The Assassinated Press

In Its New Book, "Imperial Hubris", Looney Left Renews Its Claim That Invasion of Iraq Was For Oil:
Bolsheviks At The CIA Refuse To Join The Chorus Of Blind Stupidity Calling The Big Iraq Attack "Avaricious" e.g. A Plot To Steal Iraq's Oil, Natural Gas And Rebuild The Infrastructure The U.S. Destroyed Through Embargo And Bombing:
Dictionary Meaning Supplied For FOX News Staff: AVARICIOUS means having or showing a strong desire for material possessions e.g. oil. Synonyms include COVETOUS which implies an inordinate desire often for another's possessions; GREEDY stresses lack of restraint and often of discrimination in desire; ACQUISITIVE implies both eagerness to possess and ability to acquire and keep by force e.g. using military power; GRASPING adds to COVETOUS and GREEDY an implication of selfishness and often suggests unfair or ruthless means; Further AVARICIOUS implies, obsessive acquisitiveness especially of money and strongly suggests stinginess.:
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By YASO ADIODI
The Assassinated Press
July 1, 2004

In his book, titled "Imperial Hubris," 22 year CIA veteran calling himself 'Anonymous' calls the Iraq invasion "an avaricious, premeditated, unprovoked war against a foe who posed no immediate threat," arguing against the concept of pre-emptive war put forward by Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith, Kindasleazie Rice and George 'Uboo Gahreb' Bush as justification for the Iraq war.

People can if they so desire focus long and hard on the word "avaricious." By placing it first in his three word litany Anonymous clearly intends to give it considerable weight.

But "fairly unbalanced" Bill O'Reilly does not see it that way. O'Reilly posits, "What could be the possible motivation for the cabal of international oil tycoons who bankrolled the Cheney/Bush campaign to want to invade a country with $7 trillion dollars in oil reserves. There's a major disconnect there," he told his FOX audience.

Rush Limbaugh was even more emphatic in his critical assessment of the CIA's claim that Cheney/Bush invaded Iraq for the oil. "How would such avariciousness appear to the American people. Such greed would be contrary to everything that America stands for. Therefore it is unfair to accuse a pack of oil billionaires from commandeering an election and using the U.S. military to invade another country and steal its oil. The American people simply would not stand for that," Limbaugh added with a flourish.

Peter Jennings echoed Limbaugh's views. "Its simply below the American kleptocracy to involve itself in any conflict except for the highest of principles. Ergo the war for oil scenario even posited by the CIA still stands as a looney left fantasy to me and I won't change my story until I'm told to. PNAC reports available online ten years ago that categorically state that U.S. elites should be persuaded to conquer Iraq for its strategic and economic value do nothing to convince me otherwise. I have not read them, but I'm certain someone on my staff has. If those documents were going to come back and bite me in the ass, I'm certain someone would have alerted me. So I feel comfortable in my assertion that any connection between the invasion, the deaths of tens of thousands and oil is a fabrication of the Looney Left even if it comes from Langley."

G. Gordon Liddy, on his radio broadcast called for his listeners "to create a bloodbath over at the Agency" which he says he has always "claimed was a pinko front .""Look at Plame and her pinko husband," he screamed to his Tuesday audience.

Pat Robertson told his audience, "We must remember, dear sheep, that the CIA used the word avaricious and not the Biblical term 'covets', thus, a literal interpretation of the bible clearly indicates that no sin was committed."

Dan Rather looked unctuously doe-eyed into the camera, but at that point this correspondent cracked up laughing so hard, he didn't catch what Rather said.

"Why bomb and invade, making billions on the war and reconstruction so you can get the oil for next to nothing, when you can just pay $40 a barrel for it," said Don Imus. "I think the CIA has slipped its moorings. Its in league with Putin."

"What the fuck does 'hubris' mean," commented Richard Cohen of the Washington Post. "This is another plot by the Looney Left to publicly embarrass me."

The man on the street seemed to share the medias' sentiment. "I fuckin' don't understand the title of the book so there must be nothin' to it. I've known from the jump that Cheney went into Iraq to steal the oil, and frankly I'm happy he done it no matter who gets killed. But 'avaricious' can also imply stinginess, and with gas prices what they are at the pumps, you can see where that little motherfucker, Cheney, got his reputation as a miserly son of a bitch. Of course, the French won the war for Iraq without firing a shot waiting for the U.S. to totally fuck up and then joining the Germans, Russians and Chinese to get dozens of sweetheart deals. Shit. You would have expected that hothead Cheney to spill the whole apple cart and say fuck it. He's so fuckin' pissed off he's shouting obscenities all over Washington. He and Rummy are hotheads who want it their way. Look for them to fuck it up by trying to double-cross the French."

Jill Jones, a Harrisburg mother of six said, "Even after the lies about WMD and connections to al-Qaeda, I'm simply resigned to believe the administration bullshit about being there to help bring democracy to the Iraqis. I'm afraid to believe anything else."

"Afraid of whom?" this reporter asked.

"Myself." Replied Ms. Jones.

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