The Assassinated Press

Drug Dogs Trained To Detect Talcum Powder Snag Baby Crooks:
Immigration Holding 46 Infants Incognito At Gitmo Under Homeland Security Guidelines:
Patriot Act Says 'Talcum Toddlers' Can Be Executed Without Trial

By CHIMP ARPIE
The Assassinated Press
May 20, 2005

Fort Lauderdale -- When police sniffer dogs couldn't trace drugs, the INS soon discovered the reason: the cocaine sample that a Jeb Bush owned security firm, Above the Law Inc., used to train them was talcum powder. Seven dogs that had worked on drug searches over the past three months will need to be retrained, Fort Lauderdale Police Commissioner Hamden Wandoon said Friday. Wandoon wouldn't speculate on how much cocaine slipped through the airport while his dogs chased diaper bags and soiled depends.

46 Babies Busted

During that period customs officials at the airport arrested 46 infants. When it was determined that at least 14 of those infants were not being used as mules to transport drugs for wealthy Cuban exiles, they were charged with trying to smuggle hazardous bio-waste into the U.S. "If they weren't muling for one of the big Florida drug cartels out of little Havana, we nailed 'em for shittin' their nappies," said Armile Quesgeb a senior official with U.S. customs.

Awareness of a crime no defense

"Several of the babies suspected of terrorist links have already been shipped off to Gitmo for further legally mandated torture and brutal interrogation or kidnapped by the CIA as part of the abduction known as 'Extraordinary rendition' and sold on the black market ," Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales told a recent press conference. He added, "This incident just demonstrates why we need stiffer penalties for juveniles including the death penalty. A crib is just a jail cell needin' a lid. We oughta kill some of them dogs too if they gonna fuck up like this."

An anxious Rumsfeld said, "He had no new information, but after strip searches, finger printing, DNA testing, and a thorough beating as part of a Wackenhut trade show exhibition, that the babies had not been put down for a nap after a lunch of dry hole tittie compliments of the military tittie that left some of the mopsters squealing with agony after sucking air for an hour." He added, "It won't be long before one of those little card carryin' atheist shitbags cracks."

Evans said police did not believe the cocaine requisitioned for the training had been stolen, but was most likely snorted by police on the scene. "I think the training folks and my deputy planned to save some of the shit for the training, but there's a real need for the uniformed servants of oppression to party down," said Fort Lauderdale DA G. Gordon Liddy.

But Jeb Bush ordered internal investigations from the Miami police and the Colombian drug cartel which supplies illicit drugs to anyone who wants to front a kilo or two or just snort at the 'fort.'

The state opposition described the case as either corruption or incompetence and called for promotions for all the perpetrators.


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