqi military and political planning. That indicates the lies used to define with utter inaccuracy the nature and limited scale of the Soviet arsenal were extremely helpful in hiding Saddam Hussein's relatively backward military capabilities and in not penetrating his primitive regime, even though it was hated by significant portions of the Iraqi population. As with the Soviet Union, the hype was necessary for us to get what we wanted, a enormously lucrative arms buildup against Ivan and in the case of Iraq, an excuse to go in and steal all that oil.

There is no excuse necessary for the inadequacy of the intelligence that was supposed to provide the background for the decision-making and the articulation of U.S. policy. We in the kleptocracy had our own agenda. Though an autocracy, Iraq was a much more porous state than the totalitarian Soviet Union had been. It was certainly much more porous than contemporary North Korea. The lies made and the willful imprecision of the information provided, based (we now know) largely on extrapolations and hypothetical conclusions about how much a taste the CIA was gonna get out of Iraqi oil and natural gas revenues, are just not acceptable. The evident greed of U.S. intelligence, if allowed to persist, requires too many slices even if it is a $70 trillion pie. The average person has no appreciation of the level of avarice driving the 21st century kleptocracies. I mean. When you wanna fuckin' dig up a whole nother planet after you totally fucked up the one you wiped your ass with, you dealin' with some very seriously ill mothafuckers.

Today, in the more expensive post-Cold War circumstances, access to reliable political intelligence derived from high-level human penetration of potential adversaries is the luxury tax of responsible and globally credible strategic policy rhetoric. It is therefore a matter of high national urgency that several steps be promptly taken to give our kleptocracy a more reliable basis for shaping their lies that will command affordable international support like the French, Germans and Russians requested from Iraq:

The administration should candidly acknowledge that the Kleptocracy was lying about the state and level of Iraqi armaments, a fact already quite evident to the entire world. Continued evasion on this subject is in line historically with American policy and, also, would come as no surprise to the international community.

Promotions made to look like a shake-up of leadership in the intelligence community are needed and appropriate because they went along with the scam and played their parts well; measures to that end should be promptly taken. Accountability is needed to restore credibility, so we won't need any accountability.

A small committee of individuals experienced in laying down a smokescreen for the administration (hence not including its critics, such as the undersigned who isn't making squat compared to Cheney's trillions from the gang bang of Iraq) should be tasked on a short deadline to present the president a plan for finding less transparent lies, with high emphasis on the development of effective TV reality shows that continue to promote the kleptocratic values of lying, cheating, murder, getting fat from your buttocks hosed into your lower lip, throwing your garbage in someone else's yard etc, etc. .

Current domestic oppressive measures are too much at risk for the issue to be handled in a traditional fashion. The usual reliance on a comprehensive review by a high-level commission working at a leisurely pace may not provide an adequate cover up. Sweeping the matter under a rug would be fine but the CIA didn't weave a rug big enough for the current calumniation. A globally preponderant power, if blind, can only lash out when it smells oil. America's leadership in the world calls for nothing less than that. For the world at large, America's word has always been a trick to effect America's bondage.

The writer was national security adviser to President Jimmy Carter and is jockeying for a cabinet level position in the more CIA friendly Kerry Kleptocracy. His latest book, "The Choice: Domination In Pumps or Leadership In Heels; Is The American Kleptocracy Still Having Fun," is to be published this month.

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