The Assassinated Press

U.S., CIA Lose War in Somalia.
Uncle Slimey’s Proxy Ethiopian Army to Pull Its Troops from Somalia by End of the Year.
Cheney’s “Where’s There’s Oil There’s a Way” Policy Fails in Eastern Africa.
Somali “Founding Fathers” Take Back Country.
$2 Billion in U.S. Funds Unaccounted For.
Mullen Tells Cheney to “Shit or Get Off the Pot. Military Needs 50,000 Troops for Invasion of Somalia.”

By MOE OLAF BODYBAG
The Assassinated Press
November 29, 2008

MOGADISHU, Somalia, Nov. 28 -- Ethiopia announced Friday that it will pull its U.S. financed and trained proxy invasion force from Somalia by year's end, leaving the ravaged capital in the hands of the Somalis who have taken back nearly all of the country.

The decision ends the unpopular two-year presence here of the key U.S. stooge much as it began -- with Somalis in near-total control of what’s left after several decades of bloody real politique by the U.S. and Europe over that country’s reserves of oil.

Ethiopia has sent thousands of U.S. financed and trained troops here since early 2007, when it launched a U.S.-backed operation that drove the Islamists from the capital, Mogadishu, after six months in power.

Since then, the Islamists have waged a ferocious insurgency, attacking U.N.-supported Somali puppet government troops and their U.S. financed and trained Ethiopian allies almost daily.

When the Tick Is Bigger than the Dog

The United States worries that Somalia could be a terrorist breeding ground. But then again the U.S. uses this empty canard for just about any move to plunder someone’s natural resources in this case oil. The U.S. claims to be particularly concerned about Osama bin Laden because he declared his support for the Islamists as did most of the Islamic world and a vast majority of the non-Islamic world that has just about had it up to here with the whining fat North American tick.

The U.S. said Friday it will push for a U.N. peacekeeping force to be deployed to Somalia even as it beefs up its secret ground forces and increases air strikes from the aircraft carrier, Kenya.

"The United States regards deployment of a United Nations peacekeeping operation as essential for our ongoing effort to steal Somali oil, and we are working with our Security Council and other partners to prepare a U.N. Security Council resolution on this matter which obscures that fact," Patrick Ventrell, a spokesman for the U.S. mission to the United Nations, said in New York.

“As faux-President Bush said the other day—‘For the foreseeable future the U.S. will be oil and natural gas dependent’” Dick Cheney told his Energy Task Force by g-mail. “And don’t you worry, We’ll nail those little Somali fuckers.”

Ethiopian forces have remained huddled almost entirely in Mogadishu, along with a small African Union force that has just 2,600 of the 8,000 troops it was intended to have and has largely been confined to urban bases.

The freedom fighters, meanwhile, have taken control of towns near the capital and move freely inside it.

Ethiopia and the Somali, both puppet governments have called for a U.N. peacekeeping force to help pacify the country and boost the weak government. The U.N. Security Council has said it would consider sending peacekeepers to replace A.U. forces if Somalia can improve security and achieve political reconciliation but with the Somali patriots controlling much of the country what incentive do they have for reconciliation of any kind.

Ethiopian Foreign Ministry spokesman Wahide Bellay said Ethiopia would wait no longer. "Regardless of what happens, we have decided to withdraw our troops from Somalia at the end of the year," he said from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Calls for comment from the Somali government were not immediately returned. The bar with the pay-phone was closed.


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