"The sense of innocence and entitlement that form the foundation of an infantilized culture like America's astonishes the rest of the world especially when weighed against historical fact." The Assassinated Press--Accepting the Truth So America Doesn't Have to.
Cynicism in the defense of liberty is no vice.
THE ASSASSINATED PRESS
*Shoving Truth in the Mouths of Liars* THE ASSASSINATED PRESS: A MAGAZINE OF CONTEMPT. "Contempt is the sincerest form of flattery."-Karl Rove
"If the lions don't like it, they won't eat it." Daniel Drew
To paraphrase Peter Carlson of the Washington Post: "If someone tried to reveal what really goes on in Washington, he'd start howling like a banshee..." The Assassinated Press is that banshee.
The Assassinated Press is NOT copyrighted and may be reproduced and disseminated in any form whatsoever.If It’s Global, It’s Relative. A Few Colombians Rally While the Billions of the World's Dispossessed Look to the FARC.
’Millions’ of Colombian Protesters in Headline Changed to Tens of Thousands in Body of Article, Then Several Thousand in Photograph. Colombian Park Service Reports Crowd at 1500.
"Revenge Is Not a Response Peasants Are Worthy Of," Doctor Phil Says.
By WAN DE YOYO
July 21, 2008Poll Finds Voters Split on Candidates' Iraq-Pullout Positions.
Republicans Prefer the Missionary Position, Now That Abstinence Is Out of the Question.
Republicans Suggest Obama Bomb Something to Appear More Manly like Cheney or McCain.
"Hey. Them Combat Scars on Your Chest, Mr. Cheney?" "Yeah, They're From Trying to Choke Down Another Rack of Ribs."
By Jonny Weismalice
July 15, 2008Prosecutor Charges American President with Genocide, Shoots Himself.
PETTY BARKER
July 14, 2008Winner of Country Music's Best Song of the Year.
Dana Goya's Toby Keith Style Anthem Takes Nashville By Storm.
"You're a Rich man's Whore" Number One With a High Velocity Bullet on Country Billboard 100.
By YASO ADIODI
7/10/08The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
July 4, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Some thoughts on "patriotism" written on July 4Cheney, Bush, State Department Officials Got Taste from Hunt/Kurd Oil Deal and Lied about It.
Lying Not Meant to Deceive, “It’s Just Genetic among Us Folks,” Says White House Spokesman, Tom Casey.
Contract Contradicted State Dept.'s Public Stance.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
July 3, 2008Lights! Camera! Action! Uribe, RNC, McCain Campaign Strike Deal with FARC, Stage Hostage Release.
Administration, McCain Campaign Will Not Discuss Quid Pro Quo of Mini-October Surprise.
By WAN THE YOYO
July 3, 2008My Father Was Loyal to Mugabe. So The Washington Post and the U.S. Kleptocracy Fucked Him Up.
By CRISPUS ANIMUS
June 29, 2008Addington, Yoo Give Candid Testimony about Origins of Interrogation Policies.
Psychological Legalisms Behind Torture Policy Demonstrated To Committee.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
June 27, 2008U.N. Finds CIA’s Afghan Opium Trade Rising.
Purported Noah's Ark Turned Out to be a CIA Cigarette Boat Mysteriously Stranded Atop Mount Ararat in Eastern Turkey.
By COMTUDA LYNCHING
June 27, 2008Inhofe Says: “Global Warming Is a Hoax. And I’ve Got the Bank Accounts to Prove It.”
Inhofe Declares “No Surrender” In War With Angry Brown Planet. Says the American Consumer Will Not Be Intimidated by Torrential Rains, Floods, Drought, Brush Fires, Hurricanes, Mud Slides, Locusts and Tornadoes.
“The clashes have been particularly frequent with the administration of Dick ‘Give Me Oil or Give Me Death’ Cheney.”
By David Fahrentheit 451
June 23, 2008Faux President Bush Urges Quick Passage of Panty Sniffing Bill.
Obama Considered Prime Target of Wire Taps. Hoyer, Obama, Other Key Democrats Already Blackmailed Into Voting for Measure.
41 CEOs of Outsourced Intelligence Programs Request Soiled Pairs of Scarlett Johansson’s Panties for National Security Reasons.
By BIG EGGO, PALL KORN & SPOOKS BRANIGIN
June 20, 2008Rice: US Government Deeply Involved In Iraq No-Bid Oil Contracts.
4000 Dead Americans and Hundreds of Thousands of Dead Iraqis the Truth Be Told All for Big Oil Just Like Anyone With the Slightest Bit of Self-Respect Knew.
“Surprise! It Was About Oil!” Cheney Jokes At Russert Funeral. “I Mean, How Much Ink Could You Have Gotten Out of The Truth, Assholes. We Did the Press a Favor.”
By IMA STOOGEY
6/19/20U.N. Warns of Impending Food Crisis in Zimbabwe If Mugabe Doesn’t Immediately Surrender Country to ‘Whitey.’
By COLUMS LYNCHMOB
June 19, 2008McCain Scolds Troops: “How the Fuck Do You Think an Imperialist Country Projects Power? Permanent Bases, Assholes. I’m Not Going To Regroup You Fuckers All over Again When I Invade Iran. No, You Cocksuckers Stay!”
Cheney Leads Chant at Meeting of U.S. Chamber of Commerce: "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!"
U.S. Troops Urged to Marry Local Iraqi Girls, Convert to Islam. “You’re Going to Be There For a Long Time, Suckers,” 'Betray Us' Petraeus Taunts.
“I Want To Go Home. Iraq Is Not Like Japan and Korea. I Can’t Buy No Pussy in Iraq,” Soldiers Lament. Bush Admits “Pussy Is a Problem” in Iraq.
U.S. Outsources Pussy; Close to Striking Deal With White Slavery Ltd., a Division of Halliburton.
By JONNY WEISSMALICE
June 12, 2008Fred Hiatt Says Pre-Emptive War Is Here to Stay Or Get Your Fuckin’ Intelligence in Order, Booz Allen, Northrup Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, CSC, General Dynamics, BAE Systems, CACI, ManTech, Blackwater, In-Q-Tel, AT&T, ITT, IBM, Google etc.
Doesn't Anyone in the Government Do Intelligence Anymore? No?
'Bush Lied'? But Isn’t He Too Simple?
By TURD HIHAT
June 9, 2008Let’s Boil Them in OIL!
Just When Capital Punishment Is Justified by Cheney/Bush Administration’s Crimes, Americans Lose Their Nerve.
You Know They Knew They Were Lying. It’s Time To Atone or Face Eternal Damnation.
Cheney, Bush Lied to a Grateful Nation. But Now It’s Time To Be an Ingrate.
Bush Inflated Threat from Iraq's Banned Weapons, Report Says.
By MUMBLY WARWACK, WALDO PUNKASS & YASO ADIODI
June 6, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 6, 2008
www.killinghope.org
The Empire -- A Status ReportThe Great Satan Wears Prada. Blinded by Stars (and Strip Malls) in Their Eyes: It’s Time to Invade Iran.
If Each American Squad Includes a Hairdresser, The Iranians Will Greet Us With Kisses and Flowers.
Most of the Middle East hates America, but rich Iranians see more opportunity. It's their egalitarian president they can't stand.
By HEDZUP MIFANNY
June 1, 2008The Role of Geography in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Imperialist Armies Thousands of Miles from Home More likely to Suffer from PTSD than Combatants Defending Their Homeland.
Bogus Rationales About ‘Protecting Freedoms at Home’ By Traveling Half-Way Around the World to Alien Cultures Prove Ineffective Except Among the Most Easily Bull-shitted.
Official Lies Create Stress.
"Fuck. I won't let a girl scout come up on my front porch without me gittin' my shotgun. I can't imagine what the average Iraqi's thinking."
By YASO ADIODI
5/28/08It’s Easy To Get The News From Movies And Boys Die Miserably Every Day From The Bullshit That Is To Be Found There.
Spielberg’s 'Crystal Skull' Is Empty -- Therefore Awesome!
By STUPHIE POONTER
May 22, 2008U.S., British, White South African Subversion in Zimbabwe Having Desired De-Stabilizing Effect on Rest of Africa.
By CRUGER APARTHEID
May 19, 2008To Great Relief of the World’s Oppressed, FARC Computer Files Are Authentic, Interpol Probe Finds.
Chavez’s, Correa’s Offer of Aid to Colombian Freedom Fighters Deemed Genuine.
U.S.’s, Colombian Oligarchy’s, Washington Post’s Hatred of Poor Once Again Demonstrated.Despite Brutality, Cheney Unable to Goad Iran into Conflict.
Sadr Bides Time, Tells His Militia To Cease Hostilities.
Cleric, in Return, Wants Followers' Release, Amnesty.
“The Way Cheney and his Gang Have Been Played, Ahmadinejad May have a Decent ‘Shot’ at the White House in 2012.”
Iran Brokers Cease Fire, Americans in the Field with Their Pants Down.
“Its like a big Waco over there in Iraq. What if the U.S. government attacked my flock like that? At least we got more weapons than the Sadrists if not the courage,” Pat Robertson Muses on the 700 Club.
NRA Firmly Behind Sadrists' Second Amendment Rights to Bear Arms. "After all them fucks are a real militia," declares Charleton Heston from his cold dead Botox mouth.
By SHOAHS A. FREEMAN & SUDSY RAGAMAVAN
March 31, 2008Oops! In Apologia Post Retracts Claims Uribe’s Military Is Decimating Rebels; Instead Colombian Troops Kill Farmers, Pass Off Bodies as Rebels'.
Corporate Death Squad Welfare: Its Bad Enough That All of This Murder Is for The Benefit of U.S. Corporations. But Then the Great American Bald Lemming Foots the Bill and Pulls the Trigger. Support Our Troops?
“It’s Not the Chicken or the Egg, Assholes of the American Media. The Peasants Are Enslaved, Exploited and Murdered Into Becoming the Rebels.”
By WAN DE YOYO
March 30, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 29, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Propaganda as an Olympic competitionCheney Moves to Open His Oil Port in Southern Iraq.
De Facto President Gives Basra Freedom Fighters Ultimatum.
Cheney Violates Sadr’s Cease Fire.
If Sadr Lifts Cease Fire Iraqi Proxies Expected to Turn and Attack Americans.
Purpose of Cheney’s Middle East Junket Now Perfectly Clear to Everyone Except the Assholes in the Media.
Last Years British Cut and Run Gives U.S. Another Opportunity to Engage in Violence.
Rocket Attacks Turn Green Zone Red.
By NOAH FREEMAN HERR & SUDSY RAGOO
March 26, 2008China Fears Olympics Backlash from Poor Human Rights Record of Corporate Sponsors.
Coke and Pepsi’s Draining of Local Aquifers, Slave and Child Labor in Apparel and Sneaker Industry, NAFTA, GATT, U.S. Oil Grabs in Sudan, Somalia, Afghanistan and Iraq Cited.
MOE FANNY
March 25, 2008For the Faux President It’s A Matter of Being Too Much of a Dumb Fuck to Even Know Where to Begin to Interfere in the Economy.
However, De Facto President Cheney's Administration Abetted Theft That Led to Crisis.
If It Doesn’t Involve Mining a Personal Orifice Bush Is Out of the Loop.
Bush's Relative Inactivity on Economy Reflects the Fact That He’s an Idiot.
Spitzer Outed For Exposing Cheney Administrations Role in Accelerating the Mortgage Crisis.
Jeff Gannon Named New Ambassador to Britain.
By DARN EGONAMIFACCI
March 23, 2008McCain Key Stooge in Invasion of Iran.
Three Weeks Before The Election Administration, FOX News Will Create A Pretext for Iranian Invasion.
Doddering Baby Killing Front Man Mixes Up Iraqi Groups.
Senator Misstates Which Freedom Fighters Are Aided by Iran.
Media Mum On Cheney's Successful Trip to Suck Saudi Cock.
By CAM CORDER & MIKE SNEER
March 19, 2008Fuck Obama! Elect Jeremiah Wright!
GOD DAMN AMERICA Is Right, Right & Right On the Money!
Obama’s Courageous Pastor Has Uncanny Grasp of U.S. Domestic and Foreign Policy and History.
What God Wouldn't Damn a Country That Produced an Abomination Like Bill O'Reilly?
By YASO ADIODI SMITH
3/16/08Cheney to Visit to Saudi Arabia and Blow Royal Family for a Job Well Done.
Severely Chapped Lips from Blowing his Energy Task Force Delayed Visit.
Cheney Will Also Return What’s Left of the $200,000,000 Prince Bandar Left in Cheney’s Safe on 9/11.
"Its Downward Harmonization Time, Assholes," Energy Secretary Sam Bodman Tells American Public.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
March 11, 2008Montgomery County Cops Balk at Paying Speed Camera Fines to Career Criminal, Darwin Deason.
Only Company With Speeding Ticket Contract is Above the Law: $16.25 of Every $40.00 Fine Goes Into Affiliated Computer Services' owner Deason’s Pocket to Help Pay His Lawyers' Fees to Avoid SEC Fines, Jail Time.
Deason About to Get Statewide Contracts to Fleece Maryland Taxpayers.
“Leggett Administration Needs to Be Investigated. You know in your heart Deason is bribing people,” Father Antoine Flotsky, St. Pasdabosquet Parish.
By ARNIE PALUCCI
March 8, 2008The Ponzi Scheme of Carcinogen and Cure.
Bill Gates Heavily Invested in Creating Diseases He's Heavily Invested in Curing.
Toxic Cloud Hangs Over Gates Foundation Rhetoric.
Bush Gives $15 Billion to U.S. Pharmaceutical Industry to Fight Aids in Africa When Generic African Produced Pharmeceuticals Would Have Reached Far More people in Need and at a Fraction of The Cost.
U.S. Pharmeceutical Companies Have Filed Dozens of Suits to Block Production of African Generics.
Phoney U.S. Corporate Drug Largesse Reinforces False Stereotype that Africa Cannot Stand on Its Own.
George Bush Sits On Bono's Face and Bono Likes It.U.S., British Embargoes Close to Starving Out Zimbabweans.
Cheney Administration Close to Achieving Mass Starvation, Civil Unrest in Zimbabwe.
Payback for Land Reform Cold Blooded Murder.
By CRAIG TIMBERRR
February 24, 2008Burn, Baby, Burn! U.S. Embassy in Belgrade Torched.
News of Kosovo Independence Last Straw for Moderate Serbs as They Lash Out.
Illegal NATO Bombing Campaign Especially Novi Sad Singled Out.
“You Bomb Our Bridges, We Burn Your Embassy.”
Serb Moderates Again Feel Betrayed by American and European Kleptocrats.
Iraqis Say “Welcome to the Club.”
Clinton’s ‘Turkish Route’ for Black Sea Oil Sealed by Destruction of Yugoslavia.
By PAT FONEY & ROBBEM WRITE
February 22, 2008NATO Isn’t Just For Europe Anymore.
European Alliance Members Reluctant To Risk Life And Treasure Securing Dick Cheney’s Pipeline Across Afghanistan.
Soon We’ll Fuckin’ See the North Atlantic Treaty Organization in Africa, Latin America, Mars.
By MICKEY GERKIN
February 13, 2008If It’s Good Enough For the Sunnis, Its Good Enough For Our Kids.
Administration’s Iraq Solution Would Work in American Schools.
Second Amendment Right Finds Its Confirmation in Iraq.
YASO ADIODI
2/15/08Regis Says He Will Retire and Minister to the Venezuelan Poor.
By IMA STOOGEY & SUDSY RAGOO
The Assassinated Press
2/15/08Chinese Catch a Break; Spielberg Quits Role In Olympic Ceremonies.
Director Cites Chinese Support of Sudan While Either Ignoring or Being Totally Ignorant of U.S. Role.
“It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the Dixie Chicks have more balls than Spielberg does."
By FAUN BOOTH & MICKEY ABUMMERWITZ
February 13, 2008With Gross Sales Larger than Most Country’s GNP, Exxon/Mobil Plots with Cheney Administration, Courts, Banks to Starve Out Venezuela.
Administration Sees Oil Companies Suit as Way of Discrediting Chavez and Plunging Venezuela Back Into its Former Impoverished State.
The Fix is In from New York Court Ruling, to Processing of Heavy Crude, to Commercial Transactions, the Evil Empire Is the Only Game in Town.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 13, 2008Only Those Wealthy Enough to Own a PC Turn Out For Anti-FARC Rallies.
45 to 1 No-Shows Demonstrate How Impoverished Colombia Remains For the Majority Under Cheney’s, Uribe’s Tutelage.
Elitist Harvard Origins of Facebook Evident In Wealthy White Anti-FARC Crowd. USAID Behind Anti-FARC Group.
“Jesus Fuck Christ! So We Murdered 5000 Members of the Patriotic Union Before the 1988 Elections and Have Slaughtered 2+ Million Peasants. It’s Fuckin’ Time For The FARC to Get Over It,” Uribe Tells a Cheering Crowd of the Wealthy Few in Bogota.
Washington Post Again Demonstrates Its Utter Contempt and Hatred for Poor People.
By JUAN THE YOYO & KAREON BRUTALITARD
Feebleweary 5, 2008Exxon Mobil's Profit in 2007 Tops $40 Billion.
Oil Company Throws Huge Bash at Arlington Cemetery to Thank Those Who Made the Record Profits Possible.
Robber Barons Literally Dance on Dead Vets' Graves to the Tunes of Rascal Flats.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 2, 2008The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
February 2, 2008
www.killinghope.orgU.S. Commanders in Iraq Favor Pause in Troop Cuts.
Petraeus and His Staff Want More Time to Pick Which Corporate Boards They Will Serve On; Which Oil Companies They Will Work For.
Cheney Responds “WILL Work For!!? Who the Fuck Do They Think They’re Taking Orders From Now!?”
After the “Spooge” Troop Draw Downs ‘Hard to Come’ By.
By PHIL T. RICH
January 31, 2008Mission Fait Accompli.
Old War Whores; Camp Followers Lead Military by the Nose, Get a Billion Dollars a Blow Job.
War Troughy: The Symbiosis of the Military Academies and Business Schools Means Inside Position at the Trough for Retiring Military.
U.S. Cannot Manage Contractors In Wars, Officials Testify on Hill.
Private Contactors Cost Six Times as Much as Military Personnel, Have Stolen Another Trillion Dollars of Taxpayer Money.
Cheney/Bush to Give the Great American Bald Lemming 600 Dollars to Give Back to War Effort, Oil Companies and Private Contractors—HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa………………………………………Ha
Problem Is Linked to Lack of Trained Service Personnel, Insatiable Greed and Unimaginable Murder.
By Waldo Punkass
January 25, 2008Electronic Panty Sniffing to Gain Immunity.
Senate Opens Debate On Wiretap Measure.
Telephone Companies Want Immunity After Caught Going Through Inocuous Citizens' Electronic Drawers.
By DAN EGGEMON
January 24, 2008Corporate Fraud Lawsuits Restricted.
Supreme Court Says No RICOs For Corporate Freakos.
Wall Street’s License To Steal Expanded.
"Corruption Is the Inaliable Glue of Any Faux Democratic System” High Court Constitutional Originalists Affirm. More Poor People Created For Rich People To Despise.
Enron and Other Shareholders Limited by Court.
"I have to do business with these assholes," Scalia Says in his Opinion.
By RED BARNES & PULIE MAY JOHNSON
January 16, 2008Contract For Safe Speed Traps In Montgomery, County Maryland Goes to a Nest of Thieves In Dallas.
ACS Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
With Affiliated Computer Services Involved Can Kickbacks to Maryland Officials Be Far Behind?
History of Sleazy Maryland Politics Remains Unbroken.
January 2, 2007Dallas Firm Run By Felonious Fruitcake Out of Dallas Tapped to Pick Pockets of Maryland Taxpayers.
Affiliated Computer Services of Dallas, Texas Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
Money, Not Public Safety Is the Object.
Deason Plans to Buy Bigger Yacht From Cash Scammed from Maryland Taxpayers.The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
January 13, 2008
www.killinghope.org
An Unreasonable ManViolent Crime Down In First Half of 2007.
With Private Security Firms Like Blackwater and Dyncorp Employing More and More Criminals to Work in Iraq, U.S. Murder, Robbery, Rape Rates, Pedophelia, Domestic Abuse Drop.
Downturn In Crime Resembles Election Years When the Citizens Send Their Criminal Element to Washington and Crime Goes Down in Their Home States.
By GRIANT EGGO
January 8, 2008Once Again Pentagon Tries To Induce Another ‘Gulf of Tonkin’ by Steaming into Iranian Territorial Waters.
Pentagon Claims Rowdy Teenagers in Speedboats Were Threat to U.S. Fleet.
"Littering the Gulf of Hormuz" Called "Provocation" by Gates. If Iran Won't Discipline Its Youth U.S. Prepared to Come in and Do It For Them.
Event Reminiscent of Vietnam Era Canard.
Bush Says Region Must be Shaped In The “White Man’s Neo-cloneowny’all Image.”
By DIRK ‘SIDE’ BURNS
January 8, 2008As The Assassinated Press Predicted When Dick Cheney Descended To the Presidency, Oil Has Hit $100.00 a Barrel. Control of Supply, Demand and Speculation Equal $100 Barrel.
Among World’s Poor Only Venezuelans See Broad Benefit from Higher Oil Prices.
Ima Stoogey Wins The Assassinated Press Oil Office Pool; Guesses Precise Day Crude Nips $100.00 a Barrel.
By MICHA FILTCHER
January 3, 2008Grasping Neo-Cons Lure Bhutto to Her Death.
U.S. Brokered Bhutto's Return to Pakistan.
By ROBBEM FREUMDE-RIGHT and GLIB GOBBLER
December 28, 2007Whited Sepulchre: Huckabee's Hook-Up With Reagan-Bush Crimes
By CHRIS FLOYD
Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel
Dec. 18,2007US Meddling in Rightwing Consolidation
Democracy in El Salvador?
By JOE DeRAYMOND
Counterpunch
March 26, 2004U.S. Meddling in Peruvian Presidential Race?
By JEREMY BIGWOOD
Upside Down World
March 15, 2006US Meddling In Electoral Process Nothing New in Nicaragua
By CIRCLES ROBINSON
November 03, 2006Zimbabwe's Divided Opposition Party Agrees to Reunite Ahead of March Elections After U.S. Makes Huge Illegal Cash Infusions Contingent on Unity.
Illegal Contributions Funneled through State Department, CIA, USAID, NED and the AFL-CIO.
The Washington Post Company Sets Aside Millions to Pay for Bullshit It Will Continue to Write About Zimbabwe in the Coming Months.
By CRAY TIMBURRRRRRRRRRR
December 28, 2007The Gowans Report
US Ambassador admits Washington is subverting the Belarus presidential election
by Stephen GowansA Bagman's Tale; The Cheney Administration, Washington Post Spin Yarn That Chavez Purchased Argentinian Allegiance For a Fraction of What U.S. Spends in Bribes and Quid Pro Quos Each Nano-Minute.
After U.S. Floods Over $40 Million Dollars Into Venezuelan Elections and Referendums With Mixed Results, U.S. State Department Closely Studies How Chavez May Have Done It for Just Pennies on the Dollar.
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf Fondly Reminiscences About His Father’s Experiences as Bagman to the Shah of Iran and the Opposition to Mossadegh in 1952/53.
The Arrogant Fucking Shits at the Post Desperate to Strike Back at the World’s Poor.
By Yaso Adiodi
December 26, 2007Pentagon Tracks 'Santa's Progress'.
After 9/11 NORAD Not Taking Any Chances.
Some Reports Sight Camels Not Reindeer Pulling Sled; Bin Laden in a Fat Suit.
Rudolph’s Red Nose Shows Signs of Radioactivity.
Silhouetted, Sled Looks Like a Helicopter Gunship.
By KING COAL
24 December 2007‘Class Warfare’ Mongering
By ARNIE PALUCCI
12/22/07Halliburton Employees Rape Jenna Bush While First Daughter Is on USO Tour.
“I’m Certain That If Our Employees Had Known Who the Bitch Was, They'd've Thought Twice About Gang Banging Her,” said Halliburton Spokesperson Melissa Norcross.
State Department Will Not File Charges, Says First Daughter Lured Her Attackers.
Jenna To Get Two Hundred Lashes For Provocative Behavior.
By IMA STOOGEY
Dec./20/2007Is There Anyone in the Barzani Clan With an I.Q. That Hits Triple Digits?
U.S. Helps Turkey Hit Rebel Kurds in Iraq.
Nixon and Kissinger Fucked the Kurds; George Sr. and Scowcroft Fucked the Kurds; Clinton and Albright Fucked the Kurds; And Every Administration in Between.
U.S. Has Used Turkey to Thwart Kurdish Aspirations Since the Collapse of the Ottoman Empire.
By ANNALEE SCOTT TYSSUE & ROBBEM FREUMDE-REICH
December 18, 2007Bush: “Use of Steroids Has 'Sullied' Baseball. Use of Drugs Has Sullied Rock and Roll. Use of Lying and Violence Has Been Enormous Boon to Kleptocrats.”
Christian Rock Is Exception; Drugs Make Delusion Seem More Palatable.
By IMA STOOGEY
December 15, 2007Mocking the Planet.
Shill for the Environmental Entertainment Industry, Al Gore, Takes Center Stage at Dynamite Prize Ceremony.
By AOOGA THURMOUS & KEVLAR SPICEY
December 12, 2007The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life:
"Without enemies, the United States appears to be a nation without moral purpose and direction."--W.B.
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 11, 2007
www.killinghope.orgThe Tale of ‘Cookie,’ ‘Buzzy’ and Prince Smarmy.
Blackwater Contracts, Short on Detail, Long On Redacted Felonies.
By ROD O'HARROWING JR.
December 8, 2007Spurred by Vengeance, 'Bomb Lady' Develops More Lethal Weapons for U.S.
By LUNA BUMFUCK
December 1, 2007U.S. Intelligence Tells Cheney Administration "If You Invade Iran You Cocksuckers Are On Your Own."
N.I.E. Sees U.S. as “Rogue, Irrational Nation.”
By MARK OZORO
Dec. 3, 2007Dictatorship of the Rich Strikes a Blow!
USAID, Venezuelan Kleptocracy Prove There Is Still Only One Thing Money Can’t Buy, Deny Chavez Additional Authority.
Rallying Cry of the Anti-Chavez Forces--"Where Are My Fucking Soap Operas?"
By WAN DAYOYO
December 3, 2007Rove Admits Iraq Invasion Based on a “Shit Load of Lies”—Blames Congress, the American People for Rush to War.
Rove Distances Himself from Invasion; “I fix elections, out U.S. intelligence agents that threaten war policy I disagree with and other traitorous shit. But war? What the fuck do I know about waging war?”
“Remember. We don’t have a word for ‘lie’ in American."—Ari Fleischer.
Rove's Version of 2002 War Vote Is Disputed.
Musharraf Steps Down as Commander After Bush Goes Off Script and Tells Him No Leader Should Be Both President and Head of The Army.
By PETTY BARKER
December 1, 2007Perles That Are Swine: Lying Sacks of Shit That Denied Iraq War Was About Oil Party at Rogers’ Energy Trough As It Fills With Kurdish Sweet Crude.
Kurdish Ministers Drop Trou for U.S. Oil Firms.
Barzanis Are In Bed With Americans, So How Long Could It Be Before Uncle Slimey Fucks Them Again?
Kurdish Clan Claims Oil Revenue To Benefit All Iraqis; Three Headed Goat Born in Kirkuk.
Bush Tells Barzani “Fool me once,…. shame on you….. Fool me. You can’t get fooled again. I bet you fucking Kurds wish I was around instead of Nixon and Kissinger in 1973 or my old man and Scowcroft in ’89.”
Regional Bid Angers Iraqi Government; “The Fucking Barzani’s Are Trying To Steal Everything. Where’s My Taste,” Protests al-Maliki.
Chalabi Holds Up at Oil Ministry with a Contingent of Blackwater Mercs.
By SNUFFI MUFTI
November 28, 2007Piece Talks: Israel, U.S., Fatah Meet to Plot Who Gets What Piece.
Bush Inserted Into Middle East Piece Talks for Comic Relief.
Rice Feels Meeting With Palestinian Faction that Did Not Win Election Is a Good Way to Demonstrate U.S. Democratic Intentions in the Region.
By GLAM KEESTER & MUNCHIE ABUMMERWITZ
November 24, 2007Tax Exempt Statist: Pat Robertson Says “Giuliani Has a Nice Ass!"
While Endorsing Cross-Dressing Paranoid Ex-Mayor, Preacher Reveals Birth of Christ Was a Government Psy-ops Program.
By LIBELBY QASH
Nov.9, 2007Onward Christian Felons: How a Bet between Blackwater Snipers Led to the Murder of 3 Iraqi Guards.
Witnesses Call Shooting From Justice Ministry Unprovoked, But State Dept. Absolved Its Mercs Ex Cathedra.
Much Like Their Mercenary Efforts In Iraq, Blackwater Sets California Ablaze, FEMA Pays Them To Snuff Their Own Arson.
Inordinate Number of Blackwater Employees Appear on the National Registry of Child Molesters and Are Members of the Christian Coalition. Is There a Connection, Charles Colson?
By SNUFFY PHAROO
November 8, 2007The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
Cuba and Original Sin
November 6, 2007
www.killinghope.orgCuban Pawn among Eight Used by White House.
U.S.'s Geopolitical Tantrum Over Small Island Nation Continues.
Biscet’s Health Said to Be Better Than Leonard Peltier’s.
By NOODLES BOORSTOOGEY
November 6, 2007From the Dassk of Donald Rumsfeld . . .
In Sometimes-Brusque 'Snowflakes,' He Blew It Out His Chocolate Whizz Way, Shared Worldview, Shaped Policy.
By ROBBEM RIGHT
November 1, 2007As Elite’s Trough Dries Up, Venezuela Increasingly A Conduit For Cocaine.
Smugglers, CIA Exploit Disenfranchised Kleptocracy Seeking To Revitalize Old Drug Markets.
Cheney, Washington Post Unveil Another Canard With Which To Attack Chavez.
Large Cash Donations From Colombian and Venezuelan Kleptocracy Help Convince U.S. Congress Not To Legalize Drugs, Keep Pressure on Chavez.
By WAN DAYOYO
October 28, 2007Bob Thompson writes in his Washington Post Style piece “Arsenal of Words” for October, 29, 2007 that after viewing the TV movie “The Day After” about a nuclear exchange between the Soviets and the U.S Ronald Reagan’s “mood [e.g. shock] was reinforced, that autumn of 1983, by a real-world scare. The paranoid old despots in the Kremlin -- rattled by, among other things, Reagan's anti-Soviet rhetoric, the rapid rise in American military spending and an elaborate NATO military exercise they thought might be a cover for the real thing -- had come to the enormously dangerous conclusion that the United States was planning a nuclear first strike.”
One supposes that if Thompson started to receive threatening phone calls in the middle of the night from someone saying he was going to kill Bob and his family, followed by mail with photographs of a heavily armed man with more threats scrawled on the back; then the lunatic, after traveling half-way across the country or more say Wyoming or Hollywood or some other house of wackjobs, showed up and camped out in front of Bob’s home and along with some heavily armed buddies from Virginia began taking pot shots at all of the street lamps and pets and otherwise menacing the neighborhood, Bob might take umbrage at being characterized as a “paranoid old despot” needlessly "rattled", fearing for the safety of his family.
The Fog of War Profits.
Oil Markets Bullish On Strike On Iran!
Bullshit Canard of Iranian Threat Will Spike Oil Prices, Oil Profits!
Assassinated Press’s Prediction of $100.00 a Barrel Oil Just a Joint U.S./Israeli Bombing Run Away.
Price Hits Record Close; U.S. Tightens Sanctions “Hoping to Ignite World War III in the Middle East,” Bush Says. “Sanctions Are What Forced Japan Into World War II,” Paul Fussell Reminds.
By MALCOME EXXON & SNUFFY MUFFTI
October 26, 2007Cheney’s Advisers Tell Him ‘U.S. Must Invade Iran to Save Gays.’
“Finally a Rationale for War Worth Getting Behind,” Says Sean Penn.
“You Know My Daughter’s Gay,” Cheney Tells John Stewart.
IMA STOOGEY
10/22/07Letter to Rush Limbaugh.
After Her Daddy Was Killed In Iraq, A Young Girl Thanks Rush For His Scholarship Program.
10/20/07U.S. Orders Oil Proxies To Walk Away From Peace Talks In Sudan.
By MALCOME EXXON
October 12, 2007"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."
Victory for Kleptocrats with Eye on Central America, Costa Rica.
Relatively Successful Central American Democracy Reluctantly Approves Free Trade with the United States after Threats, Rigged Referendum.
Costa Rica Disbanded Its Army in 1948 So That the U.S. Could Not Foment Coups Using Its Military.
Newest Round of Looting Central America Turns Illegal Immigration Into Mass Migration
“Fuck. Looks Like the Good Old Days Are Over When All Washington Did Was Violate Our Neutrality and Wage an Illegal Proxy War Against Nicaragua.”
By JEFFEY LUBE
10/9/07‘Dismay Us’ Petraeus Ratchets Up Hysteria About Iran To Distract Attention From Iraqi Probe That Faults Blackwater Guards.
“Fuck! I’m Trying To Protect My Seat on The Blackwater Board When I Retire Next Year,” Petraeus Explains.
Petraeus Showing Signs Of Senility, Forgets U.S. Aided Saddam’s Army In the Killing of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Soldiers During Iran/Iraq War, Not to Mention the Shah and SAVAK and U.S. Complicity in the Slaughter Of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Civilians.
17 People Killed Without Provocation At Baghdad Square, Officials Conclude.
By SUDSY RAGOO
October 8, 2007Blackwater Employment Opportunities:(This is a paid advertisement.)
Are you tired of cold cocking your neighbors and stir frying their gall bladders in Crisco?
Are you tired of living in your parent’s basement with the body of your dead mother in the freezer?
Are you tired of playing Russian roulette with your adult female doll?
Are you tired of scrubbing powder-burned silicone off your refrigerator?
Are you easier to train than a border collie---or a seal?
Are you easily suborned?
Are you tired of three tours in Iraq only to come home and take it out on your wife and kids beating them senseless too cowardly to go after Dick Cheney?
Did your crystal meth lab blow up?
Do you have the bodies of 33 teen-age boys buried under your patio?
Do you dress up in your mother’s skin for Mother's Day?
Are you despondent over the execution of Timothy McVeigh?
Are you tired of no respect from little dark people and “uppity blacks” like Clarence Thomas?
When you play Toby Keith backwards do you hear the voice of your father telling you to stop diddling your sister?
Is your neighbor’s dog telling you to kill?
Have you given up on ever getting laid without paying for it?
Looking to rape?
Do you keep a poster of Richard Speck’s titties in your bathroom?
Do you have titties like Richard Speck!?
Are you constantly cockblocked by five years olds?
Are you a registered Republican?
Are you tired of just using the arsenal in your ‘secret room’ for target practice and shooting the odd minority child?
Do you cringe at human contact, especially female contact?
Are you bitter about your divorce?
Are you 8 months behind in your alimony payments?
Are you tired of fucking sheep down on the lower 40 and hankering to fuck some Iraqi goat?
Do you attend church regularly?
When you we’re a child we’re you raped by your Uncle Prince?
Are you going to vote for Rudy Giuliani because of the red satin stilletto heels he wore at the I Love New York ball?
We’re you always the last chosen for jump rope?
Do you have a gun-rack in your outhouse?
Did you father call you a "washout" and does a little voice in your head endlessly repeat "Washout. Wish to Christ she had?"
Do you have 2 felony convictions in New York making it difficult to get your hands on assault weapons?
Do you throw like a girl?
Is the swastika on your forehead permanent?
We’re you a member of the U.S. military before you became a serial killer?
Are you a woman trapped in a man’s body?
Can’t pay the vig on your poker debt to your grandmother?
Then Blackwater is for you. For further info
http://www.blackwaterusa.com/training/download.asp
The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 1, 2007
www.killinghope.org
If not now, when? If not here, where? If not you, who?"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."
Clarence Thomas's New Book: "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son."
Anti-Affirmative Action, Color Blind Justice Reverses His Rulings In New Book, "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son," Claims Racism Was Factor In His Confirmation Hearings.
Addled Thomas Calls Anita Hill A “White Woman.”
Clarence Compares Confirmation to Lynching; Maybe Someone Should Demonstrate the Difference.
After Years of Working Against the Interests of Minorities Thomas Whines About Being Treated Like One.
Those Liberal Fuckers Weren’t The Left, Clarence. An Authentic Left WOULD Have Killed You.
Justice Lashes Out In Memoir; But Not With Literal Lashes Much Less Literal Lynchings.
By ROBBY BARNDORR, MICKEY FILTCHER & KEVLAR MACHIDA
September 29, 2007SOOooiee!!! SOOooiee!!! WOOooo Pig!!! WOOooo Pig!!!
Liberal, Free Spending White House Claims Solution to the War is to Throw More Money at It.
Corporate Welfare Queens Belly Up to the Trough and Tool around in Their Version of a Coup De Ville— the Private Jet. Increase In War Booty Sought.
$42 Billion Boost Would Raise 2008 Total to at the very least $190 Billion.
By IMKNOT JOSHING & ASSCOT TAYLOR
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
September 27, 2007With Thousands of Warplanes and Ships, 170,000 Heavily Armed U.S. Troops and 180,000 Mercs Poised Just On the other Side of Iran’s Borders, It’s the Great American Bald Lemming That Feels Threatened by One Iranian in NY. Go Fuckin’ Figure.
Paranoid Delusion Grips Guilt Ridden Imperialist Fodderland.
Ahmadinejad's Day One in New York: A Hostile Reception, a Rambling Bush-Like Talk.
“Lack[s] ‘intellectual courage,’ has a ‘fanatical mind-set’ and is ‘astonishingly undereducated.’ Fucking sounds like Bush!”---Lee Bollinger Projects Characteristics of Bush, Americans, Himself, onto Iranian Leader.
"A.s Just A Piker When It Comes To Summary Excecutions Compared to SAVAK and The CIA," former aid to Shah says. "Hopefully soon we can return to the good old days of Imperial hegemony."
Bush Told Columbia University Is Not in Bogota. "OMYDINNERJUG'S HERE!?" Bush Exclaims.
By ANTHONY ‘BONES’ PAYOLA and ROBBEM FARR WRIGHT
September 25, 2007U.S. Envoy Praises Somali Puppet's Effort to Move Country in Direction of U.S. Oil Grab.
Opposition Alliance Described as 'Isolated,' But U.S. Ground Forces and Blackwater in Somalia Know Better.
Attacks on Chinese Oil Operations Staged.
By STEW MCCRUMMY & MIKE ‘CREAMHOLE’ RUNNYBURGER
September 21, 2007“You're Free, Beulah.”
Group Says Ignore 800 Pound British Colonial Gorilla In The Room, Threaten Amnesty For Zimbabwe Leaders.
Goal Is Elections That Will Get Mugabe Out So Land Reform Can Be Reversed.
If Mugabe’s Don’t Get The Hint And Win Elections, Then More Force Will Be Applied By Britain, U.S.
“Short of Killing the Nigger, I Don’t See How We’ll Get Our Money,” Says Kindasleazie Rice.
By KRUGER LUGER
September 19, 2007Greenspan Admits Occupation of Iraq Is About Oil.
Rumsfeld Says: “It seems that the default position for anyone’s opponents is to call them liars and betrayers. That’s what I’ve always done even though my ‘fault’ position has always been one of a liar and a traitor."
By BUBBA WADWORD
September 14, 2007The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 11, 2007
"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."
Toto, We’re Still In a Fucking Kansas State of Mind!
The Great American Bald Lemming Whimpers: "We Can't Stay, And We Can't Leave”
While the Most Honorable Solution Is Being Ignored.
Iraqis Know U.S. Is Never Pulling Out. It Must Be Driven Out.
"What? You Thought the Military Was Running Things With All the Sweet Crude Around! What? Are You A Fucking Moron?"--Lee Raymond, former Exxon/Mobil CEO
"What? You Thought NATO Was Running Things With All that Raw Opium Around! What! Are You a Fucking Moron?"-- James Pavitt, former head of CIA's Directorate of Operations. "Not That NATO Won't Get a Taste."
By POOTRY SLOBEREEN
September 12, 2007U.S. Department Of Commerce Looking For Advisers On How To Slice Up Iraq’s Oil Pie Among U.S. Companies.
Reflecting Pool Renamed ‘Kleptocratic Booty Trough;’ Filled With KY Jelly.
By WALDO PUNKASS
September 10, 2007Wide Cynicism Greets Administration Bullshit.
Poll Respondents Say Petraeus Will Lie To Congress And A Grateful Nation.
89% of Americans Still Believe The Canard That Iraq Was Behind 9/11, But They Can No Longer Be Conned Into Giving A Fuck.
“New Attack Urgently Needed,” U.S. Kleptocracy Tells Dick.
Hunt Oil Of Dallas Strikes Oil Deal With Kurdish Oil Kleptocracy. Cheney, Press Deny Deal Involves Oil.
By JON CON & IMA STOOGEY
September 9, 2007For CBS’s Katie Couric 'No Heroics, Just Ratings.'
White House Tells CBS If You Send The Clueless Couric, You Won’t Be Disappointed.
Couric Meets With The Equally Clueless Bush.
By Boward Kurtzie
September 4, 2007Take the Suckers Bet On America.
Ignore All the Imperial Doom & Gloom.
In 50 Years, We'll Still Be No.1 If We Keep Doing No.2 On the Rest of The World.
By O. Mai Achinback
September 2, 2007Four More Wars! Fleischer Uses American Morons To Flog The Old Lie That There Is A Connection Between Iraq And 9/11.
"If Cheney Can't Tell The Stale Lie Of A Connection Between Saddam Hussein And al-Qaeda Without Being Laughed Out Of Cabinet Meetings Pay Some Dried-Out Old Cunt Like Ari Fleischer To Hustle A Few Great American Bald Lemmings Too Stupid To Know They're Being Made Complicit In Murder"--Stephen Hayes.
What Room In The Body Politic Are There For People Who Don't Know The Difference Between Ba'athist Sunnis And Shia al-Qaeda And Why Haven't We Hanged The People Who Continue To Wantonly Lie About It?
White House Vet Ari Fleischer, “Back To Fight With The Surge in Iraq”, But Fleischer Rushes To Claim He Was Misquoted. "'With' Too Literal," Former Spokesliar Insists.
Then Is “Vet” Appropriate?
Balding Stooge’s Message, “More War!”; Fleischer Heads ‘Freedom’s Watch-- While Others Do The Fighting.’
“The Maginot Line provided the manure for the bottom line."—Bush Successfully Compares WWI To The War In Iraq.
By SHIDDER POOPAW
August 24, 2007U.S. Prepares To Dump Another Iraqi Puppet.
Maliki Makes Threats, Hastens Death.
Bush Told To Turn Heat Up On Maliki.
U.S. Could Seek Another Regime Change, Faux-President Is Told To Caution.
Faux-President Told To Compare Iraq To Vietnam—al-Maliki To Diem?
By MICKEY FILTCHER & BEGONE GREENBACKS
August 22, 2007On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.-- H.L. Mencken On Karl Rove's Legacy
White House Chief Of Stink Resigns.
Karl Rove’s Weapons Of Mass Distraction.
Like Mark Hanna, Rove Was Helping To Build A New Imperial Empire By Introducing Trivial Policy Canards As if They Mattered.
Media, Electorate Took Bait As Kleptocrats Looted Treasury And Hijacked The Military.
The Long-term Profits Of Working The Anger Points.
Its A Dark Day For Political Ridicule.
By YASO ADIODI
August 14, 2007U.S. Cuts And Runs On Iraq, Begs U.N. For Help.
PNAC’s Only Sand Nigger In Position As U.N. Ambassador To Go Whining To Body’s Colorful Cast.
Quid Pro Quos Said To Include More Favorable Oil Arrangements For The Chinese, Russians, Germans And French.
By LYNN CHING
August 8, 2007Missing In Iraq $12,000,000,000, 380 Tons Of High Explosives, 300,000 Barrels Of Oil A Day & 190 Million Weapons; Lone Quartermaster In Green Zone Blamed.
"Sergeant Planned To Start His Own Country," Petraeus Claims; "Acted Alone."
Pentagon Weapons Flood Virginia Gunshops.
GAO Estimates 90% of Arms Are Unaccounted For.
By GLEN KEESTER
August 6, 2007U.S. Pushes Sales To Gulf States Stashing Weapons For Invasion Of Iran.
“For the Gulf hosts, this makes them vulnerable. It's quite clear that when the U.S. launches its military strike against Iran, they are going to use U.S. military bases in these countries, the kind of hegemonic reach that China and Russia do not have and where most of these weapons are stored.”
By ELRON MIREDKNICKERS
August 4, 2007Rock And Roll Hall Moves To Adopt A Zero Tolerance Drug Policy.
Taking Its Lead From Baseball, Rock And The Roll Hall of Fame Plans To Expunge The Careers Of Any Inductee Who Used Illegal Performance Enhancing Drugs.
Pat Boone And Anita Bryant Will Most Likely Be Only Members Of Hall Left.
"I Wouldn't Come On Corny To The Man Who Gave Me The Sound."
By SIDNEY GOTTLIEB
8/4/07Chiquita Sought Help From Department of Justice As To Whether It Was Okay To Hire U.S. Trained And Armed Assassins To Kill Union Organizers And Turn Their Relatives Into Rebels.
“Didn't Hills Get The Memo? What Self-Respecting Capitalist Sends A Formal Request Forcing Us To Ignore It? Doesn’t This Dumb Fuck Know The Death Squads Are Our Creation No Matter What We Say Publicly?” Queried Michael Chertoff, A Former Board Member Of Banana Giant Chiquita International.
In Terrorism-Law Case, Chiquita Points To U.S.
Firm Says It Awaited Justice Dept. Advice On Murder.
By JUAN DAYOYO & IMA STOOGEY
August 2, 2007Mullen Sites Deadlock In Iraq: U.S. Wants Unconditional Surrender Of Oil; Iraqis Want To Re-Negotiate Hussein Era Contracts With Russia, China, Germany And France That Cheney Sent Troops In To Anull.
Joint Chiefs Nominee Notes Toll on Military, Need to Plan for Iraq Diedown.
Al-Maliki Also Wants To Switch To The Euro.
By ‘WILD BILL’ BROBDIGNAG
August 1, 2007Chief Justice Suffers Seizure; God Sends Message To Supreme Court.
God Seeks Wider Application Of His ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ Statute ‘Lest I Fuck You Up.’
Pat Robertson Calls Roberts Stroke “Sign From God, But I Don’t Think I Like The Fuckin’ Message.”
Roberts’ Alcoholism Harks Back To Altar Boy Parties With Father Flannigan And The Sacristy Wine.
Far Right Scientist John Casti Insists “God Does Not Play Semiotics, Just Stochastics.”
Mel Gibson Purchases Movie Rights To Roberts’ Seizure, Claims God Butt Fucked Him Too While Shooting The Patriot In 2000 Or “It Might Have Been Adam Baldwin.”
By ROBBIE BARONS & MIKE SHEEPSHEARED
July 31, 2007Manassas, Va. Blogger Points To Murderous U.S. Foreign Policy As Source Of Illegal-Immigration.
“Help Save Myasses By First Saving The World From The U.S. Kleptocracy” Catches On Even Among Unreflective Virginia Bigots.
By NUCKLES JACKOFF
July 22, 2007Iraq Can Handle Security, Iraqi Prime Minister Says.
As Thousands of American Troops Head For the Exits, Cheney Tells al-Maliki He’s Not Leaving (Meaning U.S. Forces) Until He Gets His Fuckin’ Oil.
Al-Maliki Forced To Recant.
“Every God Damned One of the 155,000 Cock Suckers We Have On the Ground Right Now Is Absolutely Necessary For The Success of ‘Operation Get Me My Fucking Oil’” Gen. Petraeus Insists, “Not To Mention the 58,000 Private Security Shits.”
“We’ll Leave When We’re Asked To Leave.”—George Bush Caught Out In Another Lie.
By RUPERT HAYROD
July 16, 2007Why Bush Is A Winner For the Kleptocracy.
Kristol: “Calling me a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck is not conducive to establishing a dialogue.”
Diogenes: “Yes. But it’s true. You are a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck. So where do we go from here?”
By WILLIAM KRISTOL
July 15, 2007China Executes Former Head of Food, Drug Safety.
Would Top Down Capital Punishment Help America Clean Up Its Act?
When Will U.S. Meet Out Same Justice To Tobacco Executives, S&L And Stock Swindlers, Halliburton, Bechtel, Leadership At FEMA, CIA, White House, Members Of Congress etc. etc. ad nauseam?
"U.S. Justice System Has A Long Way To Go To Reach Equality," Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji Points Out.
“To Grow Rich Is Fuckin’ Glorious.”—Deng Xiaoping
By ENG JOI DA CHACHA
July 11, 2007The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
www.killinghope.org
July 9, 2007
Neocons, theocons, Demcons, excons, and future consLive Earth: Infantilized Culture Puts a Band Aid On the Earth’s Boo-Boo.
Material Girl's Toxic Waste.
By Yaso Adiodi
July 9, 2007Cool Reception for Conservative Radio In DC.
“We feed the lies to the assholes with the radio shows. Why the fuck do we need to tune in to our own shit?” White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove confides.
“Talk Radio is for the shit heads in the heartland, the fodder that we feed into the engine of kleptocracy,” says White House Chief of Communications Dan Bartlett.
Tony Snow’s Moldy Oldies Show Also Suffers From Low Viewership.
By RAGU FARCIE
July 6, 2007Cubans Imagine Cuba After Bush’s Death.
Same Old State Of Siege By Gringo Assholes Predicted To Continue.
By PADDY BARKER
June 29, 2007Attorney General Caught Up In His Own Bloodlust.
Gonzales Protests His Innocence, Claims Mistaken Identity In Case Involving Killing Of Meth Dealer.
Diminutive ‘Beaner’ And Close Bush Confidante To Be Put To Death On July 4th.
July Declared Death Penalty Month In Texas.
"The Little Pendejo Was Just Trying To Fit In," Cheney Says.
By AMY GALLSTONE
June 28, 2007Cheney Defiant on Classified Material on Grounds of Self-Incrimination.
Executive Order Ignored Since 2003, Cheney Claims Office Of De Facto President Lies Outside Constitutional Purview.
"You End Up Looking Like Assholes Because You Report Like You Don't Know Who's Running Things," Tony Schmo Tells White House Press Corps.
By PATTY BARKER
June 22, 2007CIA to Redact Decades of Its Dirty Laundry.
Skid-Mark Officianados Hope to Turn the Tide with Heavy Load.
Thousands of Former and Current Spooks To Be Turned Over To Countries Where They Committed Crimes Ranging From Murder To Heroin Smuggling.
Same Planes Used For Extraordinary Rendition To Be Used To Return U.S. Agents To Face Justice.
Assassination Attempts Among Abuses Detailed But Successful Assassinations Are Redacted.
The Original Canards Are Us Is Ready To Throw Investigators Off the Scent.
By EATON DEYOUNG & WALDO PUNKASS
June 22, 2007FBI Overgoose-Steps Its Authority.
Audit finds abuse in getting terrorism, spy records.
By VINNY VIDOVICI
June 14, 2007“Our Gallant Lads Will Be Guarding Dick Cheney’s Oil Long After The Old Kleptocrat Is Just A Shriveled Piece Of Beef Jerky In A Gold Sarcophagus,” General Tells Congress.
Top General Sees Decades Required To Protect Cheney’s Oil And Natural Gas Grift In Iraq.---“Until Its all Sucked Out Of the Ground, Assholes.”
“This Shouldn’t Come As A Surprise To Anyone,” Dempsey Tells Congress. “We Put Chumps In Harm’s Way All Over The World To Protect Our Kleptocrat’s Wealth. Fuck. That’s What Imperialism Is.” Big Boost In Iraqi Partisans Is Likely.
Marine Risks Life So Americans Can Drive To Disney World.
By WALDO PUNKASS
June 13, 2007Toby Keith Pussies Out.
You’d Like To Think He’s Realized He’s An Ignorant Fuck That Ought To Keep His Mouth Shut About Things He Knows Nothing About, But In Reality It’s All About Selling Records.
By JOE BLOW
June 12, 2007Letters On Libby's Behalf Show Administration Neo-cons To Be A Bunch of Whiney Bitches.
“‘Tough’ Operative, Libby, Too Much Of A Pussy To Do 30 Months In A ‘Country Club,’” Mocks G. Gordon Liddy On His Radio Program. Liddy Suggests A Prison Break.
Everyone Who Wrote A Letter On Behalf Of Libby Received A $5.00 Denny’s Coupon And $10,000 In Cash Slated For Katrina Victims.
“At least that shit Libby’s family will know where he is," says friend of extraordinary rendition victim.
By SCHMEKEL ABUMMERWITZ
June 6, 2007Is Your Greedy, Homicidal Kleptocracy Putting Murderous Thoughts In Your Head?! Well, Relief Is Just A Round Up And A Plane Ride Away.
Here’s An Offer Too Good To Refuse!!
A Major Coalition Of Iraq's Guerrilla Forces Says It Will Cease Hostilities If U.S. Citizens Will Turn Over U.S. War Criminals And Kleptocrats Responsible For Iraq War!!
“Let Us Dispose Of Your Criminal Class For You,” Iraqi Freedom Fighters Offer. “We Let You Have Saddam And His Pricks. Let Us Have Your Kleptocrats And Your Boys Can Come Home. Our's Too.”
By YASO ADIODI
6/3/07Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips Order Cheney To Ratchet Up Invasion Of Somalia, Commit More American Forces To New Oil Front.
As Assassinated Press Reported, American Proxy Forces Give Ground to Somalis And U.S. Direct Involvement In the Fighting Grows.
By TY KUHN
June 2, 2007Venezuelan Students, White Elite, International Media Come Out In Favor Of Coups, Assassinations: Hundreds Protest In Support Of RCTV Which Plotted To Kidnap And/Or Assassinate Venezuelan President And Overthrow Government.
U.S. Role Or Should We Say Payroll In Protests Played Down Just As Uncle Slimey’s Role In Assassination Attempts Has Been Played Down.
“Oh! If FOX News Or ABC Was Implicated In The Attempted Assassination Of A Sitting American President And The Overthrow Of The Government We Wouldn’t Go So Far As To Strip Their FCC License,” White House Chief Of Stink Assures Reporters. “The Days Of Lyndon Johnson And Richard Nixon Are Over. The Media’s So Docile Now By Comparison If You Can Fucking Believe That.”
“What Part Of State Of Siege Do You Not Understand,” Latin America Asks Human Rights Watch.
“Soaps Kept Poor Pacified,” Declares RCTV CEO.
By WAN FUYOYO
June 2, 2007