The Assassinated Press

The Golden Tools: Kochs Stoop to Anything to Conquer.
The Koch Brothers Wipe Their Asses On Democracy.

By GROVER ASSCYST
The Assassinated Press
8/9/11

Hey you Kochsuckers. What’s this shit I hear about Charlie and Davy fuckin’ with Wisconsin recall ballots. More fuckin’ fraud on behalf of massa’s Koch?

Kudos to our kleptocrats like the Kochs. They get to play dirty while the rest of us get their shit all over us.

Doesn’t the Koch’s behavior reflect on us as a people? Shouldn’t our science by now have developed methods for detecting such homicidal sociopaths like the Kochs at birth so that we can leave such offspring on a mountain top to starve while buzzards and harpies pick out the eyes? Are we that primitive a culture?

Yes, Kochsuckers are at it again in Wisconsin. It’s not enough to disenfranchise voters with a Voter ID law and then close a bunch of DMV offices — in Democratic districts of course — where newly disenfranchised voters might have been able to get the photo ID they need in order to vote.

Just to play it safe, Americans For Prosperity Wisconsin is trying to trick Democratic absentee voters into voting AFTER the August 9th recall election. They’ve sent out absentee ballots to heavily Democratic districts, with written instructions to return the ballot “before August 11th.”

The recall election, again, will be on Tuesday, August ninth — NOT the eleventh.

Ed Lansdale would be proud. But then Lansdale’s adversary, Ho Chi Minh and the Viet Minh were a damn site smarter than the American people. That’s’ why them little fuckers whooped our ass, but good. And that’s why the Taliban is whoopin’ our ass in Afghanistan and the kleptocracy in Iraq outsmarted our own kleptocracy when it comes to that countries natural resources.

Only in America could the Kochsuckers even remotely pull off the legislative changes they’ve made in Wisconsin. It requires many ‘turkies at their own Thanksgivings’ who think Thansgiving is only for them. Wrong. You is folked, Kochsuckers.

The Latest Kochsucker ballot bullshit renins me of Lansdale’s attempt to influence the 1960 national elections in Vietnam. The dimwitted asshole had the ballots for Ho and the Viet Minh printed in Green the color of misfortune in Vietnamese culture. But the superstitious, primitive mind was stuck betwixt the ears of Lansdale and Lansdale only. Ho and his coalition won 90% of the vote. ‘Isendhowitzers’ and the US immediately declared the Vietnamese election null and void because the ‘right’ people didn’t win.

The only group of Vietnamese who ever fell for Lansdale’s ruse were the Catholics. A superstitious bunch, them Catholics and it cost ‘em thousands of lives. Then again, they’re hopelessly superstitious with this virgin birth and risen from the dead crap.

And the Koch’s and their Kochsuckers are the same kind of murderous bunch. I take some solace in that given the greedy, imperialist piece of shit the US has become.

But these pasty assholes are out to destroy the planet too. They’ve got their dicks in the anti-climate change cabal. Is their nowhere where this human excrement we know and love called the Koch’s hasn’t shit in the soup, spoiling it for everyone but themselves?


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